Fic: No Looking Back 6/?
Title: No Looking Back 6/?
Author: possibility2
Pairing: Callie/Arizona
Rating: PG-13 (for now anyways)
Summary: AU Arizona meets Callie a week before med school.
Disclaimer: All television shows, books, movies, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work and the characters, events, and settings thereof are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.
A/N: I love all the great comments! They make me want to keep writing (instead of studying lol). This one is pretty different and shorter, but I hope you like it!
Part 1: http://community.livejournal.com/callie_arizona/804200.html
Part 2: http://community.livejournal.com/callie_arizona/805563.html
Part 3: http://community.livejournal.com/callie_arizona/807700.html
Part 4: http://community.livejournal.com/callie_arizona/810634.html
Part 5: http://community.livejournal.com/callie_arizona/813075.html
CALLIE
I watch Arizona slink gracefully out of the cab as I scoot along the backseat to exit after her. We sat in complete silence for the remainder of the cab ride. She stared out the window the entire time, never once turning away from the world passing by as our hands stayed clasped together, resting on the seat between us. I was thankful that she never dared to look at me; looking at me would have made it real. Something I wasn’t ready to acknowledge. As I throw my right foot out of the taxi, I see that she’s waiting with her hand out for me to take. It’s not like I really need the help, but something inside me makes me take it anyway, as she carefully guides me onto the deserted sidewalk outside her building. I hear the cab zip away from behind us as I notice she’s still got a hold of my hand and she’s gently pulling me closer to the stoop of her building. I feel like we’re moving in slow motion, her curls slowly bouncing up and down with each painstaking step we take. I feel a fire deep in the pit of my stomach, like every emotion and every bit of confusion in my body has decided to pool there, slowly burning right through me. She finally stops walking any further and turns around to look at me. I look deep into her crystal blue eyes, and I know what’s about to happen. I can feel it. I feel her. And I don’t do anything to stop it. I can’t. And even if I could, I’m not entirely sure I’d want to.
Within a second she’s leaning into me, her eyes focused on my lips, her own light pink ones dangerously close to mine. She stops herself when our lips are millimeters apart, her calm breaths mixing with my trembling ones. Her eyes draw up to meet mine, searching me, piercing my soul, only for a second before they flutter closed and I finally feel her lips on mine. They’re incredibly soft and warm as they caress my bottom lip before they gently move to the top one. I’ve never been kissed like this, with such careful precision and gentle determination. It’s slow and rhythmic, innocent and passionate all at the same time, and I can’t help but respond. I feel her squeeze the hand she’s still grasping as she entwines our fingers tenderly. Her other hand has found my cheek and she’s delicately rubbing her thumb along my cheek bone, back and forth, back and forth, right in time with the speed of her kisses. I numbly raise my free hand to her waist; I’m not sure what else to do with it, but I know I want it on her, anywhere, so I let it rest on the curve of her hip, subtly rubbing along her satiny blue dress. I feel her kisses become more emotional the second she feels my hand on her body, and she drives her lips more insistently onto mine. The fire I feel resonating from her body urges me on as I find myself pushing her gently up against the concrete arm of her stoop, pressing my body more insistently into hers. It causes her to bend backwards slightly, and I instinctually tighten my hold on her hip to keep her as close to me as possible. My lips explore more freely, less inhibited by my initial nervousness as I feel her bringing our entwined hands slowly up between our bodies. Our hands ascend between us and I feel her unclasp her hand from mine, as she positions my hand directly over her beating heart. The feel of her pulsing chest against my hand startles me out of the dream I’ve been floating in for the last five minutes, and the reality of what is happening courses through my body.
I abruptly pull away from her, confusion and guilt painting my face, while sorrow and disappointment paints hers. She’s silently questioning me with her eyes, searching me for an answer that I can’t give. I feel like a deer caught in the headlights, like I’m up against something that I’m nowhere near prepared to take on. A wave of empathy sweeps across her features as she studies my face. Her eyes flick back and forth between my eyes, like she can hear every thought pulsing through my terrified brain. She takes a slow step towards me again, and I stammer incoherently.
“I-I’m…” I hear myself sputter. She puts her hand sweetly against my cheek again rubbing it just as gently as she had done only moments ago, and I feel myself hesitantly shaking my head back and forth as I look down, out of range of her piercing stare.
“Callie…” There’s a sad pleading in her voice as she exhales my name, begging me to look her in the eye. My eyes quickly flit up to catch her gaze for a moment, flit back down, and then finally look up again to hold eye contact with her.
“Look…I’ll be outside the Empire State Building at seven thirty tomorrow morning with two cups of coffee. If you’re not there by eight, then I’ll go up there, alone, and when we see each other at school we’ll pretend this never happened…” Her eyes are widened with the sad truth of her statement, and I see that they are filled with emotions that are threatening to fall. Her head stays angled to the side as she studies me closely. She lets a few quiet moments pass as we both soak in the proposal she’s suggested before she finishes in a whisper.
“…But Callie? I really hope you show,” she smiles genuinely at me, her eyes sparkling with truth, “Just think about it.” She leans in and presses a delicate kiss to my temple while giving my cheek one last encouraging caress; and with that, she’s gone. By the time I manage to turn around towards her building, the only evidence that she was ever here is the slowly closing glass door and the aching feeling in my heart.
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I decided to walk all the way home; I needed to think. Plus the fact that I can’t take the subway because every time I think about it, I think of Arizona. I’m doing that thing again, where I replay everything I’ve said, everything I’ve done, trying to figure out how I didn’t know…how I couldn’t tell…why I didn’t stop her. The more I think about the last twenty-four hours, the more obvious everything seems to me. Well almost everything.
I should have known from that peck on the cheek last night that Arizona wasn’t just looking for a friend. I guess it just never occurred to me. But when I think about what led up to that kiss, I can’t help kick myself for how brazen I was with her. I defended her, I walked her home, I held her hand, I told her she was pretty, I called her Dorothy Gail for god sakes.
And then there was the subway. She did act strangely when I whispered in her ear to keep walking. And when she was so close to me…I could hardly breathe right. And when she fell on my lap, she was so embarrassed…I guess that makes sense now.
And, oh god. I hounded her about boyfriends…no wonder she was being so cryptic…she doesn’t want a boyfriend, but she wants a relationship. I’m such an idiot! And the pizza, the way she ate her pizza was like, sensual. I’m getting hot just thinking about it… And the way she was leaning over my shoulder earlier before the play, that was just torture. And her body is…Oh shit! I walked in on her practically naked. Even as I’m walking alone down the street I feel my mind wandering and my breath hitching, just as it did when I ran into Cristina’s room only a few hours ago.
I notice my body is significantly warmer than it should be considering there’s a cold evening breeze rushing through my hair, and it’s then that I remember how she gushed about how romantic the Empire State Building is to her. I’m sure she’s hoping I’ll show up tomorrow in some big romantic gesture, giving her her very own fairytale ending…but I don’t know if that’s something I can do. I don’t know anything anymore.
As my mind continues to sift through all the time I’ve spent with Arizona, I’m starting to realize that all those little things she did, or I did, or we both did…they felt good. She makes me feel good, something that no one else has ever really bothered to do. But she’s a she. And I that is something that I don’t think I can reconcile with.
I find that all my thinking has finally brought me home, and I numbly climb the steps up to the apartment. When I open the door, I’m thankful to see that Cristina has finally vacated the couch, and it even looks like she’s cleaned up a tiny bit. I flop onto the sofa and turn on the TV, absent-mindedly flipping channels, trying to find something, anything, that might help me figure out where I want to be when seven-thirty rolls around.
Want. That’s the keyword. And I don’t know what I want...
But I want something.