For better, for worse 4/?
TITLE : For better, for worse 4/?
AUTHOR: Neolithicdream
PAIRING: Callie & Arizona
RATING: PG 13
SUMMARY: Based on some speculation about future happenings in Eps.7. 17-18 (which thankfully appear to be wrong) what if after they are involved in an accident Arizona no longer feels worthy of Callie or worthwhile.
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Calzona or any of the characters mentioned in this fic. They are the property of Shonda Rhimes/ ABC etc... This fic is purely written for enjoyment and without intent or prospect of profit. No copyright infringement intended.
A/N Please feel free to point out any continuity errors,I’m still a newborn at this writing business!
Parts 1-3 can be found either at my journal or on earlier pages
(I'm learning to do the link thing...but I'm a slow learner)
Eleven days ago
“Good morning Dr. Grey”
“Good morning Dr. Shepherd!” Meredith replied smiling while leaning into a good morning kiss from Derek. Her shift was about to end and his just beginning.
“Long night? Did you check up on our VIP patients this morning yet?”
“It wasn’t too bad” she didn’t have to ask who he meant by VIP; at this moment Callie, Arizona and the baby were not far from the minds of anyone in the hospital. Indeed if the President himself or even Bono arrived as a patient they would probably be in second place to the trio.
“And I did. Callie had a much better night, woke up a couple of times, but alert, no signs of an altered state. A little emotional but that’s to be expected, right? I told her this morning that Arizona had come round last night and that you’d talk to her about letting her see Arizona today...is that ok...because seriously I think she’ll find a way to see her anyway and...
“That’s ok, Meredith, she doesn’t know the full extent of what Arizona may be facing yet and I’d like to keep that from her for another little while so I’ll talk to the Robbins first and then maybe arrange an official visit..unlike yesterdays”
“Hey, that one wasn’t down to me...talk to Ted...I mean Dr. Altman...she’s the one sneaking your patients around the hospital not me. Now about Arizona...she woke up several times during the night...in a lot of pain...I adjusted her morphine levels...she was distressed...asking to see Callie...a little confused but I think that’s a combination of pain and morphine but I think seeing Callie would do her good. She doesn’t stay awake for long but each time she wakes up the first word is “Calliope!”
“Any word on the baby overnight?”
“Aren’t you the concerned godfather now” Meredith gave a tight smile “and no I haven’t heard anything which is good right?”
“Meredith, you’re ok about all that right?
“Yeah, it’s just a little strange to think of you and Addison as godparents together...but its fine...now go see the VIPs. See you at home later?”
-----------------------------------------------------
After checking up on both his patients Derek decided that keeping them apart would only lead to heightened stress levels which neither needed at this moment. He was pleased with the progress both were making in light of what they had been through. He fully expected Callie to make a full recovery from her head injuries provided she take lots of rest and avoid stress. He knew, too, that with a baby in the NICU and a girlfriend facing potentially life changing injuries neither would be easy to achieve.
When he spoke with Callie and her parents this morning she had asked about the accident and why she could remember nothing.
“What is the last thing you remember, Callie?”
“I’m not sure, I mean we were both smiling and laughing and happy and we were making plans to phone our parents to tell them the, our news and then I just remember leaving the park and...I don’t remember anything else until waking up two days ago”
“Well you may never get any memory of the accident itself back and it seems that all you are missing is at most a couple of minutes before the accident...which is not unusual. You were unconscious from the moment of the accident on, according to the witnesses on the scene. It’s not something to worry about.”
“When can I see her? She’s awake now and I have to s...”
“I’m going to check on her next and all going well you can see her later this morning. I’ll clear you also for three visits to the NICU today...no longer than 15 minutes each time...Addison or Dr. Fields will be coming in to update you shortly and maybe you can get a visit in first so that you’ll be able to update Arizona on her condition yourself.”
“Derek, why is she so badly hurt and I got off so lightly?”
“You didn’t get off lightly, Torres and you know as well as anyone else how random accidents are.”
--------------------------------------------------
His conversation with Arizona was not all that different in many ways.
“Derek, where is ..How is Calliope..When can I go see her? “
“And good morning to you too Dr.Robbins!” and he smiled down at his patient who, even though she was clearly in pain with every breath taken, still just wanted to know about her lover.
“And Calliope, I mean Callie, is doing well...she wants to see you...do you think you’d be up to a visitor later?” Even though he knew the answer before he saw the broad smile (followed by a grimace of pain).
“And now I’d like to talk about you, Arizo..”
“The baby...how is the...when can I go see her?”
“She is holding her own in the NICU, I think Drs. Montgomery and Fields are pleased so far...why don’t I get one of them to drop by later, ok?
“Now about you? How are you feeling... can you remember what happened, the accident”
Her face darkened and she turned away from his gaze “I think, I think it’s my fault that she got hurt...I pushed her, really hard, next thing I remember she’s on the ground and they’re people ...everywhere...screaming...and she’s not ,not moving...I think I got her hurt”
Derek stared at her in disbelief, could she really think that?
“Do you remember anything else...?”
“There was a car a large dark SUV,I think...we were crossing the road...and I was behind her because I bent down to tie my laces and then I saw the car...and then People were screaming, they were screaming her name...and...So tired”
Derek knew, from having spoken to the retired paramedic who had been a witness and had treated her at the scene, that the screams she had heard were her own; while Torres had been unconscious at the scene Arizona had not. The paramedic had done his best to immobilise her and stem her external wounds and just generally keep her calm. She had been screaming in agony but the name on her lips had been ‘Calliope’
“I’ll let you rest for now, get some sleep and you’ll be refreshed for your visitor later, ok”
And with that she was asleep again.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
He spoke to the Robbins outside her room. He explained that they could expect her to drift in and out of consciousness like this for a couple of days, as a combination of the morphine and her body dealing in its own way with the catastrophic injuries she had suffered and exhaustion too all took their toll. It was when this stopped that she would realise the full extent of her injuries and they needed to prepare themselves for almost any possible reaction then. In the meantime what she needed now was rest and as little stress as possible. He recommended that Callie see her and they whole heartedly agreed. He admitted he was concerned that she was blaming herself for Callie’s injuries.
“Is she in any way responsible?” Col.Robbins asked.
“You haven’t talked to anyone about what happened?” Derek asked, shaking his head.
“No, the who and the how didn’t seem as important as our daughter being ok, but if she’s in any way to blame for what happened to Dr. Torres and by extension causing the baby to arrive early, it will, our daughter can be very, very hard on herself at times...the guilt will..” Barbara Robbins trailed off.
“Look, I have to complete rounds but I assure you that your daughter was not to blame, on the contrary, and you have every reason to be proud of her actions from what I’ve been told. I know Dr. Bailey spoke to the first witnesses on scene at some length so she would be better able to tell you than me. Maybe speak to Mark also, Dr. Sloan? Just Dr.Torres doesn’t remember the accident at all and even though she’s doing well I’d rather her not to know exactly what happened, not yet, I don’t need her blaming herself too...so after you speak to Bailey I’d ask you not to mention anything to Callie”
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Two of Arizona’s staff nurses had come to sit with her for a while so the Robbins went in search of the cafeteria and on route bumped into Carlos and Lucia Torres.
“Col. and Mrs. Robbins, would you do the honour of joining us?”
It was all a little awkward at first, they knew a lot and yet very little about each other, yet were joined by a common bond both awful and beautiful.
“Well sitting in a hospital cafeteria drinking dreadful coffee was not how I ever envisaged my first meal with my daughters soon to be in-laws” Carlos said nervously, his eventual acceptance of Callies new life did nothing to assuage the guilt he now felt for his behaviour then. His initial failure to see Arizona for what and who she was beyond her gender had bothered him ever since her “I was named after the battleship” speech but never as much as now. Now that he truly understood that when she said “I protect the things I love” that she meant it to the core of her being.
“In-laws?”
“They had just got engaged, you didn’t know?”
“Arizona would have told us, she would have phoned us if that were true” Barbara said in confusion.
Lucia Torres reached over and took her hand in hers “Calliope proposed in the park and your daughter said yes....They were leaving the park to go home and call all of us when the accident hap..”as she broke down for the umpteenth time since the accident.
There was a silence for a while until it was broken by Carlos
“I behaved very badly towards your daughter when we first met and persuaded, no, demanded that my family do the same. I am deeply ashamed for my behaviour then but I assure you that I realised a long time ago that your daughter was an amazing person, that my daughter was lucky to have found such an honourable person to love and be loved by and I would have welcomed their engagement, I don’t want you to think that we accept her now just because of what she did”
“Mr. Tor..” “No, please, it’s Carlos and Lucia, god willing we will all be family soon.”
“Then, it’s Daniel and Barbara, too”
Yet more silence...this time broken by Barbara
“Arizona came out to us as a teenager, to me first then to Daniel. I think part of me had known already...she was my only daughter...and she was telling me this because she didn’t want to sneak around or mislead us in any way...but she was so scared...that we wouldn’t love her anymore...and she was, she is the most amazing honourable daughter...she was convinced that her father would throw her out and she was, still is, such a Daddy’s girl at heart...
Daniel took up where she left off...”She knocked on my door that evening, she was seventeen and she looked so young and so vulnerable and she told me she was a lesbian and then she waited for the axe to fall. I’ve seen a lot of bravery in my life but that moment was up there with them.
“I didn’t want my daughter to be gay, it took me a while to get my head around it all, took me a long time to realise that being gay or straight didn’t matter, it’s who you are that matters. But I knew I loved my daughter I never forgot that”
“She told me the story of her coming out to you the second time we met...she is immensely proud of her family but the way she spoke of your acceptance of her made me ashamed of my reaction to Calliope. She was instrumental in my reconciling with my daughter that night. She told me that she would be “a good man in a storm” for my daughter...she certainly was three days ago”.
“Do you know about the accident, we haven’t spoken to anyone about what happened but I know Arizona is concerned that she may have caused Callies injuries and...?” Barbara asked.
“You, you don’t know? I, we, we thought you knew? Oh mios dios, I am so sorry, so sorry” Lucia rambled and both Torres paled noticeably. Carlos took a deep breath and began to speak
“Your daughter...she saved our daughters life...and of course Sophie too. There were two eye witnesses, a couple in their sixties ...I think...they were about to cross at the same intersection going the opposite way...they saw it all clearly...Arizona was still on the pavement ,they said she was crouching down maybe to tie a shoe? The SUV came out of nowhere, there was no screeching of brakes or anything; the eye witness said that Calliope probably never even saw it but Arizona must have...it was going to hit Calliope head on...not Arizona...but then she leapt forward and somehow managed to push Calliope out of the way...she didn’t get hit at all but when she fell she hit her head on the asphalt...but your...Arizona took the full impact of the SUV...the witnesses..well she is a midwife so she tended to Calliope at the scene...she was out cold...he was or is a nurse or paramedic or something and he took care of Arizona. She was really hurt but she kept asking for Calliope...they said when the first ambulance arrived she begged them to see to Calliope first...she is the reason my daughter is alive, that my granddaughter is alive...they are the only reason she got hit, she would have been fine...I’m so sorry. My family, we owe Arizona everything,”
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Addison spoke to Callie in the NICU...she confirmed that she was going to be leaving to go back to LA (as she had only been in Seattle for a weekend visit to begin with) but that she would be back in ten days. Having dealt and operated with Dr. Fields in the last few days she knew she was leaving Callie and the baby in good hands. Sophie was making slow progress, as to be expected, and wasn’t out of the woods but still it was looking positive.
Even though she didn’t know Arizona well she had liked her the couple of times they had met and she knew that Callie was crazy about her so that was good enough. She told Callie she would go up to see her, say goodbye and update her on the baby.
“Dr.Robbins? Can you handle a visitor right now? “Addison had prepared herself for the worst but it was still hard to see someone she knew lying there so badly hurt.
“Hey, sure” said a somewhat groggy Arizona from her prone position.
“So, are you in a lot of pain?”
“A little but apparently I’m on Morphine so It’s kind of a happy pain? Have you seen Callie today, the baby?”
“Yes, Callie is doing great, she can’t wait to see you but Derek has been keeping her at bay...you both need rest,shes down in the NICU and as soon as she can she’ll be in to see you...she can’t wait to tell you all about the baby...and how beautiful she is”
“Thirty weeks is too soon, how is she? Her lungs? Her kidney and liver function how...”
Arizona was getting agitated at the thought of all the things that could be wrong with their baby.
No, Arizona, relax... thirty weeks is a little early sure but its well past viability...you know that...and she is doing as well as can be expected right now...she’ll be on a ventilator for a few weeks but we are medicating her to help bring on her lungs...kidney and liver function are not too bad so I’m optimistic...you know all the issues that can arise with preemies but you know how resilient babies are too...and your NICU staff are treating her like a precious jewel...and apparently putting fairy dust in her IV...which is so not FDA approved” she finished with a grin
And was rewarded with a brief smile back. “I want to go to see her, I want to see my baby, bet Sloan is there and she won’t know me, she won’t know I’m her Mommy and...”
“Hey, she will know because when the two of you are strong enough you’ll have the rest of your life to bond with her and poor Callie won’t stand a chance. And Mark, I know this cant have been easy for you but he might surprise you. He’ll do his best to be a good dad, he’s wanted to be one for a very long time...and you know he would do anything for Callie and if you let him I’m pretty sure that he would do anything for you too. Hey don’t look at me like I’m the one on the morphine. I know it’s complicated right now but..”
“Does she blame me? I mean if she does she won’t say it to me, but I need to know? I pushed her and I think I caused her to go into labour? Bet Mark blames me!”
“No-one blames you and you are so not to blame...you guys were in an accident...you got hit by a runaway car, the driver had a heart attack at the wheel, no-one is to blame. Callie doesn’t even remember the accident and believe me, right now, Mark is your biggest fan. So relax, when you are better you will see your baby and in the meantime rest because Callie will be visiting soon.”
“I swore I wouldn’t miss out on anymore and now I’ve missed out on her birth and I can’t even see her and I suck at this!”
Addison knew Derek was hoping to keep the details from both women but seeing how upset Arizona was and the effect it was having on her b.p and O2 levels she knew Arizona needed to be told something. “Arizona, listen to me, Callie doesn’t remember the accident or giving birth either. From what I’ve heard you pushed her out of the way, you probably saved both of them, her injuries most likely would have been much much worse if you hadn’t got her out of the way and the baby probably wouldn’t have survived so that doesn’t make you a bad mom that makes you a great mom.”
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
By the time Callie made it to Arizona it was almost noon and Arizona was sleeping again. She sat by her bedside for a little while watching every breath she took; watching the slight stuttering rise and fall of her chest...even in sleep it was obvious that each inhale was causing pain. Probably the ribs. Seeing Arizona, still with a tube feeding o2 through her nasal passages, in pain caused Callie the same pain as watching Sophie on the vent did an hour earlier. It was as if the two people she loved most were sharing this common struggle and pain and she was the outsider looking in.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
“Calliope, you’re here...you came” Arizona rasped out as she struggled between sleep and awake.
“Ahh, baby, I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else in the world...I love you...are you in a lot of pain?
Callie struggled to get the words out as she sat staring down at her girlfriend rubbing her thigh ever so gently with her desperate to touch her without adding to her pain.
“No, not now, you’re way better than morphine, Calliope Iphigenia Torres! You Ok? Derek operated on you are you taking it easy? Arizona got out in a rush of breath before grimacing again.
“You have to look after yourself Cal cos I don’t want my wife looking haggard on our wedding day”
“Your wife, huh? Sounds good” “Sounds great, wife”
“I’m sorry...for not being...for being useless right now...with you and the baby...I promise I’ll...”
“NO, no don’t be sorry...we got hit by a car...all three of us...and it’s my job to look after you two right now.”
Addison said she is doing well and ...”
And at that Callie sobbed and broke down “Oh Ari..she’s so tiny and fragile and beautiful and I’m so scared ...and when I heard there was accident and you I hadn’t seen you I thought you were de..dead and... “
“Ssshhh honey its all going to be ok, no-ones dead and no-ones going to die and I can’t hold you so please just touch me I’m not going to break...”
And Callie continued rubbing her hand along Arizona’s thigh gently but as well she leant over and placed gentle kisses on Arizona’s face and neck and on the fingers of her left hand and eventually Arizona slept again.
She visited again that evening for just a little while.
“My right hand seems pretty banged up” Arizona said quietly, “have you seen any of the pictures the scans?” “No, Derek has forbidden me to look...but if you want me to....”
“I do, I want to know what kind of recovery period I’m looking at...if I need surgery?”
“I’ll look at them tomorrow, Derek or no Derek! And I’ll do the fixing if any bones need work...lucky for you I’m a rock star...but you can’t worry about that now...all you have to do right now is get better, sexy lady.”
“I am a mother now so I do have to worry about supporting my family” Arizona realised for the first time - they weren’t a couple anymore - they were a family and she smiled at the thought before adding “and not so sexy right now, I cant move without squealing in pain, I haven’t had a wash in forever and I have a colostomy bag...so not sexy”
“Arizona Robbins, fiancée and wife to be, you could not not be sexy if you tried...and I love every inch of you from the tip of your little toe to the top of your head, broken bones and bruised organs included”
---------------------------------------------------------------------
As Callie left, exhausted and ready to fall into her own hospital bed, a nagging worry came to the surface, how badly damaged was Arizona’s hand and then she recalled how Arizona didn’t feel any pain as she had touched her legs but didn’t comment on the touch either and Derek’s words came to mind “spinal issues”...
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Arizona was drifting off to sleep, in a somewhat happy drug induced haze, her pain relief levels being increased to get her as good a sleep as possible tonight. She was lucky she had a baby and she had Callie who loved her from her head to her toes... her toes and that was when she realised...