Speak Now
Speak Now
Summary: Callie has had just about enough of this. If anyone has a right to be upset it's her. Not the Chief. Not Alex. After all, she was the one who was left heart broken that night. Not them.
Pairing: Callie/Arizona. Sort of.
Spoilers: 7x11
Rated: PG-13
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings and events thereof, are properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.
Author's Note: First, a huge thank you to roughian for not only beta-ing this story for me but for being my other half and not being afraid to be the Callie to my Arizona. Secondly, a huge thank you to raincheck10, whom continues to make these amazing banners for me and keeps me sane. Now, with all that said and done, I do hope you enjoy this piece A lot of sweat, blood and tears went into this and hopefully it will pay off!
“I think most of us fear reaching the end of our life and looking back regretting the moments we didn't speak up. When we didn't say “I love you”. When we should've said “I'm sorry”. When we didn't stand up for ourselves or someone who needed help.”
She pretends like she cannot hear them; the hushed whispers that float in the air behind her, the quiet laughs of the nurses and the less than obvious pointing gestures of her fellow attendings and residents. She pretends like she isn’t aware of what they are talking about, that it is not her name that falls drunkenly from their lips, that it isn’t her life they are discussing and judging without knowing all the facts. She knows that she should be used to it by now, being the center of the conversation at Seattle Grace-Mercy West seeing as how she is not only the Orthopedic rock star whom grows her own cartilage, but also the doctor whose relationship with another woman doctor was publicized all over the hospital. However, it does not make it any easier to know that they are not only talking about her but about the woman who she planned on marrying and having ten babies with, the woman who stills her heart every time those eyes always find hers.
She hates it. The way that those eyes can find her through a crowded room, through the mist of chaos, through the hustle and bustle of emergencies and traumas. She hates the way that she can still stare straight through her, just like nothing ever happened between them. Like nothing had ever went terribly wrong between them. The most beautiful pair of bottle blues find hers and she always forgets how to breathe, how to speak, how to think about anything other than the fact that everything is so very wrong without her love in her life.
Yet, things are beyond repair for the two of them. She left her that night in Seattle Airlines Terminal for a third world country for three years without even looking back. She did not ask about her, she did not write Teddy Altman emails asking about how she was handling the situation, if she was okay. She left. She broke her. She slept with Mark in hopes of forgetting about her, in hopes of feeling something, anything that could make her forget about the love they shared, about the future that they could have had together. She is avoiding her, avoiding her phone calls, her texts, her camp outs on the other side of their apartment door. The damage is done and she is far too well aware of exactly how un-fixable they truly are.
Calliope swallows hard, struggling to keep the prickling tears at bay as she runs her fingers through her tangled raven mane. She bites absently on her bottom lip, her auburn eyes flickering around her surroundings, at the familiar faces that now are all smiling sympathetically in her general direction and her stomach churns in disgust. She doesn’t need them, or their fake sympathy, or the fact that they all think Arizona is the bad guy.
“Torres! Torres!” Karev calls out to her, dashing after her, his white coat bouncing with every long stride he takes. She sighs, rolling her eyes inwardly as she stops on the stairs, looking back at the resident who races after her, crowded files in his hands. Sometimes, she finds herself intrigued by his story; how a boy from the wrong side of the tracks, a boy who always ends up with the crazy girls or the ones who have cancer, can be the next up and coming surgeon super star. Especially the next up and coming Peds super star. But he has had a really good teacher, even if it kills her to admit that.
“Karev. Can I help you?” Callie sighs, raking her nails through her hair, trying to tame the mess of curls the on call mattress manages to create every time. She hates how empty the beds feel now without Arizona small petite body curled up beside of hers, without her hands touching her in all the right places, without the taste of her kiss aching her in the pit of her stomach. But it’s over now, it has to be. For both of their sakes.
“Yeah, actually, you can. There’s a kid with a translation and she needs a corrective osteotomy and I was thinking that since you are a “rock star” and all, you would like to take a crack at it,” Alex smiles, handing her the unorganized folder, the wrinkling papers hanging in every direction from the manila folder and Callie chuckles a deep throaty laugh.
“I don’t really have time for taking in any more cases today, Karev. Even if it is some tiny human who wants to be president when he grows up,” Callie replies, shoving the folder back into Alex’s arms, continuing her climb up the stairs. He stumbles for a moment, nearly dropping the messy folder before catching it with a grumbled huff.
“Is this because of Robbins?” Alex states and it stops Calliope dead in her tracks. She turns, every pained emotion, every ounce of heartbreak, everything that she has ever been trying to avoid suddenly comes crashing back into her with that one simple question.
“E-excuse me?” stutters Callie and Alex barks a laugh.
“Of course it’s about Robbins. You’re trying to stick it to her. And I get it, you know? She packed up her crap and she left you. She left you jobless, homeless and loveless and you hate her for it. You hate her. Or, at least, you wish you could. And that’s okay because every one around here hates her too. She didn’t just leave you, you know? She left us. She quit and went to Africa to help those third world rascals but then decides that she can’t tough it out long enough so she shows up here and expects everything to be the same as she left it. She expected us all to just put our lives on hold for her until she got back, never mind the fact that our lives were hell without her. I mean, you were mopey sad face all the time and she left me with Stark. An intern knows more than Stark does. You are not the only one she has hurt, ya know?” Alex exclaims but Callie only shakes her head in protest.
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Callie laughs faintly, glancing over the resident’s head to scan the room of nurses and doctors who are now, less discreetly, talking and slightly snickering about her, about Arizona and about all the things that she would never be able to truly understand.
“Don’t I? I married a girl, a girl I thought that I loved and that she loved me too. I thought that was enough, you know? That nothing else mattered but it wasn’t enough. Iz had cancer but it didn’t stop her. She left me. No goodbye. Nothing. Just a letter in my locker about how she needed some ‘time’ or whatever. Scared the hell out of me. I didn’t know if she was alive or if she was laying dead somewhere in some sicko’s apartment. Then she showed up, out of the blue, like Robbins and expected everything to be the same with some half ass excuse that love was worth fighting for. I love her so much that I almost hate her and I know what it is like to have every one in this hospital judge you for that. So, yeah, I think I know what I’m talking about, Torres,” Alex snaps, pushing his way past her, clutching tightly to his records before he turns around, almost breaking at the sight of sadness upon her face.
“And for the record? That whole crap feeling that is going on inside of you right now? It never goes away. The whispers on the outside might stop but the ones instead of your head, they never shut up. Every time you see something that reminds you of her, every time that you see her picture or hear her life or are laying alone in the bed at night. It never goes away. You just have to learn to move on and let people talk cause that’s all it is, is just.. talk,” Alex explains before he continues on his journey to the Peds floor. Callie watches him go until his white lab coat is no longer in sight and she grabs the railing of the stairwell, a straggled breath echoing through her hollow throat.
“Damn it,” Callie gasps, drawing in a gasping breath as the tears burn within her eyes. But she pulls herself together, because she has to, because the staff at Seattle Grace certainly did not need another reason to talk about her.
----
As she steps onto the catwalk, she notices the small crowd of people gathered around; all mumbling carelessly amongst each other, all carefully eying the Chief and Arizona who stand farthest to the left from the group. Wrinkling her brow, she shoves her hands in her white coat, approaching the group and instantly the conversation seems to halt upon her arrival. Groaning, a Spanish curse falls from her pursed lips as she hangs her head, her hair coming forward to frame her face and her heart sinks a little lower in her chest. She thought she would outgrow the social awkwardness after she graduated from high school but apparently, she chuckles inwardly, getting left by the bubbly Peds surgeon in an airport gives people a reason to being weird around you.
Teddy catches her gaze and smiles at her, giving Owen a loving pat on the arm before stepping out of the circle. Teddy Altman is many things; beautiful, caring and wise, but perhaps the thing Calliope loves most about her, is her heart. The way that she believes in love the way that others believe in God, the fact that through everything, she still manages to rally herself together
with a smile.
“What’s every one talking about?” Callie asks, rolling back and forth on her heels as she fumbles aimlessly with a candy wrapper in her pocket. Teddy winces, gazing around the group before allowing her eyes to meet with Callie’s and she smiles at her. The kind of smile that Callie has seen enough of lately.
“Um.. the weather and the snow storm…our patients and uh… you know.. you,” replies Teddy with a soft, delicate laugh and Callie rolls her eyes. Groaning, she pinches the bridge of nose in frustration, wishing that she could somehow teleport herself to a different time and place; a place where no one knows of her nor Arizona Robbins.
“Terrific. And A-Arizona?” Even now, her name drips painfully from her lips, breaking her heart even deeper in her chest. Teddy nods her head, glancing over at the other blond who only stares at the floor, kicking a non existent piece of dirt as the tears threaten to flood down her cheeks.
“The Chief… he doesn’t think that it is in the hospital’s best interest to give her her job back. Something about looking bad on their part because she turned down the Carter Mason grant and I..” But Callie interrupts her with a laugh.
“Oh, for the love of..” Callie barks a laugh before she steps away from Teddy, pushing herself through the crowd of people, ignoring the mumbled curses and inappropriate gestures.
“Excuse me, Chief?” Callie exclaims, interrupting Richard mid sentence as he attempts to mention something about how she could understand why his hands were tied. Glancing over, his facial expressions do not show signs of being pleased that someone would dare to interrupt his speech; especially a speech that had not meant for other ears to hear. Arizona’s bottle blues flicker to Calliope who quickly averts her gaze, ignoring the pain in her gut at the sight of the tears in her eyes.
“Dr. Torres, now is not the time. Can’t you see I am in the middle of something?” Chief Webber replies, the annoyance clearly echoing in his voice. His years at Seattle Grace has left him with salt and pepper hair now, the lines upon his face telling the stories of his successes and failures and although very much a puppet to the Board’s hands, he is easily the most respected surgeon at their hospital.
“Oh. No. You’re wrong because you see, now is very much the time. Now is the perfect time. The heavens could open and a freakin’ choir could sing and a bright flashing neon sign could point out exactly how right of a time this is to point out that you are all idiots!” Callie laughs her all too familiar husky laugh and it instantly creates a reaction of a dimpling grin upon Arizona’s face; a grin that she has missed all too much.
“Dr. Torres!” The Chief scolds but Callie only shakes her head, taking a step toward him.
“No, no Dr. Torres-ing me right now. You don’t get to Dr. Torres me. No, but what you are going to do is you are going to stand there and you are going to listen to me because at least you owe me that much,” Callie instructs, glaring at the tall African American man whom lets out a sigh of frustration before nodding his head quietly, swallowing hard as he studies Arizona’s face that has now managed to light up at the sight of her ex girlfriend. Sometimes, he hates himself for guilt tripping Callie into staying in Seattle, especially when it effects someone like Arizona in such a very dark way.
“First of all, Chief,” Callie begins, clasping her hands together as she approaches the man, her strength neither buckling nor wavering at his sight of authority.
“Stop being a coward. You’re scared of what the board will think of you if you hire Dr. Robbins, here, back. I mean, your hospital almost closed and a deranged gun man killed nearly half of your staff and while under your hand, there was an outbreak of a sexual disease and you became an alcoholic. So you are afraid that if you hire her back, they will think that you are not capable of running this hospital correctly or professionally. But you and I both know that Arizona Robbins is the best of the best in the State, hell, in the entire country! More kids come in and out of her care than any one else. She has the highest rate of patients who survive their surgeries and do not have to return to the hospital because of some screw up! Kids come in here begging to see Dr. Robbins. You and I both know that she is the reason that any one really gives a rat’s ass about this hospital. Sir, if you let her go, if you let her walk out of this hospital, I promise you, you will regret it,” Callie snaps before she turns her attention to the crowd that is standing on the cat walk, watching her with wide curious eyes.
“And you.. all of you.. who do you people think you are? Hmm? Do you think you are perfect? Invincible? Incredible? Because you have never done anything wrong in your life before, have you? You have never made a decision that you regretted or made a mistake that hurt people that you cared about. You never had to apologize, or live with that guilt? Huh? Well, answer me!” Callie barks and the crowd falls silent once again, the hushed whispers ceasing to a stop as they all study her, the same fearful looks held upon their faces as the first day of their internship.
“Callie, I think..” It is Teddy who speaks now but Callie stops her short.
“No. No. All of you stand around, watching her as if she kicked your puppy or told you that she could tell that you got plastic surgery or that she saw you in the shower and she knows that you aren’t as big as you brag to every one that you are,” Her eyes dart between the nurses, her brow drooping together in a frustrated line as she shakes her head in disgust and anger.
“She has done nothing to you. Nothing. What happened to Arizon… Dr. Robbins received a life changing grant. A grant that could save thousands of children in Africa, a grant that no one could refuse. So yeah, she took it. She left to save kids who will probably never get to see a doctor in their lives! To me, that is pretty freakin’ amazing. But you all stand around here judging her and gossiping about her and our relationship and how much you hate her or how awful she is but you don’t get to do that. You don’t get to talk about her behind her back, avoid her surgeries and gossip about what a terrible person she must be. No, you do not get be angry with Dr. Robbins and you do not get to be hurt because you are not in love with her. You are not the one that she left in the airport that night and told you that you were ruining everything for her. She didn’t leave you, she left me,” Callie exclaims, taking a step back as she laughs, the glistening tears filling her eyes.
“And what? You think that just because I’m angry with her that I don’t still love her? That I don’t still care about her? That I don’t wish that it I was with her every single time that I lay down in our bed and I am alone? You don’t think that I know that I am just as big of an idiot as all of you are? I might be angry with her and I may be upset but I have the right to be and it doesn’t change how I feel. It doesn’t change the fact that I still… that I still..” But, however, instead of describing how she feels about Arizona, she decides it is best to show them. Grabbing the petite blond by the wrist, she pulls Arizona in front of her, her hands curving at her waist as their hips brushing together before it happens.
The breath taking, heart stopping, kiss.
The colliding of their all too perfect lips in the most passionate, desirable kiss.
A kiss that would say more than Callie’s speech or Arizona’s apologizes ever would.
The crowd of nurses and doctors alike gasp in shock and surprise as does Arizona when Callie pulls away, both of them left laboring to catch their breath. She leaves their foreheads together for a moment, her warm breath spiraling across her face as Arizona’s fingers twist in her curls. Calliope whimpers the smallest of groans before she steps back, her auburn eyes meet with Arizona’s baby blue for possibly the very first time since that night and she swears she feels brand new again. Clearing her throat, she returns her attention to the crowd who have all now managed to fall silent, carefully watching her, hanging onto her words as if they are the last she will ever hear.
“She left me and I still love her. I still respect her not only as a person but as a surgeon, just as the rest of you should. I know Arizona and I know that she certainly has said no ill word toward any of you. She didn’t break up with you, she didn’t make you question your future or if you made the right decision by choosing to spend your life with her. No, you have no right to be angry with her but instead you need an scapegoat, some one else’s pain to feed of off. To remind yourselves that your crappy little lives have meaning. To make yourselves feel better than, while even though you sit at home eating TV dinners, watching some stupid pay per view, that you are better than the Peds surgeon who turned down a grant in Africa for her ex girlfriend.
“You need a reason to gossip. I mean, Stevens’ is gone and when she left, she took the stealing a heart for her sort of boyfriend who she cut the LVAD wires on, having cancer, almost killing a patient, controversies with her so you decide to pick on Arizona. To stand here in front of me and actually gossip about her. Well, grow up! All of you! Seriously! Don’t you have patients to worry about?! Or boyfriends and girlfriends to cheat on with some intern in an call room? Do you not have anything better to do with your menial, purpose-less lives than to stand here and gossip about someone that you hardly even know?” Callie speaks, the anger clearly present in her voice and the crowd grumbles, waiting for a moment before dispersing down the stair well from the cat walk.
Sighing in exasperation, Callie relaxes her shoulders, allowing her body to go limp for a moment as she rests her weary eyes. When she opens them, however, she finds the most beautiful platinum blond standing before her, blue eyes sparkling with tears and her heart swells with love. She wishes she could find it in herself to move past all of this, past Africa and Mark, oh, how she simply wishes.
“Okay, don’t. Don’t you even start with the whole big sad eyes and the dimpling smile and expect me to melt into your arms and say that I forgive you for leaving me and that everything is going to be okay again because that is not going to happened. What just happened here? I didn’t do that for you. I didn’t do that for us or our love or whatever excuse you have seemed to fabricate in that stubborn, but beautiful, little head of yours. I did it for this hospital. Every one knows that you are the best Peds surgeon around and you’re.. you’re a pretty amazing person. They shouldn’t judge you or gossip about you like that. It not only interferes with their and your ability to perform to the best of your ability but it is also unprofessional. This hospital has been too much of a a high school for far too long and someone needed to hand them their asses and it certainly wasn’t going to the Chief,” Callie explains and Arizona nods her head, studying the pattern of the tile of the floor beneath her, digging the toe of her wheelie into the waxed pattern.
“So, not for me, huh?” asks Arizona and Callie shakes her head, her lips drawn together in a tight line.
“Nope. Not for you. Not for you at all,” Callie explains, turning to walk away. However, she makes it only three steps before Arizona’s tiny, and very vulnerable, voice calls out to her and she finds herself stopping, much to her mind’s protest. Instead of making the clear get away like she had so hoped for, she turns around, her eyes colliding with those bottle blues and her heart melts.
“Calliope,” Arizona whispers and Calliope listens with eager eyes. The blond smiles, the same dimpling grin that made her fall in love with her that night, the dimpling grin that changes everything, “I love you.” It is simple. Three words. Three words that are said too much and yet not enough during one’s lifetime. It is three words that Calliope Iphigenia Torres has been longing to hear ever since their airport break up. The Latina smiles softly, nodding her head in acceptance, licking her try lips as she draws in a long breath.
“I-I love you, too,” Callie stutters before she turns, continuing on her journey. But, like before, she stops, glancing over her shoulder at Arizona whom stands solemnly watching her go, “okay. Maybe a little bit for you.” She mumbles before disappearing behind the door and Arizona smiles a brilliant grin with a bubbly giggle.
Because there is hope.
Because there is a chance that at the end of the day, love just may be enough
Summary: Callie has had just about enough of this. If anyone has a right to be upset it's her. Not the Chief. Not Alex. After all, she was the one who was left heart broken that night. Not them.
Pairing: Callie/Arizona. Sort of.
Spoilers: 7x11
Rated: PG-13
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings and events thereof, are properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.
Author's Note: First, a huge thank you to roughian for not only beta-ing this story for me but for being my other half and not being afraid to be the Callie to my Arizona. Secondly, a huge thank you to raincheck10, whom continues to make these amazing banners for me and keeps me sane. Now, with all that said and done, I do hope you enjoy this piece A lot of sweat, blood and tears went into this and hopefully it will pay off!
“I think most of us fear reaching the end of our life and looking back regretting the moments we didn't speak up. When we didn't say “I love you”. When we should've said “I'm sorry”. When we didn't stand up for ourselves or someone who needed help.”
She pretends like she cannot hear them; the hushed whispers that float in the air behind her, the quiet laughs of the nurses and the less than obvious pointing gestures of her fellow attendings and residents. She pretends like she isn’t aware of what they are talking about, that it is not her name that falls drunkenly from their lips, that it isn’t her life they are discussing and judging without knowing all the facts. She knows that she should be used to it by now, being the center of the conversation at Seattle Grace-Mercy West seeing as how she is not only the Orthopedic rock star whom grows her own cartilage, but also the doctor whose relationship with another woman doctor was publicized all over the hospital. However, it does not make it any easier to know that they are not only talking about her but about the woman who she planned on marrying and having ten babies with, the woman who stills her heart every time those eyes always find hers.
She hates it. The way that those eyes can find her through a crowded room, through the mist of chaos, through the hustle and bustle of emergencies and traumas. She hates the way that she can still stare straight through her, just like nothing ever happened between them. Like nothing had ever went terribly wrong between them. The most beautiful pair of bottle blues find hers and she always forgets how to breathe, how to speak, how to think about anything other than the fact that everything is so very wrong without her love in her life.
Yet, things are beyond repair for the two of them. She left her that night in Seattle Airlines Terminal for a third world country for three years without even looking back. She did not ask about her, she did not write Teddy Altman emails asking about how she was handling the situation, if she was okay. She left. She broke her. She slept with Mark in hopes of forgetting about her, in hopes of feeling something, anything that could make her forget about the love they shared, about the future that they could have had together. She is avoiding her, avoiding her phone calls, her texts, her camp outs on the other side of their apartment door. The damage is done and she is far too well aware of exactly how un-fixable they truly are.
Calliope swallows hard, struggling to keep the prickling tears at bay as she runs her fingers through her tangled raven mane. She bites absently on her bottom lip, her auburn eyes flickering around her surroundings, at the familiar faces that now are all smiling sympathetically in her general direction and her stomach churns in disgust. She doesn’t need them, or their fake sympathy, or the fact that they all think Arizona is the bad guy.
“Torres! Torres!” Karev calls out to her, dashing after her, his white coat bouncing with every long stride he takes. She sighs, rolling her eyes inwardly as she stops on the stairs, looking back at the resident who races after her, crowded files in his hands. Sometimes, she finds herself intrigued by his story; how a boy from the wrong side of the tracks, a boy who always ends up with the crazy girls or the ones who have cancer, can be the next up and coming surgeon super star. Especially the next up and coming Peds super star. But he has had a really good teacher, even if it kills her to admit that.
“Karev. Can I help you?” Callie sighs, raking her nails through her hair, trying to tame the mess of curls the on call mattress manages to create every time. She hates how empty the beds feel now without Arizona small petite body curled up beside of hers, without her hands touching her in all the right places, without the taste of her kiss aching her in the pit of her stomach. But it’s over now, it has to be. For both of their sakes.
“Yeah, actually, you can. There’s a kid with a translation and she needs a corrective osteotomy and I was thinking that since you are a “rock star” and all, you would like to take a crack at it,” Alex smiles, handing her the unorganized folder, the wrinkling papers hanging in every direction from the manila folder and Callie chuckles a deep throaty laugh.
“I don’t really have time for taking in any more cases today, Karev. Even if it is some tiny human who wants to be president when he grows up,” Callie replies, shoving the folder back into Alex’s arms, continuing her climb up the stairs. He stumbles for a moment, nearly dropping the messy folder before catching it with a grumbled huff.
“Is this because of Robbins?” Alex states and it stops Calliope dead in her tracks. She turns, every pained emotion, every ounce of heartbreak, everything that she has ever been trying to avoid suddenly comes crashing back into her with that one simple question.
“E-excuse me?” stutters Callie and Alex barks a laugh.
“Of course it’s about Robbins. You’re trying to stick it to her. And I get it, you know? She packed up her crap and she left you. She left you jobless, homeless and loveless and you hate her for it. You hate her. Or, at least, you wish you could. And that’s okay because every one around here hates her too. She didn’t just leave you, you know? She left us. She quit and went to Africa to help those third world rascals but then decides that she can’t tough it out long enough so she shows up here and expects everything to be the same as she left it. She expected us all to just put our lives on hold for her until she got back, never mind the fact that our lives were hell without her. I mean, you were mopey sad face all the time and she left me with Stark. An intern knows more than Stark does. You are not the only one she has hurt, ya know?” Alex exclaims but Callie only shakes her head in protest.
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Callie laughs faintly, glancing over the resident’s head to scan the room of nurses and doctors who are now, less discreetly, talking and slightly snickering about her, about Arizona and about all the things that she would never be able to truly understand.
“Don’t I? I married a girl, a girl I thought that I loved and that she loved me too. I thought that was enough, you know? That nothing else mattered but it wasn’t enough. Iz had cancer but it didn’t stop her. She left me. No goodbye. Nothing. Just a letter in my locker about how she needed some ‘time’ or whatever. Scared the hell out of me. I didn’t know if she was alive or if she was laying dead somewhere in some sicko’s apartment. Then she showed up, out of the blue, like Robbins and expected everything to be the same with some half ass excuse that love was worth fighting for. I love her so much that I almost hate her and I know what it is like to have every one in this hospital judge you for that. So, yeah, I think I know what I’m talking about, Torres,” Alex snaps, pushing his way past her, clutching tightly to his records before he turns around, almost breaking at the sight of sadness upon her face.
“And for the record? That whole crap feeling that is going on inside of you right now? It never goes away. The whispers on the outside might stop but the ones instead of your head, they never shut up. Every time you see something that reminds you of her, every time that you see her picture or hear her life or are laying alone in the bed at night. It never goes away. You just have to learn to move on and let people talk cause that’s all it is, is just.. talk,” Alex explains before he continues on his journey to the Peds floor. Callie watches him go until his white lab coat is no longer in sight and she grabs the railing of the stairwell, a straggled breath echoing through her hollow throat.
“Damn it,” Callie gasps, drawing in a gasping breath as the tears burn within her eyes. But she pulls herself together, because she has to, because the staff at Seattle Grace certainly did not need another reason to talk about her.
----
As she steps onto the catwalk, she notices the small crowd of people gathered around; all mumbling carelessly amongst each other, all carefully eying the Chief and Arizona who stand farthest to the left from the group. Wrinkling her brow, she shoves her hands in her white coat, approaching the group and instantly the conversation seems to halt upon her arrival. Groaning, a Spanish curse falls from her pursed lips as she hangs her head, her hair coming forward to frame her face and her heart sinks a little lower in her chest. She thought she would outgrow the social awkwardness after she graduated from high school but apparently, she chuckles inwardly, getting left by the bubbly Peds surgeon in an airport gives people a reason to being weird around you.
Teddy catches her gaze and smiles at her, giving Owen a loving pat on the arm before stepping out of the circle. Teddy Altman is many things; beautiful, caring and wise, but perhaps the thing Calliope loves most about her, is her heart. The way that she believes in love the way that others believe in God, the fact that through everything, she still manages to rally herself together
with a smile.
“What’s every one talking about?” Callie asks, rolling back and forth on her heels as she fumbles aimlessly with a candy wrapper in her pocket. Teddy winces, gazing around the group before allowing her eyes to meet with Callie’s and she smiles at her. The kind of smile that Callie has seen enough of lately.
“Um.. the weather and the snow storm…our patients and uh… you know.. you,” replies Teddy with a soft, delicate laugh and Callie rolls her eyes. Groaning, she pinches the bridge of nose in frustration, wishing that she could somehow teleport herself to a different time and place; a place where no one knows of her nor Arizona Robbins.
“Terrific. And A-Arizona?” Even now, her name drips painfully from her lips, breaking her heart even deeper in her chest. Teddy nods her head, glancing over at the other blond who only stares at the floor, kicking a non existent piece of dirt as the tears threaten to flood down her cheeks.
“The Chief… he doesn’t think that it is in the hospital’s best interest to give her her job back. Something about looking bad on their part because she turned down the Carter Mason grant and I..” But Callie interrupts her with a laugh.
“Oh, for the love of..” Callie barks a laugh before she steps away from Teddy, pushing herself through the crowd of people, ignoring the mumbled curses and inappropriate gestures.
“Excuse me, Chief?” Callie exclaims, interrupting Richard mid sentence as he attempts to mention something about how she could understand why his hands were tied. Glancing over, his facial expressions do not show signs of being pleased that someone would dare to interrupt his speech; especially a speech that had not meant for other ears to hear. Arizona’s bottle blues flicker to Calliope who quickly averts her gaze, ignoring the pain in her gut at the sight of the tears in her eyes.
“Dr. Torres, now is not the time. Can’t you see I am in the middle of something?” Chief Webber replies, the annoyance clearly echoing in his voice. His years at Seattle Grace has left him with salt and pepper hair now, the lines upon his face telling the stories of his successes and failures and although very much a puppet to the Board’s hands, he is easily the most respected surgeon at their hospital.
“Oh. No. You’re wrong because you see, now is very much the time. Now is the perfect time. The heavens could open and a freakin’ choir could sing and a bright flashing neon sign could point out exactly how right of a time this is to point out that you are all idiots!” Callie laughs her all too familiar husky laugh and it instantly creates a reaction of a dimpling grin upon Arizona’s face; a grin that she has missed all too much.
“Dr. Torres!” The Chief scolds but Callie only shakes her head, taking a step toward him.
“No, no Dr. Torres-ing me right now. You don’t get to Dr. Torres me. No, but what you are going to do is you are going to stand there and you are going to listen to me because at least you owe me that much,” Callie instructs, glaring at the tall African American man whom lets out a sigh of frustration before nodding his head quietly, swallowing hard as he studies Arizona’s face that has now managed to light up at the sight of her ex girlfriend. Sometimes, he hates himself for guilt tripping Callie into staying in Seattle, especially when it effects someone like Arizona in such a very dark way.
“First of all, Chief,” Callie begins, clasping her hands together as she approaches the man, her strength neither buckling nor wavering at his sight of authority.
“Stop being a coward. You’re scared of what the board will think of you if you hire Dr. Robbins, here, back. I mean, your hospital almost closed and a deranged gun man killed nearly half of your staff and while under your hand, there was an outbreak of a sexual disease and you became an alcoholic. So you are afraid that if you hire her back, they will think that you are not capable of running this hospital correctly or professionally. But you and I both know that Arizona Robbins is the best of the best in the State, hell, in the entire country! More kids come in and out of her care than any one else. She has the highest rate of patients who survive their surgeries and do not have to return to the hospital because of some screw up! Kids come in here begging to see Dr. Robbins. You and I both know that she is the reason that any one really gives a rat’s ass about this hospital. Sir, if you let her go, if you let her walk out of this hospital, I promise you, you will regret it,” Callie snaps before she turns her attention to the crowd that is standing on the cat walk, watching her with wide curious eyes.
“And you.. all of you.. who do you people think you are? Hmm? Do you think you are perfect? Invincible? Incredible? Because you have never done anything wrong in your life before, have you? You have never made a decision that you regretted or made a mistake that hurt people that you cared about. You never had to apologize, or live with that guilt? Huh? Well, answer me!” Callie barks and the crowd falls silent once again, the hushed whispers ceasing to a stop as they all study her, the same fearful looks held upon their faces as the first day of their internship.
“Callie, I think..” It is Teddy who speaks now but Callie stops her short.
“No. No. All of you stand around, watching her as if she kicked your puppy or told you that she could tell that you got plastic surgery or that she saw you in the shower and she knows that you aren’t as big as you brag to every one that you are,” Her eyes dart between the nurses, her brow drooping together in a frustrated line as she shakes her head in disgust and anger.
“She has done nothing to you. Nothing. What happened to Arizon… Dr. Robbins received a life changing grant. A grant that could save thousands of children in Africa, a grant that no one could refuse. So yeah, she took it. She left to save kids who will probably never get to see a doctor in their lives! To me, that is pretty freakin’ amazing. But you all stand around here judging her and gossiping about her and our relationship and how much you hate her or how awful she is but you don’t get to do that. You don’t get to talk about her behind her back, avoid her surgeries and gossip about what a terrible person she must be. No, you do not get be angry with Dr. Robbins and you do not get to be hurt because you are not in love with her. You are not the one that she left in the airport that night and told you that you were ruining everything for her. She didn’t leave you, she left me,” Callie exclaims, taking a step back as she laughs, the glistening tears filling her eyes.
“And what? You think that just because I’m angry with her that I don’t still love her? That I don’t still care about her? That I don’t wish that it I was with her every single time that I lay down in our bed and I am alone? You don’t think that I know that I am just as big of an idiot as all of you are? I might be angry with her and I may be upset but I have the right to be and it doesn’t change how I feel. It doesn’t change the fact that I still… that I still..” But, however, instead of describing how she feels about Arizona, she decides it is best to show them. Grabbing the petite blond by the wrist, she pulls Arizona in front of her, her hands curving at her waist as their hips brushing together before it happens.
The breath taking, heart stopping, kiss.
The colliding of their all too perfect lips in the most passionate, desirable kiss.
A kiss that would say more than Callie’s speech or Arizona’s apologizes ever would.
The crowd of nurses and doctors alike gasp in shock and surprise as does Arizona when Callie pulls away, both of them left laboring to catch their breath. She leaves their foreheads together for a moment, her warm breath spiraling across her face as Arizona’s fingers twist in her curls. Calliope whimpers the smallest of groans before she steps back, her auburn eyes meet with Arizona’s baby blue for possibly the very first time since that night and she swears she feels brand new again. Clearing her throat, she returns her attention to the crowd who have all now managed to fall silent, carefully watching her, hanging onto her words as if they are the last she will ever hear.
“She left me and I still love her. I still respect her not only as a person but as a surgeon, just as the rest of you should. I know Arizona and I know that she certainly has said no ill word toward any of you. She didn’t break up with you, she didn’t make you question your future or if you made the right decision by choosing to spend your life with her. No, you have no right to be angry with her but instead you need an scapegoat, some one else’s pain to feed of off. To remind yourselves that your crappy little lives have meaning. To make yourselves feel better than, while even though you sit at home eating TV dinners, watching some stupid pay per view, that you are better than the Peds surgeon who turned down a grant in Africa for her ex girlfriend.
“You need a reason to gossip. I mean, Stevens’ is gone and when she left, she took the stealing a heart for her sort of boyfriend who she cut the LVAD wires on, having cancer, almost killing a patient, controversies with her so you decide to pick on Arizona. To stand here in front of me and actually gossip about her. Well, grow up! All of you! Seriously! Don’t you have patients to worry about?! Or boyfriends and girlfriends to cheat on with some intern in an call room? Do you not have anything better to do with your menial, purpose-less lives than to stand here and gossip about someone that you hardly even know?” Callie speaks, the anger clearly present in her voice and the crowd grumbles, waiting for a moment before dispersing down the stair well from the cat walk.
Sighing in exasperation, Callie relaxes her shoulders, allowing her body to go limp for a moment as she rests her weary eyes. When she opens them, however, she finds the most beautiful platinum blond standing before her, blue eyes sparkling with tears and her heart swells with love. She wishes she could find it in herself to move past all of this, past Africa and Mark, oh, how she simply wishes.
“Okay, don’t. Don’t you even start with the whole big sad eyes and the dimpling smile and expect me to melt into your arms and say that I forgive you for leaving me and that everything is going to be okay again because that is not going to happened. What just happened here? I didn’t do that for you. I didn’t do that for us or our love or whatever excuse you have seemed to fabricate in that stubborn, but beautiful, little head of yours. I did it for this hospital. Every one knows that you are the best Peds surgeon around and you’re.. you’re a pretty amazing person. They shouldn’t judge you or gossip about you like that. It not only interferes with their and your ability to perform to the best of your ability but it is also unprofessional. This hospital has been too much of a a high school for far too long and someone needed to hand them their asses and it certainly wasn’t going to the Chief,” Callie explains and Arizona nods her head, studying the pattern of the tile of the floor beneath her, digging the toe of her wheelie into the waxed pattern.
“So, not for me, huh?” asks Arizona and Callie shakes her head, her lips drawn together in a tight line.
“Nope. Not for you. Not for you at all,” Callie explains, turning to walk away. However, she makes it only three steps before Arizona’s tiny, and very vulnerable, voice calls out to her and she finds herself stopping, much to her mind’s protest. Instead of making the clear get away like she had so hoped for, she turns around, her eyes colliding with those bottle blues and her heart melts.
“Calliope,” Arizona whispers and Calliope listens with eager eyes. The blond smiles, the same dimpling grin that made her fall in love with her that night, the dimpling grin that changes everything, “I love you.” It is simple. Three words. Three words that are said too much and yet not enough during one’s lifetime. It is three words that Calliope Iphigenia Torres has been longing to hear ever since their airport break up. The Latina smiles softly, nodding her head in acceptance, licking her try lips as she draws in a long breath.
“I-I love you, too,” Callie stutters before she turns, continuing on her journey. But, like before, she stops, glancing over her shoulder at Arizona whom stands solemnly watching her go, “okay. Maybe a little bit for you.” She mumbles before disappearing behind the door and Arizona smiles a brilliant grin with a bubbly giggle.
Because there is hope.
Because there is a chance that at the end of the day, love just may be enough