Secret Santa Fan Fiction for Saoirsegirl
Title: Looking Back
Author: IAdoreCallie
Pairing: Callie and Arizona
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Arizona gets an unexpected surprise.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this fiction, nor do I have any rights in regards to them.
Authors Note: Happy Holidays!!!
Arizona sat in a waiting room. She was hesitant to call it that, as it looked more like a museum to the Salem Witch Trials. A particularly gruesome painting of a woman burning made her feel less like waiting and more like running. Why did she have to win this prize on the Staff Raffle? She would have preferred the bath salts. At least that would ease her aching muscles. But sitting here she felt incredibly tense.
A collection of crystals on a book case became the focus of her attention. The rainbows they cast over the dark wood were far more relaxing than pictures of alchemists and oddly colored unicorns. Arizona didn't doubt that alternative therapies had an affect. She had seen the miracles performed by them. She just wasn't sure this particular therapist had received the memo that less is more. It felt like a gift store near the haunted house at Disney Land in here.
As if there weren't enough cliche's the door to the therapist's office opened, creakily, and a whispy looking woman floated out. It took all of Arizona's strength of will not to roll her eyes as the woman introduced herself as Raven Greenleaf in the sort of ethereal voice that you hear in video games and Harry Potter movies. Arizona, ever the social butterfly, smiled and extended her hand. It was captured in a hand with gaudy rings on every finger. As she was led into the office Arizona was stopped in her tracks by the smell of incense and the dim lighting of candles. Arizona felt she should have informed Callie that if she weren't home in two hours, to send out the Puritans.
Arizona was directed to a large plush sofa where she instinctively lay down and eyed the therapist cautiously.
"Past life regression can be a little daunting to first timers. I assure you I am gifted in this practice and no harm will come to you."
Arizona couldn't contain her shock as harm was mentioned. But as a CD burst to life, sending whispering winds and birds chirping Arizona did her best to at least humor the woman. She was instructed to visualize a meadow. A stream... Slowly the images drifted into her mind and the conscious part of her mind which held scepticism and doubt began to skip merrily through the pleasant images.
****
Arizona was on a bridge. Looking out over a frozen river as stars twinkled above in a deep blue night sky. Tree's stood behind her and on the opposite bank but she felt no fear. She knew this place and had known it all her life. She had run through these woods as a child, with her best friend Claira. That was who she was here to meet now. Her heart was in a knot, butterflies flew wildly in her stomach. She had never felt nervousness when meeting with Claira before. But this was her last chance. She had to say what she needed to say before it was too late. A rustle in the tree's behind her snapped her from her thoughts. Turning abruptly she saw Claira emerging through the tree's. The weariness in her eyes had grown over the past few months and it pained her to see it. "Alaina, why must we meet at Midnight? Can you never pick an earlier hour for our gossip sessions?"
Alaina. That had been Arizona's name once. And Claira, her face. The latin features were subtle but there was no denying that Claira bore Callie's likeness. "I'm sorry, I know you are tired. But it is the only time when I can be assured that Mother and Father are asleep. I don't wish to wake them and suffer their inquisitions."
The women smiled to one another, in understanding of both of their predicaments and lack of privacy. Arizona sat nervously beside an old, fallen, tree stump. Callie sat silently beside her, looking out across the river. Arizona could see the thoughts running wild through Callie's mind and it pained her to see how drawn Callie had become. "Why don't you just say no to his proposal?" Callie snapped her head to face Arizona at the question.
"My family are near penniless. Matthew is from a wealthy family. Who am I to deprive my family of the benefits of being kin to money?" Arizona could tell that even though Callie spoke the words, she didn't believe in them. She had always been a free spirit and it was one of the things that Arizona loved about her. Callie shivered and tightened her shawl around her "You didn't summon me into this frozen wonderland to tell me to not marry the man who will solve all my families problems. I know you well enough to know you have more on your mind than that."
Arizona looked away unsure of how to proceed. She could have the biggest victory of her life or she may lose more than she could ever recover. Including her life if things went extremely awry. Callie was shivering and guilt ran into Arizona's heart. It was wrong of her to do this. To even contemplate emptying her heart when Callie was already going through so much stress. And to bring her here on a night like this. How was this love? The best thing to do would be to lie and make up a subject. Something to try and take Callie's mind from everything that was burdening her so.
"I.. Well I was wondering if you were going to attend the Yule Ball?" Even to her that sounded impossibly weak for a conversation topic. But as it slipped out of her lips, she had no control in stopping it.
"You couldn't have asked that in the warmth of a nice parlor? Or even the Store? Come now Alaina, I know you better than that. If you do not tell me the real reason for this midnight escapade, I will be forced to tell your mother about the pendant you 'borrowed' and subsequently lost. Then blaming the maid who received a beating." Arizona cringed at the thought of the xonsequences of her cowardice. She should be bold. Own to her feelings and take responsibility for whatever the outcome.
"I don't really know how to begin." But before she could begin, Callie had begun to sob quietly. Trying to hide it within the folds of her shawl. Arizona wrapped her arms around her dearest friend and buried her face within the dark curls that fell from Callie's perfect head. It seemed as though the world were slowing and the stars dimming as they sat there. Arizona's heart broke to see so much pain breaking its way out of Callie's beautiful soul. "Don't cry angel. There is always a light in the dark. Remember what your mother always told us as children? When life becomes to heavy a load upon your shoulders, straighten up and stand defiant in the face of it. I know that seems like an impossible task but I shall be forever at your side to ease your burdens."
Callie turned her face to Arizona. Tears running down her frozen cheeks. Cold fingers met Arizona's cheek and she pressed her hand to them in the hope of keeping them there forever. "You have always been there for me. I'm sorry that I have interrupted you. Please. Tell me what is on your mind. It will take me away from my own." Arizona's mind had turned into a haze of color and a faint humming sound as she stared into the chocolate eyes filled with so much sorrow. She had no control over herself as she leaned to place a cold kiss upon Callie's lips. As she moved forward she could see confusion in Callie's eyes. Her lips met Callie's and for a few seconds oblivion took her. She was no longer cold. She was no longer scared. She was fearless and in tune with everything around her. But as her lips were suddenly exposed to cold air she awoke from her delirium to see Callie staring at her in shock. Her fingers pressed to her lips where Arizona's had been only moments ago. "Alaina.. What? ... Why?"
Floodgates opened in Arizona's mind and words began to spew from her mouth faster than she knew she was saying them. "I'm sorry. I know, I am a monster. A vile creature. A corruptor. But I cannot help it Claira. I am in love with you. I have known it to be so since we were younger but it tore at me with such terrible force that I was convinced it were the Devils work. I must have been infused with his wickedness. But as I grew, my love for you made me joyous. It brought light to me in the darkest of times. It filled me with a warmth that engulfed me in such a wonderous way that I thought it could not be Devilry, but a gift. I can understand how you would not see it to be so. To you I must be the vilest of beasts. But you had to know. I could not lie to you any longer. I could not go on concealing such falseness."
Callie was staring at her. Dumbstruck. Her fingers had not moved from her lips. Even as she whispered. "You are in love... with me?" Her eyes were wild and fresh tears sparkled in her eyes under the moonlight. Arizona simply nodded. Then lowered her eyes to the floor.
Fingers reached under her chin, lifting her to face Callie. She no longer looked shocked, but instead she appeared to glow with a radiance that Arizona had not seen in many a year. "Lets run away. Together. We could find a small town, where no one knows us. Pretend that we are widows of the war, consolling one another. No one would need to know. Let us leave?"
Arizona's heart was swelling to the point it may burst. Was this a dream? It could not be that Callie was suggesting such wonderful things. Reality hit her stomach like a rock. "And your family? The money from your marriage? What of the security?" The glow left Callie's face instantly. A ghostly pallor took its place and her body slumped against Arizona. Arizona did not want to let the dream die, she wanted to run away. To vanish into the world forever with this fresh hope. "We could perhaps become Dress makers? There is money to be made in that. Especially fine dresses. We could send money back to your parents. Help them in a way that we would not be able to as mere wives. Make our own fortunes? I heard that San Francisco is booming. Someone found gold. Perhaps we could venture there? People will need clothes and ..." Ideas were building in her head. Beautiful images of incredible possibilities.
Callie looked up at her and smiled. "I have some money put away. And some things I could sell. We could leave at night and by morning be several towns away and ride with the Wagon's..." She stopped and stared at Arizona "Tell me you love me again. From your lips it is the sweetest sound that I have ever heard."
"I love you. Dearest one I love you." Their lips were pressed together instantly. Arizona's back made contact with cold snow, making it crunch beneath her weight. It was shear ecstasy. Everything Arizona had ever hoped for and more was happening. She could feel the tide of her life turning in the best of ways. They lay beside one another for hours more. The cold no longer nipping at their skin. Talking of their hopes and dreams. Of the moments they had spent together when both had realized friendship was not the truth of what they were feeling. The sky had begun to lighten as silence and exhaustion begun to take its toll. It had been agreed that in two nights from now they would meet here and make their way to their future. As they reached the town Arizona began pulling branches from the Pine's and handing them to Callie "If anyone should ask, we left at dawn to get sprigs of pine to make wreaths." No one glanced at them strangely when they walked into town. They received wishes of good morning and good will. After all they had been inseparable from infancy. No one would suspect that the smiles they held were rooted in far deeper than their bond of friendship.
As the two days past, Arizona felt it hard to reign in her excitement. But also her feeling of loss, leaving behind her family. She had written a letter to her mother, explaining why she had left and begging for forgiveness. She saw little of Callie. They both had affairs to set in order before they could flee.
As darkness fell on the night their journey would truly begin, Arizona sat down to evening meal with her family and felt an overwhelming desire to announce her love for them. It was received with warmth and love followed by reciprocation's and festivity. Climbing the stairs to begin the charade of bed, she felt as though her heart would leap from her mouth. Everything was set. She had a small bag of her possessions. Easy to fit within the saddle bag of her tan mare. The house gradually fell silent. Her father was the last to go to bed after making the appropriate entries into the days account books. She waited until all was completely still before making her exit from the house. The town was still. Snow falling gently into the muddy street. As she entered the barn her horse whinnied at her approach, but at her touch it eased and allowed her to affix its tack. She walked her from the barn and into the woods behind the barn. Thrill, fear and joy kept her company as she made her way to the meeting place. Callie was there waiting with her own pony. A smile upon her lips, but Arizona could see sadness in her eyes. Callie's family was everything to her. She was going to marry a man she didn't love to make her family happy. She would do anything for them and now she was putting herself first for the first time and Arizona knew it weighed on her heavily.
Their embrace was tentative at first. Both afraid that things had changed since their last meeting. That the thrill of the new was what had prompted their wild plan. But as they held one another longer, their heartbeats spoke volumes. To Arizona it felt like a dream. The night air stirred the snow around their feet, sending it spiraling around them as the moon watched them from high above in the clear night sky. To Callie it seemed as though Arizona's blue eyes were made even brighter by the serenity of their surroundings. They were captivating.
A snapping sound behind them broke their embrace. Arizona spun on the spot to see Matthew emerging from the tree's. In her subconscious mind he bore an extreme resemblance to Mark. Callie had begun to stagger backwards. The horses had begun to get restless, whinnying uncomfortably. Marks face was a montage of emotions. Flickering from fury to disgust. Shock. Devastation. Back to Fury and disgust. Arizona stood her ground. She had never liked him. His temper and the rumors of his numerous dalliance's with other women were enough to make her convinced that Callie deserved better. She had always hoped it would be her, but even if that had remained just a dream, she hoped that Callie would find perhaps a male version of herself.
As he strode forward now Arizona steeled herself for the inevitable confrontation. "Going somewhere Claira?" He sneered as he ignored the presence of Arizona completely. It was only when he was level with her that he acknowledged Arizona's presence with a vile, leering appraisal. "Not that I didn't enjoy the show, but you don't seriously believe that you and your ... I don't even know what she is. I knew you were close, but even in my depraved mind I couldn't conceive this."
Callie looked horrified as she continued to stagger backwards. Through all of the talk they had on the eve of the discovery that their love was mutual, both had agreed that no one could know of their relationship. And here, on the night of their escape, they had been revealed by the one person that Arizona prayed they would never see again. "We are leaving Matthew. It doesn't matter what you think. You can go on having your little affairs with every woman in town and now play the aggrieved groom. But please, don't tell anyone of what you saw. It would ruin our families. And what would you have to gain from it? But to look like a lesser man in the eyes of everyone in town as your wife to be left you for a woman."
Arizona knew she had said too much as soon as she had spoken but the pain that met her face was proof of suck. He had struck her hard across the cheek. It made her brain hurt. Callie was crying now, rigid in terror against a tree. Arizona clutched her face but stood up as straight as she could. Her eyes teared up from the ache in her face but she stared into the face of fury, mere inches from her own. Mark spoke through gritted teeth "You are leaving. Claira will be staying here. Marrying me and you will never be heard from again. You can take your demon ways and corrupt some other poor woman." Shoving past Arizona he made his way towards Callie. Arizona sped after him, gripping at his jacket. He spun, sending her flying across the snow. Menace was spread across his face now. Loathing. As Arizona made her way to her feet and again lunged for him He made a grab for Callie's arm. The force of Arizona knocking into him, pulled Callie away from the tree and into the flank of her horse. Startled the beast reared and began to pound at the ground. It took only moments but appeared to Arizona as an eternity but both her and Mark realized that the horse was no longer pounding at the earth with its hooves.
*****Arizona sat up, shaking. Tears flooded down her cheeks. She felt sick to her stomach and wanted to reach out to Callie's lifeless body. Except there was no body. The scent of incense hit her nose. The snow covered forest was gone, replaced with a dimly lit room and the whispy woman who had brought Arizona to that scene in her mind. Arizona leaped from the sofa, and sped from the room. Relief and shock coursing through her veins like a race car. Not even saying goodbye to the stunned woman sitting on her beanbag chair. Faces followed her exit from the waiting room followed by muttered exclamations. She didn't care. The drive home was over before she knew it.
Bursting through the apartment door, she scanned the room for Callie. No sign. This was her day off, where was she? She checked each room of the apartment in panicked haste but it was clear that Callie was nowhere to be found. Arizona used the stairs to leave, she didn't want to wait for the elevator. Speeding across the street she ran into the lobby of the hospital and made her way towards Ortho. She found Callie by a nurses station, filling in charts. Callie looked up as Arizona ran towards her and leaped into her arms, burying her face into Callie's hair. "Not that I'm not happy to see you, but people are watching." As Arizona sobbed and kissed Callie's cheek Callie's amusement faded "Whats wrong? Arizona? Are you OK?" As Arizona relaxed her grip on Callie a little, she wiped the tears from her face and smiled weakly.
"More than OK. We have a lot to talk about."