Comments | calichillout: Some recent ramblings....

calichillout

Some recent ramblings....

Aug 25, 2004 00:11

Well, I haven't made a real post on here for some time so I figured now's as good a time as any...especially since I have some things to get off my chest. This post covers being gay, being biracial, yearning to be "normal."

( The following is pretty un-PC and there are a lot of complaints in here so if you're reading this, be prepared to think a little and be willing to help me out )

Comments 29

ottashell August 25 2004, 20:31:33 UTC

spawrhawk had a great point: the fact that just like in straight culture, there's tons of different types of gay guys. Your sexuality doesn't determine who you are or what your interests are beyond the fact that you're attracted to guys. Yes, the atypical gay man that our culture is promoting is the aneorexic style guru, but does that mean that's the only type of gay guy and that everyone else is wierd? No, it means that is one type, and everyone else is different and unique (which can hold a negative connotation, but really it shouldn't). Likewise, there's tons of different straight guys: you have your [so cleverly dubbed] metrosexuals who worry about fashion and appearance on one end of the spectrum, and you also have your meatheads who only wear hoodies and play football all the time...you also have your nerds, ravers, fratties, punks, ska kids...but when it comes down to it, no one really fits into any one single category; people just seem to find their niche and run with it ( ... )

calichillout August 25 2004, 22:03:26 UTC

Hey buddy ( ... )

adamsniche August 25 2004, 20:41:44 UTC

it's a difficult position you're in and i don't pretend that I have any advice that will work for you, although I can't imagine your premise that gay guys prefer non-masculine bodies is right. I have yet to understand how anyone can be a homosexual male and not find men to be stimulating. I will admit that there have been brawny men that I simply didn't feel comfortable approaching ... but that's exactly because I felt that my small stature would not be "in their league". perhaps there are dudes that think you are unapproachable.

oh.... you don't like fucking!?

calichillout August 25 2004, 22:10:42 UTC

I don't know. From what I've seen, the guys who have slighter builds always seem to have dates and boyfriends. It's those of us who have bigger frames that often have a more difficult time. I mean, look here on live journal and you'll see that thin guys who post their pictures are praised and told how hot they are....I think the rate of those comments is slightly less for those of us who have more muscle. I think you may have hit the nail on the head with your statement about feeling uncomfortable approaching someone like me. I think that happens all the time and it sucks for me because I would really like to be approached. It's hard for me to initiate a conversation. Once it's begun, I have no problem in keeping it rolling but the approach is hard for me. I think this is probably why I have the attitude I do--no one approaches me. Therefore, I feel inadequate. Sucks ( ... )

adamsniche August 26 2004, 20:49:46 UTC

tons of guys are like that (like to get off by jacking rather than through sex. In fact there are j/o clubs in every major city I can think of... dudes that get together, one on one, or in groups, to jack together. First of all, they say, it's the safest sex. Also because they either get off watching, being watched, or, most often, both ... and loads of guys don't get sufficient stimulation from fucking or b/j's to cum. I'm sure the str8 world would consider all this abnormal, but, then, it's only one thing one on a very long list of things they think is abnormal.

or, it may be that you simply haven't been with anyone with the right chemistry.

?

dudepower1982 August 26 2004, 15:10:34 UTC

Personally, I'd rather have a guy with some muscles than a scrawny little paper-doll boyfriend. Not that I'm disregarding thinness as a quality of beauty either, but when guys are *TOO* thin it makes me second-guess my own body ( ... )

pianodude34 August 26 2004, 22:45:05 UTC

Hey man, long time no see, just wanted to check up on ya and see if you're okay.

~Chris

bluedrum August 29 2004, 20:34:34 UTC

Ryan, you are only 24. You are in Med school (read: working your ass off). You are not like everyone else. Guess what? Nobody is. You are gay...is gay the only thing you are? You are biracial...is that the only thing you are? You are intelligent...is that the only thing you are ( ... )

calichillout August 29 2004, 22:53:26 UTC

Hey Mac,
I don't think we've ever been introduced but thanks for commenting in my journal. I really appreciate your sound advice. Especially the part about not judging myself by stereotypes. You're correct, they are idealized and unreal and it really sucks that I fall into their trap at times. Yes, I am much more than just gay and I'm trying to work on being more cognizant of that fact. And being proud of all the other things I am besides gay (though I'm not proud of being gay). I need to remember that we are all unique and, though in the short run, it's easier to conform, in the long run diversity is lauded. I wish you could predict the way my life would be! It would be so much easier then!:-) But, yes, I do need to realize that I am only 24 and have lots of time for relationships. Sometimes it's just frustrating when I see guys my age OR YOUNGER all coupled up and in love. I think, when's that going to happen to me? I tend to be impatient with these things. I guess I gotta trust time.