"Had a hard day in the catacombs, have we?"
Fandom seems to have gone a bit...asplodey. It causes Teh Fear mostly. So I propose that either we have a Martha/Rose ficathon (or, y'know, Martha&Rose, but really the fandom be needin' that femslash) or, since there's many a person who came in with New Who going back and watching the classic stuff, we have at all those fannish battles we didn't get a chance to have first time around. What with the lack of Internet, people not being born, and organised fandom being terribly male-dominated (at least in the UK) when it finally turned up.
Thus I have a List Of Suggestions and Helpful Hints at how such conflicts could be conducted:
1964: Susan vs. Vicki - The first companion has left prompting a massive war between those welcoming the departure of the whiny, ankle-twisting brat and those who say her potential had only just begun to be explored and, dammit, the Doctor's never going to love anyone more than his own granddaughter anyway, WHAT IS THE POINT ANYMORE? Vicki!lovers point to the fact it makes the programme much more accessible now that younger fans can associate with a human kid, Susan!lovers roll their eyes and point out she's from several centuries in the future.
The Babs/Ian shippers sit it out, feelin' smug and superior, and those who've been wanting a Doctor/Mentor ship are quietly gleeful that they don't have that whole incest problem to deal with anymore.
1964: Cancellation vs. Continuation - Babs and Ian have done The Unthinkable and left the show! Obviously it cannot go on without them say pro!cancellation, let it all end now on a beautiful high! DIE, DOCTOR, DIE! A pox says pro!continuation, look at that fine young Purves fellow! Finally we can slash the Doctor without inciting flames from the Babs/Ian shippers! WE SHALL HAVE PEACE IN OUR TIME!
The Susan!lovers sit back and laugh, feeling dreadfully smug that the Ian/Babs contingent have finally displayed their true colours, then go back to arguing about just how long it'll be before the Doctor keeps his promise to Susan. Cause obviously, he loves her, he wouldn't lie about coming back to find her, no.
1966: One vs Two - Fandom in shreds! The Even More Unthinkable has happened! Hartnell has buggered off merely due to being really, really ill. Some daft clown with a Beatles haircut has replaced him. He cannot be taken seriously, obviously. He keeps going on about BLOODY HATS. And wears one that is approxiamately THREE HUNDRED FEET TALL. Our beloved serious, enigmatic, crotchety old skientist's memory has been desecrated by this third-rate Chaplin mimic! (Cheeringly, the gist of this was actually in a Real Live Complaint to the Beeb at the time, heh.)
Pfft, say the Troughtonites. For they have class. (Note my complete lack of bias folks.)
1966 - 1968: Het vs Slash, Round I - While the Polly/Ben shippers are off in their corner, the rest of the fandom discovers they're not quite so disinclined to ship the Doctor as once they were. He is a bit younger, after all, and fandom is shallow. Not to say no-one shipped One, but they were mocked and ostracised AS THEY SHOULD BE.
It's all going along splendidly until The Highlanders, when the arrival of Jamie causes a three-way stand-off between Two/Jamie, Two/Ben and Ben/Jamie shippers. It can't possibly end well, and when Ben and Polly get unceremoniously shipped off and Troughton and Hines decide it's a smashing plan to see how many double-entendres they can get away with each episode, the Two/Jamie ship manages to become virtually unbearable with smugness. They are hated on by everyone and after a long, dreary war of spite!fics featuring Victoria/Jamie, everybody cheers up during The Mind Robber at the sight of Zoe's very fine arse.
1970: Monochrome vs. Colour - Like One vs. Two, only bigger and bloodier. Cause it's the daft git off The Navy Lark who's replaced The Mighty Trought, and how can they possibly expect us to tolerate story after story on Earth? Tedium, cries Monochrome! Consequences, cries Colour! Look, he's having a job and being made to develop relationships with real people, and not random crazies who stowaway on his ship. Whatever, says Monochrome, and goes off on a rant about the classism of colour television.
1971 - 1974: The Great Slasher Wars - In a show dominated by one male character and a rotating door of women, it comes of something of a shock to have a year where there're suddenly five male characters at the same time. The slashers cheer; the Three/Jo shippers get defensive. The slashers care not, for they have the Brig and the Doctor and Master and Yates and Benton to play with, while the het-shippers have lost their brilliant scientist and gained a blonde who only saves the world by accident.
It's paradise in slashland until someone suggests that the Master is the Doctor's one true love and, obviously, the being a bit of a murdering sociopath thing is just some weird alien flirting technique. Doctor/Brig shippers are outraged and write long diatribes on how excessive facial hair automatically renders an OTP null and void.
Everyone goes off in the huff, then the het-fen come back to cheer at SJS and the slash-fen come back to cheer Harry, and everyone agrees on the OTPness of Four/Sarah/Harry. Hurrah!
1979: Romana I vs. Romana II - It's just like the Doctor vs. Doctor wars, only prettier and with better clothes.
1983 - 1984: Het vs. Slash, Round II: THE REVENGE - It's fifteen years later, but the het-fen will NEVER, EVER FORGET the indignities that the appearance of Jamie caused fandom to inflict upon them. Now when Turlough shows up to threaten the well-established Doctor/Tegan ship, they begin a long, tedious cold war in the general comms against the evil redhead and his fannish minions of slashy doom.
Everyone gets very tired and sad at fandom, then The Five Doctors arrives and everyone goes asplodey with Teh Joys Of MultiShipping and forgets all about it.
1984 - 1986: Five/Peri vs. Six/Peri - Fandom's really bored one day, obviously, and decides they need a bit of a war. Since no-one really likes Peri, it seems like a good plan to have her in it. Rants and meta and such that offends no-one, hurrah! Oh, good plan, fandom. That'll work.
Five/Peri shippers start to take things a little too seriously and begin to idolise Peri as Five's One True Love and a dimension-hopping Angel of Death while shoe-horning epics into the canon between Planet of Fire and Androzani. Six/Peri shippers tell them to stop kidding themselves, and that, actually, the coat's a bloody complex metaphor for the Doctor's internal emo vis-a-vis a chaotic and cruel universe and your cheap insults are not appreciated, ta very much.
I stop at this point, for in 1986 the hiatus arrived, and there's really no need to make things up cause, well, smashing tellies and releasing cack songs in protest was all the rage then.
Thus I have a List Of Suggestions and Helpful Hints at how such conflicts could be conducted:
1964: Susan vs. Vicki - The first companion has left prompting a massive war between those welcoming the departure of the whiny, ankle-twisting brat and those who say her potential had only just begun to be explored and, dammit, the Doctor's never going to love anyone more than his own granddaughter anyway, WHAT IS THE POINT ANYMORE? Vicki!lovers point to the fact it makes the programme much more accessible now that younger fans can associate with a human kid, Susan!lovers roll their eyes and point out she's from several centuries in the future.
The Babs/Ian shippers sit it out, feelin' smug and superior, and those who've been wanting a Doctor/Mentor ship are quietly gleeful that they don't have that whole incest problem to deal with anymore.
1964: Cancellation vs. Continuation - Babs and Ian have done The Unthinkable and left the show! Obviously it cannot go on without them say pro!cancellation, let it all end now on a beautiful high! DIE, DOCTOR, DIE! A pox says pro!continuation, look at that fine young Purves fellow! Finally we can slash the Doctor without inciting flames from the Babs/Ian shippers! WE SHALL HAVE PEACE IN OUR TIME!
The Susan!lovers sit back and laugh, feeling dreadfully smug that the Ian/Babs contingent have finally displayed their true colours, then go back to arguing about just how long it'll be before the Doctor keeps his promise to Susan. Cause obviously, he loves her, he wouldn't lie about coming back to find her, no.
1966: One vs Two - Fandom in shreds! The Even More Unthinkable has happened! Hartnell has buggered off merely due to being really, really ill. Some daft clown with a Beatles haircut has replaced him. He cannot be taken seriously, obviously. He keeps going on about BLOODY HATS. And wears one that is approxiamately THREE HUNDRED FEET TALL. Our beloved serious, enigmatic, crotchety old skientist's memory has been desecrated by this third-rate Chaplin mimic! (Cheeringly, the gist of this was actually in a Real Live Complaint to the Beeb at the time, heh.)
Pfft, say the Troughtonites. For they have class. (Note my complete lack of bias folks.)
1966 - 1968: Het vs Slash, Round I - While the Polly/Ben shippers are off in their corner, the rest of the fandom discovers they're not quite so disinclined to ship the Doctor as once they were. He is a bit younger, after all, and fandom is shallow. Not to say no-one shipped One, but they were mocked and ostracised AS THEY SHOULD BE.
It's all going along splendidly until The Highlanders, when the arrival of Jamie causes a three-way stand-off between Two/Jamie, Two/Ben and Ben/Jamie shippers. It can't possibly end well, and when Ben and Polly get unceremoniously shipped off and Troughton and Hines decide it's a smashing plan to see how many double-entendres they can get away with each episode, the Two/Jamie ship manages to become virtually unbearable with smugness. They are hated on by everyone and after a long, dreary war of spite!fics featuring Victoria/Jamie, everybody cheers up during The Mind Robber at the sight of Zoe's very fine arse.
1970: Monochrome vs. Colour - Like One vs. Two, only bigger and bloodier. Cause it's the daft git off The Navy Lark who's replaced The Mighty Trought, and how can they possibly expect us to tolerate story after story on Earth? Tedium, cries Monochrome! Consequences, cries Colour! Look, he's having a job and being made to develop relationships with real people, and not random crazies who stowaway on his ship. Whatever, says Monochrome, and goes off on a rant about the classism of colour television.
1971 - 1974: The Great Slasher Wars - In a show dominated by one male character and a rotating door of women, it comes of something of a shock to have a year where there're suddenly five male characters at the same time. The slashers cheer; the Three/Jo shippers get defensive. The slashers care not, for they have the Brig and the Doctor and Master and Yates and Benton to play with, while the het-shippers have lost their brilliant scientist and gained a blonde who only saves the world by accident.
It's paradise in slashland until someone suggests that the Master is the Doctor's one true love and, obviously, the being a bit of a murdering sociopath thing is just some weird alien flirting technique. Doctor/Brig shippers are outraged and write long diatribes on how excessive facial hair automatically renders an OTP null and void.
Everyone goes off in the huff, then the het-fen come back to cheer at SJS and the slash-fen come back to cheer Harry, and everyone agrees on the OTPness of Four/Sarah/Harry. Hurrah!
1979: Romana I vs. Romana II - It's just like the Doctor vs. Doctor wars, only prettier and with better clothes.
1983 - 1984: Het vs. Slash, Round II: THE REVENGE - It's fifteen years later, but the het-fen will NEVER, EVER FORGET the indignities that the appearance of Jamie caused fandom to inflict upon them. Now when Turlough shows up to threaten the well-established Doctor/Tegan ship, they begin a long, tedious cold war in the general comms against the evil redhead and his fannish minions of slashy doom.
Everyone gets very tired and sad at fandom, then The Five Doctors arrives and everyone goes asplodey with Teh Joys Of MultiShipping and forgets all about it.
1984 - 1986: Five/Peri vs. Six/Peri - Fandom's really bored one day, obviously, and decides they need a bit of a war. Since no-one really likes Peri, it seems like a good plan to have her in it. Rants and meta and such that offends no-one, hurrah! Oh, good plan, fandom. That'll work.
Five/Peri shippers start to take things a little too seriously and begin to idolise Peri as Five's One True Love and a dimension-hopping Angel of Death while shoe-horning epics into the canon between Planet of Fire and Androzani. Six/Peri shippers tell them to stop kidding themselves, and that, actually, the coat's a bloody complex metaphor for the Doctor's internal emo vis-a-vis a chaotic and cruel universe and your cheap insults are not appreciated, ta very much.
I stop at this point, for in 1986 the hiatus arrived, and there's really no need to make things up cause, well, smashing tellies and releasing cack songs in protest was all the rage then.