"...you got to be ready, cause we sure as hell ain't."

[calapine]

I feel I'm being generous when I say Torchwood is rubbish. Utter rubbish. Entertaining rubbish, but rubbish nonetheless

Comments

[cryptile]

And that is why I have my Lovely Theory about Torchwood: it's not really Torchwood. Jack was just wandering about London, got the Doctor's hand, heard a few things about the real TW and thought, "That sounds neat. I think I'll have my own secret organisation. And we'll have a cool base, and cool adventures and look really cool, like, all of the time. Also we shall have a pterodactyl. Cause that'd be cool. Now, what to call it? What to call it? Ooh! Torchwood! I'll just say we got caught in a time rift or something and are obv a real part of the organisation. We will clearly be cooler than the dude in Glasgow, so this will not be questioned."

See, that? That there? The best and most brilliant explanation for this whole series. It's a con. Jack is trying to relive his old glory days and those four are the only ones stupid enough not to realize it. Though I must say, you gotta enjoy a series that is so utterly and joylessly convinced that it is Real and Serious and Not At All Camp.

[calapine]

There's something so brave about it. We are Serious and Gritty. Followed by the glory that is Cyberwomen v. Pterodactly. Specialness abounds!

[cryptile]

Torchwood is the 14-year-old with the black T-Shirt that says 'You laugh because I'm different -- I laugh because you're all the same' while standing directly outside a Hot Topic. You want to hug it for being such silly little dear. Then maybe kick it a few times.

[calapine]

I did research and discovered what Hot Topic is.

I now agree, yes. Except kicking Ianto would surely just be cruel. Poking with a small stick feels more appropriate.

[jonquil]

Oh, I like your theory.

Except I have my theory, which is even better.

The entire season is a dream. Which is being dreamt by the Doctor's severed hand. Inna jar.

[calapine]

Mwah! I am hoping for more action from the hand. Possibly an entire episode devoted to its late night adventures fighting crime.

[jonquil]

Actually, it sneaks out to the clubs and does jazz hand.

[calapine]

*sporfle*

Dude.

[spiralsheep]

You know people say a television programme has "jumped the shark" ?

I think our fandom should replace that phrase with "punched the pterodactyl".

As in the sentence: "Torchwood has punched the pterodactyl."

[calapine]

But that's so cruel! Poor whatever-his-name-is!

At least the shark got away without yer actual physical violence.

[spiralsheep]

Pterry the Pterodactyl?

[calapine]

Myranmy...something I will never spell right anyway. *flails*

[gordon_r_d]

He'd stride it, and raise an eyebrow.

THIS!

I am imagining that in my head, that eyebrow raise would say everything it needed to, "You are a bunch of emotionally mental amateurs who are unworthy of my attention, now bugger off."

Seriously, the one thing I want to see from the classic Who series in the new one is The Brig.

[calapine]

Yes, yes it would. That is the genuis of the Brig. Oh, he is wonderful. I love him. I do.

[mireille719]

I love this show, I do, and yet, even while I am watching it, I can see that it's... well, more than a bit crap. :)

They're just... not good at what they do. At all. And I agree, the Brigadier needs to stride in there and announce that, as old as he is, he is *still* coming out of retirement to teach these idiots how to fight aliens.

[calapine]

I give them many shallow points for Looking Good whilst Revelling In Incompetance.

[mireille719]

Yes. They are *pretty*, so perhaps they feel they don't have to know anything?

[calapine]

Aliens will surely be helpful to such pretty people, obv.