Looooooooooooong Novel Excerpt

[caitri]

This is a chapter for my printerfic novel I've been revising for my creative writing class. You know, the seventeenth century one about the girl who wants to be a printer so she crossdresses (as happens) and runs into hijinks (as happens) and prints (as happens if I'm writing it). Anyone with some spare time and the will to concrit will be LOVED

Comments

[sail_aweigh]

You really had me caught up in Jane's story. I've probably read a few other bits and pieces here and there, but not enough to have gathered some of the salient points

[caitri]

<33333333333333333333333 OMG HOW MUCH DO I LOVE YOU FOR READING AND COMMENTING!

1) So she's a girl, which means that she's underage until...25 or 21, I forget. If she was a boy, she'd be fine.

2) She's a British black--well, mixed, her Dad's white. In my head she's the great-grand-daughter of the black troubadour in Henry VIII's court. 17th c. racial issues are really interesting because it's when current racism is being sorted out: You do have slaves but you ALSO have artisans and so forth. Laws limiting positions and such like aren't established until the 1730s.

3) Sorry, bb, I didn't even think of that. I'd done it before with the earlier scene but I've gotten inured to "things sucked in the 17th c." Will edit forthwith!!

AND AGAIN I LOVE YOU SO MUCH BECAUSE I'VE BEEN WORRYING OVER THIS PIECE!!!!! <3333333333333333333333333333333333

[sail_aweigh]

You should not be worrying about this fic! I'm so peripatetic about keeping up on LJ that I haven't caught more of this and I wish I had. You've got such a deft touch with cluing us in to the process of printing with just enough exposition and then showing us how that translates to the process through the actions of the characters. I find it pretty enthralling. And, of course, that feeling of being on edge with Jane's predicament: will she be discovered as a fraud and the way she's navigated that before Mitchell inadvertently outs her. And now that they've found out, it's going to be interesting to see how that changes everything and what problems it will bring. I'm very much looking forward to being able to read the completed work at some time. :D

[caitri]

I write original fic slowly and have only posted little bitlets of this because it is coming slowly, or I change my mind about what happens with the characters, etc. etc. There's a modern-day component too, and I posted the first bit of it here. I want to make these pieces the focus of my submissions for my creative writing class this term tho, and we have a good prof, so I'm hyper-aware of wanting to have things all shiny!!!!!!!!!

[avictoriangirl]

Oh, bb, I love this! And I'm not just saying that because I'm biased towards your writing either. ;) I adore the turns of phrases and the way that people used to speak, it's always a sure way to suck me right into the time period and you have it down perfectly. All the little details of the work in the print shop are fascinating and I was drawn right into John/Jane's emotions and did not want to stop reading. I wibbled when Aaron was mean to her and then when Mitchell nearly raped her, OMG! D: And poor Wee Beth. She's going to have her hopes smashed, isn't she? *pets* Also, something tells me that Marcus is sweet on our dear Jane. :) TL;DR: LOVE IT. WANT MORE.

[caitri]

OMG OMG I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU!!!!!!! <3333333333333 You're awesome and amazing and now I WILL SURVIVE BECAUSE OF YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <333333333333333333333

[avictoriangirl]

D'awwww. I LOVE YOU TOO!!!!!!!!!! And you have seriously been worrying for nothing IMO, because you are even more awesome and amazing! ♥!!!! *tackle squish*

[alaria]

Found this through your post on jb-write... I really enjoy the language and the old feel of it, not only in the dialogue, even though, being non-native-english it throws me sometimes - but that is on me and I'm probably learning things :) I also find the story fascinating, both for her personal struggle and for the printing part.

I agree with the others: I don't think you need to make the sexual assault more severe but you could show the emotional impact more.

I found the use of names confusing - you use the first names sometimes and last sometimes. I prefer when either the first or last name is used by the narrator throughout, then the way people address each other can of course change, and the narrator might also change in response to a change in relation to the person. Two examples of what I mean below.

Sam made a sound of amusement. “Don’t fret; your protector has been at me already. He and I will have to talk about that sometime, but no’ today.” I regretted my words, fearing I’d gotten my friend into trouble; something must

[caitri]

Thanks so much for your thoughts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <33333

So the name thing is actually a working thing: people go by both names interchangeably, with the foreman referred to a bit more often by only the last name. It's the sort of thing that if read in the context of the whole thing would seem perfectly natural (I hope!)