fic exchange: Worth It
Written by: favorite_song
Title: Worth It
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Alex Marshall/Caleb Turman (Forever the Sickest Kids)
Recipient: Amanda/alltimekings
Summary: Marshall's spent the past four days carefully developing his crush. It's at the point where he's taken to hiding behind walls, his bandmates, and occasionally members of Metro Station when he sees Caleb coming.
The sun seems to rise more slowly on the first day of tour. Marshall wonders if it's just because they're farther away from home, away from the blinding glare of the desert. He's stuck somewhere in between being so excited for this tour he can barely contain it, and being so ready to be home he wants to cry. He's tired most of the time these days, and he's more than sick of the rest of his band, but getting on stage makes it more than worth it every time.
Getting on stage the first night is the same way: the same rush of everything that makes spending most nights squished between Johnson and Ian in the back of a van that has been in a few too many accidents to really run well anymore. But onstage, there're so many kids and they're so excited and a lot of them actually know the songs. It's that feeling that Marshall never wants to forget.
Two songs 'til the end of the set, Marshall notices the guys watching them from the side of the stage. It's not odd, really, because there are always people, techs, other bands, people from the venue, watching them. These guys, however, kind of stand out and Marshall's not sure why. They're from Forever The Sickest Kids, Marshall thinks (he should really know), but he wasn't really paying attention when they met.
One of the guys looks kind of like a guy who sat two seats over from Marshall in math his senior year and was the most obnoxious person Marshall'd ever met (which is saying something, considering he's in a band with Cash Colligan.) The other is really fucking cute. He's got his kind of shaggy reddish hair and smooth looking skin and Marshall can't see his eyes from here, but he's looking right at him. Marshall knows he's blushing (he always blushes and he's hated it as long as he can remember) and hopes that guy attributes it to the flush from being on stage.
Marshall is hyperaware of everything he does through the end of their set. Every time he tosses his head, every time he licks his lips, every time he smiles at the crowd. He thinks he can feel that guy's eyes watching him the entire time, but the one time he glances back over there, the guy's watching Singer. They end the set with as much enthusiasm as they started it with and head off stage. Marshall trips over one of the many wires populating the stage and wants to die.
Marshall watches Ian's back as they stumble backstage and the guy who looks like that kid from high school and the cute guy come over. The cute guy grabs Marshall's hand and says "Great show," in a casual, way-too-cool way. Marshall stutters out a thanks and heads back on stage to help pack up their shit.
Marshall gets a chance to actually learn who the guy is later, when he and Cash are loading the van. "Who were those guys watching our set?" Marshall asks, trying to sound casual and succeeding in sounding stupid.
"Which ones?" Cash asks, heaving something up into the trailer.
"The ones I don't fucking know," Marshall replies, "The ones who were talking to us after."
"Dude, you've got to start paying attention to people," Cash tells him. "They're from Forever the Sickest Kids. You know, that band we're touring with?"
"I thought so," Marshall says defensively, "Names?"
"Jonathan and Caleb. Jonathan's the one who looks like that guy from my gym class sophomore year."
"Thanks," Marshall says, trying not to sound relieved or excited or anything. But Caleb's a nice name and he feels like his little sister when she talks about that guy in her homeroom. He hasn't had a real crush in so long, it feels like, and now this guy he saw once for five minutes is making his heart feel like it's trying to run away.
***
They talk, really talk, more than just 'hellos,' three shows later and Marshall's spent the past four days carefully developing his crush. It's at the point where he's taken to hiding behind walls, his bandmates, and occasionally members of Metro Station when he sees Caleb coming. He can't talk to him, he can't think around him. It's terribly frustrating.
This show, though, they end up not really alone, but kind of isolated against a back wall during Danger Radio's sound check.
"Been having fun?" Caleb asks and Marshall feels his entire body go hot.
"Yeah, yeah, it's been great," he says and feels stupid and young. And Caleb can't be much older than he is, but Marshall feels so young.
"Good!" Caleb smiles. "I feel like I have some kind of responsibility for all the opening bands 'cause this is our headlining tour or whatever and I don't know, I feel kind of like a host or something." He's kind of rambling and Marshall's kind of dazzled.
"No, no, it's been great," Marshall smiles back kind of shakily. "Best tour I've ever been on."
"Really?"
"Well, no. But it's not like it's really underway yet or anything." Marshall wants to die. He lets his head fall back against the wall behind him, hoping it'll knock him out or something. It doesn't, just makes a very loud 'crack' and causes him quite a bit of pain.
"Wow, you okay?" Caleb asks, looking worried. Okay, no joke, Marshall is ready to kill himself. This is horrible.
"Yeah, I'm fine." Marshall mumbles. "The wall was just a little harder than I thought it would be." Caleb seems to find this funny, because he laughs a little, smiles a lot, and reaches out towards Marshall.
"Let me see," he says.
"No, no, I'm fine!" Marshall exclaims.
"I have younger siblings," Caleb explains, reaching towards Marshall's head. "I'm good at healing things." He threads his fingers into Marshall's hair and pulls his head down so he can sift through the hair and look for a bump. "Looks fine to me."
"Yeah, it doesn't really hurt," Marshall says, trying to avoid wincing 'cause Caleb's fingers just brushed the spot where he hit the wall.
"Seriously? You want me to kiss it better?" Caleb seems to be joking. His eyes (which are brown, Marshall realizes) are smiling.
Marshall blushes so red he can feel the heat radiating off his skin. "I'm fine, really!" He stutters out.
"Good!" Caleb draws his hands out of Marshall's hair, brushing his face as he does. "I feel responsible, remember."
***
"Can I drop off the tour?" Marshall asks Johnson. They're sitting in a booth in a McDonald's attached to a convenience store.
"No," Johnson replies, seemingly uninterested. "Or, I guess you could if wanted to quit the band."
"It might be worth it," Marshall mutters. He's sick of his stomach spinning every time he catches sight of Caleb. He's sick of the way he feels perpetually red these days 'cause he blushes so much. He's sick of every perfect memory of every time Caleb's touched him. It's horrible. "I thought this whole crush thing was supposed to go away when you got out of high school."
Johnson's not paying attention. Marshall doesn't think he has any idea what Marshall's talking about.
***
Marshall goes to Singer for sympathy, next. Singer seems like a good candidate. "I want to die," he tells Singer one night just before Forever the Sickest Kids' set.
"Do you now?" Singer replies.
"Yes, I do."
"Any particular reason?"
"As a matter of fact-" And then Singer's phone rings and whoever it is turns out to be more important than Marshall. (It turns out to be his girlfriend, actually, which makes Marshall even more unhappy.)
***
He doesn't even try Cash.
***
Ian's his last resort before getting a livejournal or something, because he wants to complain to someone. Ian takes it pretty well, really, patting Marshall on the shoulder. That is, he takes it pretty well until he decides to do his whole I-am-older-and-wiser-than-you thing.
"You should tell him," Ian says, surveying Marshall. "I don't think he'd really mind."
Marshall just kind of splutters. There is no way he's telling Caleb he has almost fallen in love with him over the course of two weeks.
"You never know how he's going to react until you talk to him."
"Stop sounding like my mother," Marshall says and gives up on Ian.
***
Hotel nights are the best thing in the world, Marshall's pretty sure. They mean showers and beds and actual room. They also mean gaming parties in one room while Marshall sits alone and mopes in another.
He's so fucking sick of this. He doesn't have to be this hung up over some fucking guitarist from some pop-punk band that's not even that good. He should just get over this.
He's about to "get over this" by the way of forty minutes and some jerking off in the shower when someone knocks on his door. He figures it's Cash or Ian without their room key, so he moves slowly towards the door. The person knocks again. "I'm coming!" he calls, frustrated.
He opens the door and it's Caleb, of course. Who else would it be, besides the guy he's so fucking upset over.
"Can I come in?" Caleb asks and flashes this blinding smile that makes Marshall want to cry.
Marshall steps back and lets Caleb in, letting go of the door so it slams behind him.
"You doing okay?" Caleb asks and Marshall thinks 'Fuck it,' 'cause things really can't get any worse and they're four shows from the end of tour anyway.
Marshall rolls forward on his toes and smashes his mouth into Caleb's. It's kind of disaster. Their noses hit each other painfully and Caleb falls back into the closet door, taking Marshall with him. But Caleb struggles mostly upright and seizes Marshall's arm, tugging up and adjusting their kiss so it's actually kind of nice.
"Fucking hell," Caleb gasps when Marshall stumbles backwards. Marshall shakes his head, feels his chest tighten and moves farther back from Caleb.
"Four more shows, right?" He says. "Don't kick us off the tour. Just tell Cash and Ian they better fucking have their room key because I'm drowning myself in the bathtub." He steps farther back, allowing Caleb room to leave.
"Are there really only four more shows?" Caleb asks, still collapsed against the closet door. His hair is a mess. "I want it to last longer."
Marshall just nods, biting his lip. "Four more," he says and moves even farther backwards, so he's standing against the other wall. Caleb moves forward, trapping him.
"Don't drown yourself, okay?" Caleb says. "I feel responsible for you, remember. And it would make me pretty sad."
Marshall looks up a little. "Really, really sad," Caleb elaborates. "I've spent this entire tour lusting after you. Austin keeps making fun of me."
Marshall thinks his heart drops straight out of his body.
"And you kept avoiding me," Caleb says.
"Well, yeah," Marshall bursts out. "I don't exactly like feeling like I'm about to explode."
"I make you feel like you're about to explode?" Caleb says, laughing a little.
"Okay, that sounds pretty fucking stupid," Marshall mutters.
"I'm good with it," Caleb laughs. "I'm more than good with it." He moves toward Marshall again and then their chests are pressed together and Caleb's got a hand on the side of his head and then their lips are pressed together.
It's the same feeling, almost, as being on stage. The same excitement, the same fulfillment, the same total happiness. It makes everything worth it.
Title: Worth It
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Alex Marshall/Caleb Turman (Forever the Sickest Kids)
Recipient: Amanda/alltimekings
Summary: Marshall's spent the past four days carefully developing his crush. It's at the point where he's taken to hiding behind walls, his bandmates, and occasionally members of Metro Station when he sees Caleb coming.
The sun seems to rise more slowly on the first day of tour. Marshall wonders if it's just because they're farther away from home, away from the blinding glare of the desert. He's stuck somewhere in between being so excited for this tour he can barely contain it, and being so ready to be home he wants to cry. He's tired most of the time these days, and he's more than sick of the rest of his band, but getting on stage makes it more than worth it every time.
Getting on stage the first night is the same way: the same rush of everything that makes spending most nights squished between Johnson and Ian in the back of a van that has been in a few too many accidents to really run well anymore. But onstage, there're so many kids and they're so excited and a lot of them actually know the songs. It's that feeling that Marshall never wants to forget.
Two songs 'til the end of the set, Marshall notices the guys watching them from the side of the stage. It's not odd, really, because there are always people, techs, other bands, people from the venue, watching them. These guys, however, kind of stand out and Marshall's not sure why. They're from Forever The Sickest Kids, Marshall thinks (he should really know), but he wasn't really paying attention when they met.
One of the guys looks kind of like a guy who sat two seats over from Marshall in math his senior year and was the most obnoxious person Marshall'd ever met (which is saying something, considering he's in a band with Cash Colligan.) The other is really fucking cute. He's got his kind of shaggy reddish hair and smooth looking skin and Marshall can't see his eyes from here, but he's looking right at him. Marshall knows he's blushing (he always blushes and he's hated it as long as he can remember) and hopes that guy attributes it to the flush from being on stage.
Marshall is hyperaware of everything he does through the end of their set. Every time he tosses his head, every time he licks his lips, every time he smiles at the crowd. He thinks he can feel that guy's eyes watching him the entire time, but the one time he glances back over there, the guy's watching Singer. They end the set with as much enthusiasm as they started it with and head off stage. Marshall trips over one of the many wires populating the stage and wants to die.
Marshall watches Ian's back as they stumble backstage and the guy who looks like that kid from high school and the cute guy come over. The cute guy grabs Marshall's hand and says "Great show," in a casual, way-too-cool way. Marshall stutters out a thanks and heads back on stage to help pack up their shit.
Marshall gets a chance to actually learn who the guy is later, when he and Cash are loading the van. "Who were those guys watching our set?" Marshall asks, trying to sound casual and succeeding in sounding stupid.
"Which ones?" Cash asks, heaving something up into the trailer.
"The ones I don't fucking know," Marshall replies, "The ones who were talking to us after."
"Dude, you've got to start paying attention to people," Cash tells him. "They're from Forever the Sickest Kids. You know, that band we're touring with?"
"I thought so," Marshall says defensively, "Names?"
"Jonathan and Caleb. Jonathan's the one who looks like that guy from my gym class sophomore year."
"Thanks," Marshall says, trying not to sound relieved or excited or anything. But Caleb's a nice name and he feels like his little sister when she talks about that guy in her homeroom. He hasn't had a real crush in so long, it feels like, and now this guy he saw once for five minutes is making his heart feel like it's trying to run away.
***
They talk, really talk, more than just 'hellos,' three shows later and Marshall's spent the past four days carefully developing his crush. It's at the point where he's taken to hiding behind walls, his bandmates, and occasionally members of Metro Station when he sees Caleb coming. He can't talk to him, he can't think around him. It's terribly frustrating.
This show, though, they end up not really alone, but kind of isolated against a back wall during Danger Radio's sound check.
"Been having fun?" Caleb asks and Marshall feels his entire body go hot.
"Yeah, yeah, it's been great," he says and feels stupid and young. And Caleb can't be much older than he is, but Marshall feels so young.
"Good!" Caleb smiles. "I feel like I have some kind of responsibility for all the opening bands 'cause this is our headlining tour or whatever and I don't know, I feel kind of like a host or something." He's kind of rambling and Marshall's kind of dazzled.
"No, no, it's been great," Marshall smiles back kind of shakily. "Best tour I've ever been on."
"Really?"
"Well, no. But it's not like it's really underway yet or anything." Marshall wants to die. He lets his head fall back against the wall behind him, hoping it'll knock him out or something. It doesn't, just makes a very loud 'crack' and causes him quite a bit of pain.
"Wow, you okay?" Caleb asks, looking worried. Okay, no joke, Marshall is ready to kill himself. This is horrible.
"Yeah, I'm fine." Marshall mumbles. "The wall was just a little harder than I thought it would be." Caleb seems to find this funny, because he laughs a little, smiles a lot, and reaches out towards Marshall.
"Let me see," he says.
"No, no, I'm fine!" Marshall exclaims.
"I have younger siblings," Caleb explains, reaching towards Marshall's head. "I'm good at healing things." He threads his fingers into Marshall's hair and pulls his head down so he can sift through the hair and look for a bump. "Looks fine to me."
"Yeah, it doesn't really hurt," Marshall says, trying to avoid wincing 'cause Caleb's fingers just brushed the spot where he hit the wall.
"Seriously? You want me to kiss it better?" Caleb seems to be joking. His eyes (which are brown, Marshall realizes) are smiling.
Marshall blushes so red he can feel the heat radiating off his skin. "I'm fine, really!" He stutters out.
"Good!" Caleb draws his hands out of Marshall's hair, brushing his face as he does. "I feel responsible, remember."
***
"Can I drop off the tour?" Marshall asks Johnson. They're sitting in a booth in a McDonald's attached to a convenience store.
"No," Johnson replies, seemingly uninterested. "Or, I guess you could if wanted to quit the band."
"It might be worth it," Marshall mutters. He's sick of his stomach spinning every time he catches sight of Caleb. He's sick of the way he feels perpetually red these days 'cause he blushes so much. He's sick of every perfect memory of every time Caleb's touched him. It's horrible. "I thought this whole crush thing was supposed to go away when you got out of high school."
Johnson's not paying attention. Marshall doesn't think he has any idea what Marshall's talking about.
***
Marshall goes to Singer for sympathy, next. Singer seems like a good candidate. "I want to die," he tells Singer one night just before Forever the Sickest Kids' set.
"Do you now?" Singer replies.
"Yes, I do."
"Any particular reason?"
"As a matter of fact-" And then Singer's phone rings and whoever it is turns out to be more important than Marshall. (It turns out to be his girlfriend, actually, which makes Marshall even more unhappy.)
***
He doesn't even try Cash.
***
Ian's his last resort before getting a livejournal or something, because he wants to complain to someone. Ian takes it pretty well, really, patting Marshall on the shoulder. That is, he takes it pretty well until he decides to do his whole I-am-older-and-wiser-than-you thing.
"You should tell him," Ian says, surveying Marshall. "I don't think he'd really mind."
Marshall just kind of splutters. There is no way he's telling Caleb he has almost fallen in love with him over the course of two weeks.
"You never know how he's going to react until you talk to him."
"Stop sounding like my mother," Marshall says and gives up on Ian.
***
Hotel nights are the best thing in the world, Marshall's pretty sure. They mean showers and beds and actual room. They also mean gaming parties in one room while Marshall sits alone and mopes in another.
He's so fucking sick of this. He doesn't have to be this hung up over some fucking guitarist from some pop-punk band that's not even that good. He should just get over this.
He's about to "get over this" by the way of forty minutes and some jerking off in the shower when someone knocks on his door. He figures it's Cash or Ian without their room key, so he moves slowly towards the door. The person knocks again. "I'm coming!" he calls, frustrated.
He opens the door and it's Caleb, of course. Who else would it be, besides the guy he's so fucking upset over.
"Can I come in?" Caleb asks and flashes this blinding smile that makes Marshall want to cry.
Marshall steps back and lets Caleb in, letting go of the door so it slams behind him.
"You doing okay?" Caleb asks and Marshall thinks 'Fuck it,' 'cause things really can't get any worse and they're four shows from the end of tour anyway.
Marshall rolls forward on his toes and smashes his mouth into Caleb's. It's kind of disaster. Their noses hit each other painfully and Caleb falls back into the closet door, taking Marshall with him. But Caleb struggles mostly upright and seizes Marshall's arm, tugging up and adjusting their kiss so it's actually kind of nice.
"Fucking hell," Caleb gasps when Marshall stumbles backwards. Marshall shakes his head, feels his chest tighten and moves farther back from Caleb.
"Four more shows, right?" He says. "Don't kick us off the tour. Just tell Cash and Ian they better fucking have their room key because I'm drowning myself in the bathtub." He steps farther back, allowing Caleb room to leave.
"Are there really only four more shows?" Caleb asks, still collapsed against the closet door. His hair is a mess. "I want it to last longer."
Marshall just nods, biting his lip. "Four more," he says and moves even farther backwards, so he's standing against the other wall. Caleb moves forward, trapping him.
"Don't drown yourself, okay?" Caleb says. "I feel responsible for you, remember. And it would make me pretty sad."
Marshall looks up a little. "Really, really sad," Caleb elaborates. "I've spent this entire tour lusting after you. Austin keeps making fun of me."
Marshall thinks his heart drops straight out of his body.
"And you kept avoiding me," Caleb says.
"Well, yeah," Marshall bursts out. "I don't exactly like feeling like I'm about to explode."
"I make you feel like you're about to explode?" Caleb says, laughing a little.
"Okay, that sounds pretty fucking stupid," Marshall mutters.
"I'm good with it," Caleb laughs. "I'm more than good with it." He moves toward Marshall again and then their chests are pressed together and Caleb's got a hand on the side of his head and then their lips are pressed together.
It's the same feeling, almost, as being on stage. The same excitement, the same fulfillment, the same total happiness. It makes everything worth it.