Where our heroine has just been cutting onions...in the rain.

[cabaiste84]

Ezza's little lesson for this week:

Don't get sick, and watch TV. Unless you want to cry and make a twat of yourself in front of your boyfriend's flatmates.

This evening, I was watching Ugly Betty with Sean and Den, Matt's flatties, while Matt was having a kip. It was the first time I'd ever watched an episode in full (yeah, yeah, sacrilege),

Comments

[screwthepast]

Oh, you poor thing. *hugs* If Matt is as good an egg as you say he is, then you don't have anything to worry about. If he wanted to be with a skinny blonde, he would have chosen to go out with a skinny blonde instead of you, right? I know that example was just the trigger, but my point remains the same. I know it's not easy.

Wow, about your dad. That would have been civilised of him to tell you himself.

Why has Dark was the Night not come out over there yet? It came out on my birthday over here! The New Pornographers' song on it is one of my favourites on the album. (do you get each other something for each monthiversary? Must get expensive!)

Feel better, darling.

[cabaiste84]

Heh. I know Matt's got a definite thing for curvy brunettes, so I think I'm sorted. ;P It was really just all my past feelings of feeling hideously ugly and unlovable that came to the surface and got me going. In that episode, Betty's flatmate tells her that she's never sure if men see anything else in her but her looks, and said to Betty that if a guy fell in love with her, it would be so much more real. My prettier friends IRL would tell me that a fair bit...and, it's kinda true, but it never made me feel much better, eh. :( Ah well.

Wow, about your dad. That would have been civilised of him to tell you himself.

Yep. I mean, it's not so terrible he got engaged. I actually really like his partner. But...you'd think that if you were going to pop the question to your partner, you'd keep your eldest kid in the loop, right? Clearly not. :/

Why has Dark was the Night not come out over there yet?Oh, its out here- I just won't be able to buy it until Wednesday, when I'm paid! Matt and I were listening to some of the songs on YouTube and

[screwthepast]

I get it. I think what your "prettier" friends would say to you sounds really harsh.

You'll love Dark was the Night. It's an awesome compilation. Even the Jose Gonzales cover of Cello Song is awesome (I don't like him. Do love Nick Drake. Would have expected to hate it.) I bought Twin Cinema from my shop as a result of liking their song on the compilation so much. I hear that Neko Case has done a cover of a Sparks song on her latest album, would be interested to hear that!

[cabaiste84]

YAY! I'm not a fan of Jose Gonzales either. I used to work in a bookshop where we could bring in our own CDs to play...and one of the girls I worked with brought his CD in and played it OVER AND OVER AGAIN. That got old.

Aw, Twin Cinema is a brilliant album! I also highly recommend the albums Electric Version and Challengers. Neko Case's solo work is also fantastic. She's high on the list of girlcrushes. ;P

[bojojoti]

Isn't it odd that those insecurities don't vanish when we do find someone who loves us as is? You'd think when you have tangible proof of being lovable that those old "voices" would fade away.

[cabaiste84]

The old voices are certainly a lot quieter these days. I have tonnes more confidence thanks to Matt- and he's a lot more confident, too! But...sometimes it doesn't take much for old memories and feelings to come rushing to the surface. And, hey, I guess it's habit. I've had less than a year with Matt, and had 7.5 years of being lonely and insecure. As you said on another post of mine, old habits do die hard. :(

[lalumena]

I do feel for you, hun. In a society where we're always and forever told we need to change or fix some part of ourselves, it's nearly impossible to feel good about ourselves. I'm so glad Matt appreciates you inside and out, because it is true and what you deserve.