Chapter 7 Calling in a Debt
Disclaimers: Neither the idea of Harry Potter nor the characters belong to me in any way. They are the sole property of JKR. I do not make any money of this story either.
Thanks to my betas! Amber, Darkmoore and Christine Pierson. Without them there would be more mistakes, inconsistencies and less commas (^_^).
Back to Chapter 06
Index
Go to Chapter 08
Chapter 7 - Foreboding
Sitting in his garden, Severus looked around. The flowers were all coming along in a satisfactory fashion, even though he had not tended to them at all yet. The roses were blooming yellow, red and orange, their wonderful smell wafting over him in the soft evening breeze. “Revenge is a dish tasteful people like to serve chilled,” he muttered his personalised saying under his breath. A credo he had lived by most of his life. Now all it did was sound empty.
Almost as empty as the house was. Harry had sent him ahead. “I have some business to take care of.” At the time he had not wondered what business or where he had to go. Severus had just been happy to have some time for himself, without the younger wizard around. It had actually come as a kind of relief.
He had remodelled the garden to his own taste last summer. The small hill that had been a blemish before was now a feature. A marble bench on the top allowed him to overlook every corner and it splendidly hid the compost-heap. A large tree near the fence hid the hilltop as completely as a man-high hedge screened the whole garden. Complete privacy.
It had become a place to enjoy and Severus decided to tell Dobby that they would be taking breakfast and dinner on the large patio when weather and temperatures allowed.
Gnomes had gotten into his garden while they had been at Hogwarts and Severus had pondered only briefly to de-Gnome. “As long as they don’t get into my flowers and herbs -“ In a way he was sorry for the daft little things. Weeds had overrun most of his vegetable and flowerbeds; they would require a lot of care before they would develop fully. Even though he tried Severus could not keep his mind on the safe subject of the garden. Harry’s absence gnawed at him and the thought would not leave him alone.
Why would he be absent for a whole week? Harry had only informed him the day he left, had told him of his absence as an accomplished fact. It still rankled after a week. It could not be a mission for the Ministry, as Harry had not gone on one of those for a few months now. He had insisted on regular working hours and less dangerous work. The argument he had presented to his superiors had been his dearly purchased victory against Voldemort. He had done his duty to the wizarding society, now all he wanted was to be left alone and live his life as he saw fit. Severus completely agreed with that sentiment. The boy had done more than enough.
It’s just so quiet without him around. The house elf - Dobby - tended to hide whenever Severus searched him out and there was no-one else in the house he could talk to. Dumbledore had been busy every time he had tried to contact him and he had not seen him since the last meeting of the faculty. Every time he had tried to establish contact his old friend had been busy with Hogwarts or Ministry business. Likewise Harry had told him repeatedly of Dumbledore trying to call him over the fire while he was out. It looked like they had continued bad luck in the timing department.
The very thing he had yearned for since before the bonding ceremony suddenly took on an unaccustomed tinge. Not “solitude” but “loneliness”. A difference Severus had always scoffed at and thought privately an excuse of weak-minded people. Suddenly the difference became crystal clear to him. Of course he would never tell anyone, least of all Harry, but he did feel increasingly lonely. He was thankful that the younger wizard was due to return home in the evening.
Grudging respect for the younger man had grown steadily. While the trust had not been rebuilt altogether, they had found a tentative common ground on which they moved only hesitantly, but with growing confidence. Normal conversation was possible again. Between Harry and Dumbledore the Potion Master had started to feel like he had a real family again. In a way that hurt far more than being lonely. “Family” had always been an untouchable ideal to Severus. Something he had told himself uncounted times he would never have. Now it was within reach but his pride stopped him from trying to grasp it. His hands clenching into fists for a brief moment he relaxed and let go of the thought.
With a sigh he knelt next to the first of the beds that would again hold his herbs. A Potion Master could never have enough herbs, even though Sprout provided him with most of the things he needed and his budget was a goodly size. Some of them had grown wild but most had succumbed to the weeds. The manual task cleared his head from thought - at least for a little while.
Only when he was content with the bed did he stop and go back into the house to wash up. Dinner would be served soon and Harry was due home. Inexplicably Severus felt compelled to be presentable; a shower and changing were in order. Also he had decided not to wear black. As a young man teaching at Hogwarts, Severus Snape had been forced to assume a forbidding presence, intimidating the pupils; children who were afraid rarely tried to pull pranks. Further it would have hurt his position in Voldemort’s inner circle if he had been overly friendly to the children of wizards and witches who were not loyal to his master. Preferring Slytherins in general and the sons and daughters of Death eaters in particular had been one of many ways of blowing sand into the eyes of anyone watching him.
Now, that he could have acted of his own, free will he found himself stuck with so many habits he did no longer want. Just because he had always done so. It was troubling to find out that he was a creature of habit just like everyone else.
Hot water was raining down onto his shoulders as he braced himself against the wall. As he stood there he was frowning worriedly and asked himself how much his suspicion, hate and bad opinion of one Harry Potter was sheer habit as well.
Clean and glad in a deep-blue house robe Severus marched into the dining room, his self-doubts hidden behind an inscrutable mask. He did not want the object of his thoughts to know that he had started to realise the obvious. They had just started to cement their relationship and while Severus treaded with care still, they were open in their conversations again. When in doubt the Potion Master still hid his thoughts and doubts behind neutrality. In Harry the fire Severus had missed so much was back full force, making discussions with him a joy.
Severus did not have to sit at the empty table for long before Harry breezed in with an air of excitement about him and a glowing expression of happiness on his face. The younger man looked positively beside himself with good news.
“Severus! You’ll never guess what happened. I’m going to be the Seeker of the Hummingbirds next season. Isn’t that wonderful?” Like a little kid who had received a wonderful present he bounced a little on the balls of his feet and then settled on his chair, almost pouncing on the food that had appeared as soon as he had entered the house.
The Hummingbirds? Frowning deeply Severus searched his memory as to when he had heard that name. “In Manchester?”
Harry grimaced for a second at that remark before answering, “Of course the Hummingbirds in Manchester, there is no other Quidditch team with that name anywhere else.”
“You will of course decline,” Severus said icily, dread at the terrible exertion the distance would mean for Harry.. “I will not allow you to put your life at stake like that with the drain of Apparating so far.”
Harry pushed his chair back and looked at Severus seriously, his food forgotten in front of him, “What do you mean?”
“It is simply too dangerous.” Severus stood, trying to use his height to intimidate his husband.
Mirroring the movement of the irascible Potion Master Harry levered himself off his own chair as well, standing nose to chin with Severus now, he glared, “Do you think I’m daft?”
Severus continued to glare down at him, giving his best to sound calm and collected while inwardly seething, “Yes, I believe you are the most astonishingly idiotic bastard who ever graduated from Hogwarts.” Retreated behind one of his tried defences he reverting to insults. It kept people away, at a safe distance. Exactly what he needed. The words came to him with practised ease without much thinking.
Annoyance radiated from Harry like heat from a furnace, “What do you want from me? It’s like I need to ask for permission to take this job offer. I assure you, that I’m capable to decide this for myself.” He whirled around and stalked into the kitchen.
Not about to be left behind Severus followed him, grabbed his wrist and pulled him back into their former position. He did not know why he was so set against his husband joining the Hummingbirds. It would have been a wonderful start for his Quidditch career. He wished he could be happy for Harry - he wanted to be, but the possibility of Harry’s life being endangered made that impossible. “So you are going to Apparate from Hogwarts to Manchester every day? Don’t be silly you idiot, you could end up killing yourself!” Throwing his reserved behaviour out of the window, Severus let his anger about Harry’s inability to see and his worry show.
Since when do I care? His surprised thought followed up his spoken words almost instantly, his feelings turning to surprise at himself.
“SINCE WHEN DO YOU CARE?” Harry screamed at him, shrugged off Severus’ grip easily and glared at him.
Stepping back in surprise when his own thought was echoed back at him like that, he only stared at the younger man with a blank expression. I don’t know.
“Look, Severus, I know what I’m doing. I’m no longer one of your students. You’re not responsible for my actions or my well being. This is my big chance to do something that has nothing to do with fighting, something I love very much. It’s not up for discussion.” Voice trembling with anger and eyes glittering Harry faced him.
He is beautiful when he is angry. His face set with as much stubbornness as Harry exhibited, Severus tried to keep his voice even, “What about your Auror career? You worked so hard to reconcile it with being my assistant for the last six months. Are you going to break that off for a sport you won’t be able to play long?” There was no possibility of backing away. Even though there was no love lost between them, Harry’s well-being was as much a responsibility to him as his continued safety was. No matter if the younger man deigned to acknowledge that or not.
Consort or not, responsible for Harry by law or not, Severus could not help feeling that way. Having looked out for Harry Potter since he arrived at Hogwarts it had become his second nature. “You’re going to kill yourself, Harry, and I cannot permit that,” he repeated to drive home his point, ignoring the fact that he had no right to demand anything of Harry. The set of Harry’s jaw already told him that he was talking against a wall, that the lawful head of this family had already made the decision.
Harry just looked at Severus for a moment before speaking, “Talk all you want, I am going to play. You should contact Albus, he said he had problems reaching you - again.” With that their quarrel was obviously finished for him.
Damn Gryffindor pride, Severus thought while stalking to the library. Of course the Hummingbird Seeker position would boost his Quidditch career phenomenally, but the drain to his health that constant Apparating to Manchester and back home to Scotland could kill him. “Idiot brat.”
He flung himself into the comfortable chair and slipped off his house-shoes. Drawing his feet under himself he assumed his favourite thinking position and leaned his head back. After what had happened to his parents he had always tried to keep his distance to any love-entanglements he had come across. Until he had found himself pressed into marriage with someone everyone thought he shared a relationship of mutual hatred with.
No longer sure about what he really felt or how to reach out to the man he was legally bound to, Severus felt torn. Of course he had realised that Harry was his own person. That his mind superimposed James Potter’s face over the boy’s had nothing to do with his animosity. Or so he tried to tell himself.
The day had been full of revelations about himself, his feelings and motives - or the lack thereof. Sighing deeply he looked at the ceiling with unseeing eyes, pondering his many shortcomings.
While he had achieved his goal of living in peace with his husband, he had not gone through a complete change of attitude toward the younger man. Severus was fully aware that he was someone who held a grudge forever. What had Harry done to warrant this? He did not know. Besides being borne to the bane of the Potion Master’s school time.
“Nothing. Harry’s done nothing to be treated like that,” Severus muttered. He had never given Harry a chance, not when he arrived at Hogwarts, not during his school time, nor in their marriage. He had never bothered to get to know the boy, or tried to meet him with neutrality before he saw if he liked or disliked him. If he was brutally honest to himself he had to confess, that with all he knew of Harry Potter he liked him. Leaving their past out of the picture and his history with James Potter he definitely liked the courage and the character of the younger man.
Purposefully getting up he slipped on his shoes and strode to Harry’s study, then he hesitated at the door as he heard a female voice sounding eerily in the almost empty room.
“It’s not gall, Harry. Apparating to Manchester and back home is quite a drain to you. He’s right, if you’re not careful you could end up killing yourself.” Hearing his own words from Hermione in a kinder tone made Severus feel pleased. Support from Harry’s friends came as a surprise but not a bad one.
Harry had decided to change the furnishing in the room when they had been at the house last time. The only thing still there was a lush, thick rug in front of the fire on which he was kneeling. The young man had his back turned to the door and Severus melted into the shadows, glad he had not been caught eavesdropping.
“It’s just so unfair. He wants to tell me what I’m supposed to do. Like I’m a small child without common sense. Hermione, it would be different if he had just expressed his concern, but he was ordering me not to. As if it is natural for me to do what he says.”
Severus closed his eyes for a moment at the raw pain in Harry’s voice.
“We were getting along so much better. Like we have a future.” Harry paused, running a hand over his face before he continued, “He was civil to me. Civil, Hermione. Maybe I was mistaken.”
“I understand-” Hermione never had a chance to tell her best friend what she understood as she was rudely cut off by an agitated Harry.
“No, I don’t think you understand. I wish I had done the wine and dine routine more than ever now. One moment of embarrassment as he turns me down, the usual sarcastic and hurtful comments. Lots of glaring whenever he would see me, but he would still trust me. Still treat me like a grown up, like he did when we were working together in the Order. You have no idea how this feels. I love you dearly, Hermione, but you can’t help me with this beyond listening.” Harry’s tightly controlled voice broke on the last word and a sob escaped him.
The Potion Master’s heart contracted at the sounds, at the raw feeling. Feelings he had put there. It made him feel ashamed.
“Oh Harry...”
Turning around Severus left the corridor without a sound, practically fleeing. He did not want to hear any more. There was nothing else he could do but sneak away, no other way of action he could take. In that moment of listening he had gleaned enough to think about for a while.
***
After a sleepless night Severus sat at the breakfast table feeling quite nervous. He had been busy, creating something as a peace offer to Harry. A small package, wrapped in black satin was lying on the younger man’s plate, waiting more patiently for it’s new owner than Severus.
Unable to bear to stay in his room the Potion Master had settled down at the dining table an hour ago with a book. A book he had not managed to read the first page of. Nervous about how the present would be received he had just stared at the letters until he had to put the book aside.
The table had been set only an hour ago. Dobby had carefully picked up the package with awe and put it down at the exact same spot he had found it at.
“Good morning, Severus. You are up early,” Harry said from behind. “Is something the matter?” He sat down at his place without so much as noticing the present.
Evading his husband’s gaze, Severus shook his head, “I’m fine, thank you.” Then he wordlessly pointed at the wrapped package, watching intently for a reaction when Harry carefully unwrapped it and ended up holding what the Muggles called ‘cell-phone’.
“What-“ Harry broke off, unsure of what to say and instead raised the device with a questioningly look at Severus.
“It is a cell-phone Portkey, it can bring you to Hogsmeade, our house and the home-pitch of the Hummingbirds. I keyed the destinations to the different numbers; they are in the intern phone book. All you need to do is press the number and the green key at the same time to activate it. That way you won’t need to exhaust your energies to a dangerous level.” He reached for the milk and the cereal Dobby had put on the table to cover up his insecurity. Starting to eat like nothing had happened he refused to look at Harry for fear of seeing rejection of his gift on the younger man’s face.
Harry just looked at his partner for a while and watched Severus act supremely normal before going along with it. While munching on his own breakfast he pondered the obvious changes in the Potion Master’s behaviour towards him. They barely exchanged a word until Harry left for his first training session, but it had been a companionable silence, instead of a loaded one.
***
Hidden as he was in the crowd, Severus was sure Harry would never notice him. It was his husband’s first Quidditch game and while the Potion Master did not agree with the strain he was putting on himself, he did want to see Harry play. Finally deciding to be honest at least to himself it had not taken him long to realise that he did indeed care for the younger wizard.
How long had it taken him to accept Albus’ friendship? It must have been years of the headmaster dragging him into it. He remembered dimly how the old man had walked through his wards without hesitating long and practically dragged him out kicking, screaming and scowling.
Severus problem was, that he could not approach anyone and accepting friendship - or worse, a relationship - was even harder for him. He had never seen that as a deficiency but as an asset - until now. Sitting anonymously in a mass of Quidditch fanatics, watching his husband zigzagging above them, he wished it were different.
He was not entirely sure what he felt for the younger man, but he knew one thing for sure, he did not hate him. Viewing that as a good foundation he had decided to spend some time finding out who Harry was, to dispel his prejudices. By watching him from the shadows, without his knowledge he could still feel safe and in control. Approaching Harry and talking to him about it did never even enter his mind. Severus had never learned to make friends. As a Death Eater honesty and being open would have been his death warrant. So he had decided to attend the first match Harry would play. To observe his husband at something he loved doing.
Of course he had seen a lot of games at Hogwarts with Harry as the Seeker for Gryffindor, but he had never given him another thought.
No interest in the game whatsoever Severus followed Harry with his eyes as he turned circles above the Quidditch pitch, ever vigilant. The sudden dive made everyone in the stadium give a collective, surprised gasp. Severus had seen the minute adjustment of Harry’s seat on his Firebolt and did not even bat an eyelash as he hurled towards the goals.
The Seeker of the opposing team reacted slightly delayed, giving Harry a head start to the fluttering Snitch. Severus had spotted the tiny golden ball only after Harry started into its direction.
Watching Harry fly was wonderful, the joy of it showed clearly on his face and in his movements. Both Seekers were in hot pursuit of the Snitch, while it continued fluttering stationary just above the Hummingbirds goal. When they came closer the small golden ball fluttered faster, zooming away quickly. They followed it’s progress over the pitch until it vanished in a flurry of golden wings. Harry immediately resumed his earlier circling position while his counterpart looked around a little longer.
Suddenly a golden sphere with languidly beating wings floated in front of his face, obscuring his view of Harry for a second until it lurched a few centimetres lower. Fingers pointed in it’s direction and an outcry went through the stadium. Having spotted the Snitch mere seconds before the spectators did, the two Seekers were headed for it with top speed, Harry from above, the other from the far left.
For an instant their gazes met and Severus could see the surprise in the green, spectacled eyes of his husband. The moment passed and Harry visibly concentrated on catching the Snitch again. Even though he had been distracted he still had a small head start. When his fingers closed around the golden ball the stadium erupted into cheers around him and a portly which, jumping up and down with excitement, screened him from the gazes of the players.
Not showing any emotion Severus stayed seated until the people to his right had left. He made his slow way through the thong of excited people, the name Harry Potter floated through the air again and again. Only when he reached the designated Apparation area did he acknowledge that it hurt to hear them talk about “Harry Potter” and not “Harry Potter-Snape”.
***
His eyes automatically searching the seat Severus had occupied when he had dove for the Snitch he found it empty now. He came. Turning one last, slow circle for the crowd he longed to get off his broom and home. Harry knew the Potion Master had left already and would in all likelihood be waiting at the dinner table for him.
The victory did not make him nearly as happy as Severus’ latest sign of caring. It was positively elevating.
Grinning widely and glowing with joy, Harry landed in the middle of the pitch with the rest of the Hummingbird players, merely enduring the congratulations.
***
Back to Chapter 06
Index
Go to Chapter 08
Thanks to my betas! Amber, Darkmoore and Christine Pierson. Without them there would be more mistakes, inconsistencies and less commas (^_^).
Back to Chapter 06
Index
Go to Chapter 08
Chapter 7 - Foreboding
Sitting in his garden, Severus looked around. The flowers were all coming along in a satisfactory fashion, even though he had not tended to them at all yet. The roses were blooming yellow, red and orange, their wonderful smell wafting over him in the soft evening breeze. “Revenge is a dish tasteful people like to serve chilled,” he muttered his personalised saying under his breath. A credo he had lived by most of his life. Now all it did was sound empty.
Almost as empty as the house was. Harry had sent him ahead. “I have some business to take care of.” At the time he had not wondered what business or where he had to go. Severus had just been happy to have some time for himself, without the younger wizard around. It had actually come as a kind of relief.
He had remodelled the garden to his own taste last summer. The small hill that had been a blemish before was now a feature. A marble bench on the top allowed him to overlook every corner and it splendidly hid the compost-heap. A large tree near the fence hid the hilltop as completely as a man-high hedge screened the whole garden. Complete privacy.
It had become a place to enjoy and Severus decided to tell Dobby that they would be taking breakfast and dinner on the large patio when weather and temperatures allowed.
Gnomes had gotten into his garden while they had been at Hogwarts and Severus had pondered only briefly to de-Gnome. “As long as they don’t get into my flowers and herbs -“ In a way he was sorry for the daft little things. Weeds had overrun most of his vegetable and flowerbeds; they would require a lot of care before they would develop fully. Even though he tried Severus could not keep his mind on the safe subject of the garden. Harry’s absence gnawed at him and the thought would not leave him alone.
Why would he be absent for a whole week? Harry had only informed him the day he left, had told him of his absence as an accomplished fact. It still rankled after a week. It could not be a mission for the Ministry, as Harry had not gone on one of those for a few months now. He had insisted on regular working hours and less dangerous work. The argument he had presented to his superiors had been his dearly purchased victory against Voldemort. He had done his duty to the wizarding society, now all he wanted was to be left alone and live his life as he saw fit. Severus completely agreed with that sentiment. The boy had done more than enough.
It’s just so quiet without him around. The house elf - Dobby - tended to hide whenever Severus searched him out and there was no-one else in the house he could talk to. Dumbledore had been busy every time he had tried to contact him and he had not seen him since the last meeting of the faculty. Every time he had tried to establish contact his old friend had been busy with Hogwarts or Ministry business. Likewise Harry had told him repeatedly of Dumbledore trying to call him over the fire while he was out. It looked like they had continued bad luck in the timing department.
The very thing he had yearned for since before the bonding ceremony suddenly took on an unaccustomed tinge. Not “solitude” but “loneliness”. A difference Severus had always scoffed at and thought privately an excuse of weak-minded people. Suddenly the difference became crystal clear to him. Of course he would never tell anyone, least of all Harry, but he did feel increasingly lonely. He was thankful that the younger wizard was due to return home in the evening.
Grudging respect for the younger man had grown steadily. While the trust had not been rebuilt altogether, they had found a tentative common ground on which they moved only hesitantly, but with growing confidence. Normal conversation was possible again. Between Harry and Dumbledore the Potion Master had started to feel like he had a real family again. In a way that hurt far more than being lonely. “Family” had always been an untouchable ideal to Severus. Something he had told himself uncounted times he would never have. Now it was within reach but his pride stopped him from trying to grasp it. His hands clenching into fists for a brief moment he relaxed and let go of the thought.
With a sigh he knelt next to the first of the beds that would again hold his herbs. A Potion Master could never have enough herbs, even though Sprout provided him with most of the things he needed and his budget was a goodly size. Some of them had grown wild but most had succumbed to the weeds. The manual task cleared his head from thought - at least for a little while.
Only when he was content with the bed did he stop and go back into the house to wash up. Dinner would be served soon and Harry was due home. Inexplicably Severus felt compelled to be presentable; a shower and changing were in order. Also he had decided not to wear black. As a young man teaching at Hogwarts, Severus Snape had been forced to assume a forbidding presence, intimidating the pupils; children who were afraid rarely tried to pull pranks. Further it would have hurt his position in Voldemort’s inner circle if he had been overly friendly to the children of wizards and witches who were not loyal to his master. Preferring Slytherins in general and the sons and daughters of Death eaters in particular had been one of many ways of blowing sand into the eyes of anyone watching him.
Now, that he could have acted of his own, free will he found himself stuck with so many habits he did no longer want. Just because he had always done so. It was troubling to find out that he was a creature of habit just like everyone else.
Hot water was raining down onto his shoulders as he braced himself against the wall. As he stood there he was frowning worriedly and asked himself how much his suspicion, hate and bad opinion of one Harry Potter was sheer habit as well.
Clean and glad in a deep-blue house robe Severus marched into the dining room, his self-doubts hidden behind an inscrutable mask. He did not want the object of his thoughts to know that he had started to realise the obvious. They had just started to cement their relationship and while Severus treaded with care still, they were open in their conversations again. When in doubt the Potion Master still hid his thoughts and doubts behind neutrality. In Harry the fire Severus had missed so much was back full force, making discussions with him a joy.
Severus did not have to sit at the empty table for long before Harry breezed in with an air of excitement about him and a glowing expression of happiness on his face. The younger man looked positively beside himself with good news.
“Severus! You’ll never guess what happened. I’m going to be the Seeker of the Hummingbirds next season. Isn’t that wonderful?” Like a little kid who had received a wonderful present he bounced a little on the balls of his feet and then settled on his chair, almost pouncing on the food that had appeared as soon as he had entered the house.
The Hummingbirds? Frowning deeply Severus searched his memory as to when he had heard that name. “In Manchester?”
Harry grimaced for a second at that remark before answering, “Of course the Hummingbirds in Manchester, there is no other Quidditch team with that name anywhere else.”
“You will of course decline,” Severus said icily, dread at the terrible exertion the distance would mean for Harry.. “I will not allow you to put your life at stake like that with the drain of Apparating so far.”
Harry pushed his chair back and looked at Severus seriously, his food forgotten in front of him, “What do you mean?”
“It is simply too dangerous.” Severus stood, trying to use his height to intimidate his husband.
Mirroring the movement of the irascible Potion Master Harry levered himself off his own chair as well, standing nose to chin with Severus now, he glared, “Do you think I’m daft?”
Severus continued to glare down at him, giving his best to sound calm and collected while inwardly seething, “Yes, I believe you are the most astonishingly idiotic bastard who ever graduated from Hogwarts.” Retreated behind one of his tried defences he reverting to insults. It kept people away, at a safe distance. Exactly what he needed. The words came to him with practised ease without much thinking.
Annoyance radiated from Harry like heat from a furnace, “What do you want from me? It’s like I need to ask for permission to take this job offer. I assure you, that I’m capable to decide this for myself.” He whirled around and stalked into the kitchen.
Not about to be left behind Severus followed him, grabbed his wrist and pulled him back into their former position. He did not know why he was so set against his husband joining the Hummingbirds. It would have been a wonderful start for his Quidditch career. He wished he could be happy for Harry - he wanted to be, but the possibility of Harry’s life being endangered made that impossible. “So you are going to Apparate from Hogwarts to Manchester every day? Don’t be silly you idiot, you could end up killing yourself!” Throwing his reserved behaviour out of the window, Severus let his anger about Harry’s inability to see and his worry show.
Since when do I care? His surprised thought followed up his spoken words almost instantly, his feelings turning to surprise at himself.
“SINCE WHEN DO YOU CARE?” Harry screamed at him, shrugged off Severus’ grip easily and glared at him.
Stepping back in surprise when his own thought was echoed back at him like that, he only stared at the younger man with a blank expression. I don’t know.
“Look, Severus, I know what I’m doing. I’m no longer one of your students. You’re not responsible for my actions or my well being. This is my big chance to do something that has nothing to do with fighting, something I love very much. It’s not up for discussion.” Voice trembling with anger and eyes glittering Harry faced him.
He is beautiful when he is angry. His face set with as much stubbornness as Harry exhibited, Severus tried to keep his voice even, “What about your Auror career? You worked so hard to reconcile it with being my assistant for the last six months. Are you going to break that off for a sport you won’t be able to play long?” There was no possibility of backing away. Even though there was no love lost between them, Harry’s well-being was as much a responsibility to him as his continued safety was. No matter if the younger man deigned to acknowledge that or not.
Consort or not, responsible for Harry by law or not, Severus could not help feeling that way. Having looked out for Harry Potter since he arrived at Hogwarts it had become his second nature. “You’re going to kill yourself, Harry, and I cannot permit that,” he repeated to drive home his point, ignoring the fact that he had no right to demand anything of Harry. The set of Harry’s jaw already told him that he was talking against a wall, that the lawful head of this family had already made the decision.
Harry just looked at Severus for a moment before speaking, “Talk all you want, I am going to play. You should contact Albus, he said he had problems reaching you - again.” With that their quarrel was obviously finished for him.
Damn Gryffindor pride, Severus thought while stalking to the library. Of course the Hummingbird Seeker position would boost his Quidditch career phenomenally, but the drain to his health that constant Apparating to Manchester and back home to Scotland could kill him. “Idiot brat.”
He flung himself into the comfortable chair and slipped off his house-shoes. Drawing his feet under himself he assumed his favourite thinking position and leaned his head back. After what had happened to his parents he had always tried to keep his distance to any love-entanglements he had come across. Until he had found himself pressed into marriage with someone everyone thought he shared a relationship of mutual hatred with.
No longer sure about what he really felt or how to reach out to the man he was legally bound to, Severus felt torn. Of course he had realised that Harry was his own person. That his mind superimposed James Potter’s face over the boy’s had nothing to do with his animosity. Or so he tried to tell himself.
The day had been full of revelations about himself, his feelings and motives - or the lack thereof. Sighing deeply he looked at the ceiling with unseeing eyes, pondering his many shortcomings.
While he had achieved his goal of living in peace with his husband, he had not gone through a complete change of attitude toward the younger man. Severus was fully aware that he was someone who held a grudge forever. What had Harry done to warrant this? He did not know. Besides being borne to the bane of the Potion Master’s school time.
“Nothing. Harry’s done nothing to be treated like that,” Severus muttered. He had never given Harry a chance, not when he arrived at Hogwarts, not during his school time, nor in their marriage. He had never bothered to get to know the boy, or tried to meet him with neutrality before he saw if he liked or disliked him. If he was brutally honest to himself he had to confess, that with all he knew of Harry Potter he liked him. Leaving their past out of the picture and his history with James Potter he definitely liked the courage and the character of the younger man.
Purposefully getting up he slipped on his shoes and strode to Harry’s study, then he hesitated at the door as he heard a female voice sounding eerily in the almost empty room.
“It’s not gall, Harry. Apparating to Manchester and back home is quite a drain to you. He’s right, if you’re not careful you could end up killing yourself.” Hearing his own words from Hermione in a kinder tone made Severus feel pleased. Support from Harry’s friends came as a surprise but not a bad one.
Harry had decided to change the furnishing in the room when they had been at the house last time. The only thing still there was a lush, thick rug in front of the fire on which he was kneeling. The young man had his back turned to the door and Severus melted into the shadows, glad he had not been caught eavesdropping.
“It’s just so unfair. He wants to tell me what I’m supposed to do. Like I’m a small child without common sense. Hermione, it would be different if he had just expressed his concern, but he was ordering me not to. As if it is natural for me to do what he says.”
Severus closed his eyes for a moment at the raw pain in Harry’s voice.
“We were getting along so much better. Like we have a future.” Harry paused, running a hand over his face before he continued, “He was civil to me. Civil, Hermione. Maybe I was mistaken.”
“I understand-” Hermione never had a chance to tell her best friend what she understood as she was rudely cut off by an agitated Harry.
“No, I don’t think you understand. I wish I had done the wine and dine routine more than ever now. One moment of embarrassment as he turns me down, the usual sarcastic and hurtful comments. Lots of glaring whenever he would see me, but he would still trust me. Still treat me like a grown up, like he did when we were working together in the Order. You have no idea how this feels. I love you dearly, Hermione, but you can’t help me with this beyond listening.” Harry’s tightly controlled voice broke on the last word and a sob escaped him.
The Potion Master’s heart contracted at the sounds, at the raw feeling. Feelings he had put there. It made him feel ashamed.
“Oh Harry...”
Turning around Severus left the corridor without a sound, practically fleeing. He did not want to hear any more. There was nothing else he could do but sneak away, no other way of action he could take. In that moment of listening he had gleaned enough to think about for a while.
***
After a sleepless night Severus sat at the breakfast table feeling quite nervous. He had been busy, creating something as a peace offer to Harry. A small package, wrapped in black satin was lying on the younger man’s plate, waiting more patiently for it’s new owner than Severus.
Unable to bear to stay in his room the Potion Master had settled down at the dining table an hour ago with a book. A book he had not managed to read the first page of. Nervous about how the present would be received he had just stared at the letters until he had to put the book aside.
The table had been set only an hour ago. Dobby had carefully picked up the package with awe and put it down at the exact same spot he had found it at.
“Good morning, Severus. You are up early,” Harry said from behind. “Is something the matter?” He sat down at his place without so much as noticing the present.
Evading his husband’s gaze, Severus shook his head, “I’m fine, thank you.” Then he wordlessly pointed at the wrapped package, watching intently for a reaction when Harry carefully unwrapped it and ended up holding what the Muggles called ‘cell-phone’.
“What-“ Harry broke off, unsure of what to say and instead raised the device with a questioningly look at Severus.
“It is a cell-phone Portkey, it can bring you to Hogsmeade, our house and the home-pitch of the Hummingbirds. I keyed the destinations to the different numbers; they are in the intern phone book. All you need to do is press the number and the green key at the same time to activate it. That way you won’t need to exhaust your energies to a dangerous level.” He reached for the milk and the cereal Dobby had put on the table to cover up his insecurity. Starting to eat like nothing had happened he refused to look at Harry for fear of seeing rejection of his gift on the younger man’s face.
Harry just looked at his partner for a while and watched Severus act supremely normal before going along with it. While munching on his own breakfast he pondered the obvious changes in the Potion Master’s behaviour towards him. They barely exchanged a word until Harry left for his first training session, but it had been a companionable silence, instead of a loaded one.
***
Hidden as he was in the crowd, Severus was sure Harry would never notice him. It was his husband’s first Quidditch game and while the Potion Master did not agree with the strain he was putting on himself, he did want to see Harry play. Finally deciding to be honest at least to himself it had not taken him long to realise that he did indeed care for the younger wizard.
How long had it taken him to accept Albus’ friendship? It must have been years of the headmaster dragging him into it. He remembered dimly how the old man had walked through his wards without hesitating long and practically dragged him out kicking, screaming and scowling.
Severus problem was, that he could not approach anyone and accepting friendship - or worse, a relationship - was even harder for him. He had never seen that as a deficiency but as an asset - until now. Sitting anonymously in a mass of Quidditch fanatics, watching his husband zigzagging above them, he wished it were different.
He was not entirely sure what he felt for the younger man, but he knew one thing for sure, he did not hate him. Viewing that as a good foundation he had decided to spend some time finding out who Harry was, to dispel his prejudices. By watching him from the shadows, without his knowledge he could still feel safe and in control. Approaching Harry and talking to him about it did never even enter his mind. Severus had never learned to make friends. As a Death Eater honesty and being open would have been his death warrant. So he had decided to attend the first match Harry would play. To observe his husband at something he loved doing.
Of course he had seen a lot of games at Hogwarts with Harry as the Seeker for Gryffindor, but he had never given him another thought.
No interest in the game whatsoever Severus followed Harry with his eyes as he turned circles above the Quidditch pitch, ever vigilant. The sudden dive made everyone in the stadium give a collective, surprised gasp. Severus had seen the minute adjustment of Harry’s seat on his Firebolt and did not even bat an eyelash as he hurled towards the goals.
The Seeker of the opposing team reacted slightly delayed, giving Harry a head start to the fluttering Snitch. Severus had spotted the tiny golden ball only after Harry started into its direction.
Watching Harry fly was wonderful, the joy of it showed clearly on his face and in his movements. Both Seekers were in hot pursuit of the Snitch, while it continued fluttering stationary just above the Hummingbirds goal. When they came closer the small golden ball fluttered faster, zooming away quickly. They followed it’s progress over the pitch until it vanished in a flurry of golden wings. Harry immediately resumed his earlier circling position while his counterpart looked around a little longer.
Suddenly a golden sphere with languidly beating wings floated in front of his face, obscuring his view of Harry for a second until it lurched a few centimetres lower. Fingers pointed in it’s direction and an outcry went through the stadium. Having spotted the Snitch mere seconds before the spectators did, the two Seekers were headed for it with top speed, Harry from above, the other from the far left.
For an instant their gazes met and Severus could see the surprise in the green, spectacled eyes of his husband. The moment passed and Harry visibly concentrated on catching the Snitch again. Even though he had been distracted he still had a small head start. When his fingers closed around the golden ball the stadium erupted into cheers around him and a portly which, jumping up and down with excitement, screened him from the gazes of the players.
Not showing any emotion Severus stayed seated until the people to his right had left. He made his slow way through the thong of excited people, the name Harry Potter floated through the air again and again. Only when he reached the designated Apparation area did he acknowledge that it hurt to hear them talk about “Harry Potter” and not “Harry Potter-Snape”.
***
His eyes automatically searching the seat Severus had occupied when he had dove for the Snitch he found it empty now. He came. Turning one last, slow circle for the crowd he longed to get off his broom and home. Harry knew the Potion Master had left already and would in all likelihood be waiting at the dinner table for him.
The victory did not make him nearly as happy as Severus’ latest sign of caring. It was positively elevating.
Grinning widely and glowing with joy, Harry landed in the middle of the pitch with the rest of the Hummingbird players, merely enduring the congratulations.
***
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Index
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