Asphyxiation { Oneshot } (1/2)
Jaejoong inhaled.
He could hear the roar of the crowd now, abuzz with energy and anticipation and high off the last guest performance. Briefly, he wondered if they can hear how anxious he is; hear the impatient flutter-thump of his heart with every step he took as he paced in place behind the curtain; but, in any event, it seemed far too long a wait for the five of them, far too long of a wait hovering near the stage entrance on stand-by.
Changmin, on his left, looked at his hyung like he wasn’t quite sure whether to laugh or cry. Junsu and Yoochun flanked Jaejoong’s right side, shoulders close to brushing, all wide eyes and chattering teeth (it was just after Christmas, after all, and the thin material of their jackets did little to insulate them from the cold) and they both seemed about ready to bolt from that stage at any second.
Jaejoong sucked in a sharp breath, staring back at them.
He’s not sure what to say, either.
“Yah!” Everyone’s ears perked up at the sound of their Leader’s voice coming up behind them. “Hey, remember what I told you guys!” Tall lanky form barreling between Yoochun and Junsu, Yunho stretched his arms around them to let his free hand dangle between Changmin and Jaejoong, fingers laced with the eldest member without hesitation. “We practiced our dancing and our singing for weeks before tonight…it’s the same thing up here” he sent a small smile at Changmin, who shook his head and huddled closer into their almost-circle of five in response, “just with more people watching.”
“Okay,” Jaejoong mumbled to no one in particular. He saw Yoochun’s kindly gaze and heard Junsu’s and Changmin’s giddy laughter and looked up at the spotlights shining down on them before finally letting out a shaky exhale. “Okay, then.”
“…Okay!” Yunho rallied them ever closer, putting his hand out into the open space between where the members stood. “Okay, guys - shout it out loud! Who are we?!”
“Dong Bang Shin Ki!” Four hands joined Yunho’s, then were raised in unison. “Hwaiting!!”
“Rising Gods of the East, baby!” Yoochun added in English, giving a short hoot that Junsu echoed with obvious vigor.
“What happened?” Jaejoong asked Yunho while the other three get mobbed by the makeup noona to have the finishing touches applied before they head out. “You weren’t this confident last night about our debut.”
Yunho just laughed, the sound rich and resonating and over all too soon, wrapping the smaller male in a loose hug.
It wasn’t just an ordinary hug, either. Not to Jaejoong.
To him, it was the kind that made the warmth spread from the tip of his nose to the ends of his toes, the kind that made him all too conscious of the heat rising to his face and the smell of Yunho’s damp skin against his cheek (briefly, all too brief, but it was hard to say the intimacy surprised him) and the way Yunho cradled him close to his chest like he was a doll and made him feel precious and wanted and-
“I thought about it,” Yunho murmured against the crown of Jaejoong’s hair, “and I decided I needed to be strong for you guys. Since I’m the leader ’n all.”
And Jaejoong exhaled, reluctantly leaving Yunho’s arms, smiling and ready to take on the world.
-But I would gladly carry the weight of you anywhere.
If you wanted it,
I would give you the world.
(Because I know you would do the same for me.)
-----------------
Jaejoong inhaled.
It must have been three a.m. and they were still awake, lying out in the living room, a flat sheet lying across the floor, blankets and pillows scattered out between them. They hadn’t been able to sleep these days since they arrived in their apartment, the new sights and smells running rampant through their senses, heightening their anxiety all the more and making it increasingly harder to stay asleep.
Whenever one member couldn’t sleep, it was almost a given that the rest of them wouldn’t be able to, either. Junsu called it ‘spatial connection.’ Yoochun thought it was crazy. Changmin thought they were both crazy.
Yunho flopped back onto his side, clutching Jaejoong’s arm close to him like a security blanket, fast asleep with his mouth all askew and snoring lightly.
“Told you he would fall asleep,” Yoochun hissed to a frowning Changmin, slapping the magnae’s arm and snickering to himself. “Now you’ve gotta make breakfast tomorrow!”
“Remind me again,” Changmin rolled his eyes, “how I got dragged into your harebrained schemes.”
“Umm.” Junsu supplied, rubbing his eyes in an impossibly endearing fashion. “I guess I kind of woke you up? Sorry ’bout that…”
Three rounds of raucous, barely stifled laughter later, Yunho finally stirred again, this time actually lifting his head with the grace to look at least somewhat disgruntled.
“Yah!” His irritation surprised Jaejoong, who flinched with Yoochun and Junsu from the clipped tone of their leader’s voice. “Didn’t you guys say you were going to sleep half an hour ago?”
“Actually,” Changmin deadpanned, “you said that an hour and a half ago, hyung. Technically speaking.”
Yoochun started howling, and Junsu fell over Changmin’s lap, tears of mirth spilling down their ruddy cheeks. Jaejoong bit his lower lip, stifling his giggles for only five seconds before giving into hysterics with the other three for the next two minutes. Soon enough, Yunho caved and began to chuckle, and - sure as the daylight that was already peeking through the blinds from the kitchen window - they were all gasping for air long after that, forgetting completely about how much time had actually passed since they all came out here to get some much-needed (as Jaejoong dubbed it) “group bonding” done.
“Guys,” Yunho wheezed, dropping his head onto Jaejoong’s shoulder and raising a weary arm in surrender, “you know I love you, right? You know I wouldn’t trade any of this for anything, right?”
“Sure you wouldn’t, hyung.” Yoochun smirked. “’Cept for maybe Jaejoongie, that is.”
“Oooh! See, see?!” Junsu screeched, whacking a smug Yoochun on the arm and knocking into a sniggering Changmin’s side. “I told you Youngwoongie would make that face when you said that! I told you!”
“Yeah, whatever,” Jaejoong huffed, turning away from the amused YooSuMin trio and failing miserably to hide his flushed face. “Just…shut up. All of you. Or I’ll make all of you get up to make breakfast tomorrow.”
“But isn’t it already tomorrow, hyung?” Changmin’s voice was raised to an innocent lilt, though no one was fooled. “Technically speaking.”
Jaejoong just laughed, the sound light and ringing and all too inviting, throwing his pillow at Changmin and making himself more comfortable on Yunho’s lap.
It wasn’t the action itself that surprised Yunho, either. Not really.
To him, it was the light that reflected the Tokyo skylights in Jaejoong’s eyes, bright enough to bring luster and passion and possibilities immediately to his mind, bright enough to chase his homesickness away (his tongue, once heavy with the burden of a new language before, suddenly became useless when he realized words weren’t needed after all), and the way Jaejoong nestled up to him once they all settled down like he was the only rock in the vast open sea able to anchor him-
“G’night, Yunho-ah,” Jaejoong mumbled against the firm expanse of Yunho’s chest, “or is it ‘good morning’?”
And Yunho exhaled, the only thing he could think to do at the moment when his heart felt this much at ease.
-But I wouldn’t feel lost if I’m with you.
Wherever I go,
I’d be at home as long as I’m with you.
(Because I know you think of me the same way.)
-----------------
Yunho exhaled.
He can hear the rhythmic tones of the heart monitor floating past his ears, drifting off into the endless view of white and the overpowering smell of antiseptic of his hospital room. Briefly, he wondered if this was a strange sort of heaven in and of itself; if this was what peace of mind was, only a temporary state of being until the transition between life and death; but, in any event, it seemed far too deep a thought for his aching head and he shut his eyes to the slight sting of the IV pinching into his arm.
He thought of Changmin, who took the liberty of calling his family when they carried him off on a stretcher. He thought of Yoochun and Junsu, who were the first to call for help and take action when he collapsed in the dressing room after drinking from that tainted bottle (even if he should have known better than to put so much trust in people than he had ever met) and they were both sitting outside with their manager with bated breath, waiting on a word.
And then, there was Jaejoong, who hadn’t let go of his hand since they brought him to the hospital.
“Hey.” The eldest’s voice came out as a hoarse whisper. “Are you asleep?” Though Yunho’s lips twitched slightly in reply, Jaejoong didn’t seem to notice this and continued on. “I was just thinking. About that time when I couldn’t walk right and you were helping me up the stairs...you remember what you said, right?” There was an undertone of quiet nostalgia to his voice. “When I said I was scared…because I thought I wouldn’t be able to perform with the group anymore, you said-”
“Don’t worry.” Yunho slowly opened his eyes to see Jaejoong staring back at him, tousled bleached blond hair and wide eyes and softly parted lips. “If you stop, then I stop. If you can’t stand on the stage anymore…then I won’t, either. And I can tell you right here, right now, that the other members feel the same way.”
The younger male tipped his head back against the pillow, squeezing Jaejoong’s trembling hand tighter.
“It’s okay, Jaejoong-ah. I’ll be fine. You’ll see.” It took every last fiber of strength in his body to smile at him. “I’ll be back on my feet in no time.”
“That’s what you always say.” Jaejoong’s voice barely rose above a whisper, but Yunho heard the unspoken sentiment nonetheless. “That’s what you always say. And I know that.” It’s not that, that’s not what I wanted to tell you; Yunho felt the haze lifting from around his muddled thoughts and the words he wanted to say almost bubble past his tongue, but the moisture gathered behind Jaejoong’s lashes fluttering shut told him that his words were seconds too late. “I’m sorry, really, Yunho-ah, I can’t-”
They had dealt with troubling times like this before. They both knew that much.
But each and every time, they had emerged victorious. Stronger than ever, they had gotten past insecurity and hardship and trials, everything and anything that reared their ugly heads in front of them (in front of all five of them, Yunho reminded himself, a smile gracing chapped lips when he realized his almost-mistake), and this time, too; Yunho was sure of it-
“No,” Yunho murmured against Jaejoong’s neck, “you can, Jaejoong-ah.” I know you. “You’re strong. You’ll be able to do this without me.”
“Stop making it sound like you’re dying,” Jaejoong snapped, tone immediately betrayed once he curled into the gentle slope of Yunho’s shoulder. “And anyway, just so you know: if you die without telling me, I’ll seriously break up with you.”
A teasing smirk from Yunho and the familiarity of it alone eased the rest of Jaejoong’s fears out of his mind.
“Well, how about I just don’t die…and then we won’t have to worry about the alternative?”
And Jaejoong exhaled, a sigh that seemed to echo in the sudden silence, grinning as he pressed their foreheads together.
“I figured you would say that.” They both laughed. “Aish, you’re so predictable! I wonder why I even put up with you twenty-four seven…”
-But I think we both know the reason why.
If it’s you that’s beside me,
I know I could do anything.
(Because I know you feel the same way about me.)
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Part 2: http://sakuranbokissx.livejournal.com/36106.html