Owl: Two Owls
Title: "Two Owls"
Game date: August 29, 2007
Time of day: 7pm
Characters featured: Narcissa Malfoy, Andromeda Tonks, Bellatrix LeStrange (mentioned)
Location: Malfoy Manor
Status: Personal/Reflective
Brief summary: Narcissa wrestles with correspondence and inner demons.
Completion: Complete
Warnings: Language
Narcissa fumbled around in her desk for an inkwell before remembering that her new quill pen didn't require inking. She took the garish purple thing out, smiled at it in amusement, and withdrew her hand from the drawer. The smile faded as her fingertips touched something--a tiny, folded-up note shoved into the drawer a few days ago.
Narcissa folded her arms on top of her escritoire, shut her eyes, and buried her face in her arms. It had been quite a few days since Andie had last written, and the sheer, miniscule size of her notepaper had said it all, without Narcissa having to open it. Get the hell out of my life; stop writing to me.
She squeezed her eyes even more tightly shut and cursed the numb, shaky feeling that was creeping over her at the thoght of it.
I couldn't be bothered to say two words to Andie during the last twenty years; why should I expect anything more in return, now? You reap what you sow. What have I sown but distance between us? I was the one who hero-worshipped Bella. I was the one who could hear no wrong of her, who wouldn't question her behavior, even when it frightened me. What reason have I ever given Andie to believe that i don't still feel that way?
And the hell of it is, I don't know how to convince her that I'm...
What? Different, now? Oh, I'm sure she'll believe that--when pigs fly. I think I'd have to denounce Lucius and Draco on the village green before she'd even entertain the idea.
So...fine. She doesn't want any further contact. Open her letter, read it, let it be final, let it go. You made your bed; now lie in it. Stop acting like you did before your OWL scores came in.
The numb feeling was spreading down her shoulders now, and the room felt cold. Why does it matter so much? Why am I so damned afraid? Is it just that I don't want to fail at life--again? Is this real, or is it the loneliness talking? Do I really want Andie's company, or am I just desperate for company of any sort? What's the truth? How would I know? Andie is not a life-raft; it would be obscene to make her one.
Very well, then. That's decided; she won't be a life-raft. So open her letter. accept the fact that she doesn't want you in her life, and go on with yours the best you can. You have a husband and son you love; stop grieving over what you hurled away from yourself with great force.
Oh, bloody hell. That last thought did a lot of good, didn't it? What is wrong with me? What right do I have to cry? Andie's the one who lost loved ones. Why am I the one weeping a puddle?
Open your eyes, you stupid coward! Stop crying into your sleeves, and read the damned letter!
It was almost like being slapped by Bellatrix, but it worked. Narcissa took several ragged breaths, raised her head from her arms, and unfolded the note. She forced herself to fucus on Andie's handwriting.
Narcissa--
What do you want from me? Stop beating about the bush and tell me what it is exactly you want me to say or do.
You 've always had an ulterior motive of some sort and I would really appreciate a straight answer from you. Idle chit-chat was never part of your repertoire, Cissy.
Andromeda
Narcissa had to re-read it several times before she could finally believe what it said.
She didn't tell me to take a flying leap.
But she still might. Anything I write back to her--But if I don't write back to her, she can't tell me to not write.
Oh, that's brilliant logic. Way to rebuild a relationship. So what can I say that she'll believe?
Nothing. Nothing at all. Not even the truth. So why bother?
That thought made her feel icy. I have to bother. Someone has to bother. Otherwise, we'll just go to our graves like this. I don't want that. So how do I tell her?
Finally, Narcissa took out her quill pen and one sheet of notepaper.
Dear Andie,
I just want to talk and listen. You can tell me to go whenever you want.
Cissy
She couldn't remember feeling so tired in all of her life.
Game date: August 29, 2007
Time of day: 7pm
Characters featured: Narcissa Malfoy, Andromeda Tonks, Bellatrix LeStrange (mentioned)
Location: Malfoy Manor
Status: Personal/Reflective
Brief summary: Narcissa wrestles with correspondence and inner demons.
Completion: Complete
Warnings: Language
Narcissa fumbled around in her desk for an inkwell before remembering that her new quill pen didn't require inking. She took the garish purple thing out, smiled at it in amusement, and withdrew her hand from the drawer. The smile faded as her fingertips touched something--a tiny, folded-up note shoved into the drawer a few days ago.
Narcissa folded her arms on top of her escritoire, shut her eyes, and buried her face in her arms. It had been quite a few days since Andie had last written, and the sheer, miniscule size of her notepaper had said it all, without Narcissa having to open it. Get the hell out of my life; stop writing to me.
She squeezed her eyes even more tightly shut and cursed the numb, shaky feeling that was creeping over her at the thoght of it.
I couldn't be bothered to say two words to Andie during the last twenty years; why should I expect anything more in return, now? You reap what you sow. What have I sown but distance between us? I was the one who hero-worshipped Bella. I was the one who could hear no wrong of her, who wouldn't question her behavior, even when it frightened me. What reason have I ever given Andie to believe that i don't still feel that way?
And the hell of it is, I don't know how to convince her that I'm...
What? Different, now? Oh, I'm sure she'll believe that--when pigs fly. I think I'd have to denounce Lucius and Draco on the village green before she'd even entertain the idea.
So...fine. She doesn't want any further contact. Open her letter, read it, let it be final, let it go. You made your bed; now lie in it. Stop acting like you did before your OWL scores came in.
The numb feeling was spreading down her shoulders now, and the room felt cold. Why does it matter so much? Why am I so damned afraid? Is it just that I don't want to fail at life--again? Is this real, or is it the loneliness talking? Do I really want Andie's company, or am I just desperate for company of any sort? What's the truth? How would I know? Andie is not a life-raft; it would be obscene to make her one.
Very well, then. That's decided; she won't be a life-raft. So open her letter. accept the fact that she doesn't want you in her life, and go on with yours the best you can. You have a husband and son you love; stop grieving over what you hurled away from yourself with great force.
Oh, bloody hell. That last thought did a lot of good, didn't it? What is wrong with me? What right do I have to cry? Andie's the one who lost loved ones. Why am I the one weeping a puddle?
Open your eyes, you stupid coward! Stop crying into your sleeves, and read the damned letter!
It was almost like being slapped by Bellatrix, but it worked. Narcissa took several ragged breaths, raised her head from her arms, and unfolded the note. She forced herself to fucus on Andie's handwriting.
Narcissa--
What do you want from me? Stop beating about the bush and tell me what it is exactly you want me to say or do.
You 've always had an ulterior motive of some sort and I would really appreciate a straight answer from you. Idle chit-chat was never part of your repertoire, Cissy.
Andromeda
Narcissa had to re-read it several times before she could finally believe what it said.
She didn't tell me to take a flying leap.
But she still might. Anything I write back to her--But if I don't write back to her, she can't tell me to not write.
Oh, that's brilliant logic. Way to rebuild a relationship. So what can I say that she'll believe?
Nothing. Nothing at all. Not even the truth. So why bother?
That thought made her feel icy. I have to bother. Someone has to bother. Otherwise, we'll just go to our graves like this. I don't want that. So how do I tell her?
Finally, Narcissa took out her quill pen and one sheet of notepaper.
Dear Andie,
I just want to talk and listen. You can tell me to go whenever you want.
Cissy
She couldn't remember feeling so tired in all of her life.