Smackdown Courtesy of Mr. Kurt Hummel
Title: Smackdown Courtesy of Mr. Kurt Hummel
Fandom: Glee
Written: June, 2010
Rating: PG
Words: 1700
Summary: Kurt has a little chat with Jesse about what he did to Rachel.
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"St. James!"
Jesse turned, recognizing the voice and fixing a smile on his face. His expression was completely neutral, quite a feat for him these days. Truth be told, he'd been expecting this. They were still on McKinley campus, after all.
"Kurt," he raised his hand in a half-wave. "Hey. I saw you and the Cheerios on TV this weekend. Nice jo-"
"It's Hummel," Kurt held up a hand to stop him.
Jesse frowned, confused. "Since when? I thought you liked it when people call you by your first name."
"Exactly. I like it when people call me by my first name."
Jesse couldn't stop the sigh that escaped his lips. Yeah, he probably deserved that. But that didn't mean he wasn't going to retort back.
"What is this? Some sort of reverse psychology?"
"No," Kurt crossed his arms. "I'm just hoping you could clear something up for me." When Jesse said nothing, just raised an eyebrow, Kurt continued. "Were you really playing Rachel this entire time?"
Another sigh. He had expected this, but that didn't mean he had a rehearsed speech prepared. That probably would have been a good idea, in hindsight…
"I mean, what did you get out of it?" Kurt continued. "What was the point?"
"Look," Jesse held up his hands defensively. "I did it for Shelby."
Kurt threw his hands in the air, saying, "I knew it. I just knew it." He paused to fix a strand of hair out of his eyes, then shook his head. "So you were spying on us this entire time."
"No, no, nothing like that," Jesse backtracked.
"Then it was to get to Rachel," Kurt concluded. "You wanted to mess her up before regionals so you would win."
"No," Jesse's voice was firm and a little more forceful than he'd meant. A tight smile, then, "No, it wasn't like that. Yeah, I did it for Shelby, but it wasn't to spy on you or hurt Rachel. I would never hurt her."
"Says the guy who smashed an egg on her face."
"Look," Jesse's posture slumped, "I didn't want to. Honest."
"Then why did you?" Kurt's posture shifted. He was getting into a more comfortable position. At least that meant he would listen.
"Come on," Jesse was trying to reason with the other boy. "You're on the Cheerios. Doesn't the coach make you guys do something, you know, like for an initiation?"
"No, actually," Kurt cut him off. "Coach Sylvester might be completely bonkers and doesn't have a compassionate bone in her body, but she doesn't humiliate her Cheerios. And for your information, she was the one who asked me to join the squad, not the other way around."
"I don't doubt it," Jesse slipped in a compliment, trying to appease the obviously angry boy.
"And," Kurt wasn't finished, "the only time I was ever subjected to hazing was when Finn rejoined the football team. He had to slushie me to prove he was one of them again." A scowl crossed his face. "Since Finn, who is actually a good person who cares about others, couldn't do it, I ended up slushie-ing myself. It's called 'taking one for the team.' I wouldn't expect you to understand that."
Jesse frowned again, but he tried explaining himself again nonetheless.
"You know Shelby is Rachel's mom, right?" Jesse wanted to make sure they were on the same page.
"Yes," Kurt crossed his arms but didn't say anything else.
"Well, she asked me to get close to Rachel so they could find each other."
"And she didn't just tell Rachel herself because…?"
"She signed some contract or something," Jesse shook his head. "I dunno, I didn't ask about it. But that's all I was doing, I swear."
"But neither of you thought about how heartbroken Rachel was going to be when she found out what was really going on?" Kurt's hands moved to his hips. "For two people that supposedly care about her, you two have a funny way of showing it."
"I'm a member of Vocal Adrenaline," Jesse said this matter-of-factly. "It's part of who I am. You can't ask me to change that."
"Yes, I can," Kurt shifted his posture again, standing a bit taller. "You were a part of New Directions, Jesse-"
"I thought it was St. James," Jesse smirked before he could stop himself. Kurt's scowl that followed shut him up.
"You were a part of New Directions, St. James," Kurt rolled his eyes. "We accepted you into our group even though nobody believed you were really there for Rachel. And it turns out, surprise surprise, that we were right.
"I don't care that you have a voice that belongs on Broadway or dance moves that probably make the entire female teenage population swoon. I don't care that you're probably top of the social chain at Carmel. I don't care that you're a star. In New Directions, we're a team. We do things for the good of the team. So no, Jesse, we're not going to listen to you for every little thing. Sorry if we didn't give you the star treatment you're used to, but New Directions is a team."
"I have a team. Vocal Adrenaline."
"That's not a team," Kurt scoffed. "You're a bunch of soulless robots who take no joy out of what you do. We were a team. I'm just sorry you can't see that."
Kurt turned on his heel and stalked off, leaving Jesse not entirely sure how he was supposed to feel.
"Kurt!" he called after the boy, who turned, looking over his shoulder.
Deep breath. "I'm sorry."
Kurt turned around fully, hands back on his hips.
"You know, I would have thought a musical buff like you would understand Jonathan Larson's words by now."
No day but today? What?
"Don't say the answer. Actions speak louder than words."
"Um, actually it's 'Don't say the answer, baby.'"
"St. James, do you have a single emotion in your body that's not pompous, conceited, or self-centered? In what universe would I ever call you 'baby'?" Kurt looked skyward, making the sign of the cross and saying, "Dear Larson, forgive me for the necessary alteration of your lyrics." His attention back on Jesse, he added, "Excuse me for not wanting to bestow a term of endearment upon your overly-gelled, badly-styled, toxic-fuming hot air balloon you call a head."
This time when Kurt turned and left, he left a speechless Jesse St. James behind him.
"Hey you."
Kurt looked to his left, nearly jumping out of his skin when Rachel stepped out from behind the dumpster. Hand on his heart, he choked, "Don't do that! I thought you were someone from the football team - or Vocal Adrenaline - here to toss me in."
"Sorry," she actually looked it.
"Is there a reason princess Rachel Berry was skulking behind the dumpster?" Kurt asked, offering her his arm as he continued back towards the school. She laughed, no doubt because of his princess comment. He rolled his eyes; she should be used to the nickname by now. It was the closest she was going to get to any form of nickname or pet name from Kurt Hummel. He didn't do cute-sy terms of endearment like his stereotype called for.
"Yes, actually," one hand was fiddling with the hem of her sweater. "I came outside with every intention of starting a verbal sparring match with Jesse, but it seems you beat me to it."
"Really?" Kurt was taken aback. Rachel could talk up a storm whenever she wanted, but he hadn't realized anyone had actually followed Vocal Adrenaline outside of the auditorium. He had had to bodily extricate himself from Mercedes' and Quinn's group-bear hug just to get off the stage, never mind out of the room. He figured Rachel had been similarly occupied.
"Yes," Rachel's cheeks were flushed. "So I guess now I should thank you."
"For what?" Kurt tried to shrug the whole matter off as if it had been nothing. "I'm sure anyone would have done the same. Finn, Mercedes, probably even Matt would have opened his mouth and said something for once."
"I know," Rachel tugged his arm closer, her cheek at his shoulder, "but you were the one who actually left the group to tell him. Thanks, Kurt. That really means a lot to me."
"Don't go all sappy on me, princess," Kurt gave her a light shove with his free hand, causing her to hop on one foot to regain her balance, their linked arms helping considerably. "You get tears on this shirt, you're paying for the dry cleaning bill."
"Do you want to come over on Thursday?" Rachel asked him suddenly. "Every Thursday my dads and I get Chinese and pop in an old movie musical. I heard you talking about Liza Minelli the other day, so I just assumed you liked that sort of thing. I mean, it's fine if you don't, we could do something another time, I just thought it might be nice to all hang out so you could meet my dads, because they'd totally love you-"
"Rachel, shut up," Kurt cut her off. "That sounds great." He raised an eyebrow, looking sideways at her and adding, "As long as you promise to come to my post-regionals party."
"You're having a post-regionals party?" Rachel was immediately interested. "But what if we lose?"
"Then we can be a miserable bunch of lumps in my basement. It'll be awesome."
"How is not moving fun?"
"Sometimes I swear you think too much, Princess..."
Fandom: Glee
Written: June, 2010
Rating: PG
Words: 1700
Summary: Kurt has a little chat with Jesse about what he did to Rachel.
------
"St. James!"
Jesse turned, recognizing the voice and fixing a smile on his face. His expression was completely neutral, quite a feat for him these days. Truth be told, he'd been expecting this. They were still on McKinley campus, after all.
"Kurt," he raised his hand in a half-wave. "Hey. I saw you and the Cheerios on TV this weekend. Nice jo-"
"It's Hummel," Kurt held up a hand to stop him.
Jesse frowned, confused. "Since when? I thought you liked it when people call you by your first name."
"Exactly. I like it when people call me by my first name."
Jesse couldn't stop the sigh that escaped his lips. Yeah, he probably deserved that. But that didn't mean he wasn't going to retort back.
"What is this? Some sort of reverse psychology?"
"No," Kurt crossed his arms. "I'm just hoping you could clear something up for me." When Jesse said nothing, just raised an eyebrow, Kurt continued. "Were you really playing Rachel this entire time?"
Another sigh. He had expected this, but that didn't mean he had a rehearsed speech prepared. That probably would have been a good idea, in hindsight…
"I mean, what did you get out of it?" Kurt continued. "What was the point?"
"Look," Jesse held up his hands defensively. "I did it for Shelby."
Kurt threw his hands in the air, saying, "I knew it. I just knew it." He paused to fix a strand of hair out of his eyes, then shook his head. "So you were spying on us this entire time."
"No, no, nothing like that," Jesse backtracked.
"Then it was to get to Rachel," Kurt concluded. "You wanted to mess her up before regionals so you would win."
"No," Jesse's voice was firm and a little more forceful than he'd meant. A tight smile, then, "No, it wasn't like that. Yeah, I did it for Shelby, but it wasn't to spy on you or hurt Rachel. I would never hurt her."
"Says the guy who smashed an egg on her face."
"Look," Jesse's posture slumped, "I didn't want to. Honest."
"Then why did you?" Kurt's posture shifted. He was getting into a more comfortable position. At least that meant he would listen.
"Come on," Jesse was trying to reason with the other boy. "You're on the Cheerios. Doesn't the coach make you guys do something, you know, like for an initiation?"
"No, actually," Kurt cut him off. "Coach Sylvester might be completely bonkers and doesn't have a compassionate bone in her body, but she doesn't humiliate her Cheerios. And for your information, she was the one who asked me to join the squad, not the other way around."
"I don't doubt it," Jesse slipped in a compliment, trying to appease the obviously angry boy.
"And," Kurt wasn't finished, "the only time I was ever subjected to hazing was when Finn rejoined the football team. He had to slushie me to prove he was one of them again." A scowl crossed his face. "Since Finn, who is actually a good person who cares about others, couldn't do it, I ended up slushie-ing myself. It's called 'taking one for the team.' I wouldn't expect you to understand that."
Jesse frowned again, but he tried explaining himself again nonetheless.
"You know Shelby is Rachel's mom, right?" Jesse wanted to make sure they were on the same page.
"Yes," Kurt crossed his arms but didn't say anything else.
"Well, she asked me to get close to Rachel so they could find each other."
"And she didn't just tell Rachel herself because…?"
"She signed some contract or something," Jesse shook his head. "I dunno, I didn't ask about it. But that's all I was doing, I swear."
"But neither of you thought about how heartbroken Rachel was going to be when she found out what was really going on?" Kurt's hands moved to his hips. "For two people that supposedly care about her, you two have a funny way of showing it."
"I'm a member of Vocal Adrenaline," Jesse said this matter-of-factly. "It's part of who I am. You can't ask me to change that."
"Yes, I can," Kurt shifted his posture again, standing a bit taller. "You were a part of New Directions, Jesse-"
"I thought it was St. James," Jesse smirked before he could stop himself. Kurt's scowl that followed shut him up.
"You were a part of New Directions, St. James," Kurt rolled his eyes. "We accepted you into our group even though nobody believed you were really there for Rachel. And it turns out, surprise surprise, that we were right.
"I don't care that you have a voice that belongs on Broadway or dance moves that probably make the entire female teenage population swoon. I don't care that you're probably top of the social chain at Carmel. I don't care that you're a star. In New Directions, we're a team. We do things for the good of the team. So no, Jesse, we're not going to listen to you for every little thing. Sorry if we didn't give you the star treatment you're used to, but New Directions is a team."
"I have a team. Vocal Adrenaline."
"That's not a team," Kurt scoffed. "You're a bunch of soulless robots who take no joy out of what you do. We were a team. I'm just sorry you can't see that."
Kurt turned on his heel and stalked off, leaving Jesse not entirely sure how he was supposed to feel.
"Kurt!" he called after the boy, who turned, looking over his shoulder.
Deep breath. "I'm sorry."
Kurt turned around fully, hands back on his hips.
"You know, I would have thought a musical buff like you would understand Jonathan Larson's words by now."
No day but today? What?
"Don't say the answer. Actions speak louder than words."
"Um, actually it's 'Don't say the answer, baby.'"
"St. James, do you have a single emotion in your body that's not pompous, conceited, or self-centered? In what universe would I ever call you 'baby'?" Kurt looked skyward, making the sign of the cross and saying, "Dear Larson, forgive me for the necessary alteration of your lyrics." His attention back on Jesse, he added, "Excuse me for not wanting to bestow a term of endearment upon your overly-gelled, badly-styled, toxic-fuming hot air balloon you call a head."
This time when Kurt turned and left, he left a speechless Jesse St. James behind him.
"Hey you."
Kurt looked to his left, nearly jumping out of his skin when Rachel stepped out from behind the dumpster. Hand on his heart, he choked, "Don't do that! I thought you were someone from the football team - or Vocal Adrenaline - here to toss me in."
"Sorry," she actually looked it.
"Is there a reason princess Rachel Berry was skulking behind the dumpster?" Kurt asked, offering her his arm as he continued back towards the school. She laughed, no doubt because of his princess comment. He rolled his eyes; she should be used to the nickname by now. It was the closest she was going to get to any form of nickname or pet name from Kurt Hummel. He didn't do cute-sy terms of endearment like his stereotype called for.
"Yes, actually," one hand was fiddling with the hem of her sweater. "I came outside with every intention of starting a verbal sparring match with Jesse, but it seems you beat me to it."
"Really?" Kurt was taken aback. Rachel could talk up a storm whenever she wanted, but he hadn't realized anyone had actually followed Vocal Adrenaline outside of the auditorium. He had had to bodily extricate himself from Mercedes' and Quinn's group-bear hug just to get off the stage, never mind out of the room. He figured Rachel had been similarly occupied.
"Yes," Rachel's cheeks were flushed. "So I guess now I should thank you."
"For what?" Kurt tried to shrug the whole matter off as if it had been nothing. "I'm sure anyone would have done the same. Finn, Mercedes, probably even Matt would have opened his mouth and said something for once."
"I know," Rachel tugged his arm closer, her cheek at his shoulder, "but you were the one who actually left the group to tell him. Thanks, Kurt. That really means a lot to me."
"Don't go all sappy on me, princess," Kurt gave her a light shove with his free hand, causing her to hop on one foot to regain her balance, their linked arms helping considerably. "You get tears on this shirt, you're paying for the dry cleaning bill."
"Do you want to come over on Thursday?" Rachel asked him suddenly. "Every Thursday my dads and I get Chinese and pop in an old movie musical. I heard you talking about Liza Minelli the other day, so I just assumed you liked that sort of thing. I mean, it's fine if you don't, we could do something another time, I just thought it might be nice to all hang out so you could meet my dads, because they'd totally love you-"
"Rachel, shut up," Kurt cut her off. "That sounds great." He raised an eyebrow, looking sideways at her and adding, "As long as you promise to come to my post-regionals party."
"You're having a post-regionals party?" Rachel was immediately interested. "But what if we lose?"
"Then we can be a miserable bunch of lumps in my basement. It'll be awesome."
"How is not moving fun?"
"Sometimes I swear you think too much, Princess..."