You know what? I don't care. I don't care how long you are gone, how often you retreat, what you post when you surface, or how regularly you check in. You are HERE and THERE and you are so damn brilliant and so very interesting and your writing is so beautiful that I'll take these few paragraphs and cling to them and hope you feel my appreciation.
I'm sorry you feel guilty, as I wish you would not. I wish things were better, easier, and less painful for you -- always I hope for that -- but when they are not, I want you to just take care and not worry about things like this.
*pets you...in a friendly, non-threatening way, of course*
I have a whole load of backstory that is trying to retrofix itself into the opening chapter - unfortunately I am now wise to its wiley ways (or so I think) and aim to scoop out a]the morning after fucking with the bellhop (too Joe Dick) and b] huge reams about Inuvik and the secret life of White Wolf Records.
Right now, I am just trying to get the backstory out into some place of its own for consults and things like that...
(so, hey, I have some random Turnbull with repressed teenage lust and confusion.. and ghosts... I just need to feed all the shamanic stuff in too (I just can't bear to excise it because it is so good and right and ties in wonderfully) and some reinterperation of the whole (canon) Carribou incident.
And it makes the wall stuff make sense a bit more (I'm not sure I posted that at any point which is sad but out of context))
Actually, that makes me feel way more in control *grin* )
Sweetie, promises to yourself are the worst kind because then when you break them, you're the one beating yourself up about it. You post when and what you can; you really have no obligation to post when you don't feel like it.
Ok first off I'm confiscating that Leonard Cohen from you! *snatch* Too depressing. Next thing you know you'll be listening to the Smiths!
Take whatever time off you need to recover. YOu don't owe us (your readers) anything and yet we do hunger to hear from you. Anything. fandom, rl, stitching, comic book heroes! anything. But that is not required. A fully, whole, functioning buzzy is what we require. If that means time off. Then what are you waiting for?
Hell you miss the old you? I miss the old me when the most exciting thing that happened to me daily was finding a new fanfic author I liked.
And yes, L. Cohen is hot. I am a total sucker for cute bagel-boys. seriously. *blush* Did i say that outloud?
I don't know if it was me you mentioned in there, but whether or not, don't fret on my account. I am only half-here myself because of school, and I consider any conversation we've been having as still in progress and not stalled. We just have to manage the communications in installments. And only when time and other circumstances allow. Everything's all right. Send whatever, whenever, and I'll look forward to it.
Probably those thoughts depressed you because you judged yourself as having done something wrong, and you haven't. No need to feel guilty! So you haven't been able to do everything you wanted/expected/promised to do? So what? You set the bar way too high for one human being! You have an enormous capacity to imagine, and that's not a bad thing, dear one.
I don't get a fraction done of what I intend to do, either. It doesn't matter. What matters is the joy you can have. I wish you joy
( ... )
Now, now, now, NOW...papajoemamboJune 23 2009, 21:15:31 UTC
I will not humbly abide as you denegrate yourself, Bee. I will not sit for it, not in the least. You are not a bad person, you are just a very very busy one.
None of us think any less of you whatsoever just because you are too comitted to ACTUAL promises and responsibilities.
You are a wonderful Bee and a good one, and one who is certainly MOST WORTHY, and you worry about things a great deal. If Unca Lennie is helping you coax yourself into a sadness, just listen to CLOSING TIME again, and know that all is well. CLOSING TIME is balm for the anguish of most Unca Lennie, and was written at the happiest time of his life (well, before Rebecca DeMornay decided that, as he was telling her, he really WAS too old for her).
You are far from the unworthy person you fool yourelf into thinking you are -- take it from those of us who look forward to whatever you say whenever you say it, Kiddo.
XO J
PS: I'm thinking of going back to school and letting my hobby be my hobby again - now, what to take? - there's the rub.
Comments 9
I'm sorry you feel guilty, as I wish you would not. I wish things were better, easier, and less painful for you -- always I hope for that -- but when they are not, I want you to just take care and not worry about things like this.
*pets you...in a friendly, non-threatening way, of course*
Reply
Right now, I am just trying to get the backstory out into some place of its own for consults and things like that...
(so, hey, I have some random Turnbull with repressed teenage lust and confusion.. and ghosts... I just need to feed all the shamanic stuff in too (I just can't bear to excise it because it is so good and right and ties in wonderfully) and some reinterperation of the whole (canon) Carribou incident.
And it makes the wall stuff make sense a bit more (I'm not sure I posted that at any point which is sad but out of context))
Actually, that makes me feel way more in control *grin* )
Reply
And we'll all still love you so ♥
Reply
Take whatever time off you need to recover. YOu don't owe us (your readers) anything and yet we do hunger to hear from you. Anything. fandom, rl, stitching, comic book heroes! anything. But that is not required. A fully, whole, functioning buzzy is what we require. If that means time off. Then what are you waiting for?
Hell you miss the old you? I miss the old me when the most exciting thing that happened to me daily was finding a new fanfic author I liked.
And yes, L. Cohen is hot. I am a total sucker for cute bagel-boys. seriously. *blush* Did i say that outloud?
Reply
I don't know if it was me you mentioned in there, but whether or not, don't fret on my account. I am only half-here myself because of school, and I consider any conversation we've been having as still in progress and not stalled. We just have to manage the communications in installments. And only when time and other circumstances allow. Everything's all right. Send whatever, whenever, and I'll look forward to it.
Probably those thoughts depressed you because you judged yourself as having done something wrong, and you haven't. No need to feel guilty! So you haven't been able to do everything you wanted/expected/promised to do? So what? You set the bar way too high for one human being! You have an enormous capacity to imagine, and that's not a bad thing, dear one.
I don't get a fraction done of what I intend to do, either. It doesn't matter. What matters is the joy you can have. I wish you joy ( ... )
Reply
I will not humbly abide as you denegrate yourself, Bee. I will not sit for it, not in the least. You are not a bad person, you are just a very very busy one.
None of us think any less of you whatsoever just because you are too comitted to ACTUAL promises and responsibilities.
You are a wonderful Bee and a good one, and one who is certainly MOST WORTHY, and you worry about things a great deal. If Unca Lennie is helping you coax yourself into a sadness, just listen to CLOSING TIME again, and know that all is well. CLOSING TIME is balm for the anguish of most Unca Lennie, and was written at the happiest time of his life (well, before Rebecca DeMornay decided that, as he was telling her, he really WAS too old for her).
You are far from the unworthy person you fool yourelf into thinking you are -- take it from those of us who look forward to whatever you say whenever you say it, Kiddo.
XO
J
PS: I'm thinking of going back to school and letting my hobby be my hobby again - now, what to take? - there's the rub.
Reply
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