Marauders to the End: Year One, Chapter Twenty-One
TITLE: The King of Hearts
FANDOM: Harry Potter
CHARACTERS: Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, James Potter, Peter Pettigrew, Professor McGonagall, Professor Dumbledore, OCs
RATING: PG-13
WARNINGS: None
SUMMARY: The boys get rid of a difficult DADA teacher.
AUTHOR COMMENTARY: This is the final chapter of the first year. There is no fourth wall. And again, my sister co-wrote part of it, and the thesaurus did the rest.
“Do we really want to be seen doing this?” Remus asked the next morning.
“Of course,” Sirius replied. “If we aren’t seen, he’ll assume it was seventh years, and will stay on the assumption that no one will do anything like it ever again. However, he’ll see us, and realize that if he stays, he’ll have to deal with us for another six years.”
“You know, you’re a real bitch sometimes,” Remus commented. “So how long do we have?”
“About thirty-seven seconds,” Sirius answered. “You know what to do?”
“Yeah,” Remus said. “Run and make as much noise as possible.”
“And remember,” Sirius whispered, one eye on his watch. “Don’t get caught. Five... four... three... two... one...”
There was a loud bang from behind the door Sirius and Remus were standing next to. The pair of them took off. A second later, James and Peter dashed out of the room. James was carrying a pair of standard black pants, Peter clutched a common Muggle air horn. Behind them was a very, very angry Professor Fenris, dressed in nothing but a black tank top and boxer shorts with red hearts on them, clutching the pole from over his bed and shouting.
“THIEVES!” he screamed. “BURGLERS! BANDITS!”
James tossed the pants to Peter as the four boys turned a sharp corner and started running down another corridor.
“ROBBERS! PLUNDERERS! LARCENERS!”
Peter tossed the pants to Remus, who was doing his best to out-shout Fenris, although he was wondering if that was necessary.
“PUNKS! CROOKS! MOONLIGHTERS!”
Sirius whooped as the pants came to him just as they reached the stairs and slid down the banisters. Any punishment they got for this one was worth it.
“HEISTERS! HIGHWAY ROBBERS! HIJACKERS!”
“How long can we keep this up before he runs out of synonyms?” Peter asked James as he caught the pants again.
“All the way through the Great Hall and back,” James answered, taking the pants and leading the way to the great double doors.
“CHEATS! CRIMINALS! SPIDERS!”
The boys ran through the hall, where breakfast was taking place, still tossing the pants back and forth between them, Professor Fenris continuing to shout and brandish his pole.
The entire student body burst out laughing at the sight of Professor Fenris in red heart boxers. Most of the teachers looked absolutely mortified, although Dumbledore had his trademark twinkle in his eyes. “You know, Minerva,” he said to Professor McGonagall who was attempting to restore order. “I don’t think we’ve had a show like this since 1953. It really brings back memories, doesn’t it?”
“Long suppressed memories,” McGonagall responded while trying not to smile. “I suppose I’d better give those boys detentions.”
“No, let them go,” Dumbledore advised. “After all, they’ll be gone in a week. Just deduct some House points. I’ll give the lecture.”
“If you insist,” she sighed.
Meanwhile, the four boys had led Professor Fenris on a chase that ended back at his office, where Sirius dropped the pants by the door and the four went to breakfast to receive their punishment.
Their punishment was Dumbledore telling them that they shouldn’t abuse Professors like that, that they disrupted the peace, and that one hundred points had been taken from Gryffindor, putting them at the bottom of the table. The boys shrugged it off, knowing that the rest of the Gryffindors were already mad at them for losing so many points over the year.
The best part came when Professor Fenris, fully clothed, came into the Great Hall a few minutes after this speech had been delivered and informed Professor Dumbledore that he was resigning.
“I will not stay another year with this bunch of defalcators... these... porch climbers... these thieving, mischief-making, disorderly... MARAUDERS!” he shouted, his face turning as red as the hearts on his boxers.
Professor Dumbledore looked at him calmly, and said, “Of course. We’ll miss your contributions, Professor. You have definitely given us all... heart.”
Professor Fenris stared at him for a moment, then marched out of the school forever.
“You know,” Sirius said that night in the dorm. “I rather like the sound of what he called us.”
“Which one?” Peter asked.
“Marauders,” Sirius answered. “It works well for us, doesn’t it?”
“Yeah,” Remus agreed. “It does.”
“Shall we have it for our group name?” James asked excitedly.
The boys glanced at each other. “Yeah,” Sirius said.
“Of course,” Remus nodded.
“Definitely,” Peter agreed.
“Then that we are,” James said. “Marauders to the end.”
Over the last week of school, their exam results came back, and all four boys discovered that Professor Fenris had graded their exams before they had pulled their monumental prank. At least, the newly-dubbed Marauders assumed this, since they all got high grades on the exam. Sirius had scored perfectly on the exam, although his class grade was rather low due to his essays. Over the course of the year, he had written over a thousand feet for Professor Fenris alone, and not one word of it had been believed.
James scored highest in Transfiguration, of course. Professor McGonagall privately told him that, while she didn’t use snuff, she was going to keep his box to hold other small objects. The others were turned back into mice and let loose in the castle, to be re-caught and used next year.
Peter discovered that his Charms, Transfiguration, and Defense Against the Dark Arts exams hadn’t gone as badly as he thought they would, although he would have to study extra-hard next year. His Potions and Herbology exams more than made up for the others, so he didn’t have to repeat the year. Thank Merlin.
Remus got high marks in everything. His marks weren’t as high as James and Sirius had gotten, but he was satisfied with slightly lower marks. After all, no matter what sort of grades he got, it wouldn’t help him in the real world with his condition. Although, in the last few months, he’d been able to forget it for long periods of time. In fact, he’d managed to forget all his problems. But now it was time to go home. It was time to face them all again.
Their bags were packed, and it was time to leave. Back on the boats that had brought them so long ago. Back on the train, where the Marauders got their own compartment. Soon, it would be back to London.
“You know,” James said, as they took one last look at their beloved school that had done so much for them. “I think this year was fairly boring.”
“Fairly boring?” Peter repeated. “You pulled four or five pranks, got rid of a bad teacher, watched several Quidditch matches, nearly got killed by a tree several times, made friends with a werewo-“
“Shut up!” Remus snarled.
“Er, someone with a severe disability, and you think this year was ‘fairly boring?’”
“Well, yeah,” James answered. “I mean, we didn’t discover any conspiracies to take over the world or battle evil wizards or anything like that. There didn’t even seem to be an overall plot for the year.”
“Did you expect one?” Sirius asked. “I mean, life doesn’t have a plot, does it? You just kind of go along with it, and it eventually all makes sense. Unfortunately, by that time you’re usually dead.”
“Stop being melodramatic,” Remus said. “It will make sense when you realize that it’s not supposed to. Besides, I feel like this year was just setting us up and preparing us for something bigger.”
“I guess so,” James sighed. “Well, maybe next year will be more exciting.”
“Maybe,” Peter said.
The Marauders looked at each other and began to laugh, and no matter what came after, no matter what difficulties were before them, they would always share that one moment of laughter.
And so they rode away from their new home.
FANDOM: Harry Potter
CHARACTERS: Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, James Potter, Peter Pettigrew, Professor McGonagall, Professor Dumbledore, OCs
RATING: PG-13
WARNINGS: None
SUMMARY: The boys get rid of a difficult DADA teacher.
AUTHOR COMMENTARY: This is the final chapter of the first year. There is no fourth wall. And again, my sister co-wrote part of it, and the thesaurus did the rest.
“Do we really want to be seen doing this?” Remus asked the next morning.
“Of course,” Sirius replied. “If we aren’t seen, he’ll assume it was seventh years, and will stay on the assumption that no one will do anything like it ever again. However, he’ll see us, and realize that if he stays, he’ll have to deal with us for another six years.”
“You know, you’re a real bitch sometimes,” Remus commented. “So how long do we have?”
“About thirty-seven seconds,” Sirius answered. “You know what to do?”
“Yeah,” Remus said. “Run and make as much noise as possible.”
“And remember,” Sirius whispered, one eye on his watch. “Don’t get caught. Five... four... three... two... one...”
There was a loud bang from behind the door Sirius and Remus were standing next to. The pair of them took off. A second later, James and Peter dashed out of the room. James was carrying a pair of standard black pants, Peter clutched a common Muggle air horn. Behind them was a very, very angry Professor Fenris, dressed in nothing but a black tank top and boxer shorts with red hearts on them, clutching the pole from over his bed and shouting.
“THIEVES!” he screamed. “BURGLERS! BANDITS!”
James tossed the pants to Peter as the four boys turned a sharp corner and started running down another corridor.
“ROBBERS! PLUNDERERS! LARCENERS!”
Peter tossed the pants to Remus, who was doing his best to out-shout Fenris, although he was wondering if that was necessary.
“PUNKS! CROOKS! MOONLIGHTERS!”
Sirius whooped as the pants came to him just as they reached the stairs and slid down the banisters. Any punishment they got for this one was worth it.
“HEISTERS! HIGHWAY ROBBERS! HIJACKERS!”
“How long can we keep this up before he runs out of synonyms?” Peter asked James as he caught the pants again.
“All the way through the Great Hall and back,” James answered, taking the pants and leading the way to the great double doors.
“CHEATS! CRIMINALS! SPIDERS!”
The boys ran through the hall, where breakfast was taking place, still tossing the pants back and forth between them, Professor Fenris continuing to shout and brandish his pole.
The entire student body burst out laughing at the sight of Professor Fenris in red heart boxers. Most of the teachers looked absolutely mortified, although Dumbledore had his trademark twinkle in his eyes. “You know, Minerva,” he said to Professor McGonagall who was attempting to restore order. “I don’t think we’ve had a show like this since 1953. It really brings back memories, doesn’t it?”
“Long suppressed memories,” McGonagall responded while trying not to smile. “I suppose I’d better give those boys detentions.”
“No, let them go,” Dumbledore advised. “After all, they’ll be gone in a week. Just deduct some House points. I’ll give the lecture.”
“If you insist,” she sighed.
Meanwhile, the four boys had led Professor Fenris on a chase that ended back at his office, where Sirius dropped the pants by the door and the four went to breakfast to receive their punishment.
Their punishment was Dumbledore telling them that they shouldn’t abuse Professors like that, that they disrupted the peace, and that one hundred points had been taken from Gryffindor, putting them at the bottom of the table. The boys shrugged it off, knowing that the rest of the Gryffindors were already mad at them for losing so many points over the year.
The best part came when Professor Fenris, fully clothed, came into the Great Hall a few minutes after this speech had been delivered and informed Professor Dumbledore that he was resigning.
“I will not stay another year with this bunch of defalcators... these... porch climbers... these thieving, mischief-making, disorderly... MARAUDERS!” he shouted, his face turning as red as the hearts on his boxers.
Professor Dumbledore looked at him calmly, and said, “Of course. We’ll miss your contributions, Professor. You have definitely given us all... heart.”
Professor Fenris stared at him for a moment, then marched out of the school forever.
“You know,” Sirius said that night in the dorm. “I rather like the sound of what he called us.”
“Which one?” Peter asked.
“Marauders,” Sirius answered. “It works well for us, doesn’t it?”
“Yeah,” Remus agreed. “It does.”
“Shall we have it for our group name?” James asked excitedly.
The boys glanced at each other. “Yeah,” Sirius said.
“Of course,” Remus nodded.
“Definitely,” Peter agreed.
“Then that we are,” James said. “Marauders to the end.”
Over the last week of school, their exam results came back, and all four boys discovered that Professor Fenris had graded their exams before they had pulled their monumental prank. At least, the newly-dubbed Marauders assumed this, since they all got high grades on the exam. Sirius had scored perfectly on the exam, although his class grade was rather low due to his essays. Over the course of the year, he had written over a thousand feet for Professor Fenris alone, and not one word of it had been believed.
James scored highest in Transfiguration, of course. Professor McGonagall privately told him that, while she didn’t use snuff, she was going to keep his box to hold other small objects. The others were turned back into mice and let loose in the castle, to be re-caught and used next year.
Peter discovered that his Charms, Transfiguration, and Defense Against the Dark Arts exams hadn’t gone as badly as he thought they would, although he would have to study extra-hard next year. His Potions and Herbology exams more than made up for the others, so he didn’t have to repeat the year. Thank Merlin.
Remus got high marks in everything. His marks weren’t as high as James and Sirius had gotten, but he was satisfied with slightly lower marks. After all, no matter what sort of grades he got, it wouldn’t help him in the real world with his condition. Although, in the last few months, he’d been able to forget it for long periods of time. In fact, he’d managed to forget all his problems. But now it was time to go home. It was time to face them all again.
Their bags were packed, and it was time to leave. Back on the boats that had brought them so long ago. Back on the train, where the Marauders got their own compartment. Soon, it would be back to London.
“You know,” James said, as they took one last look at their beloved school that had done so much for them. “I think this year was fairly boring.”
“Fairly boring?” Peter repeated. “You pulled four or five pranks, got rid of a bad teacher, watched several Quidditch matches, nearly got killed by a tree several times, made friends with a werewo-“
“Shut up!” Remus snarled.
“Er, someone with a severe disability, and you think this year was ‘fairly boring?’”
“Well, yeah,” James answered. “I mean, we didn’t discover any conspiracies to take over the world or battle evil wizards or anything like that. There didn’t even seem to be an overall plot for the year.”
“Did you expect one?” Sirius asked. “I mean, life doesn’t have a plot, does it? You just kind of go along with it, and it eventually all makes sense. Unfortunately, by that time you’re usually dead.”
“Stop being melodramatic,” Remus said. “It will make sense when you realize that it’s not supposed to. Besides, I feel like this year was just setting us up and preparing us for something bigger.”
“I guess so,” James sighed. “Well, maybe next year will be more exciting.”
“Maybe,” Peter said.
The Marauders looked at each other and began to laugh, and no matter what came after, no matter what difficulties were before them, they would always share that one moment of laughter.
And so they rode away from their new home.