I spy a chance (to change the world)
Title: I spy a chance (to change the world)
Characters: Jenny Humphrey, William Van der Woodsen, Chuck Bass
Rating/Word Count: PG/736
One-Line Excerpt: 'Jenny Humphrey: International Woman of Mystery' has a nice ring to it.
They find her when she’s boarding the train for Hudson.
She’s been banished to the other side of town (this time by choice, but Jenny considers this an extraneous detail) and today is not a good day to be accosted by strangers in trench coats so she snaps, “I have no interest in your penis," even before she turns around.
The man smirks, a little too much Chuck, and she shudders.
“Miss Humphrey,” a firm hand on her elbow, “We’d like to ask you some questions.”
She’s taken to a dark room.
“We almost couldn’t identify you without your makeup on.”
“I didn’t know the CIA was allowed to be so snippy.”
"We’re The Organization; better dental.”
They pour water over her head and wave a confidentiality statement in her face.
“Would you like to join us?”
‘Jenny Humphrey: International Woman of Mystery’ has a nice ring to it. Besides, there’s nothing better to do in Hudson anyways.
“Whatever.”
Afterwards the faux flasher reaches across the table and takes her hand to shake it.
“Marcus.”
After growing up surrounded by Chuck’s and Blair’s and Serena’s and Hazel’s she forgets to be surprised.
“I’ll be your handler.”
Finally the situation beings to sink in. Her parents are going to think she went to a rehabilitation center for her supposed drug problem, Rufus will be even more disappointed with her, Eric won’t be able to contact her anymore; Jenny wavers.
“Trench coats are only for perverts.”
(Jenny’s never watched Alias but she’s seen enough to know that Sydney Bristow always has the best outfits.)
“I’ll take a note of that.”
Marcus puts her in training right away and Jenny discovers that there are scarier things than Blair Waldorf.
The Organization forces her to run harder than she’s ever run before, teaches her how to shoot guns that weigh twice as much as she does, and shows her how to build a bomb out of nothing more than two hairpins, a can of hairspray, and some baking soda. Immediately she takes to the six millimeter; loves how it can fit in those clutches she used to design.
Jenny trades headbands for handguns.
One day she is sent back to the Upper East Side.
At first she lies-there is something upsetting about seeing Rufus and Dan after all this time, but she no longer has the time to identify why-and says that her objectivity could be compromised but everyone knows better. Even while living there, she was pitiless.
Jenny’s never had much use for the sentimental.
When they hand her the file on her target she loses her breath-half with laughter, half with shock.
“Will you be okay?” Marcus asks.
She rolls her eyes. “Obviously.”
(Before reaching the East Coast Jenny makes sure to stop by Miami first.
“Mr. Van der Bilt,” Jenny smiles, two thirds the way The Organization taught her and one third the way she used to. “I need your help.”)
She takes Chuck to the roof again but this time it’s a nine millimeter pressing against her thigh.
When Chuck Bass is declared dead William Van der Bilt is the coroner assigned. Not his usual fair to be sure, but it’s a favor to the family. The public sighs; it’s always so good to be Chuck Bass.
The headlines scream of the brutal mugging in Prague and how Little Charlie Bass had just held on to a ring worth more in sentimental value than the giant diamond adorning it.
His family will mourn; Eric sniffing for the brother he once knew, Serena wearing another inappropriate dress just in a darker color, and Lilly tearing delicately, careful not to smudge her makeup. Blair, in particular, will weep continuously, vindicated by the fact that he had died loving her. It is this fact that enables her to forgive him when they find out that a certain portion of Bass Industries funds had been invested in an underground prostitution ring otherwise known as “The Dollhouse.” (She can empathize after all.)
Obviously, Lilly had known nothing.
At the funeral Jenny and William will raise their glasses to world peace.
Later, when she and Marcus become friends (or at least have shared a drunken kiss as all cliché spy movies do) she asks him why they chose her.
“You’re ruthless.”
Jenny pauses; considers the connotations the word had when hurled in her face at sixteen, then smiles.
“You should meet my friend. Her name’s George. Regina George.”