tea parties and picnics in the park
how lovely
so enchanté

excuse me dear
while i give your boyfriend
a blowjob?

does blood have a smell?
rather like hot copper or sickly thick dust and syrup
heavy
on one's tounge

the bruises on my neck aroused a few reactions
i could only laugh and think about the scratches on your back
what will you do now
my unfaithful lover?

talking about [restraint]
with kitty
in the bathroom
she watches
my reactions
in the mirror
i think about
slapping her
i smile instead

i burnt my finger
accidentally
on my lighter
it was iced
but i still have
a blister
it's very small
shaped like a tear

it doesn't hurt
at all

there's no eye contact
when i fuck him
i look at the wall
or the ceiling
sometimes there's
the rythmic blades
of the fan
to distract me
i spread myself wide
to receive everything
i will give him
anything
but not my heart
not my fucking soul

my body is open
but my eyes
are closed

sometimes i think
i could laugh
right in his pretty face

i like to sit in the dark
with only the snap
of my lighter
the flare
of a cigarette
briefly
illuminating
my empty room

sometimes you ask me
why i'm sitting there
in the blackness
it scares you
because you can't understand it

"close your eyes" i say

he said "i could stab you"
"sometimes i feel like stabbing you"

she replied "that's funny,
because i was thinking about smothering you,
just last night"

we laughed

you smelt of corruption
of money and death

decaying youth
was your speciality
you said
laid out on the floor
we might
have reached
nirvana?

let's play our little games
shall we?