redoubling

May 01, 2012 11:12

hmm ( Read more... )

focus, work

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Comments 11

wjl May 1 2012, 21:07:30 UTC
Tapir-related?

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bubblingbeebles May 1 2012, 21:31:32 UTC
i don't know? i haven't, like, missed runs or anything. running has been wholly unremarkable lately, except that it's hard to find company for.

i'd be surprised if running less (long, not less frequently) made me more irritable - i don't think it did the last two times i tapered.

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blk May 2 2012, 14:30:51 UTC
I have occasionally been known to do a 5k loop around schenley from wean in the mid-afternoon. If that is convenient for you (and you don't mind my slower pace) I would be happy for company.

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bubblingbeebles May 2 2012, 18:30:50 UTC
If you want to go today, I have to do 4 miles, which is the last time I have to go more than 3 miles before the marathon.

I'll probably also want to run a bunch of slow 3-milers during marathon recovery over the next few weeks, so yeah, this sounds great.

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bubblingbeebles May 3 2012, 07:22:22 UTC
hm, being depressed / "letting my guard down" is more of a meta-feeling, a mindset that makes me think different ways.

stress... i dunno, it's very rare that i am actually stressed, and these days it doesn't manifest as worry or fear or anything, just as "i am now in 'pushing myself very hard' mode." (like, i know i will have a good thesis at the end.) depression always comes with fear of some sort.

another recent example: working on finding housemate(s) for next year. when it looks like somebody might say no, i react desperately-hopeful (that i don't end up with no housemates), but when it looks like somebody might say yes, i recoil in fear of tying the knot (afraid that we won't get along, or that i could "do better", etc). as though i'm at some external mercy, and haven't got the confidence to know "*I* will be able to make it good no matter what happens."

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invlwhen May 2 2012, 12:24:03 UTC
The end of the semester always sucks. The best part about it is that it will be over soon.

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bubblingbeebles May 3 2012, 07:11:43 UTC
and in my more relaxed moments, i relish the rush of it all.

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feis May 2 2012, 14:17:21 UTC
Hang in there, buddy. I (kind) of know what you're going through, and the important thing is that you're being vigilant and catching yourself. I'm always here to talk/help if you need it.

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bubblingbeebles May 3 2012, 07:10:24 UTC
tbh the important thing is that i produce a thesis that i'm proud of. transient feelings come second. ;)

thanks. the only thing i could complain/worry-out-loud about are minor thesis woes, which aren't too interesting even as i hear them coming out of my own mouth. but i will poke you to lean on the next appropriate time anyway. <3

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