Orders Part II
This is the second part of Orders. I was unable to post this in one piece. Perhaps, if this seems non-userfriendly, I'll try to cut it better in the next few days. Enjoy and sorry for any confusion!
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I was at my station when we jumped. “All hands brace for impact” was heard after the jump. Apparently we’d jumped into the midst of a fleet of ships. Who were they? How’d they get here? Then the news spread that they were Colonial! Someone else had survived the attack! We waited for more information - mainly who were these people? We went back to work. Later over the loudspeaker we heard from someone claiming to be the President of the Twelve Colonies. It was some woman - former Secretary of Education to boot. We knew Cain wouldn’t put much stock in her. We found out that the Battlestar was called Galactica. My stomach did a somersault. I asked Hayford to confirm this information. He said a Commander Adama was the military leader of thefleet - he was alive! That’s all the information we had, or were given rather.
A few days later, both crews met and Cain informed Adama that she wanted to integrate the crews. We got their CAG and some pilots. I knew how easy it was for pilots to get lost, but my heard held a spark of hope that Kara was among those coming to Pegasus, that she was still alive. No one knew who was being transferred - it was a lottery, well sort of. We expected Cain had reasons for choosing who went where but no one talked about it.
A few weeks after this, I thought I saw Lee Adama. I followed him down a corridor and continued to follow him until there were fewer people around us. “Captain?” I called after him. He stopped and slowly turned to face me. I saluted, “Captain Adama sir?” He returned my salute.
“Lieutenant,” he nodded, looking for my name. His eyes narrowed.
“Davis, sir. Lieutenant, Davis.” I grinned as his eyes widened and we dropped our salutes. We stood staring at each other. “Ah, Captain Adama. I see you’ve met Lieutenant Davis.” We wiped our faces blank of recognition of each other - he didn’t trust Cain and she knew it. But after the stories they must have heard about Cain and the Pegasus on Galactica I wasn’t surprised.
“It was nice to meet you, sir.” I stuck my hand out and he took it.
“The pleasure’s mine, Lieutenant Davis.” He emphasized my rank and I thought he winked. I did an about face and returned to my post. I hoped Cain wouldn’t call me out for fraternizing.
I didn’t see much of Captain Adama over the next few days and I still hadn’t heard anything else about anyone from Galactica’s crew. Walking back from the mess hall I spotted a blonde talking with Colonel Fisk. Her hair was pulled back into a short ponytail but there was no mistaking that swagger. I slowed my pace, waiting until their conversation (if you could call their loud voices and exaggerated gestures a conversation) was at a stopping point. The blonde started walking towards the hanger bay and Fisk went in the opposite direction, the back of his neck flushed. Starbuck was still pissing off superior officers. I grinned.
“Lieutenant Thrace?” I called after her. She turned.
“Actually,” drawled a voice I was all too familiar with, “it’s Captain Thrace.” Shit!
“Captain,” I saluted.
“Lieu-tenant?” Her eyes widened momentarily in recognition and then narrowed in anger. She had not met my salute and I dropped mine. “Nice to meet you Lieutenant,” she sneered and quickly walked away. Shit this is not how this was supposed to happen. I heard foot steps approaching from behind me. I felt her presence before I saw her.
“Looks like you two have a history,” Cain stated plainly but with a hint of humor. Where does she get off walking around the ship acting like she owns the place and everyone on it, I thought. She’s the Admiral you dumbass she does own the place. Damn it why was nothing working out how it was supposed to? I turned to face her. Where’d this bitch come from this time? Why was she always around when she shouldn’t be?
“Pardon?” I asked angry with her for apparently following me but also angry at myself for frakking up. I had promised Thrace I’d never become military and here I was on a Battlestar in the middle of a war. I prayed she wasn’t angry with me. Maybe it was all an act for Cain like it was with Captain Adama?
“Let’s take a walk shall we?” It was not a question. I fell into step behind her, shoulders hunched in defeat. I noticed we were walking towards her quarters and then we weren’t - we were headed for the brig! She told the guards to wait outside which they did without question looking relieved. When they left I saw Gina. Never having been down here, and, only seeing the circulated photos of the new Cylon models, I was not prepared for what I saw. She was chained like an animal, filthy in dirt and probably excrement and very thin. Under the dirt there were bruises on her face and body where the cuffs cut into her wrists and ankles. She looked pathetic but I couldn’t help but feel sorry for her. She was lying on the ground staring straight ahead - at me. I hadn’t realized I’d moved until my back hit the far wall.
“Come here, Lieutenant.”
I didn’t respond. I couldn’t - I was entranced by this creature, her once beautiful body damaged, the pain and fear that lingered in her eyes. I was being pulled to my feet (when did I sit down?) and dragged across the room by my ear. I couldn’t do anything to stop Cain or stop watching Gina - at least she still had a name - even if she was a Cylon, a prisoner and a traitor. “Davis, pay attention!” I heard Cain as if from a distance. Gina’s hand moved to her right ear, the one Cain had dragged me by. I couldn’t tell if she longed for Cain’s touch or was sympathizing with me. “What do you see, Lieutenant?”
“Gina” I whispered.
“No, that is not a person, that’s a thing, filth, lower than a waste product.” Cain’s words were cold and her eyes were icier.
I couldn’t look at Gina any more, couldn’t see the same waste of space that Cain could, so I looked at my boots. My head was jerked back violently, forcing me to look at Gina.
“Look closely Davis. This is what happens when you betray me, when you lie to me, bend the truth and when you - break my heart.”
I vowed never to disappoint her again. We left shortly after this, Gina eerily watching us walk out. Cain gently ran her fingers through my hair, for her benefit or to make Gina feel shameful and used I wasn’t sure. It sent shivers down my spine.
We went back to her quarters. She sat at her desk and I stood on the other side - a few paces back from it not wanting her to catch me off guard again. “I want you to tell me everything about your history with Captain Thrace.” She put extra emphasis on ‘Captain.’
“My history, sir?”
“Don’t parrot, Davis. Playing dumb doesn’t become you.”
What?
I shrugged mentally and tried to build a game plan. Obviously there were some things I didn’t want to tell her, but how could I leave things out and not end up like Gina? She’d taken me there for a reason.
“Starbuck was my flight instructor, well until I left Galactica.”
“Oh come on, Lieutenant, she had to be more than that!”
“We were friends.”
“No, you were lovers.”
“Not really.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” She yelled throwing up her hands.
“It means that I was convenient for a quick frak now and again - nothing more.”
There, that’s how I’d angle it. Not making Kara a bad person, we were just frak buddies. Well we were until those last two weeks, but we hardly slept together then so who cares, right? Please don’t find out, I thought, please don’t hurt Kara.
“Davis, may I remind you what happens to cheaters and liars - they’re punished - either by me or at the will of the gods. Don’t think I can’t see that you’re trying to protect her.” She stood up quickly, picking up her pocket knife.
Oh shit, I thought, shit shit shit! Don’t panic, I told myself, she can’t make you do anything - you hope. She walked towards me, circling me. I stood still, senses alert knowing I was in a dangerous place. No matter what, I could go back to Galactica. Adama had told me I could always come home to her, but where was home? Caprica was gone, Starbuck had banished me from her life, and, while the Pegasus was where I lived, worked and slept, it wasn’t my home.
Cain snapped her fingers in front of my face. “Focus,” she said. Every muscle in my body was taut, ready to fight or flee if necessary.
Don’t do anything stupid, I told myself. My eyes scanned for the knife - right hand. She smirked, reminding me a little of Starbuck, but this woman was truly evil. I saw the blade flip open. This is it. I prepared myself.
“Tell me about your relationship with Kara, Lieutenant.” Her voice was silky, but I couldn’t trust her. She circled me again. “Did you love her Lieutenant?”
Yes, I thought.
“Good,” I heard Cain say. Had I said it out loud? “You didn’t need to say anything; your eyes are a dead giveaway.” Dead?
No, I forced myself not to think about death. Starbuck’s words came back to me - people close to me get hurt - not this time. I forced my face to betray no emotion.
“You’re still trying to protect her Lieutenant.”
She was behind me; I felt her hand snake over my shoulder and across my chest, pulling me closer to her. Something flashed near my right hand. I saw her knife before my face as she brought it swiftly to my chest. The hand that held me slowly unbuttoned my jacket as she lowered the knife closer to my now bare skin. Her left hand grabbed my neck just under my chin, forcing my head back onto her shoulder. The tip of it graced the skin near my clavicle - it was cold, like her.
“Now,” I heard Cain say close to my ear, “your situation has changed a little, and I think you should do what the nice lady says. If not,” my skin burned where she sliced it with the knife, “well I think you know what happens next.” I forced myself to stay quiet as she placed the knife against my throat. “Were you lovers Lieutenant Davis?”
I tried to pull back from the knife but that just forced me into Cain. I relaxed a little as I leaned against her. She was comfortable to lean against; our bodies fit well together, and I began to forget my fear.
“No sir” I replied.
“But you loved her?”
“Yes sir.” I still love her, I thought.
“What made you love her?”
“What made you love Gina?” I asked without hesitation. I felt her stiffen behind me, jerking my head back farther and pressing the knife in harder. Then I realized the depth of what I’d just asked. Shit. Way to go Davis, so much for not doing anything stupid.
“Move, Lieutenant.” She pushed me, still holding me, towards her private quarters. She stopped in front of a wall, pressing my face against it. “If I let go, Lieutenant, are you going to run away?”
Yes, I thought.
“No, sir,” I said.
She turned me around to face her and finished unbuttoning my jacket.
“What are -”
“Everything I do, Lieutenant, is for the good of my crew. One day you’ll learn that.”
She let my jacket fall off my arms and slipped my tanks over my head. She secured my arms above my head and spun me around to face the wall again.
“Lieutenant I’m getting awfully bored with these encounters.” I heard her knife open again and I braced myself, feeling the cold blade against my skin. Her doorbell chimed. “Ah, just in time.” I signed hoping she’d free me. I felt the blade slice into my back. I writhed, trying to free my hands but they were stuck fast. A dull throb started in my right shoulder blade where she’d cut me. I was turned around quickly and my head spun as I looked into her face as she shook me. “Keep your mouth shut, Lieutenant, and I won’t hurt her.” She shook my shoulders again. Hurt who? I wondered. “Do you understand?” she hissed.
“What?” I stared at her dumbly.
She smacked me across the face. “It’s ‘what, sir?’ and I told you to keep your mouth shut!” She left me tied up by my wrists, hitting the lights as she walked back into her living quarters. She wanted me here for this, whatever ‘this’ was.
“Good evening Captain.”
“Admiral Cain.” Even though I couldn’t see who was speaking, I knew who the Admiral’s guest was.
“Are you getting settled in Captain Thrace?”
“Yes, sir. The Pegasus is an impressive ship.”
“Yes,” Cain said, sounding like a proud parent, “she is.” I heard her settle into her desk chair. “Captain Thrace I asked you here because I wanted your opinion on a member of my crew, a Lieutenant Rebecca Davis.” She let my name hang in the air. I heard Starbuck take a deep breath.
“What about her sir?” I could hear her trying to keep her usual swagger in her voice. She sounded curious and wary at the same time.
“Why don’t you tell me about her?” There was a pause in the conversation.
“She was one of my flight students, wanted to become a pilot. She had kind of an attitude - cocky like - but she was respectful and worked very hard. I didn’t really have any problems with her.”
“And how was she in bed?”
“Sir?”
I held my breath, wishing I wasn’t present for this but curious about her answer all the same.
“I asked you how she was in bed, Captain.”
“Sir, I, uh.”
“I’m not asking you to stall or stutter, Captain, I’m asking you a question and I expect it to be answered!”
“She was okay, actually she was good.” I heard Cain playing with her pocket knife again, and I wondered if it disturbed Kara as much as it did me. “She followed orders sir.”
“Yes, I know she does. Did you love her?” I heard Kara suck in a gasp.
“Love her? Why is that important?” I braced myself, expecting to hear that she didn’t.
“Just answer the question Captain.”
“Yes I did. She was a glimmer of hope to me. She proved to me that I could love again after, well after Zak.” My heart swelled, finally knowing how she felt all those years ago. She loved me. My nose itched and as I went to rub it on my arm the contraption holding me squeaked loudly. I froze.
“What was that?” I heard Starbuck ask. “Sir?”
“Dismissed, Captain.” Before she’d left the room I heard Cain moving towards me. Shit, I was in so much trouble! Cain was on me instantly. The first hit was expected, but the harder ones that fell were not anticipated. She changed her hand for the paddle and I cried out. It hurt so much.
“I’m sorry!” I choked out, crying harder than I’d cried the last time, harder in fact than I’d cried in years. She continued to hit me, a few times striking the shoulder she’d wounded earlier. Is this how Gina had felt? That she was being punished for an accident? Had Cain loved her? Was any of this related or was I just Cain’s new punching bag? I didn’t feel the blows any more. I just kept thing about the way Kara had told Cain that she loved me. She said ‘I did,’ but until today she hadn’t known I was alive and probably thought she’d never see me again. I continued to cry as the blows lessened. Cain was either getting tired or bored, her breathing was labored.
“Get out, Lieutenant.” Her voice was cold. It hurt to move as she untied my wrists; it hurt to breathe. Tears streamed down my face as I grabbed my jacket from the floor and moved towards the hatch. “Lieutenant,” I heard Cain say, “don’t you dare disobey me again.” She sounded exhausted.
I hadn’t disobeyed her - I had kept my mouth shut - but I knew, as I slowly opened the hatch, every muscle screaming in protest, now was not the time to argue. “Yes sir,” I replied quietly.
I didn’t care if she heard me or not. I rested against the wall in the corridor, thanking the gods I was still alive and not in the brig. I walked slowly back to my quarters, catching a glimpse of myself in one of the windows. Looked disheveled - my hair unkempt, face splotchy. My jacket scratched against my bare skin as I’d forgotten my tanks, but I knew better than to go back for them. I couldn’t imagine what my back must look like, but my front was untouched except for the small red line above my right collarbone. Luckily my uniform covered any visible signs of abuse.
I needed sleep but I wanted, no I needed to talk to Kara. I walked to the senior officer’s quarters, trying to fix my hair on the way. I stood outside for a moment, trying to gather my thoughts and form a game plan. As I reached for the hatch, it opened and Starbuck stepped out. She looked tired. When she saw me her face changed from confusion to recognition to anger and back to a mask of tired.
“Can I help you?” she asked coolly. I took a deep breath, wincing at the pain from my back.
“Can we talk?”
“Now?”
“Or when you’re available. Please, I -” I didn’t know what we were going to talk about or even what I wanted to say, other than I heard you tell Cain that you loved me and I love you so what now.
“I’ll find you when I get off duty.” I doubted she had any intention of finding me.
I went back to my quarters, wanting to stop for a shower but too exhausted to make the effort. Inside my quarters I took off my jacket, surveying the damage. My front really looked normal but upon turning around, I saw the back of a monster. Purple, yellow and greenish-gray splotches covered my back like a painting. I knew they continued over my ass and thighs; I needed a hot soak, but instead my bed called.
I awoke to a loud pounding; my head throbbed with each knock on the hatch. I rolled over and was instantly in pain. “Argh!” I pushed onto my other side and got up. I figured it would hurt too much to try to put my jacket on so I answered the door in my sport’s bra. There was a piece of paper on the floor notifying me that I’d been temporarily relieved from duty. Great, I thought.
I opened the hatch to find Starbuck, nervously shifting back and forth on her feet. As soon as she saw me her emotional mask fell into place. “Captain Thrace,” I said.
“Lieutenant,” she replied, pushing past me into my quarters. “Shouldn’t you be on duty?” she asked.
“No, uh I’m off today,” I replied, quickly folding the memo and putting it in my pocket.
“How’s that work?” she asked.
“It’s a long story, sir.”
She looked around at my sparse quarters. “What do you want Davis?”
“To talk to you. It’s been years and I, well where do we? Umm, I… sir?” I saw her staring at something over my shoulder and I prayed Cain hadn’t pursued her here. I turned around slowly and, following her gaze, saw her staring at the mirror at our reflection. I saw myself looking scared expecting Cain and the current state of my back - it was worse than before. “What the frak?”
“I can explain -” I started. She spun me around, looking at my back and at my reflection with concern.
“Who did this? Who hurt you?” Her words sounded harsh as anger and concern played over her features. “Becca, tell me who did this to you! Please!” I couldn’t help it, I broke down crying. No one had cared an ounce for me since I’d left Galactica, at least not like this. I leaned forward as she pulled me closer, her body warm and solid behind mine. She turned me back towards her, and I rested my head against her shoulder, still crying. “Who did this?” she asked again, rocking me slightly.
“Cain,” I choked out. “I had an itch and, and they, the ropes squeaked and sh-she did it. She hit me.” Kara held me close, careful of my damaged back.
“Wait, you, what? What squeaked?”
“I said I’d be quiet, but the ropes squeaked. It wasn’t my fault!”
“Squeaked?” Then it dawned on her. “You? You were there? And I - oh frak me.”
“You told her you loved me!” I yelled into her shoulder, sobbing full force again.
“Yeah, I did.” She said. “I mean I do. I can’t believe you’re alive! How’d you end up here Davis?” Tears streamed down my face as I looked up at her. “I know, I just never thought I’d see you again. I kicked myself every day for sending you back to Caprica. After the Cylons attacked, well I thought you’d died. I’ve missed you!” She held me tightly again and I cried out as her hands brushed my bruised back. “Sorry!” She kissed my temple, causing me to start crying again. She held me until I stopped crying then told me to turn around. I did and felt her fingers under the elastic of my bra. “Arms up kid,” she said. I watched in the mirror as she gently slid my bra up over my head. I saw her meticulous inspection of my back, fingers tenderly moving over bruised and battered skin. She pressed some of the bruises, watching my face in the mirror. Her eyes narrowed as she got to my right shoulder.
“She’s marked you,” she said.
“What?”
“Look.” She softly pushed me towards the mirror and turned me around so I could see. I looked over my shoulder and saw among the bruising a cut in the shape of the letter ‘C.’
“C?” I asked.
“Cain.” She signed almost snarling. “What have you gotten yourself into this time Cadet Davis?”
“I’m a Lieutenant now, though I’m not sure for how much longer,” I replied.
“Yes,” she said suddenly smiling, “but I still outrank you kid,” opening her arms to me. I smiled back at her and nuzzled against her shoulder once again.
Because I was confined to quarters as well as temporarily relieved from duty, I ran out of things to do within my first two days of confinement. That’s what this was really, solitary confinement but I was at least allowed out to the mess hall and the gym. Kara visited me when she could, which wasn’t that often, but it was better than nothing. Within a few days I was able to lie on my back which was nice. I hoped the knife wound wouldn’t scar; while I had become Cain’s bitch in a way, I would not allow it to be something that would affect the rest of my life. I would not become like Gina.
There was some tension between the two crews but nothing that couldn’t be handled. While I was relived from duty I devised a plan. I wanted to see Adama, wanted to talk to him. I really wanted to transfer to his ship, but I knew Cain would kill me if I did that. She’d probably pull the trigger herself. I talked to Starbuck about it, but she told me to keep it to myself - said there were too many spies now. There were things that she said she was doing that she’d like to tell me about but wouldn’t for my own good. In truth I really wanted to fly again, but that wouldn’t happen, at least not on this ship - which is partially why I wanted off of it.
One day I was asked to report to Cain’s quarters. I shook with fear - not wanting a repeat of our last meeting. I arrived on time and found the hatch to her quarters open. Slowly, hoping I wasn’t going to find her dead (though part of me thought that would make things easier) or find myself in another crazy situation, I quietly stepped inside. The room was dark but I saw her sitting behind her desk, head in hands. I closed the hatch as quietly as I could and saluted. She didn’t look up. I cleared my throat, but there was no response.
Okay - think, I told myself, how were we supposed to report for duty at Basic? Oh yeah - “Cad-uh, Lieutenant Davis reporting to Admiral Cain.” Still nothing. Maybe it was another game? I held my salute and when my arm got tired I clasped my hands behind my back. What the hell was going on? I thought. “Sir?” I asked again. She looked up, staring at me as if she didn’t know I was there.
“Admiral Cain? Uh, you requested I see you sir?” Her eyes focused and narrowed.
“Ah, Davis. Yes I, uh,” she faltered, “I wanted to talk to you about our last meeting.” You mean the one where you beat the crap out of me? I thought, but instead I said nothing. “Yes,” she continued, “I’m not sorry for what I did. While you didn’t exactly disobey my orders, you alerted Captain Thrace to your presence, well of someone else’s presence. If, as she so claimed, loved you and found you like you were, well I expect there may have been complications. However, based on how little the two of you have been speaking lately; maybe it wouldn’t have bothered her to see you restrained. Maybe we should test her so called love - see how strong it is - or maybe I should stay out of the matter, but I do know that things have been running very smoothly on my ship since you’ve been off duty. While your colleagues may grumble for the extra duty shifts they’ve had to take on, well we all have to make sacrifices for the greater good.”
Is that how she thought of Gina? As a sacrifice to the greater good? She stood up. “Rebecca Davis,” she paused, standing behind her desk - wait where did my title go? “You are hereby relieved from duty on the Battlestar Pegasus. You may continue to live here until I can find you suitable quarters elsewhere. With the size of the ‘fleet’ that shouldn’t be a problem. I want you off my ship, Davis, today, but we’ll see what can be arranged. Dismissed.”
I didn’t salute; I didn’t do anything. I stood there, staring at her dumbly. I was relieved from duty - I didn’t have to serve under her. Anger and happiness swirled inside my chest. “You’re dismissed Davis - get the frak out of my quarters!” A smile spread across my face, a combination of a happy and almost evil leer.
“I don’t answer to you,” I said slowly. “You’ve relieved me of duty, stripped me of my rank among other things. You’ve said it yourself that I’m not military so why should I answer to you now of all times?” I took a step closer to her. She watched me, warily, but with interest. I took another step and, placing my palms on her desk, saw her visibly shrink back momentarily. “You don’t own me,” I said. Her eyes narrowed, but she slowly smiled just the same. I turned, walking quickly but with purpose towards the hatch, hips swaying slightly.
“Davis,” She said as I reached for the hatch. I turned around, obeying one last time. She was standing on the other side of her desk, pointing a gun at me. I froze, realizing this was it. I’d seen Kara again, knew she loved me and that reassured me. I stood tall, chin held high. Lords of Kobol, I thought, protect Kara Thrace. Keep her safe, I thought, please keep her safe.
“Goodbye Davis.”
BANG!