Kristy and the Mystery Train Part 1

[alula_auburn]

Hey snark fans!  I’ve been a bit scattered, with work/writing/real-life stuff, but now staring down another writer’s block deadline beast, I’m back, with. . .the BSC book I had laying around in my office.  Although I find Derek Masters to be zzzzzzzz, his cameo in Jessi and the Stolen Secrets inspired me to give this one a whirl, because it is full

Comments

[kakeochi_umai]

Welcome back! I've missed your snarks and kittehs.

Kristy doesn’t look so much “terrified” as “terrified she won’t make it to the bathroom.”
Bahahahaha! I'm picturing it ending the way it does at 3:26 here.

reflects there’s no better way to start the summer than “doing a little of the old ballpark shuffle, bopping to some baseball boogie-woogie.
This makes me think she and Bart are going to have sex in the middle of the ballpark.

Blah blah Mallory’s mean parents and dentist won’t let her take her braces off
Given how much she moans about not being allowed to get a nose job, you'd think she wouldn't be keen on having crooked teeth either.

Hahaha Rock HARDing
Holy shit, ghostie. O_o

Jane Atlantic starts yelling questions about Elle’s divorce, asking if this is the “honeymoon train” for her and Ben. Gross. Anne Arbour shoos her away, and Jane Atlantic pitches a fit about not being there to write fluff just because she has a press pass; she’s a real reporter, dammitI love that she thinks writing about celebrities' love lives isn't

[road_baby]

Given how much she moans about not being allowed to get a nose job, you'd think she wouldn't be keen on having crooked teeth either.

This! God, this has always bugged me! Have a little foresight, Mallory! And you know since Ann hates Mal, I'm betting her teeth are pretty gnarly.

[alula_auburn]

That always seemed super-condescending to me as a kid, that I was supposed to sympathize with someone who thought her parents were meanie-mos for not letting her get a nosejob and not throwing away thousands of orthodontia. I think by the time I actually got my braces I was close to the end of my BSC-reading, but I knew it was coming (I had retainers and stuff, because my mouth was literally too small for my teeth) and I was always impatient with that aspect, even when I was seven.

[kakeochi_umai]

I always hated that Mal's parents were portrayed like that w/r/t the nosejob. I first read these books in the early 90s, when plastic surgery, IIRC, was just starting to become a "thing" for rich teens. I didn't know anyone who got a nosejob, but I was well aware they cost quite a bit so I never understood why Mal thought a nosejob was something her parents could even afford. I mean, hello, she has to buy her own socks!

I can definitely see where Mal was unhappy with her features and wanting to change it, but she wasn't realistic about it at all.

[anonymous]

ermagherd it's alula auburn!! yay! /eagerly sits down to read

[alula_auburn]

aw! :blushes:

[sloth_in_a_box]

Nola is definitely playing the shoe-horned references drinking game for this one.

That's one possible excuse for this travesty of a book. God, this was my first snark and I think I almost decided to never again afterwards. ._.

And MAN, that entire Chapter 5 of shrieking kids doing pool-related activities actually sounds like something out of my worst nightmares. I was sitting here reading your recap, and even that made me itch for a shotgun. Whether I would have used it on the kids or on myself is up for debate. >.