#92 - Mallory's Christmas Wish (Chapters 1 and 2)
Let's start with the cover, shall we?
First of all, the little girl who is either Claire or Margo (I can never tell which is which) is sporting some enormous mom jeans. Seriously, the poor kid's pants are practically up to her nipples, which is no doubt accounting for the round O of pain, horror and humiliation upon her face as she realizes she'll be broadcast into countless homes looking that way.
Moving on to Mallory...for once, the illustration is fairly age-appropriate, and really not too fugly. Enormous glasses aside, Mallory's red hair falls to her shoulders in thick, gentle waves that are by no means frizzy.
Secondly, for a girl who's always bitching about how she looks like such a baby, that's a pretty damn skanky skirt. Cornea-searing hot pink color aside, it only comes to about mid-thigh, and I can't imagine how she'd sit down without flashing someone (maybe she's hoping to increase her popularity at school by pulling a Britney?)
Chapter 1 takes us to the usual bedlam known as the Pike family, which Mallory describes as a "monkey house." Yes, kids, she actually refers to herself as Eldest Monkey (insert your own jokes here). They are busy decorating the house for an Old-Fashioned Christmas, and:
Vanessa wants to make figgy pudding, causing the rest of the family to deem her crazy (I must admit, I too wonder each December what exactly that is, and what it would taste like...)
Mallory and Jessi had spent the afternoon walking through downtown Stoneybrook, pretending they were French refugees named Jezebel and Daphne, respectively. (If Mallory thinks of herself as a Jezebel, I'm seriously beginning to wonder just exactly what it is she and Ben did during that movie date...)
In a startling moment of actual continuity, Mallory suggests they invite Uncle Joe for Christmas (probably only for the plot device it sets up later, though...)
Mallory is writing yet another terrible story. In a bit of hilarity, however, she actually REALIZES how horribly it's coming along. Rock on, Mal.
Chapter 2 features the Obligatory Intro Bit, which in turn features the Obligatory Claudia-Talking-with-Candy-in-her-Mouth Bit (this time, she says, "Ishashoka," with a mouthful of Milk Duds...hey, that sounds kind of Japanese, doesn't it?)
At the meeting, we learn that:
"Between calls, it's like one big pajama party." (Yes, a party where you're afraid to show up thirty seconds late for fear of corporal punishment...)
Kristy's current Great Idea is to have the BSC help run the Christmas Boutique, a fundraiser for Stoneybrook Manor where Uncle Joe lives. Of course, she wants the girls to organize the kids they sit for into making things to sell, too. As Mallory so eloquently puts it, "Kristy has Ideas the way other eighth-graders have pimples: in bunches." No comment required, methinks.
Stacey announces it's dues day, and Claudia "dug into her pants pocket and pulled out two large, melted chocolate coins." (I have this mental image of her running around downtown Stoneybrook, attempting to purchase men's tuxedo jackets and art supplies with them...)
Claudis claims to stay thin because of the "Kishi Scientific Ener-joy Theory": if you eat what you like, you become happy, and the energy from your joy burns off calories." (Actually, that's not too terrible an idea; I know quite a few people who'd definitely go for that...)
Stacey's boyfriend Robert is so considerate about her Diabeetus that he "knows her eating schedule to the minute." WTF?? There's caring, and there's creepy/stalker territory. You be the judge.
Mallory says Abby once described the BSC as a car, where "Kristy would be the headlights, Claudia would be the chassis, Stacey would be the gas gauge, and Mary Anne would be the engine." (Abby herself would be the bumper.)
Mallory displays her unfailing modesty by calling herself and Jessi the "unsung heroes" of the BSC. Shut up, Mallory...you're an eleven-year-old girl who takes care of the neighbors' kids a few afternoons a week for pennies, not researching a cure for cancer.
Mallory concludes the chapter by saying, "This was going to be the warmest, happiest December ever. I just knew it," which means in no uncertain terms Some Kinda Shit's About to Go Down...
First of all, the little girl who is either Claire or Margo (I can never tell which is which) is sporting some enormous mom jeans. Seriously, the poor kid's pants are practically up to her nipples, which is no doubt accounting for the round O of pain, horror and humiliation upon her face as she realizes she'll be broadcast into countless homes looking that way.
Moving on to Mallory...for once, the illustration is fairly age-appropriate, and really not too fugly. Enormous glasses aside, Mallory's red hair falls to her shoulders in thick, gentle waves that are by no means frizzy.
Secondly, for a girl who's always bitching about how she looks like such a baby, that's a pretty damn skanky skirt. Cornea-searing hot pink color aside, it only comes to about mid-thigh, and I can't imagine how she'd sit down without flashing someone (maybe she's hoping to increase her popularity at school by pulling a Britney?)
Chapter 1 takes us to the usual bedlam known as the Pike family, which Mallory describes as a "monkey house." Yes, kids, she actually refers to herself as Eldest Monkey (insert your own jokes here). They are busy decorating the house for an Old-Fashioned Christmas, and:
Chapter 2 features the Obligatory Intro Bit, which in turn features the Obligatory Claudia-Talking-with-Candy-in-her-Mouth Bit (this time, she says, "Ishashoka," with a mouthful of Milk Duds...hey, that sounds kind of Japanese, doesn't it?)
At the meeting, we learn that: