Stacey and the Case of the Crappy Parents
chapters 1-3
We begin Chapter 4 with the telephone in Stacey's mom's room ringing impatiently. Surprise! It's Stacey's dad, calling to spy on his ex-wife!
But since he got his daughter instead, he informs her that he is going to have her constantly on the move the entire weekend, going to see every tourist trap in the Big Apple, leaving her no time to do her homework. Stacey begins to hint that she might not want to be dragged off to a thousand places over a two-day period, but her dad just tells her to sit down and shut up and get some rest because DAMMIT HE WILL BE THE BETTER PARENT IF IT KILLS THEM BOTH. MUST MAKE MAUREEN FEEL INADEQUATE AT ANY COST.
Having gotten that out of the way, Daddy McG begins to pry about why Mommy McG didn't answer the phone. Because her lack of phone-answering must mean that Stacey is being left alone, ignored, starving and cold, and then Daddy would win the Best Parent Award.
Stacey resists the temptation to tell her dad that her mom is busy sexing it up with another man, and instead tells him the truth: her mom has gone next door to help Mrs Pike pick out a hat to go with her new dress. Mr Pike probably just told her he'd like the dress better if it was on the floor, Viking in the sack that he is.
Maureen comes in just at that moment and Stacey passive-aggressively tells her mom that her dad's on the phone for her and runs away before her mom can tell her to make up an excuse.
Ugh. McGills need to shape up.
Stacey eavesdrops on the conversation (as I would probably do, tbh), and hears her dad try to trap Maureen in a lie. Luckily Maureen is a sly fox and knows Ed's game well.
Stacey hangs up after they finish going over the weekend plans, and then eats a chocolate bar and then feels guilty.
---
Chapter 5
Stacey is babysitting Charlotte again, who is itching to ~create~ something. Stacey asks if it's paper sculptures. Like... origami? I don't know, what else could a paper sculpture be? Is that what origami used to be called?
Charlotte says no way jose, she wants to make fudge! Because the protagonist must be tortured! Stacey pushes paper sculptures, but Charlotte is firm. She must invite her chocolatey-brown friend Becca over to make fudge. Stacey gives in, and learns the lesson of giving an inch and losing a mile, because now all of a sudden they're wearing doodleboppers (antennae), being Martians, and flinging fudge mix everywhere. Stacey tells them to be nice girls from Connecticut and stop making messes, and then she dives to lick the chocolate off the floor.
The fudge finishes baking, and then Stacey says it's time to let it cool and then cut it into squares, but then -
“Hey!” cried Becca. “Guess what’s on TV right now?”
“What?” asked Charlotte.
“That special. The one about the boy and his horse.”
“Oh, I want to see that!” exclaimed Char.
Then she added, “But we should help Stacey cut up the fudge.” She sounded completely unenthusiastic.
You know, to me this sounds suspiciously like something to get out of the boring parts. Like, "Oh, it's time to clean up. But I have to watch this special on TV! It's amazing, it's about... um... a boy, and... he, um, his horse! PUH-LEEEEZ CAN I WATCH IT IT'S MY FAVORITE THING EVER PLEASE."
But whatev. Stacey says she wouldn't have let them cut it up anyway since you need a sharp knife. Becca and Charlotte scamper away to slack off or watch a special or whatever.
Stacey cuts up the fudge, puts aside a couple of pieces for Becca to take home, and then sneaks two more for herself.
Stacey, Stacey, Stacey.
Later she's trying to do her homework, but can't think of anything but fudge. We find out that she's now sneaked about half a dozen chocolate things, and the phone rings. Her mom gets it, and Stacey overhears another fight between her parents - this time about how her dad is spoiling Stacey. Daddy McG apparently accuses Mommy McG of being jellis, to which she emphatically says no, she just wants Ed to stop trying to buy Stacey's love.
Stacey packs her overnight bag for her weekend in New York the Big Apple, and then lays down on the bed, fully clothed, because she has a terrible headache.
---
Chapter 6
Stacey is leaving school, and we find out that she's failing French, and slipping in every other class but math.
She apologises to Kristy about missing the club meeting, and Kristy waves it away as no big deal(!). Stacey complained about having to eat out in New York so much, and Mary Anne has an orgasm, and then tells Stacey to find a celebrity, get a piece of bread off their table, and give it to her when she gets back to Stoneybrook.
Stacey has to leave to catch the train, and she lugs a huge pile of books on the train, hoping to use the two hour train journey to catch up on her homework, since Ed is too busy trying to be the parent Stacey will love better to let her do her homework and not fail out of school.
Unfortunately, she falls asleep on the train, and wakes up over halfway to NYC. Stacey is overcome with thirst and is driven to drinking water out of the bathroom tap.
(She also mentions in passing a fold-up plastic cup her mom used to have. Has anyone else ever heard of someone using this? I can't find anything on google...)
As soon as she arrives at Grand Central, even Ed can't ignore how awful she looks. They decide to stay in and order from the deli, but first Stacey has to buy a soda because she is so thirsty. Ed is concerned. Finally.
They return to the apartment and eat sandwiches and chat. However, Stacey is so relaxed by nine o'clock that she goes to bed early. Ed is surprised, and suggests checking her blood sugar. YAY RESPONSIBLE PARENTING!
However, Stacey insists she's fine.
But she gets up in the night about five bazillion times, and Ed is no fool. By the five bazillionth time, he tells her that they're going to see a doctor. Stacey is so miserable that she agrees with no argument. When they can't get the doctor on the phone, Daddy McG rushes her to the hospital.
Personally, after reading about how thirsty she is all the time, suddenly I got really thirsty and drank like three glasses of water and another glass of juice. MAYBE I GOT THE DIABEETUS.
We begin Chapter 4 with the telephone in Stacey's mom's room ringing impatiently. Surprise! It's Stacey's dad, calling to spy on his ex-wife!
But since he got his daughter instead, he informs her that he is going to have her constantly on the move the entire weekend, going to see every tourist trap in the Big Apple, leaving her no time to do her homework. Stacey begins to hint that she might not want to be dragged off to a thousand places over a two-day period, but her dad just tells her to sit down and shut up and get some rest because DAMMIT HE WILL BE THE BETTER PARENT IF IT KILLS THEM BOTH. MUST MAKE MAUREEN FEEL INADEQUATE AT ANY COST.
Having gotten that out of the way, Daddy McG begins to pry about why Mommy McG didn't answer the phone. Because her lack of phone-answering must mean that Stacey is being left alone, ignored, starving and cold, and then Daddy would win the Best Parent Award.
Stacey resists the temptation to tell her dad that her mom is busy sexing it up with another man, and instead tells him the truth: her mom has gone next door to help Mrs Pike pick out a hat to go with her new dress. Mr Pike probably just told her he'd like the dress better if it was on the floor, Viking in the sack that he is.
Maureen comes in just at that moment and Stacey passive-aggressively tells her mom that her dad's on the phone for her and runs away before her mom can tell her to make up an excuse.
Ugh. McGills need to shape up.
Stacey eavesdrops on the conversation (as I would probably do, tbh), and hears her dad try to trap Maureen in a lie. Luckily Maureen is a sly fox and knows Ed's game well.
Stacey hangs up after they finish going over the weekend plans, and then eats a chocolate bar and then feels guilty.
---
Chapter 5
Stacey is babysitting Charlotte again, who is itching to ~create~ something. Stacey asks if it's paper sculptures. Like... origami? I don't know, what else could a paper sculpture be? Is that what origami used to be called?
Charlotte says no way jose, she wants to make fudge! Because the protagonist must be tortured! Stacey pushes paper sculptures, but Charlotte is firm. She must invite her chocolatey-brown friend Becca over to make fudge. Stacey gives in, and learns the lesson of giving an inch and losing a mile, because now all of a sudden they're wearing doodleboppers (antennae), being Martians, and flinging fudge mix everywhere. Stacey tells them to be nice girls from Connecticut and stop making messes, and then she dives to lick the chocolate off the floor.
The fudge finishes baking, and then Stacey says it's time to let it cool and then cut it into squares, but then -
“Hey!” cried Becca. “Guess what’s on TV right now?”
“What?” asked Charlotte.
“That special. The one about the boy and his horse.”
“Oh, I want to see that!” exclaimed Char.
Then she added, “But we should help Stacey cut up the fudge.” She sounded completely unenthusiastic.
You know, to me this sounds suspiciously like something to get out of the boring parts. Like, "Oh, it's time to clean up. But I have to watch this special on TV! It's amazing, it's about... um... a boy, and... he, um, his horse! PUH-LEEEEZ CAN I WATCH IT IT'S MY FAVORITE THING EVER PLEASE."
But whatev. Stacey says she wouldn't have let them cut it up anyway since you need a sharp knife. Becca and Charlotte scamper away to slack off or watch a special or whatever.
Stacey cuts up the fudge, puts aside a couple of pieces for Becca to take home, and then sneaks two more for herself.
Stacey, Stacey, Stacey.
Later she's trying to do her homework, but can't think of anything but fudge. We find out that she's now sneaked about half a dozen chocolate things, and the phone rings. Her mom gets it, and Stacey overhears another fight between her parents - this time about how her dad is spoiling Stacey. Daddy McG apparently accuses Mommy McG of being jellis, to which she emphatically says no, she just wants Ed to stop trying to buy Stacey's love.
Stacey packs her overnight bag for her weekend in New York the Big Apple, and then lays down on the bed, fully clothed, because she has a terrible headache.
---
Chapter 6
Stacey is leaving school, and we find out that she's failing French, and slipping in every other class but math.
She apologises to Kristy about missing the club meeting, and Kristy waves it away as no big deal(!). Stacey complained about having to eat out in New York so much, and Mary Anne has an orgasm, and then tells Stacey to find a celebrity, get a piece of bread off their table, and give it to her when she gets back to Stoneybrook.
Stacey has to leave to catch the train, and she lugs a huge pile of books on the train, hoping to use the two hour train journey to catch up on her homework, since Ed is too busy trying to be the parent Stacey will love better to let her do her homework and not fail out of school.
Unfortunately, she falls asleep on the train, and wakes up over halfway to NYC. Stacey is overcome with thirst and is driven to drinking water out of the bathroom tap.
(She also mentions in passing a fold-up plastic cup her mom used to have. Has anyone else ever heard of someone using this? I can't find anything on google...)
As soon as she arrives at Grand Central, even Ed can't ignore how awful she looks. They decide to stay in and order from the deli, but first Stacey has to buy a soda because she is so thirsty. Ed is concerned. Finally.
They return to the apartment and eat sandwiches and chat. However, Stacey is so relaxed by nine o'clock that she goes to bed early. Ed is surprised, and suggests checking her blood sugar. YAY RESPONSIBLE PARENTING!
However, Stacey insists she's fine.
But she gets up in the night about five bazillion times, and Ed is no fool. By the five bazillionth time, he tells her that they're going to see a doctor. Stacey is so miserable that she agrees with no argument. When they can't get the doctor on the phone, Daddy McG rushes her to the hospital.
Personally, after reading about how thirsty she is all the time, suddenly I got really thirsty and drank like three glasses of water and another glass of juice. MAYBE I GOT THE DIABEETUS.