Mary Anne's Make-over! Part 1!
Eeep! I'm sorry for not posting sooner! I was way busy with making things for my shop because I need extra cash like mad. And as a survey, would any of you lovely gals be interested in BSC themed crafts? I was thinking along the lines of cute pins. I'm doing a bunch of Animal Crossing ones and was trying to think of what other cute things I could do. Anyway, on to the snark! Hoo boy, this book. It's this weird mix of good and bad. Like Richard and shopping and make-up and clothes=good. Every damned little thing else=bad. There's is some really, really bad cult behaviour. And of course...Dawn. I wonder what Ann's feelings on Dawn are because she's such a heinous bitch all the time. But Ann likes K. Ron and Karen so, she might think Dawn is cute too. That woman is seriously twisted. Well, let's go!
-Song of the Day!-
Here we see K. Ron, Claudia and Stacey/Dawn maddogging MA and Logan like mad because she dared to cut her hair. MA here is blissfully unaware of this even though she spends most of the book in a depression cloud brought on by their repugnant attitudes. And even the tagline is wtf. Because the BSC doesn't love her hair? Why the fuck not? Really, right there. Right there is the whole book. The BSC is just being pissy little piss babies because MA got a haircut without telling them. Because everything must have the club seal of approval. Because they're the ones in charge of MA's hair. Because how dare she do something less than ordinary. You know what that means.
Chapter 1!
Oh, God no! No! No, I'm not going to cover the stupid Arnold twin sitting subplot. The only thing I have to say about it is that Carolyn is all into Back to the Future. Which is surprising as it's a recent (well, for the BSC) movie. I'm surprised Ann didn't insist she be into the original The Time Machine. Also, I grew up with that movie. I saw it in theatres. So, it was kinda weird to watch it as an adult and realise there's an attempted rape scene. That's why you can't mess with 80s kids. We were raised on hardcore movies we had no business seeing. Most of the movies we watched would have got a R rating if released nowadays. Shit, even the cartoons were hard as Hell. The Last Unicorn had that scary ass three-boobie harpy. Sorry, tangent. I love being an 80s girl. Anyway, sitting chapter is boring chapter.
As I pointed out in my previous snark, MA makes a big deal about how nice the BSC is. This is book #60, so I think the ghosties were sick and tired of writing about these nutty bitches and their hypocrisy, so they started throwing in these super obvious hints that the BSC is made up of catty little mean girls run by tiny Big Brother with a slightly smaller mustache.
Chapter 2!
Mary Anne outfit-'teal-colored stirrup pants and a bulky ski sweater with a colorful snowflake print, over a pink turtleneck'. Here's my gripe, she was complaining about being freezing so why isn't she wearing heavier pants? I would say they're fleece but we know how Ann loves to name fabrics so, I think it's safe to say they're plain ol' cotton. Then there's a rundown of what Claudia might wear-'a slouch hat, a sequined vest, an oversized button-down shirt, stirrup pants, and lace-up boots'. And this totally tame, mainstream outfit is said to be 'outrageous' and that only Claudia would look good in it. Now, I'm against animal cruelty but allow me to beat this dead horse here. That outfit is not outrageous. About 99% of the girls in 1993 were wearing the exact same thing. And again, Claudia is not extra fashionable because of her race. Stop fucking playing the 'Exotic Asian' card, Ann, you fuck.
Dawn gets the 'California Girl' routine again. Apparently she 'hates' that now. Because it's not like she spent 59 books saying about how she's what a 'real California girl' looks like. You can't backpedal now, Ann. And fuck you to pieces, I'm what a real California girl looks like seeing as Latinxs are the majority race in that state. Claudia and Dawn are both described as having a 'model figure' and 'trim' so, thanks for the shitty body image issues you gave me that I'm only now getting over, Ann, you fucking devil.
MA is flipping through an issue of Seventeen (oh, how I loved you) when she sees a short bob cut and wonders out loud how she'd look in it. Claudia overhears her and screams about it. Stacey looks and laughs at her, telling her it's not her. Mal and Jessi are trying not to laugh. So, fuck all y'all. You don't know what's her. When I was little, my mum wouldn't cut my hair. So, I ended up with hair that was down to my ankles. And as I got older, I hated it. It was hard to manage, it took forever to wash and brush, it was hot, it got everywhere, sleeping on it was a pain in the ass. So, when I was about ten, I asked her for a pixie cut. She wasn't happy about it but she let me. And it was friggin' amazing. I was elated. Over the years I grew it out to hip length and then I realised, this still sucks. All the old problems came back. But I was stuck in that 'long hair is pretty and feminine' rut. But time went by and I realised I didn't give a fuck about what people thought. I cut it all off again. And I'll never grow it out. If I want long hair, I'll buy a damned wig. So, you little bitches don't get to dictate what she does to her own fucking hair. If she wanted to shave 'Fuck your court' into the side of her head, that's her deal. /rant
Chapter 3!
After dinner that night, the incident is still nagging at MA. She thinks just what do the others know about what's 'her' or not? She has every right to try out a new look without their approval. Right on, Mary Anne! But because the BSC are a bunch of fucking thought police, you know this isn't going to last. MA looks in a mirror and pulls her hair up to see how she'd look. And she'd look amazing! She's shocked at what nice jawline she has. She makes the decision right there to get her hair cut. Now if only she can convince Richard....
She finds a similar haircut in a magazine of hers and takes it to him. She shows it to him and asks what he'd think if she got her hair like that. And because Richard is an adorkable piece of banana bread in this book, he says he thinks she'd look lovely. He tells her he always thought she'd look good in short hair but thought she preferred long hair. He suggests they make a father-daughter day about it next Saturday. MA is thrilled and asks him not to tell Sharon or Dawn so she can surprise them. Richard says of course, and they're both so cute in this book. But with the incredible bitchiness from the rest of the cast, it's like having a sugar cube in a bag of arsenic.
Chapter 4!
Nope. Willie hears ya, Willie don't care. Here's one of the only kids I can stand instead,
Chapter 5!
Not gonna lie, gals, but I love this chapter! It's got a make-over and clothes shopping and cute parent bonding. I know I shit on Ann and the ghosties a lot but this was a genuinely nice chapter. MA and Richard head to the mall and the salon. MA almost changes her mind but powers through. She's also exactly like me when I get my hair cut. Just kinda laughs and 'uh-huhs' the whole time. I always hope for a talkative stylist because otherwise it's just awkward silence. Once she's done, MA is absolutely stunned with how good she looks and feels. And like I said, I know this feeling exactly.
They leave the salon and MA asks Richard how he likes it. He says she looks wonderful but it's hard because she looks so grown up. Aww, you're the best. They pass a new store that's offering a free make-over for their grand opening. Richard says why not and MA gets her make-over on. Afterwards, she's amazed at how she looks. Richard continues to be cute by asking the stylists for the 'recipe' they used. They get a 20% discount so, Richard buys her the make-up.
After that, they stop for lunch and do some window shopping. They stop at Steven E which is some fake high end clothing store. MA tells him that the haircut and make-up was enough but Richard insists they have a look. They're having a big sale, so Richard offers to pay for some clothes and then MA can pay him back for half. And yay! Shopping haul! MA gets-'a fiery red, off-the-shoulder crepe dress, with shirred sleeves, a fitted bodice, and a skirt that flared to mid-calf with matching shoes; an oversized, indigo cable-knit sweater; and a pair of floral paisley print Lycra leggings with a French terry top'. They do some more window shopping and MA says she feels very close to Richard. Can't snark that, gals. It's sweet.
Once they're ready to go home, they stop for Chinese food to treat the family. MA is nervous as Hell but also excited and Jesus, I feel bad for what's coming. She runs to the door, rings the bell and when Sharon and Dawn answer, yells, 'Surprise!' And that's pretty much the end of any scrap of happiness this book had to churn out. This first part may not have been the most snarkable but I promise there'll be plenty in the next two parts. Because Lordy Lord, I have not torn into Dawn in a while. But I'm gonna tear into her like Cabby with a catnip toy. Now I'm off to sharpen my talons.
-Song of the Day!-
Here we see K. Ron, Claudia and Stacey/Dawn maddogging MA and Logan like mad because she dared to cut her hair. MA here is blissfully unaware of this even though she spends most of the book in a depression cloud brought on by their repugnant attitudes. And even the tagline is wtf. Because the BSC doesn't love her hair? Why the fuck not? Really, right there. Right there is the whole book. The BSC is just being pissy little piss babies because MA got a haircut without telling them. Because everything must have the club seal of approval. Because they're the ones in charge of MA's hair. Because how dare she do something less than ordinary. You know what that means.
Chapter 1!
Oh, God no! No! No, I'm not going to cover the stupid Arnold twin sitting subplot. The only thing I have to say about it is that Carolyn is all into Back to the Future. Which is surprising as it's a recent (well, for the BSC) movie. I'm surprised Ann didn't insist she be into the original The Time Machine. Also, I grew up with that movie. I saw it in theatres. So, it was kinda weird to watch it as an adult and realise there's an attempted rape scene. That's why you can't mess with 80s kids. We were raised on hardcore movies we had no business seeing. Most of the movies we watched would have got a R rating if released nowadays. Shit, even the cartoons were hard as Hell. The Last Unicorn had that scary ass three-boobie harpy. Sorry, tangent. I love being an 80s girl. Anyway, sitting chapter is boring chapter.
As I pointed out in my previous snark, MA makes a big deal about how nice the BSC is. This is book #60, so I think the ghosties were sick and tired of writing about these nutty bitches and their hypocrisy, so they started throwing in these super obvious hints that the BSC is made up of catty little mean girls run by tiny Big Brother with a slightly smaller mustache.
Chapter 2!
Mary Anne outfit-'teal-colored stirrup pants and a bulky ski sweater with a colorful snowflake print, over a pink turtleneck'. Here's my gripe, she was complaining about being freezing so why isn't she wearing heavier pants? I would say they're fleece but we know how Ann loves to name fabrics so, I think it's safe to say they're plain ol' cotton. Then there's a rundown of what Claudia might wear-'a slouch hat, a sequined vest, an oversized button-down shirt, stirrup pants, and lace-up boots'. And this totally tame, mainstream outfit is said to be 'outrageous' and that only Claudia would look good in it. Now, I'm against animal cruelty but allow me to beat this dead horse here. That outfit is not outrageous. About 99% of the girls in 1993 were wearing the exact same thing. And again, Claudia is not extra fashionable because of her race. Stop fucking playing the 'Exotic Asian' card, Ann, you fuck.
Dawn gets the 'California Girl' routine again. Apparently she 'hates' that now. Because it's not like she spent 59 books saying about how she's what a 'real California girl' looks like. You can't backpedal now, Ann. And fuck you to pieces, I'm what a real California girl looks like seeing as Latinxs are the majority race in that state. Claudia and Dawn are both described as having a 'model figure' and 'trim' so, thanks for the shitty body image issues you gave me that I'm only now getting over, Ann, you fucking devil.
MA is flipping through an issue of Seventeen (oh, how I loved you) when she sees a short bob cut and wonders out loud how she'd look in it. Claudia overhears her and screams about it. Stacey looks and laughs at her, telling her it's not her. Mal and Jessi are trying not to laugh. So, fuck all y'all. You don't know what's her. When I was little, my mum wouldn't cut my hair. So, I ended up with hair that was down to my ankles. And as I got older, I hated it. It was hard to manage, it took forever to wash and brush, it was hot, it got everywhere, sleeping on it was a pain in the ass. So, when I was about ten, I asked her for a pixie cut. She wasn't happy about it but she let me. And it was friggin' amazing. I was elated. Over the years I grew it out to hip length and then I realised, this still sucks. All the old problems came back. But I was stuck in that 'long hair is pretty and feminine' rut. But time went by and I realised I didn't give a fuck about what people thought. I cut it all off again. And I'll never grow it out. If I want long hair, I'll buy a damned wig. So, you little bitches don't get to dictate what she does to her own fucking hair. If she wanted to shave 'Fuck your court' into the side of her head, that's her deal. /rant
Chapter 3!
After dinner that night, the incident is still nagging at MA. She thinks just what do the others know about what's 'her' or not? She has every right to try out a new look without their approval. Right on, Mary Anne! But because the BSC are a bunch of fucking thought police, you know this isn't going to last. MA looks in a mirror and pulls her hair up to see how she'd look. And she'd look amazing! She's shocked at what nice jawline she has. She makes the decision right there to get her hair cut. Now if only she can convince Richard....
She finds a similar haircut in a magazine of hers and takes it to him. She shows it to him and asks what he'd think if she got her hair like that. And because Richard is an adorkable piece of banana bread in this book, he says he thinks she'd look lovely. He tells her he always thought she'd look good in short hair but thought she preferred long hair. He suggests they make a father-daughter day about it next Saturday. MA is thrilled and asks him not to tell Sharon or Dawn so she can surprise them. Richard says of course, and they're both so cute in this book. But with the incredible bitchiness from the rest of the cast, it's like having a sugar cube in a bag of arsenic.
Chapter 4!
Nope. Willie hears ya, Willie don't care. Here's one of the only kids I can stand instead,
Click to viewChapter 5!
Not gonna lie, gals, but I love this chapter! It's got a make-over and clothes shopping and cute parent bonding. I know I shit on Ann and the ghosties a lot but this was a genuinely nice chapter. MA and Richard head to the mall and the salon. MA almost changes her mind but powers through. She's also exactly like me when I get my hair cut. Just kinda laughs and 'uh-huhs' the whole time. I always hope for a talkative stylist because otherwise it's just awkward silence. Once she's done, MA is absolutely stunned with how good she looks and feels. And like I said, I know this feeling exactly.
They leave the salon and MA asks Richard how he likes it. He says she looks wonderful but it's hard because she looks so grown up. Aww, you're the best. They pass a new store that's offering a free make-over for their grand opening. Richard says why not and MA gets her make-over on. Afterwards, she's amazed at how she looks. Richard continues to be cute by asking the stylists for the 'recipe' they used. They get a 20% discount so, Richard buys her the make-up.
After that, they stop for lunch and do some window shopping. They stop at Steven E which is some fake high end clothing store. MA tells him that the haircut and make-up was enough but Richard insists they have a look. They're having a big sale, so Richard offers to pay for some clothes and then MA can pay him back for half. And yay! Shopping haul! MA gets-'a fiery red, off-the-shoulder crepe dress, with shirred sleeves, a fitted bodice, and a skirt that flared to mid-calf with matching shoes; an oversized, indigo cable-knit sweater; and a pair of floral paisley print Lycra leggings with a French terry top'. They do some more window shopping and MA says she feels very close to Richard. Can't snark that, gals. It's sweet.
Once they're ready to go home, they stop for Chinese food to treat the family. MA is nervous as Hell but also excited and Jesus, I feel bad for what's coming. She runs to the door, rings the bell and when Sharon and Dawn answer, yells, 'Surprise!' And that's pretty much the end of any scrap of happiness this book had to churn out. This first part may not have been the most snarkable but I promise there'll be plenty in the next two parts. Because Lordy Lord, I have not torn into Dawn in a while. But I'm gonna tear into her like Cabby with a catnip toy. Now I'm off to sharpen my talons.