Boy Crazy Stacey Chapters 1-5
So I started this snark two years ago but didn’t finish it. I decided to redo it. Besides, I’m having fun reading about Sea City.
Chapter 1
Stacey asks her mom how she’s supposed to behave in a mansion. I thought Stacey’s family was well-off. I think she might have been around people with money, even if they weren’t millionaires. I thought Laine lived at the Dakota. I looked it up and it seems like you have to have money to stay at the Dakota. I also think someone said that Stacey’s family would have to have a good amount of money to afford the apartment they had. I also looked up luxury apartments in New York. They were very nice and very expensive. Maybe Stacey did know people who had money, but didn’t realize it because they didn’t live in mansions. If someone has a mansion, I’m going to automatically assume that they’re rich, because I see mansions like a status symbol. There are times when I don’t realize you’d need to have a lot of money for things like buying a house with cash or having an apartment with lots of rooms and baths. I just imagined Stacey trying to impress the rich neighbors by saying she’s from New York.
I’m going to imagine Stacey wants to know how to act in a mansion because she’s hoping one of Kristy’s fancy new neighbors will show up and take a liking to her. I can see Stacey marrying someone for money. I would be really amused if one of those fancy neighbors was a geek. Like they used their money to buy Pokemon plushies and collected dolls and whatnot. I feel as though Stacey thinks money equals sophisticatedness and it would be funny to see her realizing that rich people might have geeky interests since she looks down on them. If I had a lot of money, I’d buy cool bookshelves and more books as well as some Pokemon plushies and Pokemon games.
Mrs. McGill starts to ask Stacey something and Stacey interrupts and says she’ll be careful about what she eats. Mrs. McGill says Stacey doesn’t have to be rude. Did Stacey say it in a rude tone or was it the interrupting that was rude? I’ve had exchanges similar to this with my mom. She’ll start to tell me to do something and I’ll interrupt and say I know because I’ve heard it all before, and she’ll tell me to shut up. But it’s more playful than anything. Mrs. McGill is worried that Stacey won’t find a form of sustenance in the mansion and might resort to eating a candy bar because of her hunger. Stacey says that Kristy will accommodate her.
The BSC are going to hang out because it’s the beginning of August and they’re going to be split up soon. Kristy wanted to have one last get together before that. Stacey decides to go get ready. She wants an outfit that looks sophisticated but casual. Stacey mentions she wants the outfit to look sophisticated in case one of the neighbors comes by. Stacey probably hopes it’s a rich man who will buy her expensive stuff. I’m not sure if the neighbors would really care what you’re wearing. What are they going to do-go home and talk about what bad taste in fashion Kristy’s friend has? Stacey wears a big pink shirt with green and yellow birds on it, baggy shorts, and silver jewelry. That outfit sounds like what someone would wear if they were dressing as a tacky tourist for school spirit day, but maybe it’s sophisticated for its time. I wouldn’t know. I think I might be too young to remember some of the shitty fashion trends and it’s not like I pay attention to what’s in style, anyway.
Claudia and Mary Anne come to pick Stacey up. Mrs. McGill thrusts a foil wrapped package into Stacey’s hand and I know that Stacey is supposed to be otherworldly because she’s from New York and has had a few boyfriends before this, but thirteen is not an appropriate age to-oh, it’s just apple slices. Never mind. I thought the sleepover was suddenly going to become a little more x-rated. I honestly believed that Mrs.McGill was giving Stacey condoms when I read this. Stacey tells her mom that she’s sure there’s an apple in Watson’s kitchen somewhere and leaves.
Everyone is excited to go to Kristy’s house. They’ve been there before, right? It’s not like any of their favorite celebrities live there. They get to Kristy’s house and see her dressed in casual clothes and reading People magazine. What’s that magazine about? They realize that rich people are not mysterious otherworldly entities and that someone of them dress casually and eat popsicles that aren’t made out of caviar. Dawn arrives and everyone goes inside.
Stacey and Mary Anne are going to be together for two weeks. Stacey is worried about this because they’re so different. Mary Anne is shy and Stacey is kind of straightforward. That’s the same dynamic between her and Kristy, and they’re best friends. Stacey is sophisticated and Mary Anne is kind of young. I’m just rolling my eyes at Stacey trying to act like she’s all grown. Shut up, Stacey. You’re not as sophisticated as you think you are. Mary Anne has no interest in boys, but Stacey has had a few boyfriends. What difference does that make? Does the amount of boyfriends a girl has impact her ability to get along with other girls? The only thing I can think of is that maybe other girls would slut shame her for having a lot of boyfriends, or if the girl with a lot of boyfriends thinks she’s superior because of it. I can see Stacey thinking she’s superior because she has a lot of boyfriends and it makes her sophisticated. I can see the BSC slut shaming a non member for having a lot of boyfriends.
I don’t really care that my best friend has a boyfriend and I don’t. I’m not overly interested in boys. Stacey having boyfriends doesn’t make her better or worse than Mary Anne. Also, I can’t really see Mary Anne having gossip sessions with Stacey about boys. And maybe the guys at SMS aren’t up to Mary Anne’s standards. I wasn’t crushing on boys in middle school and high school.
Stacey and Mary Anne are going to go help the Pikes while they take a two-week vacation at the beach. I think if I had to put up with the Pikes for two weeks, I’d drown myself in the ocean during the first day. Stacey says they’ll have to chase after the kids. She includes Mallory and I know Mallory is a sitting charge, but I can’t really see her giving Stacey and Mary Anne too much trouble. Stacey and Mary Anne are going to Sea City with the Pikes, Claudia is going on vacation with her family in New Hampshire, Dawn is going to California, and Kristy is stuck in a mansion. What’s going to happen to business for the BSC if everyone but Kristy is gone?
Kristy wails that she won’t see them for two weeks and I can’t imagine Kristy being this clingy. Mary Anne, yes. Not Kristy. I haven’t seen my best friend in over a year or so and now she’s in the Navy, so it might be a while before I see her. Mary Anne wants them to send postcards to each other on vacation. Would the postcards really reach the girls before they came back home? But I guess that’s the way of the word. If this were set in modern times, they’d be texting nonstop. I just had the image of them ignoring really beautiful scenery to text a picture of some random kid with the caption, “Future client.”
Kristy wants Stacey and Mary Anne to write down what happens at the Pikes so the notebook will be up to date and official and I’d have been like, “Really, bitch, really?” Of course I wouldn’t say it out loud because I’m shy, but I would have thought it. I would have just written, “Kids acted like escaped zoo animals. I wish I had tranquilizer darts. Peace.” I’m not wasting postcards with a play by play of kid antics. Dawn says if she babysits in California, she’ll send postcards as well. This makes no sense because it’s not like the BSC are going to establish themselves in California right now. Why would they need to have a record of Dawn’s babysitting job with people they aren’t going to babysit? Kristy starts to cry first. What kind of parallel universe is this? Mary Anne doesn’t even cry second. They all weep and wail and I’m just rolling my eyes. I’ve never liked teary good-byes because I find them awkward. Besides, it’s only for two weeks. I think you can manage.
Stacey is miserable until she remembers the trip to Sea City. That would have cheered me up as well. I love the beach and boardwalks.
Chapter 2
There is a literal stampede whenever someone is at the door at the Pike house. I remember we were visiting my mom’s friend to see her new pug puppies. We knocked on the door and a bunch of the pugs started barking like mad and looking out the window. I’m pretty sure they were shoving each other away as well. That’s what this reminded me of. I would not be stampeding to get the door. I’d only get up reluctantly to answer the door if no one else was around or home. If someone is around, I’m like, “It’s their problem.” I usually get stuck answering the door because I hear it first.
The kids invite Stacey in. Vanessa starts rhyming and Nicky asks if she has to do that. Vanessa says yes because she’s going to be a poet. I don’t know if poets are required to speak in rhyme all the time. Is Vanessa aware that poems don’t have to rhyme? She’d probably have a breakdown or say that real poets rhyme. Now I’m just imagining her going to a poetry slam and being all, “Didn’t rhyme,” when someone performs. The Pikes invited Stacey and Mary Anne over to discuss responsibilities with them.
The Pikes don’t believe in making rules for their kids or forcing them to do things they don’t want to, which makes me think they’ll be a bunch of entitled jerks. Seriously, I’m not saying you have to have a bunch of rules for everything, but don’t kids need some rules? I’m just imagining the kids acting out at school because they were taught they could do whatever they wanted. How are the kids going to cope when they have to follow rules at school or in the workplace?
The Pikes have one beach rule though. They can’t go in the water at all unless there’s a lifeguard present. This seems reasonable. Mrs. Pike says she doesn’t mean to sound harsh. How the hell is that being harsh? I think it’s perfectly reasonable. I wasn’t allowed to swim in my pool without an adult present when I was their age. I think the ocean is more dangerous than a pool. The kids could be caught by a current or something and I don’t think the BSC would know how to save them. There’s a whole bunch of stuff to do at Sea City. I kind of want to go there myself now.
The Pikes talk a little more. They mention dividing up chores, although I’m pretty sure Mallory will get stuck doing them all. Mary Anne says that this is her first time away from her father, her first trip to the beach, and her first bikini. Richard said she could get one as long as the bottom part was decent. What about the top part? Can it be indecent, then? Stacey goes home and packs. She sneaks in a bottle of Sun-Lite because she wants her hair to be even lighter than it already is.
Mrs. McGill comes in. She’s worried about Stacey being away from her for two weeks, but Stacey assures her everything will be fine.
Chapter 3
It’s time for the trip to Sea City. Mr. Pike is packing up the car. Claire is galloping around and screeching. If my dog heard her, he’d be barking like mad. We take our dog in the backyard to poop, but lately the neighborhood kids like to sit outside and the dog is too busy barking at them to do anything. Everyone gets settled in the car. Stacey gets upset when she sees there’s a barf bucket because she hates seeing someone get sick. I wonder what happens when she’s throwing up. Does she think, “Gross, I’m throwing up,” and get so grossed out that she throws up some more?
Claire asks how long it’ll be and Stacey says several hours. I wonder how long that is. We just drove from Florida to Louisiana and that was twelve hours. I shudder to think of being in a car with the Pikes for twelve hours. I’d seriously be debating jumping out of the car if I couldn’t get my hands on some sleeping pills. Everyone settles in okay and the drive is peaceful until the other car passes by and Jordan holds up a sign calling them the barf mobile. Nicky makes a sign calling them the Vomit Comet in retaliation. I love how easily these kids get insulted. The kids finally make it to Sea City.
Chapter 4
The Pikes are fighting over who gets to play with the beach ball. Stacey tells them to either share or they don’t get the ball. I would have just tossed them the ball and been like, “First come, first serve,” and watched them kill each other. But then I’d probably have to put up with one of the kids whining that their sibling got the ball. Everyone gets settled into their rooms and Stacey makes the mistake of asking what the kids want to do. Don’t you know that you’re supposed to tell the kids that they will be making instruments out of seashells and having a parade? You can’t ask a kid what they want to do. Suppose they want to do an activity that you hate? What are you supposed to do then? Suck it up and deal?
Everyone wants to do different things, like go to the beach, go swimming, look for shells, go to the arcade, get ice cream, etc. I think they can go to the beach, go swimming, and look for shells all at once. Mary Anne suggests that they can explore the town. All the Pikes want to stop and look at something. This reminds me of when I’m shopping with my mom and she has to look at everything and I’m just like, “You said you just wanted to grab a few things. Why did I listen to you?” Of course it depends on what store we’re in. I hate shoe stores and I get bored at dollar stores, but there are some stores I like. I feel like going to Sea City now.
They go to a penny candy store and Byron finds money in his pocket, so he buys candy for himself but not his siblings. Maybe that’s a little mean, but I’m selfish and there are times I don’t feel like sharing my stuff with my brother or cousins, especially if I bought it. Luckily Stacey and Mary Anne have enough money to buy the kids candy, or else they probably would have had a tantrum on their hands if they didn’t make Byron share. I’m just imagining the tantrum the little kids would throw if they couldn’t get candy. I can definitely see Claire dropping on the floor and shrieking. I think the other kids (except Mallory) would whine a bit and maybe Jordan and Adam would rag on Byron and say he’s supposed to share because they’re triplets. They leave the store and explore some more and I really want to go to a beach boardwalk. I’m totally jealous. I’m also shocked that Stacey says they don’t have mini golf in New York. I thought New York had everything, including things that lots of places have, like roaches. Maybe mini golf wasn’t sophisticated enough. Now I want to play mini golf. But I think I’d probably just wiggle my finger and be like, “I have telekinetic powers. Why aren’t they working?” They end up at the beach and Stacey and Mary Anne watch the Pikes run around.
Stacey people-watches and notices the lifeguards. They look to be about seventeen. The blond lifeguard leans over to fold his towel and the sun catches his hair and makes it gleam. Seriously. I’m glad I’m rereading this book because the image of Stacey’s crush having the sunlight catch his hair at the right angle so that it gleams is kind of amusing. What’s next, a chorus of hallelujahs? The guy notices Stacey and winks. He’s hot. Stacey lets out a shaky gasp and my mind went straight to the gutter. Stacey thinks she’s in love and I’m just rolling my eyes. You see a guy and automatically think it’s love?
Mary Anne thinks Stacey’s nuts. I agree.
Chapter 5
Apparently the Pikes getting up early is so important that it should be put in the notebook. Stacey tells Claudia she’s in love (I mean, in LUV) with the lifeguard and she thinks he likes her. I’m rolling my eyes because it’s kind of hard to take Stacey seriously when she says LUV, but she is thirteen. Stacey and Mary Anne are asleep early on Sunday morning as the good Lord intended. Claire comes into their room and screams at them to wake up. My first reaction would be to backhand them. Unless the house is burning down or there’s some sort of mortal danger, don’t wake me up before ten if I don’t have to be up. Other exceptions include food. I’m quite fine getting up early if there’s food involved.
This reminds me of how my cousins would try to wake my brother up when he was sleeping. I had to stop them because it’s rude to wake people up if they don’t have to get up. Besides, my brother could sleep through the apocalypse. The world would have ended and he’d go up to survivors and ask where breakfast was. My cousins also live in a household where five in the morning is the usual time to get up, so I wouldn’t trust their definitions of sleeping in. Claire and Margo want to go to the beach. Why the hell aren’t they bothering their parents about this? I know Mary Anne and Stacey are supposed to be helping out, but why can’t they ask their parents to take them to the beach? Are Mr. and Mrs. Pike just not going to interact with them?
Stacey says it’s too early for the beach because the sun isn’t even up yet. She tells the girls to get in bed with them. They wake up when they smell breakfast cooking. They get dressed and go to get breakfast. Everyone but Mallory and Adam are in their pajamas and Stacey thinks it might take a while to get eight kids ready for the beach. No, really? I don’t take long to get ready, so I usually just hang out with my computer while I wait for everyone else. Mr. Pike wants to know what Stacey can eat. She can’t have Danish or cheese omelets. Mr. Pike says he’ll scramble up some plain eggs for her. Stacey feels bad because she feels like she shouldn’t be creating extra work. First of all, it’s not your fault you have a medical issue that needs to be accommodated. You shouldn’t feel bad about that. People shouldn’t make you feel bad about that. Besides, you can eat toast and bacon, which Mr. Pike is already preparing. The only thing extra he seems to be doing for you is scrambling up some eggs and won’t take long. However, I do understand feeling a little guilty because I think I have a slight guilt complex. Stacey should feel guilty about the shit she’s going to pull later, not the fact that she has specific dietary needs.
Stacey is also worried that the other kids will wonder why she’s on a diet when she’s already pretty thin or why she isn’t eating Danish. I don’t think they’d care that much. Even if they asked, I bet Stacey couldn’t get one sentence out before they got distracted. In the end, nobody cares what Stacey ate. Now they have to get ready for the beach, which takes a while.
Now Mary Anne and Stacey need to get ready. Stacey tells Mary Anne to go first. Mary Anne refuses. Stacey’s like, “Whatever, I love the limelight,” and whips off her top, and now my thoughts went to the gutter. She’s wearing a very skimpy bikini. I looked up skimpy bikinis online. Some of the bikinis just looked like there was a tiny triangular piece of fabric covering up the nipples and the crotch and now I’m wondering if that’s what Stacey got. The top part is filled out pretty nicely as well. Mary Anne’s eyes nearly bug out and I’m giggling imagining the image.
After seeing Stacey’s boobs, Mary Anne is like, “Fuck no, I’m not taking off my shirt.” Stacey tells Mary Anne off with her clothes and my mind goes to the gutter again. It’s a nice bikini but not very skimpy and Mary Anne has no boobs to fill it out, but she looks fine. Stacey tells her so. I’m just imagining what would have happened if Stacey had said the stuff about the bikini not being skimpy and Mary Anne not being able to fill it out out loud. I’d have been really embarrassed, even if Stacey did say I looked fine. I’m also wondering about the girls’ development. I guess Kristy and Mary Anne aren’t really developed. I think it was mentioned that Kristy doesn’t need to wear a bra. But what about Claudia and Dawn? What are their sizes? I think Stacey prides herself on her ability to fill out her top, but I’m wondering if everyone else either has small breasts or no breasts, so hers are large by comparison. I remember my classmates breasts were small when I was in middle school. There was this one girl who had larger breasts, but I don’t know if they were legitimately large or just larger in comparison.
They get the kids ready and go to the beach. The kids run off and leave Mary Anne and Stacey to set everything up. Mary Anne remembers that they forgot to put sunscreen on the kids. Stacey settles back on her chair. It’s a beautiful day. She thinks this is the life. I agree. Stacey looks around and notices two little kids tugging an older boy around. Stacey wonders if he’s their brother, but decides he’s probably not because he’s fair skinned and has brown hair and the kids have olive complexions and dark hair.
Remember the cousins I mentioned? The ones who like to get people up at ungodly hours of the morning? They’re brother and sister. They’re Indian. The boy is really light-skinned. I think he might be able to pass for Caucasian. The girl is dark-skinned. They’re fully biological siblings. My mom and her siblings don’t all look related as well. Genetics can be weird. Everything is going smoothly until Stacey and Mary Anne notice Byron isn’t going into the water. I probably would have just chalked it up to the fact that he doesn’t feel like swimming and left it alone. Stacey asks if he knows how to swim. Mary Anne says that he does. Just because Byron knows how to swim doesn’t mean he has to swim right now. Maybe he’s not in the mood to swim. Stacey’s attention is diverted by the hunky lifeguard reporting for duty. I’m imagining him as a Ken doll.
Stacey gets excited because her future husband is here. Mary Anne tells her that she might have some competition. There are other girls interested in Ken doll as well. Why don’t you just send those girls packing, Stacey? Surely your skimpy bikini with the top filled out so nicely and the fact that you’re from New York should do the job. Just say you’re from New York and they’ll be falling at your feet. Stacey keeps spying on the other girls and the lifeguard. Stacey wonders how they know them. Maybe they live in the area?
The other girls also have the (actual quote) supreme honor of doing favors for the guys such as fetching them drinks and making them sandwiches. I’m just rolling my eyes at the fact that Stacey thinks it’s a supreme honor. In all honesty, I wouldn’t have a problem doing a favor for my boyfriend if he asked me politely or offering to do him a favor. I don’t have a problem getting my little brother something to drink while I’m up. I’ve seen my grandmother get my grandfather his lunch. Maybe there are some couples where the girl does things like offer her boyfriend something to drink or make dinner and they’re a loving couple. It’s the supreme honor part I object to. They’re just serving some lifeguards some soda. Where the hell is the honor in that? So all in all, it’s mostly the fact that Stacey thinks it’s a supreme honor to be fetching some random guys soda and sandwiches, and less of the actual act itself that I object to. I’m also thinking that since Stacey thinks it’s a supreme honor to be fixing the lifeguards lunch, she’d think it was a supreme honor to do other things.
Mary Anne tells her to stop staring and the guy is way too old for her. Stacey tells her they are not. Just then high school girls arrive and the lifeguards watch them with interest and not the younger girls. Mary Anne is like, “See what I mean?” Stacey says Mary Anne doesn’t understand. They don’t say anything more and I like to think it’s because Mary Anne figured that reasoning with Stacey would be like talking to a brick wall and she had better things to do. They round up the kids for lunch. When they get back to the beach Adam and Jordan are mad at Byron because he won’ go into the water and triplets have to stick together. I think triplets can do things separately, but I’m not a triplet so what do I know? Mary Anne says they’ll have to do something out of the water.
Stacey notices the lifeguard and he smiles at her. She has to talk to him. She leaves Mary Anne to deal with the triplets and goes to talk to the lifeguard. He says, “Hey, cutie,” and Stacey’s knees go weak. Stacey turns on the charm and asks what time it is. Is that the best pick up line you’ve got? Does anyone ever use that? Mallory runs up carrying Claire. Claire cut her foot on a shell. I’ve never cut my foot on a shell on the beach. The lifeguard fixes her foot and introduces himself as Scott. He also says he’s been noticing her. He’s probably been noticing her as another errand girl. He and the other lifeguard basically told the other girls to fuck off once girls their age arrived.
Stacey introduces herself and says she’s thirteen and formerly of New York City. She gets embarrassed at that and I’m amused at the fact that she’s not always as smooth with guys as she thinks she is. Stacey makes up even stupider excuses to talk to Scott, including asking about the tides and the weather. Can’t you figure out anything else to talk about? You can ask him how long he’s been a lifeguard for example. Scott also asks if he’d mind getting him a soda. No, Stacey’s been dreaming about this supreme honor for hours now. She wouldn’t mind. I wouldn’t mind getting someone a soda if they asked me politely and it wasn’t too much trouble. Scott’s eighteen which means he is a little old for her, but Stacey doesn’t care. I guess she thinks her luv will magically make it possible for them to be together.
What would an eighteen year old want to date a thirteen year old for? My brother is in that age range, and I doubt he’d date a thirteen year old. Stacey escapes Mary Anne’s accusations about how unhelpful she’s being and runs to the beach to write, “Stacey plus Scott equals Luv,” in the sand. She runs away before the tide can erase it. Oh, the angst of teenage luv.