Stacey's Ex-Best Friend! Part 1!
I'm having a good day because I didn't look closely enough in a package my friends sent and found more presents! So many cute posters and art for my naked naked walls! Also I've been feeling very artistic lately and that always puts me in a good mood. So I decided to snark and spread my joy. Also my sleep schedule is pretty fucked so why not? So far this is the most tolerable book I've read.
Chapter 1
God, didn't I just snark a New York ass-kissing book? Because this one starts with Stacey saying how great it is there. We fucking get it, Ann. You love New York. People love certain cities. You do not need to hammer it into a conversation about divorce. I also catch that when the phone rings, Stacey answers the one in her mom's room even though I know she has one in her room. It's Laine and she talks about the plot device her winter vacation coming up. She also says she has a 15 year old boyfriend which Stacey acts like it's the craziest thing she's ever heard of even though she dated Sam. It's there to show that Laine is all grown-up and shit but it doesn't exactly work when it's been done before. Pay attention, ghosties!
Stacey suggests that hey! She should come to Stoneybrook on her vacation! Laine realises this is a super lame idea and says she doesn't know. And stupidly Stacey won't be on vacation so Laine will just have to hang out at her house alone. Except later on she ends up going to SMS. What the fuck? Can you do that? Can some random out of state girl just take classes at a random school for a week? Even when I was young I thought this was weird as Hell. Stacey realises she needs her mom's permission and tells Laine she'll call her back. She gets permission and calls Laine back and Laine still isn't thrilled at the idea. But Stacey doesn't pick that up or if she does she doesn't care.
Chapter 2
*to the tune of connect the dots* Skim skimmy skim! La la la la! Skim skimmy skim! La la la la! I do catch that Stacey calls Mal's hair 'unruly'. Pretty rich from someone who gets perms. Look up unruly hair and bad perm. Which would you rather have? At a meeting Stacey brings up Laine's visit and they say she'll be there for the Vamlumtime's dance. They yap about who they're going with and who cares? They also say they should throw a Valentine's party for their clients because all holidays must have the kids involved. It's Saint Fiacre day! Come to the BSC VD testing!
Chapter 3
Stacey and Mal have a sitting job at the Pikes and have a weird conversation in the notebook. It does provide some insight on how these two person notebook entries work. Apparently they do look over each other's shoulders and pass the pen back and forth when they want to 'say' something. It's really damned weird. The rest of the chapter is just Pike family shenanigans and who cares? Nobody, right? So here's a pic I love but can't think of how to make it fit.
Chapter 4
Stacey is scrutinising her room to make sure it's suitable for Laine's super sophisticate eyes. She sees a rag doll Claudia left during a sleepover and stuffs it in her hamper with her dirty underwear. Yeah, I'm sure Claud will appreciate getting her doll back smelling like your ass. She also hides a kitten picture and her pig collection. Riddle me this, do you do this when your friends come over? I look at my Daryl Dixons and my My Little Ponies and my Fashion Star Fillies and stuffed animals and million Monster High dolls and I wouldn't hide them from my friends. Maybe because I know my friends won't judge me for enjoying those things. I get that Stacey feel these things are immature and but they're still things she likes. It just seems weird to me.
Stacey also checks herself out and is wearing-'a purple shirtwaist top over flowered leggins [sic], my cowboy boots (cowgirl boots? cowwoman boots?), a purple hair ornament made from shoelaces, and long dangly silver earrings'. I looked up shirtwaist and I have trouble picturing one that'd be stylish. Also 'hair ornament'? First off 'ornament' is a weird choice of words. Why not barrette? I've seen those shoelace barrettes and I don't find them particularity sophisticated. Aren't they usually worn by grade school kids?
They get to the train station and Laine is wearing-'a jean coat with a fur collar (I sincerely hoped the fur was fake), black capri pants edged with lace, very chic black ankle boots, and on her head, a brilliant red over-sized beret.' Capris with ankle boots sounds ugly. Also why is she wearing capris in the dead of winter in the North East? I would make fun of the beret but I want one of those eyeball ones so I can't talk. Stacey says Laine's outfit makes her feel 'slightly dorky' but her outfit wasn't that bad. But she doesn't think on it too long because she's happy to see Laine. After they drive through Stoneybrook, Laine is like 'Where's the town?' and Stacey is like 'We just drove through it'. Laine, who is the snob in this book, is like WTF, there's nothing there.
They have a sleepover that night and Laine, who I must remind you is a snob now, makes fun of 13 year old boys which pisses off MA and Kristy. Stacey senses a fight brewing so she brings up the Valentine's dance and says Laine can come too. She also mentions that they just had another dance and God SMS! Learn to budget! Dances aren't that important! Put some of that money towards not having ridiculously dumb students and staff! What you spend on streamers alone could go to getting Claudia a tutor. Or you know, teachers that would stop passing her.
Laine, who is a snob, asks what they're going to do that night and they act like she's from space. They say regular sleepover stuff and Laine just kind of brushes it off. It makes me wonder just what was she expecting? When you're 13 gossiping and make-overs are pretty standard for a sleepover. Was Laine expecting them to do lines and watch porn? Maybe erotic massage? It's supposed to be more evidence of Laine being a snob but it doesn't really work when there's not much else to do at that age. Straws are being grasped.
Chapter 5
Claudia sitting at the Arnolds and it's mad dull. They make Valentine's and who cares? This subplot is just one big who cares. All I have to say about this chapter is that Carolyn has a mullet. So I'll just leave this here-
Chapter 1
God, didn't I just snark a New York ass-kissing book? Because this one starts with Stacey saying how great it is there. We fucking get it, Ann. You love New York. People love certain cities. You do not need to hammer it into a conversation about divorce. I also catch that when the phone rings, Stacey answers the one in her mom's room even though I know she has one in her room. It's Laine and she talks about the plot device her winter vacation coming up. She also says she has a 15 year old boyfriend which Stacey acts like it's the craziest thing she's ever heard of even though she dated Sam. It's there to show that Laine is all grown-up and shit but it doesn't exactly work when it's been done before. Pay attention, ghosties!
Stacey suggests that hey! She should come to Stoneybrook on her vacation! Laine realises this is a super lame idea and says she doesn't know. And stupidly Stacey won't be on vacation so Laine will just have to hang out at her house alone. Except later on she ends up going to SMS. What the fuck? Can you do that? Can some random out of state girl just take classes at a random school for a week? Even when I was young I thought this was weird as Hell. Stacey realises she needs her mom's permission and tells Laine she'll call her back. She gets permission and calls Laine back and Laine still isn't thrilled at the idea. But Stacey doesn't pick that up or if she does she doesn't care.
Chapter 2
*to the tune of connect the dots* Skim skimmy skim! La la la la! Skim skimmy skim! La la la la! I do catch that Stacey calls Mal's hair 'unruly'. Pretty rich from someone who gets perms. Look up unruly hair and bad perm. Which would you rather have? At a meeting Stacey brings up Laine's visit and they say she'll be there for the Vamlumtime's dance. They yap about who they're going with and who cares? They also say they should throw a Valentine's party for their clients because all holidays must have the kids involved. It's Saint Fiacre day! Come to the BSC VD testing!
Chapter 3
Stacey and Mal have a sitting job at the Pikes and have a weird conversation in the notebook. It does provide some insight on how these two person notebook entries work. Apparently they do look over each other's shoulders and pass the pen back and forth when they want to 'say' something. It's really damned weird. The rest of the chapter is just Pike family shenanigans and who cares? Nobody, right? So here's a pic I love but can't think of how to make it fit.
Chapter 4
Stacey is scrutinising her room to make sure it's suitable for Laine's super sophisticate eyes. She sees a rag doll Claudia left during a sleepover and stuffs it in her hamper with her dirty underwear. Yeah, I'm sure Claud will appreciate getting her doll back smelling like your ass. She also hides a kitten picture and her pig collection. Riddle me this, do you do this when your friends come over? I look at my Daryl Dixons and my My Little Ponies and my Fashion Star Fillies and stuffed animals and million Monster High dolls and I wouldn't hide them from my friends. Maybe because I know my friends won't judge me for enjoying those things. I get that Stacey feel these things are immature and but they're still things she likes. It just seems weird to me.
Stacey also checks herself out and is wearing-'a purple shirtwaist top over flowered leggins [sic], my cowboy boots (cowgirl boots? cowwoman boots?), a purple hair ornament made from shoelaces, and long dangly silver earrings'. I looked up shirtwaist and I have trouble picturing one that'd be stylish. Also 'hair ornament'? First off 'ornament' is a weird choice of words. Why not barrette? I've seen those shoelace barrettes and I don't find them particularity sophisticated. Aren't they usually worn by grade school kids?
They get to the train station and Laine is wearing-'a jean coat with a fur collar (I sincerely hoped the fur was fake), black capri pants edged with lace, very chic black ankle boots, and on her head, a brilliant red over-sized beret.' Capris with ankle boots sounds ugly. Also why is she wearing capris in the dead of winter in the North East? I would make fun of the beret but I want one of those eyeball ones so I can't talk. Stacey says Laine's outfit makes her feel 'slightly dorky' but her outfit wasn't that bad. But she doesn't think on it too long because she's happy to see Laine. After they drive through Stoneybrook, Laine is like 'Where's the town?' and Stacey is like 'We just drove through it'. Laine, who is the snob in this book, is like WTF, there's nothing there.
They have a sleepover that night and Laine, who I must remind you is a snob now, makes fun of 13 year old boys which pisses off MA and Kristy. Stacey senses a fight brewing so she brings up the Valentine's dance and says Laine can come too. She also mentions that they just had another dance and God SMS! Learn to budget! Dances aren't that important! Put some of that money towards not having ridiculously dumb students and staff! What you spend on streamers alone could go to getting Claudia a tutor. Or you know, teachers that would stop passing her.
Laine, who is a snob, asks what they're going to do that night and they act like she's from space. They say regular sleepover stuff and Laine just kind of brushes it off. It makes me wonder just what was she expecting? When you're 13 gossiping and make-overs are pretty standard for a sleepover. Was Laine expecting them to do lines and watch porn? Maybe erotic massage? It's supposed to be more evidence of Laine being a snob but it doesn't really work when there's not much else to do at that age. Straws are being grasped.
Chapter 5
Claudia sitting at the Arnolds and it's mad dull. They make Valentine's and who cares? This subplot is just one big who cares. All I have to say about this chapter is that Carolyn has a mullet. So I'll just leave this here-