Sea City, Here We Come! Part 1!
I knew I'd have to do this book eventually. When I first read it I was much too old for BSC books but they were like crack. Delicious crack. There were dumb things I noticed in this book then and it's just worse now. And even back then I snarked it by writing notes in the margins. I also drew all over the pictures. My favourite one was were Kristy is pointing at Karen and I put a gun in her hand.
Prologue
So another same summer is coming up so people are writing a bunch of letters blah blahing about stuff. Alex writes to Mary Anne and in his letter he says Toby asked if Stacey is coming to Sea City this summer. What a douche. Toby will prove that he's kinda a skank. Stacey writes her dad asking for permission to go with the Barretts to Sea City. She also says she plans on being bronze and I just laugh cuz sun damage. Stacey's gonna look so awful, folks. The Pikes prove that they're certifiable by inviting Kristy, Claudia, MA and Dawn with them to Sea City. Why? Plot! They've never invited them for the previous two same summers but Ann wanted to add another storey to her yacht so there you are. Stacey's dad (whose name escapes me right now) gives her permission and hilariously asks her to buy him some taffy. Asking his diabetic daughter to buy him candy is so mean and I can't stop laughing. What an ass.
Chapter 1-Kristy
The BSC is having a candy taste test between Heath bars and Skor. Of course when you mention 'candy' you have to talk about Claudia's addiction to it. And that of course turns into exposition...so...skim? Skim. Did catch this hilarious line-'I’m kind of a loudmouth. (But lovable, too.)' Lovable is one of the last words I would use to describe Kristy. Along with kind, understanding, smart and tactful. Skim, skim, skim. Claudia outfit!-'ripped cut-off jeans held up by a frayed rope belt, a T-shirt with the collar torn off, huge white socks all bunched around the ankle, and old-fashioned black lace-up shoes. She looked totally cool.' Is this book just throwing around lies like confetti at a ticker tape parade? Because that outfit is not cool. It sounds like something a homeless beach bum would wear. And black shoes with all light colour clothes and no black accessories? Nope.
Ah! Stacey outfit-'white T-shirt that hung practically to her knees (Stacey calls it a “jersey tunic” or something), white stretch pants (“ribbed leggings”) to mid-calf, a tan leather belt over the T- shirt, and leather-strap sandals' Does that seem particularly sophisticated to you? Because I find it BO-RING! Kristy says it's 'sleeker, fancier style of dressing'. I think Kristy's just impressed by people who launder their clothes.
And here's about Dawn-'She stands up for what she calls her "alternative lifestyle".' I choke on my tea because that phrase has changed over time. She also says-'I have actually seen her turn down a steaming hot slice of pepperoni pizza for an avocado-and-greens sandwich on pita bread.' Fucking so? I would happily eat both of those things because they're both delicious. Dawn's diet does not make her special! Nobody's diet does! When I make a veggie sandwich I don't pat myself on the back and think 'I'm so special and alternative!' I think 'Sandwich is yummy!'
The rest of the chapter is just exposition about what they're doing over the same summer. Claudia has summer school, MA and Dawn are running a mini camp and Kristy has some big play-off with the Krushers. Ugh...I'm gonna have to recap that boring softball shit. Those chapters might be Hella short because I seriously give zero fucks about the Krushers. I don't mind going to ball games but reading about them? No. Was there anyone that enjoyed that? I was a bookish nerd who liked drawing and reading and had no interest in sports. I usually skipped Kristy books because they were always the most boring.
Chapter 2-Claudia
Claudia starts off by saying summer school is brutal. You wouldn't know brutal if you were punched in the face by Nathan Explosion. Now I had to go to summer school in...7th grade? I don't remember. That was a bad time for me. But I don't remember that it was awful. Annoying, yeah. Boring, double yeah. But otherwise it was just like regular school. Also Claud is only going to catch up with math. Just math? Are you sure her spelling doesn't need some attention? Claud has made some friends but who cares? It's not like they'll ever show up again.
On Saturday, Claud goes over to the Pikes house to say good-bye. Kristy, Mary Anne and Dawn are there too. These girls really do everything together, don't they? It's a good thing they don't age because a crowd is a hard thing to explain at a pap smear. The Pike kids are all running around being annoying and why aren't they ever 'bratty' or 'impossible'? Also, Jessi shows that she's pretty dumb because when looking through Claire's suitcase for her dumb bear, she opens it on the porch in front of the door. So of course Margo steps in it and everything gets thrown around. This of course leads to a fight on who should pick it up.
Man, this chapter has so little happening in it. The girls are getting all sad because they're not going to see each other for a week. Kristy even points this out and I hate when I agree with Kristy. Then there's this line that always bugged me for some reason-'I was a little misty-eyed myself (but maybe it was because I was thinking of summer school).' I have no idea why that irritates me so much but it does. It just feels so...stupid.
Chapter 3-Mallory
Mal is riding in the car with Vanessa, NIcky and Claire. She's reading and they're playing a dumb game where they count all the people in other cars picking their noses. Even though it's keeping them occupied Mal suggests they they tell a story instead. I wouldn't bother. Let them play their dumb game, I'm reading.
The kids ask when they're going to stop and...I'm confused by this. Nicky says they should stop now and why? Does he not want to go to Howard Johnson's? Did he see another ice cream parlour that he wanted to stop at? Because the way it's written it's like he just wants to stop on the side of the road and get out. It's just poorly written and it annoys me. He also mentions car phones and lol! The 90s! I'd also like to thank everyone who provided insight on what a Howard Johnson's is and what it has and all that. I like learning. I'm a dork. Plus I have a love of roadside stops.
So they stop at HJ's and Nicky gets a huge milkshake and gets sick on the ride. Poor Nicky. He's the other buttmonkey of the Pike family. Vanessa starts being a little brat and makes teasing poems about Nicky being sick. That seems a little out of character. She's never really shown a mean side before. At least Mr. Pike steps in and does some actual parenting and yells at her to stop. But I guess he can only do so much parenting per decade because he sure as Hell lets the triplets treat Nicky like shit.
They get to Sea City and hit us with the foreshadowing hammer by saying the causeway was washed out ages ago in a big storm. Gee, Davey, do you think it'll happen again? Because the other Sea City books never mentioned this! They get to their house and unpack and then head for the beach. Mal sees Stacey talking to some boys and gets a nice little dig in-'Typical Stacey, I thought. She would find the guys right away.' Ha! Even Mal knows Stacey is a flake. A 'sophisticated' flake. Mal sees that it's Toby and Alex and is amazed because Toby is a babe! And...I'm kinda grossed out by this. Not Mal finding Toby attractive but with him flirting with her. He's like fifteen, she's eleven. That just seems so skeevy. I would not let my eleven year old go out with a fifteen year old.
Chapter 4-Stacey
Stacey is traveling with the Barretts and she's not happy. She starts by saying she usually likes Mrs. Barrett because she's beautiful. Because that's what's most important, right? Also does anyone know her name? It's kinda weird to keep writing 'Mrs. Barrett'. And by weird I mean annoying. Here's a nice little mind-breaking line-'But I felt a little funny not working for the Pikes. Twice before I’d gone to the beach with them, and I loved it.' You mean the previous two summers where you were 13 and still are? Did nobody read that line and think 'Wait a minute...' Oh, that crazy time warp!
Anyway, she had a bad time because Mrs. Barrett is a nervous driver. She snaps at Buddy, yells at someone who pulled in front of her and swerved and scared the kids. Also she says 'Fuck' just like Maureen did when she nearly killed herself too. Well, I'm guessing it was fuck. Stacey just says she won't say what Mrs. B said. So maybe she yelled 'Shit bastard!' or Cock goblin!' I like when they allude to adults cussing in these books. It always makes me snicker.
They finally get to Sea City and Mrs. B apologises to Stacey. That's nice of her. Kinda makes Stacey look like an overacting baby who can't cope. Yeah, she made some mistakes and wasn't exactly a fun companion but I wouldn't say it ruined the whole ride. Mrs. B was just nervous because it's her first trip as a single mom and she's never driven that far before. It's completely excusable that she wasn't at her best. Stacey can take her lack of empathy and shove it up her ass.
Stacey takes the kids to the beach and Toby shows up. She's still pretty mad at him and that's understandable. Plus he's acting like nothing happened and that he didn't hurt her feelings or anything. Stacey pretty much ignores him as I would too. That evening Mal comes up to her and says she thinks Toby likes her. And again yuck. This whole sub plot just makes me uncomfortable. Stacey tells Mal not to get her hopes up because Toby is pond scum. And of course she's gonna be right. Because a guy can't be attracted to Mallory! He has to be a douche basket! Only a dudebro 'nice guy' will like Mal! Also I find it funny that a guy like Toby would like a girl with glasses and frizzy red hair. Seeing as those are giant neon signs flashing 'UGLY!' in Ann's world.
Chapter 5-Dawn
Dawn and Mary Anne are running a day camp so you know this chapter is gonna be boring as Hell. Jenny is the first to arrive so of course they have to mention she's spoiled. She also dismissively says that the Prezziosos call Jenny 'Our angel'. So the fuck what?! Are you seriously saying Jenny is a brat because her parents love her and gave her a pet name?! Of course, I might be biased because my mom called me her angel. She even named me Angela to drive the point home.
They make a mess making collages and then go to the Stone's farm and terrorise the animals. At the end of the day the kids go home and MA and Dawn discuss what to do for their last day of mini camp. They actually say taking the kids on a trip to the mall would be 'easy'. Well, it was Dawn's suggestion and we all know how dumb she is. She then suggests a sleepover and says-'Can you imagine how cute they’d be - climbing into their sleeping bags with their little pj’s' What 13 year old talks like that? 'Little pj's? You sound like an old lady, Schafer! What teen is that enamored with kids?
Prologue
So another same summer is coming up so people are writing a bunch of letters blah blahing about stuff. Alex writes to Mary Anne and in his letter he says Toby asked if Stacey is coming to Sea City this summer. What a douche. Toby will prove that he's kinda a skank. Stacey writes her dad asking for permission to go with the Barretts to Sea City. She also says she plans on being bronze and I just laugh cuz sun damage. Stacey's gonna look so awful, folks. The Pikes prove that they're certifiable by inviting Kristy, Claudia, MA and Dawn with them to Sea City. Why? Plot! They've never invited them for the previous two same summers but Ann wanted to add another storey to her yacht so there you are. Stacey's dad (whose name escapes me right now) gives her permission and hilariously asks her to buy him some taffy. Asking his diabetic daughter to buy him candy is so mean and I can't stop laughing. What an ass.
Chapter 1-Kristy
The BSC is having a candy taste test between Heath bars and Skor. Of course when you mention 'candy' you have to talk about Claudia's addiction to it. And that of course turns into exposition...so...skim? Skim. Did catch this hilarious line-'I’m kind of a loudmouth. (But lovable, too.)' Lovable is one of the last words I would use to describe Kristy. Along with kind, understanding, smart and tactful. Skim, skim, skim. Claudia outfit!-'ripped cut-off jeans held up by a frayed rope belt, a T-shirt with the collar torn off, huge white socks all bunched around the ankle, and old-fashioned black lace-up shoes. She looked totally cool.' Is this book just throwing around lies like confetti at a ticker tape parade? Because that outfit is not cool. It sounds like something a homeless beach bum would wear. And black shoes with all light colour clothes and no black accessories? Nope.
Ah! Stacey outfit-'white T-shirt that hung practically to her knees (Stacey calls it a “jersey tunic” or something), white stretch pants (“ribbed leggings”) to mid-calf, a tan leather belt over the T- shirt, and leather-strap sandals' Does that seem particularly sophisticated to you? Because I find it BO-RING! Kristy says it's 'sleeker, fancier style of dressing'. I think Kristy's just impressed by people who launder their clothes.
And here's about Dawn-'She stands up for what she calls her "alternative lifestyle".' I choke on my tea because that phrase has changed over time. She also says-'I have actually seen her turn down a steaming hot slice of pepperoni pizza for an avocado-and-greens sandwich on pita bread.' Fucking so? I would happily eat both of those things because they're both delicious. Dawn's diet does not make her special! Nobody's diet does! When I make a veggie sandwich I don't pat myself on the back and think 'I'm so special and alternative!' I think 'Sandwich is yummy!'
The rest of the chapter is just exposition about what they're doing over the same summer. Claudia has summer school, MA and Dawn are running a mini camp and Kristy has some big play-off with the Krushers. Ugh...I'm gonna have to recap that boring softball shit. Those chapters might be Hella short because I seriously give zero fucks about the Krushers. I don't mind going to ball games but reading about them? No. Was there anyone that enjoyed that? I was a bookish nerd who liked drawing and reading and had no interest in sports. I usually skipped Kristy books because they were always the most boring.
Chapter 2-Claudia
Claudia starts off by saying summer school is brutal. You wouldn't know brutal if you were punched in the face by Nathan Explosion. Now I had to go to summer school in...7th grade? I don't remember. That was a bad time for me. But I don't remember that it was awful. Annoying, yeah. Boring, double yeah. But otherwise it was just like regular school. Also Claud is only going to catch up with math. Just math? Are you sure her spelling doesn't need some attention? Claud has made some friends but who cares? It's not like they'll ever show up again.
On Saturday, Claud goes over to the Pikes house to say good-bye. Kristy, Mary Anne and Dawn are there too. These girls really do everything together, don't they? It's a good thing they don't age because a crowd is a hard thing to explain at a pap smear. The Pike kids are all running around being annoying and why aren't they ever 'bratty' or 'impossible'? Also, Jessi shows that she's pretty dumb because when looking through Claire's suitcase for her dumb bear, she opens it on the porch in front of the door. So of course Margo steps in it and everything gets thrown around. This of course leads to a fight on who should pick it up.
Man, this chapter has so little happening in it. The girls are getting all sad because they're not going to see each other for a week. Kristy even points this out and I hate when I agree with Kristy. Then there's this line that always bugged me for some reason-'I was a little misty-eyed myself (but maybe it was because I was thinking of summer school).' I have no idea why that irritates me so much but it does. It just feels so...stupid.
Chapter 3-Mallory
Mal is riding in the car with Vanessa, NIcky and Claire. She's reading and they're playing a dumb game where they count all the people in other cars picking their noses. Even though it's keeping them occupied Mal suggests they they tell a story instead. I wouldn't bother. Let them play their dumb game, I'm reading.
The kids ask when they're going to stop and...I'm confused by this. Nicky says they should stop now and why? Does he not want to go to Howard Johnson's? Did he see another ice cream parlour that he wanted to stop at? Because the way it's written it's like he just wants to stop on the side of the road and get out. It's just poorly written and it annoys me. He also mentions car phones and lol! The 90s! I'd also like to thank everyone who provided insight on what a Howard Johnson's is and what it has and all that. I like learning. I'm a dork. Plus I have a love of roadside stops.
So they stop at HJ's and Nicky gets a huge milkshake and gets sick on the ride. Poor Nicky. He's the other buttmonkey of the Pike family. Vanessa starts being a little brat and makes teasing poems about Nicky being sick. That seems a little out of character. She's never really shown a mean side before. At least Mr. Pike steps in and does some actual parenting and yells at her to stop. But I guess he can only do so much parenting per decade because he sure as Hell lets the triplets treat Nicky like shit.
They get to Sea City and hit us with the foreshadowing hammer by saying the causeway was washed out ages ago in a big storm. Gee, Davey, do you think it'll happen again? Because the other Sea City books never mentioned this! They get to their house and unpack and then head for the beach. Mal sees Stacey talking to some boys and gets a nice little dig in-'Typical Stacey, I thought. She would find the guys right away.' Ha! Even Mal knows Stacey is a flake. A 'sophisticated' flake. Mal sees that it's Toby and Alex and is amazed because Toby is a babe! And...I'm kinda grossed out by this. Not Mal finding Toby attractive but with him flirting with her. He's like fifteen, she's eleven. That just seems so skeevy. I would not let my eleven year old go out with a fifteen year old.
Chapter 4-Stacey
Stacey is traveling with the Barretts and she's not happy. She starts by saying she usually likes Mrs. Barrett because she's beautiful. Because that's what's most important, right? Also does anyone know her name? It's kinda weird to keep writing 'Mrs. Barrett'. And by weird I mean annoying. Here's a nice little mind-breaking line-'But I felt a little funny not working for the Pikes. Twice before I’d gone to the beach with them, and I loved it.' You mean the previous two summers where you were 13 and still are? Did nobody read that line and think 'Wait a minute...' Oh, that crazy time warp!
Anyway, she had a bad time because Mrs. Barrett is a nervous driver. She snaps at Buddy, yells at someone who pulled in front of her and swerved and scared the kids. Also she says 'Fuck' just like Maureen did when she nearly killed herself too. Well, I'm guessing it was fuck. Stacey just says she won't say what Mrs. B said. So maybe she yelled 'Shit bastard!' or Cock goblin!' I like when they allude to adults cussing in these books. It always makes me snicker.
They finally get to Sea City and Mrs. B apologises to Stacey. That's nice of her. Kinda makes Stacey look like an overacting baby who can't cope. Yeah, she made some mistakes and wasn't exactly a fun companion but I wouldn't say it ruined the whole ride. Mrs. B was just nervous because it's her first trip as a single mom and she's never driven that far before. It's completely excusable that she wasn't at her best. Stacey can take her lack of empathy and shove it up her ass.
Stacey takes the kids to the beach and Toby shows up. She's still pretty mad at him and that's understandable. Plus he's acting like nothing happened and that he didn't hurt her feelings or anything. Stacey pretty much ignores him as I would too. That evening Mal comes up to her and says she thinks Toby likes her. And again yuck. This whole sub plot just makes me uncomfortable. Stacey tells Mal not to get her hopes up because Toby is pond scum. And of course she's gonna be right. Because a guy can't be attracted to Mallory! He has to be a douche basket! Only a dudebro 'nice guy' will like Mal! Also I find it funny that a guy like Toby would like a girl with glasses and frizzy red hair. Seeing as those are giant neon signs flashing 'UGLY!' in Ann's world.
Chapter 5-Dawn
Dawn and Mary Anne are running a day camp so you know this chapter is gonna be boring as Hell. Jenny is the first to arrive so of course they have to mention she's spoiled. She also dismissively says that the Prezziosos call Jenny 'Our angel'. So the fuck what?! Are you seriously saying Jenny is a brat because her parents love her and gave her a pet name?! Of course, I might be biased because my mom called me her angel. She even named me Angela to drive the point home.
They make a mess making collages and then go to the Stone's farm and terrorise the animals. At the end of the day the kids go home and MA and Dawn discuss what to do for their last day of mini camp. They actually say taking the kids on a trip to the mall would be 'easy'. Well, it was Dawn's suggestion and we all know how dumb she is. She then suggests a sleepover and says-'Can you imagine how cute they’d be - climbing into their sleeping bags with their little pj’s' What 13 year old talks like that? 'Little pj's? You sound like an old lady, Schafer! What teen is that enamored with kids?