Jessi and the Bad Babysitter Chapters 1-5

[lisaerin]

Chapter 1

Jessi is just in time to stop Squirt from falling off the coffee table. She’s forgotten that Squirt has taken to exploring and she can’t expect him to sit and watch his video quietly. Squirt must be a real handful if Jessi is resorting to letting Squirt watch TV to occupy himself. I thought the BSC tried not to use the TV unless it was unavoidable. I guess since Squirt is a regular baby he can’t follow cult commands very well. Becca comes running in to ask if Squirt is okay. She and Jessi were playing Monopoly in the other room. So they left a toddler alone, despite knowing that he’s been climbing on everything. That’s brilliant babysitting right there.

Jessi suggests bringing the Monopoly board into the room, but Becca doesn’t want to move the board. Jessi doesn’t want Squirt to be in the kitchen because he’ll pull out pots and pans. If banging pots and pans keeps Squirt occupied, I say let him do it. They either have to move the board or let Squirt play with pots and pans. Becca reluctantly agrees to move the Monopoly board, because it’ll be such a huge inconvenience. Jessi gives us her back-story. Jessi is glad that she doesn’t have to babysit for her siblings every day since Aunt Cecelia arrived, but she does love babysitting. I wonder if any of the BSC members ever spend time with their siblings outside of babysitting. Do they ever just ask if they want to go out somewhere, or do they only spend time with them while babysitting? Jessi mentions that the BSC is getting swamped and she’s feeling overscheduled. To make matters worse, Dawn is in California, so the BSC is understaffed.

Becca brings the Monopoly board in and says it wasn’t a good idea to carry it because she spilled punch on the game. Then why didn’t you just take the punch off the game before you moved it, then go back for the punch? I’m beginning to see why everyone thinks Kristy has such great ideas- they have no common sense. The phone rings. Jessi’s new friend Wendy is calling. She and Jessi have started walking to class together. Jessi says now isn’t a good time to talk, but she invites Wendy over. I don’t know if I’d invite my friend over if I was busy babysitting. Sometimes I’d want to hang out with my friend without worrying about keeping an eye on my younger siblings.

Becca yells for Jessi. Apparently Squirt has put something in his mouth and Becca doesn’t know what to do. I would think that you take the thing out of his mouth. Then again, maybe Squirt is faster than them and would swallow whatever he has in his mouth before they can grab him and pry his mouth open. My dog has a habit of putting things in his mouth and he’s really fast. So if he sees me approaching, he’ll take off. I usually resort to bribing him with a bone or a treat. Jessi knows that begging Squirt isn’t going to work. Obviously. She distracts Squirt and a crisis where Squirt choked on whatever he had in his mouth is averted. I vaguely recall reading what to do when a baby is choking, but I don’t remember enough to actually use it.

Jessi is thinking that this is turning out to be quite an afternoon. It doesn’t seem that bad. I’m sure things could be worse. I thought toddlers put things in their mouths often and that was why you should keep certain things away from them. And it’s not like Squirt was severely injured or anything. Becca isn’t demanding Jessi’s attention and Squirt isn’t fussy. It just seems like he’s displaying typical toddler behavior, and very mild behavior at that. Becca and Squirt are watching a Flipper video on TV when Wendy comes over. Squirt is in front of the TV and patting it. My youngest cousin did that as well. He would also pat shirts if it had cartoon characters or sequins on it. Becca drags Squirt away from the TV which causes him to start crying. Wendy says she’ll watch Becca and Squirt while Jessi makes hot chocolate. Jessi feels fine with leaving Wendy in charge because the kids liked her and kids and animals are good judges of character. Then why do the kids seem to like Kristy? I guess everyone is entitled to have a moment where they’re a terrible judge of character.

Jessi’s method of making hot chocolate is to microwave chocolate milk. I usually heat up milk and chocolate mix on a stove. I just wondered if I could heat up milk and chocolate syrup and call it hot chocolate. They watch the rest of Flipper and Aunt Cecelia comes in when the credits are rolling. She observes that everything seems to be under control and Jessi thinks it’s a good thing that Aunt Cecelia didn’t come in earlier. Everything seemed to be under control then. I wouldn’t call a toddler climbing or putting something in his mouth disaster worthy. I thought that was pretty common behavior for them. The worst thing that could have happened was that Squirt got hurt when Becca and Jessi weren’t watching him and that didn’t happen.

Aunt Cecelia asks if Wendy is a member of the BSC. I don’t know if it’s because she thinks only BSC members can be good with kids or because Jessi doesn’t have any friends outside the BSC. I would love it if Wendy said that she heard about the BSC and there was no way in hell she was going to spend time with that bossy jerk Kristy Thomas. Instead Wendy just says that she isn’t a member and asks what it is. Wendy loves to babysit and Jessi is surprised. I’m surprised Kristy didn’t make everyone who babysat join the BSC or stop babysitting and let the BSC take over.

Jessi and Wendy go to Jessi’s room and talk. Wendy also likes horse stories. I kind of want Wendy to be friends with Mallory. I bet Wendy wouldn’t expect her to do assignments when she’s sick. And I like the idea of Mallory and Wendy bonding over the BSC being self-important jerks when they were being interviewed for a position. It’s just fun for me to imagine saying, “And then they made me draw a model of the and I quote, “Divestive system,” as part of my test. And Wendy saying, “Seriously? What the hell will that do?” Jessi is glad that her busy schedule allowed her time to make a friend. I wouldn’t put it past Kristy to say that Jessi has to end her friendship with Wendy because it’s cutting into BSC time or because Wendy doesn’t kiss her ass.

Chapter 2

Mrs. Wilder is calling for a sitter, but Kristy tells her the meeting hasn’t started yet and to call back. I really wouldn’t want to use the BSC if I can only reach them during a very short period of time. If a thirteen year old told me that the meeting hadn’t started as yet and to call back, I’d be like, “Screw this.” Why can’t Kristy just ask when Mrs. Wilder needs a sitter and then ask the rest of the members if they want the job when they arrive. I think Kristy is way too anal about the BSC meeting times. As usual Jessi kisses Kristy’s ass for being the only person in the universe who can come up with such brilliant ideas like a bloody appointment book. Seriously, that’s just common sense. I think lots of people would keep a record of when they’re scheduled to work, unless they have an excellent memory.

Kristy is also very direct. That’s a polite way to put it. Bossy, controlling, tactless, and obnoxious and a jerk is a less polite way to put it. Jessi admires how Kristy is herself all the time and is very take me or leave me. I don’t know why more people don’t leave me. Seriously, if I had to put up with someone who bosses me around and is more bossy than my parents, I’d have said, “Hell no.” I don’t know why the BSC are so okay with Kristy being a controlling jerk to them.

Kristy is getting upset because it’s 5:27 and the others aren’t here as yet. Calm the fuck down, Kristy. They still have three minutes to go. They could just be driving down Claudia’s street right now. Maybe they got held up in traffic or had a last minute thing to do. The world will not come to an end if the other members aren’t there three minutes before the meeting starts. It doesn’t even matter anyway, since Kristy will just tell someone to cal back if they call even a minute before 5:30. Kristy is a stickler for punctuality. I guess that’s a polite way of saying that she has a stick up her ass about it and is totally unreasonable about it. If a person is even a minute late she glares at them. This glare is so withering that the BSC live in fear of it. It’s a glare. What, are you going to turn to stone or be incinerated? It’s a glare. Just ignore her or glare back and tell her to calm the fuck down. I would love it if someone purposely strolled in a minute late and was like, “Calm down, Kristy.” It’s ridiculous how anal Kristy is about punctuality and how the BSC bust their tails to accommodate her.

Jessi has been subjected to a glare once or twice because her ballet class causes her to be a minute late. No one is there as yet and it’s five twenty eight. I fail to see how this is a problem. The meeting hasn’t even started yet. And I don’t see the big deal in a person being a minute late on occasion. It’s not like someone continually turns up 20 minutes late. One of my classmates did that a lot during my class. My professor got tired of it and scolded her on the last day of class. I kind of found that pointless since the class was over. Claudia is the only one calm and tells Kristy not to worry. Kristy is still upset because it’s 5:29 and no one is here. Calm down, Kristy. This is really ridiculous. The meeting hasn’t even started yet.

Stacey comes in. Mary Anne comes in when Kristy calls the meeting to order. It’d be nice if someone was thinking, “Get over yourself, you pompous ass,” when Kristy does this, but they all worship her too much. Mary Anne sat for Jackie and he was more accident prone than ever. What happened? Did he pull down a mirror on himself? Did he break a bone? Did he fall down from a great height? No, he spilled root beer. That seems pretty mild for Jackie. I don’t see how this makes him more accident prone. Mary Anne stayed to help his mother clean up.

Mallory walks in and apologizes for being late. Kristy gives her the Look, but Mallory is too tired to care. I would have loved it if Mallory said, “Knock it off, Kristy; I’m too tired to deal with your crap.” Mary Anne asks if Mallory is sick, but Mallory says she’s just tired. Everyone is tired because they’ve been running themselves ragged since Dawn left. I wonder if any of the parents suggested that their kids should ease up on the babysitting since they were so exhausted. Of course this suggestion would be met with melodramatic declarations of, “But the BSC needs me!” and them refusing to consider that other people outside the BSC could babysit.

Mallory is Jessi’s best friend and at first glance it looks like they have nothing in common. This is going to be one of those, “Mal is white and Jessi is black.” Black people and white people can have things in common. I’m black and one of my friends is white and we have stuff in common. Stop acting like Mallory and Jessi’s friendship is so unusual because of their skin color.

Kristy acknowledges that everyone is running themselves ragged. She doesn’t want to add another member because seven members are plenty. No, it isn’t. You guys don’t have enough people in your club. Kristy thinks eight members would be too many. Why? How would adding an extra member be a bad thing? Do you have to pay for the new member or something? Wouldn’t having a new member mean there’d be a less of a chance that everyone is busy? Mary Anne suggests that maybe it’s just a hectic week. No, it’s only a hectic week so the plot can kick off. Once Wendy leaves, things will magically calm down.

The phone keeps ringing. Mallory has fallen asleep. I like to think she finally realized that coming to BSC meeting was a huge bore. I would love it if Kristy yelled at her and Mallory told her, “Yeah, yeah, we have a bunch of people calling and you probably have a hare-brained idea that you expect us to implement. I’ve heard it all before.”

Chapter 3

The phone is stilling ringing at the Wednesday meeting. Where are all these parents going all of a sudden? Do they just magically become busy so that the BSC can add a new member? The BSC are getting really booked up. Mrs. Kuhn and Mrs. Papadakis need a sitter at the same time, but no one is available. Just double up a sitting job. These girls have no problem dragging the kids to where the other BSC members are sitting, even if the kids in question have never met any of the kids or don’t associate with them.

Mallory calls to say she’s too tired to come in. Does Kristy show any concern for Mallory? No, and I hope no one actually thought Kristy would give a shit about Mallory when the club is busy. Kristy freaks out because they’re now two members short. Mary Anne shows some sympathy for Mallory and Kristy’s reaction is basically, “Yeah, Mallory’s sick, but who cares? The BSC is in trouble! That totally outranks a sick friend!” And just out of curiosity, why is it a disaster when two members are out of commission, but it’s perfectly fine for you guys to go on trips to Hawaii or Europe? How is having two members of the BSC gone a disaster, but the entire BSC going to Europe or on a cruise okay? What, do the parents just not go out when the BSC is on vacation? Did that thought ever cross Kristy’s mind? Did she think that just because the BSC were gone, the clients would stop going out or having doctor’s appointments and needing sitters?

The BSC might have to turn away a sitting job. Claudia points out that it’s not the end of the world, but Kristy says that it is. She seriously says so. And I know that teenagers think that everything is the end of the world, but I don’t remember any teenager being on the verge of a panic attack because no one in the club could babysit. Kristy is frantic because the whole purpose of the BSC is to have sitters available immediately when a client calls. The BSC is the only babysitting business that offers a guaranteed sitter every time. Yes, but the BSC is also only available during a limited time period, and Kristy is so anal about the meeting that she won’t take down a client’s information a minute before the meeting. I doubt busy parents have time to wait until 5:30 to 6:00 MWF to call for a sitter. It would probably be easier to ask a neighbor or relative to babysit, or take the kids with them if possible. Mr. Hill doesn’t bother using the BSC for this job because he can’t be bothered to wait. On one hand, it’s not like he needs a sitter right away. But on the other hand, if the BSC made themselves available more often than just half an hour three days a week, this probably wouldn’t happen. Suppose a parent just got home during BSC hours? That’s when my mom gets home. And I think lots of parents are cooking dinner then. Then there’s the fact that they’re parents and would have to take care of their kids. To a busy parent, thirty minutes can go by really quickly. I would probably be stressed out if I needed a sitter but had to wait until a certain time to call. Then there’s the fact that the BSC might be busy and not get back to me right away. Parents have things to do.

The fact that Mr. Hill isn’t using the BSC for this job makes Kristy announce that they have to replace Dawn. Seriously, what’s wrong with hiring more members and not replacing existing ones? Wouldn’t more members mean more of a chance of someone getting a babysitter? I suppose that there might be concern whether Claudia’s room will be large enough to accommodate eight people. I think the BSC just likes to exclude everyone. They’re too busy being cliquey jerks to let someone into the BSC, even if the person is a good person and a good sitter. And if they don’t want to hire another member, why don’t they just hire an associate? I thought that associates didn’t attend meetings and were basically there in case no one else can babysit? Wouldn’t it be easier to hire an associate member? They don’t have to come to meetings. There’d be less chance of them clashing with Kristy because of this. They can just ask a few people, “Do you mind if we call you to babysit in case none of us is available? Don’t worry, this only happens when the plot requires and all scheduling conflicts will magically be resolved by the end of the book.”

Jessi is about to suggest Wendy as a possible candidate, but the phone rings. The BSC manage to organize everything, but even Mary Anne is looking frazzled. Dawn calls and she and Jessi talk. I’ve never really seen Jessi and Dawn talk. Dawn isn’t being a self-righteous jerk in this conversation. Kristy takes the phone and tells Dawn that she has to come back to Stoneybrook because the BSC needs her. Mary Anne tries to get the phone from Kristy, but Kristy holds it hostage. Dawn can’t talk to her own stepsister until she agrees to come back to California. Does Kristy seriously expect someone to fly all the way from California to Connecticut just so she can babysit? I hope Dawn tells her to knock it off. And I hope if Dawn did take her seriously and was about to go back to Stoneybrook her parents said, “No. Do you know how much money it costs for you to keep flying back and forth? You are not going back to Stoneybrook because Kristy told you too.” Sometimes I wish the BSC parents would tell their kids that Kristy isn’t their parent and they don’t have to listen to her. I wish the parents would tell their kids, “No. Kristy is not your parent or an authority figure. You do not have to come running to do her bidding. In fact, I’m forbidding you to come running to do her bidding.” I swear Kristy has more control over the BSC than their parents.

Chapter 4

Mallory thinks she’s been bitten by a rare bug and that’s causing her to be so tired. Actually, mono is causing you to be so tired. And if a bug did bite Mallory, she wouldn’t get tired. She’d have an reaction that would make her look even more hideous. Jessi is supposed to sit with Mallory for the Pikes. When Jessi comes over, Mallory doesn’t look like she’s about to fall over and die, but she doesn’t look like she’ll be dancing any jigs either. Mallory doesn’t have a sore throat or fever or anything like that. She’s just really tired. She stayed home in case she was coming down with something. Jessi asks where everyone is. The brothers are in the rec room, Claire and Vanessa are playing Chutes and Ladders, and Margo is in her room doing something, but Mallory doesn’t know what. Margo got sick of being the kid that puked whenever she walked and wanted to change her image.

Claire comes into the room and she’s dressed like a tiger. She hurts her knee and a bruise has already formed. I don’t recall a bruise forming the instant I hit my knee. Jessi gets annoyed when she asks Mallory to get some ice. Mallory isn’t dying, so she shouldn’t have to ask her to get ice. Shut up, Jessi. Mallory obviously isn’t feeling like herself. Why don’t you get ice? Is it racist for you to go get the ice because you’re black? Why don’t you have Mallory comfort Claire and get the ice yourself? And Mallory has to take care of her siblings all the time. Jessi is going to leave in a little bit. Mallory will still have to take care of her siblings and do all the chores. And it’s not like Mallory is filing her nails and reading a magazine while ignoring her sister. She’s tired. Sometimes people get so tired that they aren’t able to function. Even accomplishing minor tasks could be a major feat. I fell asleep one time, but I was vaguely aware of what was going on around me. My little cousin came to wake me up and was poking me, but I didn’t have the energy to do anything,

The boys come down and are using bouncy shoes. Mallory pleads with them to stop because they aren’t supposed to use that in the house, but they don’t listen. Jessi thinks that Mallory is used to taking charge because she’s the oldest. Where have you been? Mallory doesn’t have any authority over her siblings. Jessi asks them to please take go outside and they listen. Vanessa gets her hair stuck in curlers and Jessi has to take care of it herself because Mallory is too tired. Mallory naps for the rest of the job and Jessi realizes that taking care of a lot of kids by yourself is exhausting. It is. That’s why I hate it when babysitters are all judgmental about parents being tired. The babysitter can leave. Babysitting a kid for an hour is different than taking care of a kid on a full-time basis. The parents will still have to take care of their kids when they come home. Not to mention parents also have to take care of the house and might have jobs.

Chapter 5

Jessi is bringing Wendy to the meeting on Friday. Mm. Noelle keeps everyone five minutes after class. I’m surprised Jessi didn’t just run out, since she’s so anxious to arrive at the BSC meeting on time. Then traffic is horrendous. I wonder if she begged her dad to engage in reckless driving just so she could arrive at the meeting on time. I hope her father told her that he wasn’t going to risk getting in an accident just so Jessi could get to the meeting on time and that Kristy was just going to have to get over Jessi being a few minutes late. To make matters worse, Wendy isn’t ready when Jessi picks her up. I don’t know if Jessi told her what a stickler Kristy is for punctuality. If she did, I bet Wendy just thought, “There’s no way someone can be that uptight.”

Wendy asks Jessi what’s the big deal if they’re five minutes late. Jessi replies that she’s worried about being half a second late. This is probably not an exaggeration. It’s a miracle that Kristy doesn’t have a stopwatch and started glaring at people who were seconds late. And why are they so worried? Aside from glaring, what else does Kristy do? I don’t like being glared at, but I’m not going to live in fear of it. It’s a glare. Kristy isn’t Medusa and she isn’t the basilisk. She doesn’t have laser eye beams. People have survived being glared at before.

They arrive at the meeting. Wendy doesn’t know anyone. It would make sense that she wouldn’t know the older girls, but she and Mallory don’t have any classes together. But Mallory and Wendy have heard nice things about each other. I really hope Mallory and Wendy become friends. They can bond over what hags the BSC are and horse stories. Kristy tells Wendy that she’s awfully young and asks if she’s babysat before. She’s the same age and Mallory and Jessi, moron. And shut up, Kristy. You’re only thirteen. You aren’t an adult. You aren’t a teacher or professional childcare provider. Stop acting so self-important. And thirteen is young. Some people might not want thirteen year olds babysitting because they think that’s too young to babysit.

Mrs. Rodowsky calls. Kristy demonstrates how the BSC runs by acting ultra official and important. Jessi thinks that Kristy is acting this way for Wendy’s sake. No, you naïve, child, Kristy is doing this to show off. She tells Mary Anne to consult her record book and Mary Anne asks if she’s out of her mind. I personally would have said, “WTF, I’m not doing this.” Kristy gets mad because Mary Anne is ruining her chance to show off. Kristy asks if Logan and Shannon are busy, and they are. How is this helping Wendy learn the rules? Can’t they just tell her the rules straight forward instead of making a huge production?

Kristy asks Wendy some questions, like what she would do in a medical emergency. She says she’d probably call her mom or 911. But does she know how to apply a tourniquet? Can she draw the “divestive system?” Does she know the difference between creeping and crawling? I seriously thought the BSC would ask what she would do if someone knocked something over. I hope there’s a minor incident when Wendy sits, like spilled milk so Wendy can just clean it up and be like, “This wasn’t a big deal. Calm down.”

The phone keeps ringing and interrupting Kristy from quizzing Wendy. Mallory doesn’t want to sit for the Arnolds because she still feels crummy, and Kristy explodes at her. Seriously, the word explode was used. Kristy tells Mallory to go see a doctor because they can’t have two sitters out of commission. Does anyone care about Mallory’s health outside of her usefulness to the BSC? Of course not. I just feel so sorry for Mallory. I just finished snarking Get Well Soon, Mallory and it was horrible reading about the BSC expecting Mallory to do a bunch of assignments and getting mad when she said she was too sick to. Maybe it’s because that book is after this one, so I know she has mono, but my urge to just take Mallory away to a quiet place where she can recuperate in peace without everyone acting like she’s a horrible person for being sick and needing to rest. And why is it a disaster for two sitters to be out of commission, but the entire BSC can go on vacation at the same time?

Wendy is going to sit with Jessi for the Barretts. Jessi tells Wendy that she’s as good as in. You’ll notice that no one explained the rules to Wendy. All that happened was that Kristy acted like a pompous ass and questioned Wendy. Seriously, all Wendy could probably figure out was that if a client calls, Mary Anne checks the record book. I think this is basic common sense to see which members are available. At no point did anyone mention that all jobs have to be offered around and no one can take any jobs outside of BSC time. I would also like to point out that Kristy doesn’t want Wendy to sit by herself because having a stranger babysit the kids would be irresponsible because they don’t know her very well.