Mallory and the Ghost Cat Chapters 1-5
Chapter 1
Claire is being silly. She and Mallory are making dinner because Mrs. Pike is running late at a PTA meeting, so she’ll be happy to see that dinner is on the table when she comes home. If my mom is running late and she hasn’t cooked dinner, she’ll usually just order a pizza or pick something up on the way home. Of course, the Pikes would probably argue about which pizza topping to get because the book says later on that the Pikes don’t agree on a lot of food. I’m pretty sure that if Mrs. Pike decided to pick something up she’d have to go all over town because everyone wanted different things. I’m surprised Mallory doesn’t already cook dinner. One of these days I expect Mallory to have a mat in the kitchen and be chained to the stove.
Claire is helping Mallory make English pizza muffins for dinner, because it’s a food the entire family can agree on. Mallory realizes that she’s so busy giving out recipes that she’s forgotten to introduce herself. Given that the title of this book is Mallory and the Ghost Cat, I’m going to hazard a guess that her name might be Mallory. I wonder if the BSC ever goes up to a random stranger and starts rambling about their lives before they say, “I haven’t even introduced myself yet. Here I am telling you about the bowel movements of some kids you don’t know and you don’t even know my name.” Mallory introduces herself and says that she’s in the sixth grade at SMS, and she’s 11. She could tell us more about herself, but thankfully her attempt to tell me her life story is interrupted by Nicky coming in all muddy. He and the triplets were playing mud ball.
Mallory tells them to go clean up and to take off their clothes so they don’t track mud all over the house because Mrs. Pike won’t be pleased. I’m pretty sure she’d just get Mallory to clean it up, if she didn’t think that making the boys clean up their mess was mean and crushing their spirits. Margo makes fun of Nicky and the triplets in their underwear, but the boys say they’re underpants. I just say underwear and I’m pretty sure everyone knows what I’m talking about. Margo is seven and therefore fascinated by underwear sightings. I don’t remember getting a thrill out of seeing underwear at seven. There might have been a few incidents when girls climbed the jungle gym in a dress, but it didn’t send a thrill through me. I wonder if Margo is going to have a new personality trait. The girl who likes to look at people’s underwear isn’t much better than the girl who barfs all the time.
Vanessa comes down the stairs and is totally unaware of her surroundings because she wants to be a poet. I’m not sure that being absent-minded is a qualification for a poet. I’m surprised Vanessa doesn’t have someone with her to make sure she doesn’t fall down the stairs when she’s trying to think up a poem. Mallory asks Vanessa to help set the table and she says, “Plates and napkins, forks and knives, these are the settings of our lives.” Vanessa is the type of person who will think a poem is great because it rhymes, despite it being a bunch of gibberish. She’s also the type of person to dismiss classic poetry or any other poem because it doesn’t rhyme.
Mrs. Pike gets home and she’s happy to see that dinner is on the table. I am still positive she would have asked Mallory to make dinner. Mrs. Pike calls Mallory a lifesaver and her siblings make fun of her by asking which kind of lifesaver candy she is. Mr. Pike tells them that Mallory did make dinner for them, so maybe they could show some gratitude. The Pikes don’t show Mallory any gratitude. They just assume she’ll always be there to pick off any pizza toppings they don’t like, clean up their spilt milk, make sandwiches for a picnic, give up any free time she has to do their bidding, and basically be their slave for life.
Mallory’s siblings stampede towards the table and Mallory thinks they’re immature. I probably would have rolled my eyes and wondered why my siblings couldn’t go to the table in a civilized fashion instead of stampeding like animals. Mallory is ready to grow up, but it’s hard because her parents don’t want her to. Mallory doesn’t want the responsibility of taking care of her siblings and cooking dinner. I wasn’t allowed to cook dinner when I was eleven. I can understand Mallory wanting to be more grown up, but not wanting the responsibilities. I was like that and I think some people are like that as well. I wanted the glamorous part of growing up- such as wearing makeup and staying out late. I had no interest in learning how to sweep or learn any other chores.
Mallory can’t grow up because she has curly red hair while everyone else in the family has brown hair. I don’t know what this has to do with her being treated like a child. I never heard of anyone being treated like a baby because they have a different hair color than the rest of the family. I wonder if Mallory’s red hair means that Mrs. Pike had an affair. I wonder if Mallory will ever see that she has red hair while the rest of her family doesn’t and assume that she’s adopted. Then she’ll make up a story about how she’s a long-lost fairy princess of some magical realm.
Mallory is really trying to say that she isn’t the prettiest girl out there because she has glasses and braces. She knows things would be better if she could get contacts, take off her braces, and get a cool hair cut. Mallory, you will get your braces taken off. Once your teeth are fixed, your braces come off. Since you’re the buttmonkey of the BSC, I’m willing to bet that your teeth look fucked up. As for the haircut- have you ever asked your parents if you could have a little trim? They might not go for anything drastic like a Mohawk, but they might not say no to a little trim or to some bangs. Do you just assume that your parents are being mean before asking them if you can have something?
Mallory does like some aspects of being a kid, like her mom taking care of her when she’s sick. I feel like reading “Get Well Soon, Mallory,” to see how Mallory is treated when she’s sick. Knowing Mallory’s luck I’m not sure if anyone was bringing her soup and telling her to take it easy. I’m pretty sure the BSC would still want Mallory to help with whatever activity of the week they had planned and her siblings would still be loud and obnoxious. My mom likes going home to Trinidad because she likes my grandmother taking care of her. I like it when my mom makes me a sandwich or decides to buy me a coffee. Mallory even likes to play make-believe. She and Jessi like to pretend they’re horses. I’m assuming they crawl around on all fours and make horse noises. I’m guessing this is a deep dark secret because they’d probably commissioned into giving lots of piggy back rides. I can just see Mallory’s siblings riding Mallory the horse until she collapsed from exhaustion. Jessi’s horse name would Black Beauty. Mallory’s horse name would be Ginger or the Red Pony.
Mallory is planning to escape to her room to read after dinner when her father ruins her plans by announcing a family meeting. Mallory is nervous because she thinks something bad has happened. I don’t know if family meetings are called for a good reason. I always think family meetings are called to announce bad news or a drastic change. I don’t recall reading about family meetings where the parents say they’ve just won the lottery and they’re all going on a dream vacation before moving into a mansion.
Mr. Pike asks if the kids remember Uncle Joe. He was the one that gave Mr. Pike Spanky the puppy for his birthday. I think Spanky might have been the name of D.W.’s bird in Arthur. I have to admit, the name Spanky is making me think very immature thoughts. The meeting is just to say that Uncle Joe is getting old, so he’s been living in nursing homes. He recently moved to Stoneybrook Manor. I wouldn’t have guessed that Stoneybrook Manor is a nursing home. I would have thought it was a haunted house. Mr. Pike wrote to Uncle Joe to suggest that he take a vacation at the Pikes’ house. I don’t see how that would be a vacation. Five minutes of that chaos and I’d have suffocated myself with a pillow while trying to block out the noise.
Mallory is worried that her parents won’t need her to babysit since Uncle Joe is coming to visit. Is it really good manners to invite someone to your house for a vacation and then ask them to babysit your kids? Mallory has no life outside of babysitting. I’d be quite pleased to have a break outside of babysitting my younger siblings. Sometimes I’d just like to have a moment of peace (well, a lot more than a moment) without being interrupted to play some stupid game. I think Mallory should learn that it’s okay to have interests outside of babysitting. I still can’t believe that she only got sick of babysitting her siblings when she had a project due. I’m pretty sure older siblings would want to have time to themselves more often than Mallory did.
Mallory brings up Aunt Cecelia because she thinks this situation is the same. Aunt Cecelia came to live with Jessi’s family because her mother was going back to work and she needed someone to help look after things. Aunt Cecelia wasn’t invited for a vacation, she was asked to help the family. Uncle Joe is just visiting for a vacation. That’s completely different. Thankfully, Mr. and Mrs. Pike will always need Mallory. I wonder if Mallory should examine that fact that she is so desperate to babysit. It could be because she thinks it’s the only way she can feel special and needed.
Chapter 2
Mallory and Jessi are on their way to the BSC meeting. Jessi wants to meet Uncle Joe because anyone that goes around pulling nickels out of someone’s ear sounds cool. My first thought was- “Don’t let Kristy hear this, she’ll probably want to use him as entertainment for the kids of Stoneybrook. Kristy is president of the BSC because it was her idea. Just because something is your idea doesn’t mean that you should be in charge. Suppose someone has a good idea but doesn’t know how to execute it? Kristy is a born leader and knows how to put her ideas into practice. I wouldn’t call someone who throws a hissy fit when people don’t do what she wants and forces everyone to do things her way a born leader.
Let’s look at some of Kristy’s great ideas and how she executes them. I’m using the ones I can think of off the top of my head. First, there’s the BSC. Having a meeting from 5:30 to 6 in the evenings is a really inconvenient time for some people. I think that’s a time a lot of people are getting home from work. My mom gets home at five-thirty and she usually wants a couple of minutes to unwind. I’m sure some people would be starting dinner around that time as well. Not to mention, half-an-hour is kind of a short time period when you consider that a parent might want to have a few minutes to relax, not to mention they might have to settle an argument with their children or something of that sort. They might also be starting dinner. Suppose someone needs a sitter at short notice on a Thursday? What are the parents supposed to do then? They could ask a neighbor to babysit, but the BSC might get huffy. I’d like it if the BSC saw someone else babysitting one of their clients and got in a huff and a puff, only to be told that the parents needed a sitter on a non-meeting day because there was an emergency. But suppose the parents did call a BSC member to babysit their kids during an emergency? That would be a wrong move because the parents should have called every BSC member since their feelings would be hurt, instead of the member closest to them.
Not having kids request specific sitters is a stupid rule. Just because Stacey has rapport with Charlotte does not make the rest of the BSC bad sitters. It just means Stacey is able to relate to Charlotte more. There’s nothing wrong with having a favorite waitress or hairdresser or babysitter. Either way, the club is still getting business. It’s pretty hypocritical that the charges aren’t allowed to have favorite sitters but the sitters have favorite charges. I’m pretty sure I’ve read that the BSC will let a member babysit their favorite charge, but a charge can’t request their favorite sitter.
The notebook is also a stupid idea. I think it’s fine to make a note of what kids are allergic to and if they’re going through a rough time so they should be sensitive, but I think it’s unnecessary to write down every detail of a job unless something important happened. I think writing in the notebook should be optional. Not everyone likes writing and some of those notebook entries don’t have any information worth reading. The club has babysat Jamie Newton since the dawn of time. I don’t think there’s any new information that they could learn. It’s also kind of creepy when you think of all the information the cult has on the kids. They really don’t need to know about their nightmares, bowel movements, or when they have a loose tooth.
Now let’s take a look at some of Kristy’s non-club ideas. When Kristy had the idea to do something nice for Mother’s Day, it was Claudia who came up with all the ideas. I’m pretty sure that there are times when Kristy has an idea but everyone else does the work and she takes credit. Then there’s the baby parade. I don’t know if having a bunch of newborn infants on a float is the greatest idea around. Everything fell apart because no one would communicate. Did Kristy try to get everyone to communicate or try to help? I don’t think so.
Kristy is organized which is surprising because her home life is chaotic. I wouldn’t call her home life chaotic. Just because a person has a chaotic life doesn’t mean that they can’t be organized. Kristy also lives in a mansion, but she’s not stuck up. Just because someone is rich and likes nice things doesn’t make them stuck up. A person is stuck-up if they think they’re better than everyone, which is definitely the case with Kristy and the rest of the BSC.
It’s easy to tell that Claudia is Japanese because of her surname. I thought Mallory would have said it was easy to tell that Claudia is Japanese because of her looks since everyone always gushes over Claudia’s exotic Japanese looks. I don’t know whether to laugh or strangle myself at Mallory saying that Stacey is hip to the latest fashions but doesn’t make people feel like a dweeb for wearing last year’s fashions. I just finished Stacey’s Secret Friend, and she spent most of her time looking down on Tess for dressing differently. I always think Stacey acts like she’s better than everyone else because she’s from New York and is more sophisticated because of it. I’m pretty sure she thinks she’s the fashion expert because she’s from New York. I’m pretty sure Stacey secretly looks down on her Stoneybrook friends because they aren’t from New York.
Dawn dresses like she’s going to a beach party. I’m going to pretend that means she dresses in a bathing suit in winter because she didn’t realize Connecticut might be colder than Connecticut. Dawn acts very mellow most of the time. I wouldn’t call acting like someone just called you a really offensive name because they like to eat meat mellow. Dawn can’t deal when someone has different beliefs than she does and freaks out. It’s like she thinks that someone eating meat or junk food is a personal insult. Dawn is also very individualistic and self-assured. I think that Dawn trying to force everyone to live their lives the way she does is a sign of insecurity.
The BSC has a new client. The Craines need someone to babysit their three daughters on a regular basis because their aunt broke their leg. I wonder if Mallory would be able to get out of babysitting if she broke a leg. I know Claudia did, but Claudia isn’t the buttmonkey. Besides, Claudia was afraid to babysit after she broke her leg. I can just see Mallory hobbling around with a broken leg and then falling. Mr. Craine wants a regular sitter because his kids needed continuity. I’m sure Kristy would have taken someone asking for a regular sitter as an insult when it wasn’t relevant to the plot.
Chapter 3
Mallory is dreaming that she’s on a date with Jessi when it starts to rain. It turns out that she’s dreaming and the triplets and Nicky are using an eye dropper to wake her up. That sounds like an unusual way of waking someone up. I think it’s easy just to shake them and yell. They need Mallory to get up because Uncle Joe is coming tomorrow and they have lots to do. You guys couldn’t handle things yourself for a while? I wonder what time it is, given the fact that Ann loves to shame people for sleeping in or not being productive every second. Mallory grabs Jordan and pulls him onto the bed. This is not a disturbing beginning to a story where Mallory and Jordan have an affair. Mallory just tickles Jordan. I have heard that tickling can be used in a kinky way so…
I asked my brother what he would do if I pulled him into bed and started tickling him. He was freaked out. Actually, I just had to say, “What would you do if I pulled you into bed?” and he was brandishing scissors at me and saying, “Don’t get cut.” The rest of the boys jump on the bed and soon it’s a mass of squirming, giggling, shrieking boys. Damn my perverted mind for thinking perverted thoughts about this scene. I would just nail my brother in the eye with a pillow if he woke me up instead of tickling him. Vanessa comes to tell them that breakfast is ready. She’s helped Mr. Pike make waffles. Jordan doesn’t like waffles, so Mallory offers to make him a sandwich to prove she forgives him for waking her up. I wouldn’t have made him a sandwich.
Since the Pikes rarely agree on what food to eat, their parents don’t bother to enforce food rules. I guess that means they don’t say, “I’m making spaghetti, deal with it.” Maybe they just tell the kids, “If you don’t want to eat what’s on the table, that’s fine. You can make whatever you want.” I’m sure the kitchen would be a total mess when the Pikes tried to fix dinner for themselves. They might just use Mallory as a short-order cook, though.
They go to have breakfast and discuss Uncle Joe. Margo wants to make a surprise for Uncle Joe, but it’s a secret. Claire wants to help, but Margo says no until her mother makes her include Claire. This irritates me. Maybe because I feel a person should be able to do a secret project without their mom making them include their little sister. The Pikes work the rest of the day preparing Uncle Joe’ s room.
Chapter 4
Mr. Pike is dropping Mallory off at her sitting job because it’s raining. Mr. Pike is talking about Uncle Joe some more, but Mallory is getting sick of hearing about Uncle Joe. I get sick of reading the same thing every second chapter of the BSC books. Mallory spots the Craines’ house and gets embarrassed when her dad wants to walk her to the door. He thinks he’s treating her like a baby. You’re eleven, Mallory. You’re still a kid. Kristy thinks it’s a good idea to have a parent meet a new client just to be safe. Knowing Mallory’s luck if her father didn’t walk her to the door she’d probably be kidnapped the second she walked into the house.
Mallory is embarrassed because the Craines might think she’s just a kid herself. Again I say, Mallory you are eleven. You are a kid. The Craine kids are Sophie, Katie, and Margaret. They’re four, six, and two and a half. The parents leave. Katie gets upset that her parents are gone, but her sisters do a good job at comforting her. Mallory asks them to tell her about Aunt Bud. Aunt Bud rides a motorcycle, so Mallory pictures a tough looking woman wearing a leather jacket. I would laugh if Aunt Bud didn’t look anything like the tough rebel Mallory pictured.
Aunt Bud broke her leg because her dog was so happy to see her he knocked her over. Was it a big dog? My family has a pug, and he wouldn’t be able to knock us over. We nearly trip on him all the time because he has this habit of getting underfoot. I wonder if the dog would have to knock her down with a lot of force in order to break her leg. Aunt Bud isn’t her real name. Her real name is Ellen, but she’s called Bud because she and her brother are special friends. I have a decent relationship with my brother, but I have not, nor will I ever, refer to him by a corny name like Bud or have a special handshake.
Mallory gets the girls to settle down for a nap by saying they can act like it’s a sleepover. She goes to read a book when she hears a noise. She listens and realizes that it’s a cat. She goes to look for the cat but doesn’t find it. When the girls wake up Mallory asks about the cat, only to find out that they don’t have one. Mallory wonders what could have been making that mewing sound. I don’t know- a ghost that likes to pretend to be a cat, or some maniac that lives in the house? Maybe a stray cat got inside or the cat was outside.
Chapter 5
The weather isn’t appropriate for Uncle Joe’s arrival because it’s not sunny but gloomy. Every time I read about someone saying the weather isn’t as it should be, I think about that scene in Good Omens where the line was, “It wasn’t a dark and stormy night. It should have been, but that’s the weather for you.” I wonder what would happen if the BSC planned a picnic and it rained. They’d probably run around like chickens with their heads cut off before Kristy would have the brilliant idea to have the picnic inside or postpone it. Then again, I’m pretty sure the weather wouldn’t be stupid enough to ruin Kristy’s plans with rain or bad conditions. My fifth grade class was going to have a picnic, but it rained, so we had to move it inside.
Breakfast is wild because the Pikes are excited about Uncle Joe’s arrival. It’s so noisy that Mallory can’t hear the snap, crackle, and pop of her cereal even when she holds it to her ears. I don’t know Mallory would want to hear that. I don’t know if cereal makes a snap, crackle and pop. I don’t eat rice krispies enough to know, and I don’t eat cereal with milk. I just imagined Mallory eating alphabet soup and the letters spelling out, “You suck.” The boys are practicing a rap song, which goes like this
“We’re the rappin’ Pikes, and we’re here to say
We’re hip, we’re def, we’re cool in every way
I’m Byron
I’m Adam
I’m Jordan
I’m Nick
For a real happenin’ dude, just take your pick!”
I wouldn’t call any of the Pike boys a “real happenin’ dude.” Even when I was at the appropriate age, I never had a crush on any of the BSC boys. Now I can’t take my pick because Chris Hansen would magically appear in my room. This sounds like a commercial that a lame boy band would have. Now I’m laughing at the thought of the Pikes forming a boy band. I’m pretty sure the girls would see nothing wrong when the girls of Stoneybrook become groupies and want to make out with the boys.
Vanessa, Claire, and Margo are playing Miss Mary Mack. The two rhymes are blending together. I can’t imagine Uncle Joe being able to relax if this is what he’ll have to deal with. Mallory gets annoyed with the noise and asks her mom to make them stop. Mrs. Pike tries to get her kids to settle down, but it doesn’t work. Mr. Pike says yo and that gets their attention. I probably would have just yelled at them to shut the fuck up. Mr. Pike reminds the kids to be a bit quieter and not shriek like banshees when Uncle Joe comes.
The parents leave and Claire and Margo unveil their surprise. They’ve made a banner for Uncle Joe, but they’ve misspelled his name as Joe. I could see Claudia congratulating herself for remembering how to spell the name because the e is silent. When my mom’s friend and his wife came to visit us, I made a banner. They were vegetarians and they weren’t the self-righteous kind that looked down on everyone else. They were very nice.
Mr. and Mrs. Pike arrive with Uncle Joe. Claire throws herself at him, but he steps back making the sign against evil. He doesn’t return her hug, but pets her head. Mallory thinks that Uncle Joe didn’t seem to hear Claire. Maybe he has trouble hearing, seeing as he is an old man. Uncle Joe doesn’t seem interested in hugs and kisses. Maybe he’s not a very physical affectionate person. I’m not, even with my family. Maybe he isn’t into hugging and kissing kids he’s never met. I don’t like hugging and kissing people I’ve never met either.
They go inside and Uncle Joe barely spares a glance at the banner, although he is polite enough to say it’s very nice. The banner did look awful. Maybe Uncle Joe couldn’t figure out how he was supposed to sugar coat the truth for several minutes and say the banner was wonderful. Claire grabs his hands, but he pulls away and asks to be shown to a sink since Claire’s hands are sticky. The triplets look at him open-mouthed. I know Uncle Joe has Alzheimer’s, but when I first read this scene I thought of OCD.
Everyone is stunned because Uncle Joe seems standoffish. Maybe he just needs to get settled in. Did everyone really think Uncle Joe would be doing magic tricks the second he arrives? Dinner is bland because Uncle Joe can’t eat a lot of spicy foods. Dinner is also quiet because no one feels comfortable talking with Uncle Joe around.