Just For A While (J2 AU, R)
Another kinkmeme repost... I know. I have done nothing else this month... At least one more to come too!
Title Just for a while
Rating R
Prompt I would absolutely love to read something J2 that has one of them being way more invested in the relationship than the other... I really don't want either of the J's to be a complete asshole; it's a misunderstanding, not intentionally ignoring/clinging to the other.
The first time Jensen hooks up with Jared, he's so drunk he barely remembers. Which, okay, not perfect, but Jensen's had a lot of good hook ups start that way, and when he wakes up and Jared's still there, fine. No freaking out required. They've been nearly-friends for long enough that Jensen's almost surprised it took them this long. Jared's ripped, and friendly, and almost as dedicatedly footloose as Jensen, so the whole thing barely counts as a surprise. When Jared rolls over, opening his eyes and smiling with a little more presence of mind than Jensen would have expected from Jared first thing in the morning, Jensen's absolutely ready for a second round, preferably one that he remembers.
The second round is good, the way they fit together working perfectly, switching up when they feel like it, but with a theme of Jensen ending up getting fucked to heaven and back by this bigger, stronger guy - which is what Jensen enjoys, and sadly rarely happens in a town too small to deliver good opportunities on a platter. Despite hangovers and pressing dietary needs on Jared's part, they barely leave the bed all that Saturday. When Jensen finally shows Jared the door, it's getting dark all over again, and they linger in the doorway, kissing, till Jensen almost wants to drag Jared back inside.
But that's not how this works, and Jensen knows that. So they go separate ways, and don't call, and bump into each other randomly the next Thursday when Mike gets a better than expected commission and demands suitable celebration. Jared sits next to Jensen at the steakhouse and is his big, friendly, all-hands touchy self, and Jensen enjoys it.
Yeah, so they hook up again after, but that's almost laziness on Jensen's part. There's Jared, and he's available and good, and Jensen hasn't been fucked since Saturday and he's only human. So. And it's still good. Better, if anything, Jensen realizes, as Jared's fingers twist inside him, perfectly hitting the rhythm Jensen most wants and perfectly judged lube, too (Jensen kind of hates getting drippy with slick, and most guys prefer to err that way). And Jared's there in the morning, again, but that's still okay. He lives over the other side of town, and it was a cold night. Jared bolts out of bed the second he wakes up, mumbling about early meetings and clean shirts, and Jensen understands that. It's not A Thing. Just handy.
It's still not A Thing three weeks later, when Jensen has fucked Jared for a total of five nights and, he realizes, nobody else. But that's cool. Jensen doesn't have an actual policy of slutting about. It's just that he doesn't do serious, no commitment or entanglements, and repeated hookups sometimes tend that way after a while. A great casual arrangement is better, suits his mood. It's winter, low-effort season, and he doesn't have the tomcatting urges that come with rising temperature.
So it's only the faintest trickle of What? when Jared makes plans for their next weekend. This Thursday night (Steve's birthday), Jared brought a clean shirt over and isn't running out the door first thing, but that's just good planning. Jared's a fairly organized guy, under the surface flailing. But on the Friday morning he pokes his head out of the shower and says, "You want to see Hell Spawn? It's on in Rangertown. We could go tomorrow, grab dinner at Artie's?"
And Jensen does, in fact. In fact, he mentioned it a while back. So there's no there, there. Jared's a considerate guy, and likes Gothic horror at least as much as Jensen. And Artie's is the best place for ribs over that side of town. So it's just good planning. Again.
They have a great night. Jensen laughs at the film, which wasn't exactly what its director intended, and Jared almost chokes on the special sauce at Artie's as Jensen imitates the final death throes of the second assistant heroine. They go back to Jared's place, because it's closer, and they're too tired and a little beery to make any other arrangements. Jensen stays most of Sunday too, but that's mostly on account of the new toy Jared just bought, that makes Jensen see stars almost from the moment the switch is flicked, and Jared - it turns out - gets off on watching Jensen get off with something that big.
So. It's kind of a bolt from the blue when Jared calls him up on Thursday to arrange something for the next weekend. Jensen mumbles, and doesn't have time for it, and he thinks Jared accepts that. But. It starts him feeling hinky. The next Wednesday, it's fine, it's all good: Jared gets his own good news and the guys pile in to toast his being officially qualified for the job he's been doing for a year or more. And Jensen's there. Of course he is, Jared's a friend. If they go home together, and celebrate some more, with a sweaty, dirty fuck that leaves Jensen seeing stars and gasping for long minutes after they're done - well, it's a good day. Why the hell not? If it feels good, do it.
Except, now Jensen has that hinky feeling, he wants to make the point that that's all it is, make sure he's paying attention. It's not good to fall into habits; that's how fun fucking becomes something more, that falls apart in blood and pain. Not for Jensen.
So he calls an old reliable hookup, and on Friday, he's at the usual bar, with Jack. Steve gives them an off look when they arrive. Chris raises a brow and adds a murmured, "What the fuck, dude?" while Jack is talking with Tom. It's not till Jared arrives that Jensen really notices though. But he can't miss Jared's look. Jared's an open guy, full of smiles and handshakes on first meeting, hugs on second. This time, he says Hi to Jack looking like he's walked into a concrete wall and is trying not to puke from the pain.
Oh.
Jensen finally gets it.
But he doesn't hook up for the long term, and Jack is an awesome lay, so they go home and fuck. Jensen lies, sticky with excess lube (dammit) and bizarrely unable to sleep, thinking about how that was fun, but it wasn't as good as it can be with Jared, and how he'd like Jack to leave now (if he weren't dead asleep and snoring). And how Jensen hasn't done anything wrong; they were never exclusive. Never anything official. Just a nice hookup, and another, and another. Till they'd spent weeks of seeing each other more than once, and screwing when they did, and swapping stupid texts and mailing dumb jokes like friends do, but maybe a little more. And till Jared saw Jensen with another guy, and all that happiness just shut down.
Jensen spends hours that night, eyes open, remembering the good reasons why he's not a long term prospect.
*
He tells Chris as much, when his friend drops round a bare hour after Jensen shovels a hungover Jack out the door. There are nachos and beer and a hockey game on TV, and it's all set up for a perfectly low key guy time. But will Chris respect Jensen's needs? Nope.
It takes a long time, between thoughtful cheesy munches, for Chris to say, "You know… when Justin said you weren't a long haul guy, he was just trying to make you feel like shit. And himself feel better."
"Who's talking about Justin?"
"No one, buddy. Except apparently, someone should have. Like, years ago." Chris took a long, meditative draft of beer and belched, thoroughly. He picked idly at the bottle label, looking un-counsellor-like. "You're allowed to do this, man. You know that, right?"
"I don't want to do it," Jensen responded. Too fast. Should have stuck to blank ignorance. ("What? What are you talking about?")
"Yeah." Chris sighed, "I think you do. I think you and Jay, you could be okay. For a while, at least. And that's all Jared thought you were doing. He wasn't picking out rings. But you didn't even see it, did you?"
"He didn't say-" Jensen stopped at Chris's cocked brow. Jared wasn’t big on meaningful conversations. He knew that. It was a thing he liked. Maybe Jared just thought it didn’t need saying. Round about the second or third hookup, maybe, when they relaxed into near routine and happiness. This is good. Let's go with this.
Maybe. Or maybe Jared is picking out rings after all and Chris is talking out of his ass. Jensen fishes for leftover nacho crumbs, considering. Maybe he should find out.
He texts that night. Just a short, non-committal message. Coffee at Duke's? Okay, it's coffee, and they don't do coffee. Okay, maybe it is a date. But only if Jared turns up.
The text that comes back says, Why not? Jensen tries not to obsess over what it means.
*
Duke's is quiet, an hour before even the earliest of the televised games that guys might be coming in for. But not so quiet anyone's going to care about Jensen, fiddling with his cell and stirring frantically at his latte till all the froth has vanished.
Jared's late. Is that usual? Jensen doesn't know. They don't do arrangements. Not really. Maybe Jared's not coming. Jensen tries to feel relieved, and feels horrible instead. Dammit.
He's fixating so hard on not looking like he's been stood up that he actually jumps when Jared flops down in the chair opposite. Jared looks okay. Not traumatized and betrayed. Actually, like he slept better than Jensen has since Friday.
They sit, and sip cautiously, eyeing each other. Jensen pretends to swallow, finds his throat weirdly closed. Is grateful when it's Jared that manages the first words.
"So… I got the wrong idea, yeah?" Jared leans back in his chair, shoves a hand through his tangled hair, and Jensen watches that nervous manoeuvre, suddenly aware it's not just him who is weirded out today. Jared shakes his head a little. "Sorry, man. Didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."
So easy. So very, very Jared. Jensen could nod, and say, "No big," and they'd still be friends. Maybe with a few pockets of weird, at unexpected moments. And probably never be naked together again. But he can choose it, and no comeback.
Jensen does nod. He does say, "No," but then he veers off script. "You did get the wrong idea. For where my head was." He drinks, finding this swallow easier than expected. Jared's watching him, shoulders tense but eyes a little brighter than when he sat down. Jensen opens his mouth for the next words, and they're not so easy. "I- I don't know long term. It doesn't work with me." Looks down, up, to the left anywhere but at Jared. "But-" There's a movement across the table, like Jared wasn't expecting that word. "You want to, maybe, not see anyone else. For a while?"
Jensen feels absolutely ridiculous. Like his high school self asking a girl to go steady. Or exclusive. Or whatever the hell the kids do now, how in hell would he know? And why the hell is he thinking about high school? He hated high school, and it's not helping. He stops. Looks at his cup. Suddenly hates the idea of coffee drinking, more than anything else in the universe.
Jared's hand reaches across the table. He bumps his knuckles lightly against the back of Jensen's hand. "Okay… yeah. Yeah, I do. Assuming you ever manage to look at me again?" That brings Jensen's eyes up. Hey man, no fair laughing at me. Emotional shit is not my thing. "So… I am a long-term guy. Potentially. Assuming you're not secretly a complete dick and I find out when I spend more time with you. But we don't have to decide now. It'll happen, or not. Just- Just tell me, man, when you're freaking out. And no fucking Jack. Or anyone else. For a while. Okay?"
For a while. Magic words, that maybe make Jensen able to do this. He thinks, cautiously, about seeing Jared sometime this week. About going out to Pointe Harding for the drive in, like Jared wanted to this weekend before Jensen had his freak out. About making plans, maybe, for the weekend after. About fucking Jared, and staying over, and having Jared stay over, his big feet and messy hair inhabiting Jensen's bed some nights, still there some mornings. Just Jared.
"I can do that." He's almost surprised to say it. And even more to add the rest. "I'd like that."
Jared's ridiculous smile beams out and outdoes the lighting at Dukes.
Jensen's got a boyfriend. Apparently.
He's okay with that.
***
Title Just for a while
Rating R
Prompt I would absolutely love to read something J2 that has one of them being way more invested in the relationship than the other... I really don't want either of the J's to be a complete asshole; it's a misunderstanding, not intentionally ignoring/clinging to the other.
The first time Jensen hooks up with Jared, he's so drunk he barely remembers. Which, okay, not perfect, but Jensen's had a lot of good hook ups start that way, and when he wakes up and Jared's still there, fine. No freaking out required. They've been nearly-friends for long enough that Jensen's almost surprised it took them this long. Jared's ripped, and friendly, and almost as dedicatedly footloose as Jensen, so the whole thing barely counts as a surprise. When Jared rolls over, opening his eyes and smiling with a little more presence of mind than Jensen would have expected from Jared first thing in the morning, Jensen's absolutely ready for a second round, preferably one that he remembers.
The second round is good, the way they fit together working perfectly, switching up when they feel like it, but with a theme of Jensen ending up getting fucked to heaven and back by this bigger, stronger guy - which is what Jensen enjoys, and sadly rarely happens in a town too small to deliver good opportunities on a platter. Despite hangovers and pressing dietary needs on Jared's part, they barely leave the bed all that Saturday. When Jensen finally shows Jared the door, it's getting dark all over again, and they linger in the doorway, kissing, till Jensen almost wants to drag Jared back inside.
But that's not how this works, and Jensen knows that. So they go separate ways, and don't call, and bump into each other randomly the next Thursday when Mike gets a better than expected commission and demands suitable celebration. Jared sits next to Jensen at the steakhouse and is his big, friendly, all-hands touchy self, and Jensen enjoys it.
Yeah, so they hook up again after, but that's almost laziness on Jensen's part. There's Jared, and he's available and good, and Jensen hasn't been fucked since Saturday and he's only human. So. And it's still good. Better, if anything, Jensen realizes, as Jared's fingers twist inside him, perfectly hitting the rhythm Jensen most wants and perfectly judged lube, too (Jensen kind of hates getting drippy with slick, and most guys prefer to err that way). And Jared's there in the morning, again, but that's still okay. He lives over the other side of town, and it was a cold night. Jared bolts out of bed the second he wakes up, mumbling about early meetings and clean shirts, and Jensen understands that. It's not A Thing. Just handy.
It's still not A Thing three weeks later, when Jensen has fucked Jared for a total of five nights and, he realizes, nobody else. But that's cool. Jensen doesn't have an actual policy of slutting about. It's just that he doesn't do serious, no commitment or entanglements, and repeated hookups sometimes tend that way after a while. A great casual arrangement is better, suits his mood. It's winter, low-effort season, and he doesn't have the tomcatting urges that come with rising temperature.
So it's only the faintest trickle of What? when Jared makes plans for their next weekend. This Thursday night (Steve's birthday), Jared brought a clean shirt over and isn't running out the door first thing, but that's just good planning. Jared's a fairly organized guy, under the surface flailing. But on the Friday morning he pokes his head out of the shower and says, "You want to see Hell Spawn? It's on in Rangertown. We could go tomorrow, grab dinner at Artie's?"
And Jensen does, in fact. In fact, he mentioned it a while back. So there's no there, there. Jared's a considerate guy, and likes Gothic horror at least as much as Jensen. And Artie's is the best place for ribs over that side of town. So it's just good planning. Again.
They have a great night. Jensen laughs at the film, which wasn't exactly what its director intended, and Jared almost chokes on the special sauce at Artie's as Jensen imitates the final death throes of the second assistant heroine. They go back to Jared's place, because it's closer, and they're too tired and a little beery to make any other arrangements. Jensen stays most of Sunday too, but that's mostly on account of the new toy Jared just bought, that makes Jensen see stars almost from the moment the switch is flicked, and Jared - it turns out - gets off on watching Jensen get off with something that big.
So. It's kind of a bolt from the blue when Jared calls him up on Thursday to arrange something for the next weekend. Jensen mumbles, and doesn't have time for it, and he thinks Jared accepts that. But. It starts him feeling hinky. The next Wednesday, it's fine, it's all good: Jared gets his own good news and the guys pile in to toast his being officially qualified for the job he's been doing for a year or more. And Jensen's there. Of course he is, Jared's a friend. If they go home together, and celebrate some more, with a sweaty, dirty fuck that leaves Jensen seeing stars and gasping for long minutes after they're done - well, it's a good day. Why the hell not? If it feels good, do it.
Except, now Jensen has that hinky feeling, he wants to make the point that that's all it is, make sure he's paying attention. It's not good to fall into habits; that's how fun fucking becomes something more, that falls apart in blood and pain. Not for Jensen.
So he calls an old reliable hookup, and on Friday, he's at the usual bar, with Jack. Steve gives them an off look when they arrive. Chris raises a brow and adds a murmured, "What the fuck, dude?" while Jack is talking with Tom. It's not till Jared arrives that Jensen really notices though. But he can't miss Jared's look. Jared's an open guy, full of smiles and handshakes on first meeting, hugs on second. This time, he says Hi to Jack looking like he's walked into a concrete wall and is trying not to puke from the pain.
Oh.
Jensen finally gets it.
But he doesn't hook up for the long term, and Jack is an awesome lay, so they go home and fuck. Jensen lies, sticky with excess lube (dammit) and bizarrely unable to sleep, thinking about how that was fun, but it wasn't as good as it can be with Jared, and how he'd like Jack to leave now (if he weren't dead asleep and snoring). And how Jensen hasn't done anything wrong; they were never exclusive. Never anything official. Just a nice hookup, and another, and another. Till they'd spent weeks of seeing each other more than once, and screwing when they did, and swapping stupid texts and mailing dumb jokes like friends do, but maybe a little more. And till Jared saw Jensen with another guy, and all that happiness just shut down.
Jensen spends hours that night, eyes open, remembering the good reasons why he's not a long term prospect.
*
He tells Chris as much, when his friend drops round a bare hour after Jensen shovels a hungover Jack out the door. There are nachos and beer and a hockey game on TV, and it's all set up for a perfectly low key guy time. But will Chris respect Jensen's needs? Nope.
It takes a long time, between thoughtful cheesy munches, for Chris to say, "You know… when Justin said you weren't a long haul guy, he was just trying to make you feel like shit. And himself feel better."
"Who's talking about Justin?"
"No one, buddy. Except apparently, someone should have. Like, years ago." Chris took a long, meditative draft of beer and belched, thoroughly. He picked idly at the bottle label, looking un-counsellor-like. "You're allowed to do this, man. You know that, right?"
"I don't want to do it," Jensen responded. Too fast. Should have stuck to blank ignorance. ("What? What are you talking about?")
"Yeah." Chris sighed, "I think you do. I think you and Jay, you could be okay. For a while, at least. And that's all Jared thought you were doing. He wasn't picking out rings. But you didn't even see it, did you?"
"He didn't say-" Jensen stopped at Chris's cocked brow. Jared wasn’t big on meaningful conversations. He knew that. It was a thing he liked. Maybe Jared just thought it didn’t need saying. Round about the second or third hookup, maybe, when they relaxed into near routine and happiness. This is good. Let's go with this.
Maybe. Or maybe Jared is picking out rings after all and Chris is talking out of his ass. Jensen fishes for leftover nacho crumbs, considering. Maybe he should find out.
He texts that night. Just a short, non-committal message. Coffee at Duke's? Okay, it's coffee, and they don't do coffee. Okay, maybe it is a date. But only if Jared turns up.
The text that comes back says, Why not? Jensen tries not to obsess over what it means.
*
Duke's is quiet, an hour before even the earliest of the televised games that guys might be coming in for. But not so quiet anyone's going to care about Jensen, fiddling with his cell and stirring frantically at his latte till all the froth has vanished.
Jared's late. Is that usual? Jensen doesn't know. They don't do arrangements. Not really. Maybe Jared's not coming. Jensen tries to feel relieved, and feels horrible instead. Dammit.
He's fixating so hard on not looking like he's been stood up that he actually jumps when Jared flops down in the chair opposite. Jared looks okay. Not traumatized and betrayed. Actually, like he slept better than Jensen has since Friday.
They sit, and sip cautiously, eyeing each other. Jensen pretends to swallow, finds his throat weirdly closed. Is grateful when it's Jared that manages the first words.
"So… I got the wrong idea, yeah?" Jared leans back in his chair, shoves a hand through his tangled hair, and Jensen watches that nervous manoeuvre, suddenly aware it's not just him who is weirded out today. Jared shakes his head a little. "Sorry, man. Didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."
So easy. So very, very Jared. Jensen could nod, and say, "No big," and they'd still be friends. Maybe with a few pockets of weird, at unexpected moments. And probably never be naked together again. But he can choose it, and no comeback.
Jensen does nod. He does say, "No," but then he veers off script. "You did get the wrong idea. For where my head was." He drinks, finding this swallow easier than expected. Jared's watching him, shoulders tense but eyes a little brighter than when he sat down. Jensen opens his mouth for the next words, and they're not so easy. "I- I don't know long term. It doesn't work with me." Looks down, up, to the left anywhere but at Jared. "But-" There's a movement across the table, like Jared wasn't expecting that word. "You want to, maybe, not see anyone else. For a while?"
Jensen feels absolutely ridiculous. Like his high school self asking a girl to go steady. Or exclusive. Or whatever the hell the kids do now, how in hell would he know? And why the hell is he thinking about high school? He hated high school, and it's not helping. He stops. Looks at his cup. Suddenly hates the idea of coffee drinking, more than anything else in the universe.
Jared's hand reaches across the table. He bumps his knuckles lightly against the back of Jensen's hand. "Okay… yeah. Yeah, I do. Assuming you ever manage to look at me again?" That brings Jensen's eyes up. Hey man, no fair laughing at me. Emotional shit is not my thing. "So… I am a long-term guy. Potentially. Assuming you're not secretly a complete dick and I find out when I spend more time with you. But we don't have to decide now. It'll happen, or not. Just- Just tell me, man, when you're freaking out. And no fucking Jack. Or anyone else. For a while. Okay?"
For a while. Magic words, that maybe make Jensen able to do this. He thinks, cautiously, about seeing Jared sometime this week. About going out to Pointe Harding for the drive in, like Jared wanted to this weekend before Jensen had his freak out. About making plans, maybe, for the weekend after. About fucking Jared, and staying over, and having Jared stay over, his big feet and messy hair inhabiting Jensen's bed some nights, still there some mornings. Just Jared.
"I can do that." He's almost surprised to say it. And even more to add the rest. "I'd like that."
Jared's ridiculous smile beams out and outdoes the lighting at Dukes.
Jensen's got a boyfriend. Apparently.
He's okay with that.
***