;; 001
i have been trying not to get all into the fandom, but i caved. this came out.
Smoking, drinking, eating. Never thinking
by, me
4,000 ish words
Chris doesn't mind hosting Saturday brunch at his apartment. He can guilt Zach into cooking and make Beau get the coffee because he promises he will clean the mess. It seems like a fair deal, but the dishes get piled up and his girlfriend ends up cleaning them by Monday. It's not just the three of them, sometimes Zach will bring Joe or his friend Jake will stop by. Once or twice Beau will invite one of her girlfriends, but it's never a big thing.
Zach is taking fruit out of a paper bag when Beau and Jake walk in with coffee. He is saying something that makes Beau giggle as she places Zach's coffee next the stove. She gives Chris his iced latte and a copy of the New York Times.
Beau quickly starts chopping fruit and Jake picks bits of strawberries from her board. "What's a good place to take a girl for dinner without implying you want to sleep with her, even though you want to."
"Why don't you just cook for her?" Beau says while dicing more fruit.
Chris is still reading the newspaper, he doesn't turn up to look at any of them. "No, you don't want to do that." Before Beau can say anything she gets cut off by Zach. "She'll assume you want to be serious."
"Then she won't put out until a third date or so."
Beau hits the back of Chris' head. She's been around long enough to know all about the guy dynamics, it doesn't mean she has to accept it.
Jake is still eating the strawberries Beau is chopping, until she moves the bowl to her other side and he doesn't bother to move. He leans his head against the counter. "What about asian food? Asian is casual right?"
"There's a place in Glendale boulevard with good vietnamese." Chris says, getting up and hovering behind Zach who is whisking flour and milk.
"Gingergrass." Zach replies and he elbows Chris to give him space. "Stop hovering, the pancakes will be done soon."
Chris moves but instead of walking away he sits on the counter right next to the silver mixing bowl, almost spilling the milk all over the floor. "They have these grilled little green vegetables--"
Zach interrupts. "Bok choy."
"Bok choy" He says while looking at Zach, and it almost sounds like he is mocking him. "with some peanut sauce. Delicious. She will definitely thank you."
Chris licks the batter. "More vanilla." Zach nods and signals for the small plastic bottle.
"You both should come with us."
He pours some of it on the mixture. "No way. Why would you want two guys to go on your date with you?" He licks the batter once again and smiles. "Perfect"
Jake throws a piece of fruit and hits Chris on the shoulder. "I mean you and Beau."
It's funny how sometimes Chris will completely forget about her. "Oh, yeah if she's ok with it."
*
Beau leaves on a Sunday, two weeks before Chris has to leave for Australia and start the tour. It's not like she's packing her bags and leaving, because it wasn't their apartment to begin with. But is seems like it's exactly what she is doing. Maybe it's the fact that she is taking her toothbrush with her this time, or that she picked up the pair of heels that had been under the bed way too long. She also made sure she washed Chris favorite sweatpants, the ones she would borrow to sleep in, before putting them away in his closet.
He's leaning on the closet door, watching her quickly search the room for more of her belongins. "You know you can take those with you."
"Yeah but then you would force me to leave my sweater collection behind." She says without looking at him, still looking for her blue cardigan.
Chris doesn't reply, instead he makes his way to the kitchen and pours coffee into two mugs.
It's not really a breakup unless someone says 'I'm done' and as far as he can remember neither of them said it. What she did say was that she was taking a vacation in Roma with her girlfriends and maybe she could catch up with him for the last part of the tour. He had simply said not a great idea, and Beau rolled over and said 'fine, but bring me something cool from Paris then.' They'd fallen asleep and now she was picking up her shit from all over the apartment.
Once she collects her belongings, Beau grabs one of the mugs and gives him a hug. "Take care ok?"
"You'll still be around when I get back, right?"
Smiling behind the mug, with one hand on the door, she looks at him. "I'll see you around."
The door was closed and she was gone. Just like that, and Chris was left wondering what the hell had happened and if he should be feeling worse than how he actually felt. Which wasn't that bad.
*
Chris barely makes it on time to his flight to Sydney. He gets ushered to the plane by security and finds and empty seat next to Zach.
Everyone knows he is not a morning person, but people expected him to be on time. It's the sort of thing you shouldn't be late to, a plane to take you on a world tour to promote the movie that will make you a star.
"You look like death." Zach says while Chris puts his carry-on in the compartment above them and then sits down. "You smell like death."
Chris lowers his sunglasses and gives Zach a glare. "We can't all be the posterboys for American Apparel."
"I'm wearing Diesel."
Chris laughs and flicks Zach's hat. "Good. I feel like after you turn 30 you shouldn't be allowed to shop there you know?"
Zach ignores him and grabs a box of Zicam from under his seat. He pops one open and shovels it on his nose.
"You know that shit will make you lose your sense of smell right?"
He looks at Chris and gives him the death stare.
"Ok. Ok! Look, if you lose your sense of smell I will too, because I'm that good of a friend." He grabs a tube from Zach, opens it and puts it inside his nose as well.
The stewardess walks by to make sure everyone is wearing their seat-belt and looks at them in a weird way. Chris looks at Zach, both with q-tips in their nose, and they start laughing. "Our goal for this trip is to visit as many tourist spots as possible." He is waiting for Zach to object but instead he grabs the small pillow and places it on Chris' shoulder before falling asleep.
*
Paris is beautiful, and Chris feels lucky to have the night off and enjoy the city. Zach promised they would go out and drink all the red wine they could take, as long as Chris didn't drag him to the Eiffel Tower or do any other tourist bullshit.
He knock's twice on Zach's door. "C'mon man! Paris is waiting."
Zach comes out wearing pajama bottoms, his hair is also a mess. "I don't mean to ruin your night, but I really am tired."
"Fuck being tired. It's Paris man." He walks into Zach's room.
"It's the jet-lag."
Chris grabs a tiny bottle of rum from the mini fridge and chugs it all down. "Fuck the jet-lag. We're going out or I will drink all the tiny bottles in this fridge."
"Fine."
Chris is wearing a solid shirt, which means Zach can wear plaid. It sort of became an unspoken rule, to prevent them from looking like a gay lumberjack couple.
When he comes out of the bathroom Chris grabs two small bottles of vodka and puts them inside his pant pocket. "You look good." Zach flicks him off and Chris can see his cheeks get a little pink.
After much arguing they find a small restaurant/bar that looks good enough for both of them. It's small and looks like the kinda place they won't be bothered at. There's chandeliers with red light coming out of them and the pattern on the chairs reminds Chris of a baroque painting. He orders two glasses of champagne and a bottle of wine. The waitress giggles when he says please and smiles at her. Zach rolls his eyes. "I thought you were still mourning over Beau."
He is still looking at the waitress, who is pouring champagne behind the bar. "Remind me to buy her something, a keychain perhaps."
"If you want her back you should get her some shoes."
Chris looks at him and shrugs. "Maybe I don't."
Three glasses of champagne and two wine bottles later Chris convinces Zach to go walk around the city with him. He bet Joe twenty euros he could get Zach to stand under the Eiffel Tower, and Chris always wins bets. Always.
Zach doesn't know where they're heading to but when he starts seeing the lights from the tower Chris has to grab him by the arm and drag him under it. It's a combination of surreal and cliche, but he figures Zach is drunk enough to enjoy it.
There's drunken people everywhere and some guy tries selling them pills. Chris is tempted to buy some ecstasy from him but Zach yells in objection and scares the guy off.
"All we need is a beer and we are the complete definition of a Idiot-American-Tourists."
Chris smiles at him and pulls the tiny bottles from his pocket. "Always one step ahead of you."
*
Being a guest on SNL is Chris' favorite part of promoting the movie. Having the opportunity to poke fun at himself and take a break from being so serious is a nice break. Not to mention the cast throws one of the best after parties he's ever been to.
Everyone is drinking and celebrating and dancing. Leonard even does a shot of Jager with him and Zach before leaving.
They're both drinking some girly drinks Zach got them as a joke when he pulls out a cigarette from his coat and lights it. It's one of the signs that he is completely wasted and he may or may not vomit soon. Zach yanks his drink away and orders him some water.
"Give me the drink back and I promise not to throw up on you." Which seems like a fair trade, and Zach gives him the pink-colored drink.
He is puffing away and when Zach coughs he blows the smoke straight into his face on purpose while laughing.
"Those things not only will kill you, which I hope is obvious to you, but also make your mouth taste like complete shit."
Chris inhales the cigarette even more while smiling at him.
"I would know, that guy Michael I went out with a couple of times tried kissing me once and made me gag uncontrollably."
Chris glances at Zach before drinking the last of his pink cocktail. "Poor dude probably had bad hygiene, thats all."
Zach shrugs at him. "It was that damn cancer stick, that asshole."
Chris inhales the cigarette once last time and leans in closer to Zach. He gets so close that when Zach blinks he can feel his eyelashes tickle him. As soon as Zach opens his mouth he exhales and the smoke goes straight into his mouth. He leans back and laughs at Zach, who is coughing out the smoke. "There, now you can go kiss him and have your revenge or whatever."
It may have been the first time Zach opens his mouth and says nothing.
It's six in the morning when they leave the bar and they have to lean against each other so they don't fall as they enter the hotel. "We can't go to bed right now. Let's order some breakfast and watch TV. Let's prank call John!" Zach smiles at him, almost like he is warming up to the idea.
The elevator door opens and both of them step in. Zach presses numbers 18 and 19 while Chris puts his weight against one of the walls. He looks at both glowing numbers. "What? No breakfast and prank calls? Fine, but you owe me!"
"You've had too much to drink you know? You've made no sense whatsoever all night long."
It's not like this is the drunkest Chris has ever been, because back when they were filming he would get so drunk that entire nights were complete black outs. He would wake up in Zach's couch with phone numbers scribbled all over his hand and lipstick stains on his shirt, not remembering a single thing.
He raises his eyebrows and cocks his head toward Zach. "You're just saying that because you thought I was going to kiss you back there."
It's the second time Zach opens his mouth yet remains silent and Chris pulls him closer by the loop on his pants and the elevator doors open.
He lets go of Zach and walks out of the elevator. "Maybe next time. You give me breakfast, TV and prank calling, I'll pay my end of the deal."
Before the doors close, Chris can see Zach wink at him.
*
It's a weird feeling, waking up and spending the days alone. He doesn't miss dressing up though, or answering the same questions about William Shatner over and over, but he misses the company. He misses the jokes and the late night drinking and even Simon's horrible drunk singing. He's never really been addicted to anything, but he wonders if this is the feeling people talk about when they say 'cold turkey'.
Waking up late is good though, so it kinda balances out. He wakes up to the sound of his phone. He looks at the clock, 11:27. too damn early. But he gets up and grabs the phone. It's a message from Zach.
is it possible to look at paparazzi photos online?
Chris doesn't know what the fuck Zach is talking about, so he ignores the message and makes a run to LaMill to get coffee. While waiting in line he gets a call from his sister, reminding him they have a lunch date tomorrow. He thanks the barista for the coffee and heads out. "Hey Kat, do you know of any websites were I can look at paparazzi photos?" He has trouble saying it, mostly because it sounds like a retarded question.
"You can't possibly be that egotistical Christopher!"
As soon as he walks out he can hear the click from the cameras. He wants to flip them off, or ask what website they work for. He does neither. "No. Zach said something, nevermind."
Katherine is still laughing, and Chris regrets ever asking her. "Hold on, let me see if I can find anything. I'll e-mail you."
His sister e-mails him some website that he looks at on his phone. There's photos of Linsday falling out of some club, he scrolls down. There's photos of some blonde woman pushing a shopping cart outside Target, he scrolls down. It already seems like a bad idea to be looking at this when he sees Zach. Zach who looks like someone grabbed a sharpie and drew a line on this face. He almost chokes on his coffee and quickly dial's his number.
"Are you fucking kidding me?"
"I see you have figured it out then."
Chris is still laughing, that's an image he will have stored in his mind forever. If Zach ever decides to make fun of him for wearing questionably fitting jeans he can just remind him of that day he had a worm sitting on top of his lips. "I hope you clean that up before the junket. I can't believe Zoe let you go out in public looking like that."
"It's my birthday. I can do as I please."
He feels like an asshole for not saying happy birthday, instead he called the guy to let him know he looked like an idiot. "I didn't forget."
"You always do." He does. "Not the point. It was my gift to you. Hope you had a good laugh out of it."
It's the third time he's forgotten Zach's birthday, and the guy always gives him gifts to remind him. "You're unbelievable. Funny, but unbelievable."
Zach lets out a small laugh. "Gotta go. I have some celebrating to do."
"We'll have a real celebration when you get back."
*
Chris picks Zach up from the airport, because Joe is too busy taking care of Noah and Harold. He's not complaining, he still feels bad he forgot the guy's birthday for the third consecutive time.
When they get to the car Chris gives him an envelope. Inside is a birthday card with Leonard's face and some lame quote from Star Trek. There's also a gift card to American Apparel.
"I figured you could buy me another blue hoodie, since you took the string from my other one." Chris says as he turns the engine on.
"How thoughtful of you." Zach says while still looking at the card.
"I'm kidding man, we can go buy you more stripped t-shirts. Then I'll take you to a gay bar or something. Get you laid, you can thank me later." He looks at Zach and winks.
Zach smirks at him. "I'm not Anton, I don't need your help getting laid."
"Whatever man. That kid knows I'm the best wingman."
*
They meet at the bar, Zach doesn't necessarily say it's a gay bar but judging by the lack of women it might as well be. They seat on one of the patio tables, a little away from the crowd surrounding the bar. "Order whatever you want. It's on me."
When the waitress comes over Zach orders the best bottle of tequila you have and two Heinekens.
The girl comes back and opens both beers for them. "Ok, whose bed do you want to wake up on? Let's get this started."
Zach almost spits his beer and laughs. "I said it before, I don't need your help."
Chris rolls his eyes and takes a shot of tequila. "Fine." He says while throwing his arms in the air as a sign of surrender.
They drink half the bottle and two more beers, and Chris is pretty sure a couple of guys on the dance floor have been staring at Zach a little too long. "Wanna go dance? C'mon." It's not a question, it's more of a command because he grabs Zach's hand and pulls him toward the dance floor. While they're both dancing Chris grabs a cigarette from his jacket and looks for a lighter. Before he can find it a tall guy flicks one in front of him and he leans in to light up. "Thanks." He mouths.
The guy starts dancing with him and Chris feels a little uncomfortable. He frowns and shrugs a little, but the guy doesn't take the hint. Chris turns around and swings his arm around Zach. 'Sorry' he mouths to the guy.
*
Chris invites himself to Zach's after a night of really late drinking with John and Zoe. It's not that he's drunk, but he is incredibly hungry and doesn't feel like experimenting in his kitchen. Besides, Zach makes amazing quesadillas at 5 in the morning.
As soon as Zach opens his front door Noah runs to Chris, completely ignoring Zach. He leans down to pet the dog. "Shouldn't you be sleeping?"
"He's such a traitor." Zach says while heading to the kitchen.
Chris is still petting the dog. "Don't pay attention to him. It's not your fault he's retarded."
When Zach comes to the living room, plate filled with quesadillas in hand, Chris is sitting on the couch with Harold curled in his lap. He is also watching Family Guy and laughing at what Stewie said. Zach sits next to him and places the food on the table in front of them. Chris grabs a quesadilla and bites it while Zach tries to take Harold from him.
Zach gives up and instead puts his hand on the cats back, petting it and touching Chris' stomach at the same time. "Not even because I take care of the little shit does he like me whenever you are here."
Chris takes another quesadilla. "It's not your fault I smell better than you." He leans his head toward Zach and smiles, food all over his teeth.
Zach leans over and sniffs Chris' shoulder. "Yep. It's the cigarettes and beer that have them captivated."
"I think we should call John."
Zach looks at Chris with confusion.
"Breakfast, TV, prank calls. Remember?"
Zach takes his phone from his pocket and hands it to Chris without saying anything. Chris laughs a little at the gold phone. Him and Zach have had plenty of arguments regarding his iPhone vs his BlackBerry. He dials John's cellphone and when the guy answers Chris starts giggling and forgets to say anything. John curses at Chris before hanging up. Zach grabs the phone from him and puts it down on the table, telling Chris he is quite possibly the worst prank caller in the world.
After the food is gone Chris looks down at Harold who is sleeping peacefully. "I don't have the heart to wake him up, but his claws are digging into my lap."
Zach moves closer to Chris. Close like, their legs are touching and if Chris focuses hard enough he can smell a mixture of alcohol and cologne and clean linens. He can smell Zach. "I'll take him don't worry, he already dislikes me enough today."
Maybe it's the fact that it's almost six in the goddamned morning and Chris shouldn't be up this early, or the fact that Zach just smells reallygood. Maybe it's because he had a deal with the guy, or maybe he just wants to fucking do it. When Zach leans in yet closer to take the cat Chris just turns his head and presses his mouth against Zach's. It's not like it's a kiss, it's mouths pressed against each other. The stubble from Zach's face tickles against his own and Chris crinkles his nose and smiles.
Zach pulls apart just enough to breathe. "You, kissed me."
"Yeah." He leans his head close enough to Zach's that their lips are almost touching. "We should do it again."
Zach doesn't reply, he closes his eyes and Chris grabs him by the nape of his neck. It's not just lips pressed together the second time. There's tongue and licking and hair is being pulled and the only time they stop is when Zach has to take oxygen in.
It may be one of the longest kisses Chris has had in a while. No, it's definitely the longest kiss he's ever had in his life and when they finally drift apart he just leans his head back and falls asleep.
He wakes up around noon to the sound of Noah barking. His legs are tangled all over Zach's, who wakes up only seconds after him. He sits up and wiggles his legs while Chris is still laying.
They look at each other for a couple of seconds before Chris starts laughing.
Zach cracks his neck. "I feel like someone took a shit inside my mouth." He is pressing his tongue against the roof of his mouth and making a face that doesn't help Chris stop laughing.
"Bad morning breath is a reflection of bad hygiene." Chris says.
Zach stands up and straightens his clothes. "Don't question my hygiene. I'm pretty sure it's because you wouldn't stop chain smoking last night." He walks past the living room and goes straight to the kitchen for something to drink.
Chris gets up minutes after and when he gets to the kitchen he can see Zach pouring apple juice into a glass. He walks up behind him and places his chin on Zach's shoulder. "Fine, next time I'll make sure I don't smoke."
Smoking, drinking, eating. Never thinking
by, me
4,000 ish words
Chris doesn't mind hosting Saturday brunch at his apartment. He can guilt Zach into cooking and make Beau get the coffee because he promises he will clean the mess. It seems like a fair deal, but the dishes get piled up and his girlfriend ends up cleaning them by Monday. It's not just the three of them, sometimes Zach will bring Joe or his friend Jake will stop by. Once or twice Beau will invite one of her girlfriends, but it's never a big thing.
Zach is taking fruit out of a paper bag when Beau and Jake walk in with coffee. He is saying something that makes Beau giggle as she places Zach's coffee next the stove. She gives Chris his iced latte and a copy of the New York Times.
Beau quickly starts chopping fruit and Jake picks bits of strawberries from her board. "What's a good place to take a girl for dinner without implying you want to sleep with her, even though you want to."
"Why don't you just cook for her?" Beau says while dicing more fruit.
Chris is still reading the newspaper, he doesn't turn up to look at any of them. "No, you don't want to do that." Before Beau can say anything she gets cut off by Zach. "She'll assume you want to be serious."
"Then she won't put out until a third date or so."
Beau hits the back of Chris' head. She's been around long enough to know all about the guy dynamics, it doesn't mean she has to accept it.
Jake is still eating the strawberries Beau is chopping, until she moves the bowl to her other side and he doesn't bother to move. He leans his head against the counter. "What about asian food? Asian is casual right?"
"There's a place in Glendale boulevard with good vietnamese." Chris says, getting up and hovering behind Zach who is whisking flour and milk.
"Gingergrass." Zach replies and he elbows Chris to give him space. "Stop hovering, the pancakes will be done soon."
Chris moves but instead of walking away he sits on the counter right next to the silver mixing bowl, almost spilling the milk all over the floor. "They have these grilled little green vegetables--"
Zach interrupts. "Bok choy."
"Bok choy" He says while looking at Zach, and it almost sounds like he is mocking him. "with some peanut sauce. Delicious. She will definitely thank you."
Chris licks the batter. "More vanilla." Zach nods and signals for the small plastic bottle.
"You both should come with us."
He pours some of it on the mixture. "No way. Why would you want two guys to go on your date with you?" He licks the batter once again and smiles. "Perfect"
Jake throws a piece of fruit and hits Chris on the shoulder. "I mean you and Beau."
It's funny how sometimes Chris will completely forget about her. "Oh, yeah if she's ok with it."
*
Beau leaves on a Sunday, two weeks before Chris has to leave for Australia and start the tour. It's not like she's packing her bags and leaving, because it wasn't their apartment to begin with. But is seems like it's exactly what she is doing. Maybe it's the fact that she is taking her toothbrush with her this time, or that she picked up the pair of heels that had been under the bed way too long. She also made sure she washed Chris favorite sweatpants, the ones she would borrow to sleep in, before putting them away in his closet.
He's leaning on the closet door, watching her quickly search the room for more of her belongins. "You know you can take those with you."
"Yeah but then you would force me to leave my sweater collection behind." She says without looking at him, still looking for her blue cardigan.
Chris doesn't reply, instead he makes his way to the kitchen and pours coffee into two mugs.
It's not really a breakup unless someone says 'I'm done' and as far as he can remember neither of them said it. What she did say was that she was taking a vacation in Roma with her girlfriends and maybe she could catch up with him for the last part of the tour. He had simply said not a great idea, and Beau rolled over and said 'fine, but bring me something cool from Paris then.' They'd fallen asleep and now she was picking up her shit from all over the apartment.
Once she collects her belongings, Beau grabs one of the mugs and gives him a hug. "Take care ok?"
"You'll still be around when I get back, right?"
Smiling behind the mug, with one hand on the door, she looks at him. "I'll see you around."
The door was closed and she was gone. Just like that, and Chris was left wondering what the hell had happened and if he should be feeling worse than how he actually felt. Which wasn't that bad.
*
Chris barely makes it on time to his flight to Sydney. He gets ushered to the plane by security and finds and empty seat next to Zach.
Everyone knows he is not a morning person, but people expected him to be on time. It's the sort of thing you shouldn't be late to, a plane to take you on a world tour to promote the movie that will make you a star.
"You look like death." Zach says while Chris puts his carry-on in the compartment above them and then sits down. "You smell like death."
Chris lowers his sunglasses and gives Zach a glare. "We can't all be the posterboys for American Apparel."
"I'm wearing Diesel."
Chris laughs and flicks Zach's hat. "Good. I feel like after you turn 30 you shouldn't be allowed to shop there you know?"
Zach ignores him and grabs a box of Zicam from under his seat. He pops one open and shovels it on his nose.
"You know that shit will make you lose your sense of smell right?"
He looks at Chris and gives him the death stare.
"Ok. Ok! Look, if you lose your sense of smell I will too, because I'm that good of a friend." He grabs a tube from Zach, opens it and puts it inside his nose as well.
The stewardess walks by to make sure everyone is wearing their seat-belt and looks at them in a weird way. Chris looks at Zach, both with q-tips in their nose, and they start laughing. "Our goal for this trip is to visit as many tourist spots as possible." He is waiting for Zach to object but instead he grabs the small pillow and places it on Chris' shoulder before falling asleep.
*
Paris is beautiful, and Chris feels lucky to have the night off and enjoy the city. Zach promised they would go out and drink all the red wine they could take, as long as Chris didn't drag him to the Eiffel Tower or do any other tourist bullshit.
He knock's twice on Zach's door. "C'mon man! Paris is waiting."
Zach comes out wearing pajama bottoms, his hair is also a mess. "I don't mean to ruin your night, but I really am tired."
"Fuck being tired. It's Paris man." He walks into Zach's room.
"It's the jet-lag."
Chris grabs a tiny bottle of rum from the mini fridge and chugs it all down. "Fuck the jet-lag. We're going out or I will drink all the tiny bottles in this fridge."
"Fine."
Chris is wearing a solid shirt, which means Zach can wear plaid. It sort of became an unspoken rule, to prevent them from looking like a gay lumberjack couple.
When he comes out of the bathroom Chris grabs two small bottles of vodka and puts them inside his pant pocket. "You look good." Zach flicks him off and Chris can see his cheeks get a little pink.
After much arguing they find a small restaurant/bar that looks good enough for both of them. It's small and looks like the kinda place they won't be bothered at. There's chandeliers with red light coming out of them and the pattern on the chairs reminds Chris of a baroque painting. He orders two glasses of champagne and a bottle of wine. The waitress giggles when he says please and smiles at her. Zach rolls his eyes. "I thought you were still mourning over Beau."
He is still looking at the waitress, who is pouring champagne behind the bar. "Remind me to buy her something, a keychain perhaps."
"If you want her back you should get her some shoes."
Chris looks at him and shrugs. "Maybe I don't."
Three glasses of champagne and two wine bottles later Chris convinces Zach to go walk around the city with him. He bet Joe twenty euros he could get Zach to stand under the Eiffel Tower, and Chris always wins bets. Always.
Zach doesn't know where they're heading to but when he starts seeing the lights from the tower Chris has to grab him by the arm and drag him under it. It's a combination of surreal and cliche, but he figures Zach is drunk enough to enjoy it.
There's drunken people everywhere and some guy tries selling them pills. Chris is tempted to buy some ecstasy from him but Zach yells in objection and scares the guy off.
"All we need is a beer and we are the complete definition of a Idiot-American-Tourists."
Chris smiles at him and pulls the tiny bottles from his pocket. "Always one step ahead of you."
*
Being a guest on SNL is Chris' favorite part of promoting the movie. Having the opportunity to poke fun at himself and take a break from being so serious is a nice break. Not to mention the cast throws one of the best after parties he's ever been to.
Everyone is drinking and celebrating and dancing. Leonard even does a shot of Jager with him and Zach before leaving.
They're both drinking some girly drinks Zach got them as a joke when he pulls out a cigarette from his coat and lights it. It's one of the signs that he is completely wasted and he may or may not vomit soon. Zach yanks his drink away and orders him some water.
"Give me the drink back and I promise not to throw up on you." Which seems like a fair trade, and Zach gives him the pink-colored drink.
He is puffing away and when Zach coughs he blows the smoke straight into his face on purpose while laughing.
"Those things not only will kill you, which I hope is obvious to you, but also make your mouth taste like complete shit."
Chris inhales the cigarette even more while smiling at him.
"I would know, that guy Michael I went out with a couple of times tried kissing me once and made me gag uncontrollably."
Chris glances at Zach before drinking the last of his pink cocktail. "Poor dude probably had bad hygiene, thats all."
Zach shrugs at him. "It was that damn cancer stick, that asshole."
Chris inhales the cigarette once last time and leans in closer to Zach. He gets so close that when Zach blinks he can feel his eyelashes tickle him. As soon as Zach opens his mouth he exhales and the smoke goes straight into his mouth. He leans back and laughs at Zach, who is coughing out the smoke. "There, now you can go kiss him and have your revenge or whatever."
It may have been the first time Zach opens his mouth and says nothing.
It's six in the morning when they leave the bar and they have to lean against each other so they don't fall as they enter the hotel. "We can't go to bed right now. Let's order some breakfast and watch TV. Let's prank call John!" Zach smiles at him, almost like he is warming up to the idea.
The elevator door opens and both of them step in. Zach presses numbers 18 and 19 while Chris puts his weight against one of the walls. He looks at both glowing numbers. "What? No breakfast and prank calls? Fine, but you owe me!"
"You've had too much to drink you know? You've made no sense whatsoever all night long."
It's not like this is the drunkest Chris has ever been, because back when they were filming he would get so drunk that entire nights were complete black outs. He would wake up in Zach's couch with phone numbers scribbled all over his hand and lipstick stains on his shirt, not remembering a single thing.
He raises his eyebrows and cocks his head toward Zach. "You're just saying that because you thought I was going to kiss you back there."
It's the second time Zach opens his mouth yet remains silent and Chris pulls him closer by the loop on his pants and the elevator doors open.
He lets go of Zach and walks out of the elevator. "Maybe next time. You give me breakfast, TV and prank calling, I'll pay my end of the deal."
Before the doors close, Chris can see Zach wink at him.
*
It's a weird feeling, waking up and spending the days alone. He doesn't miss dressing up though, or answering the same questions about William Shatner over and over, but he misses the company. He misses the jokes and the late night drinking and even Simon's horrible drunk singing. He's never really been addicted to anything, but he wonders if this is the feeling people talk about when they say 'cold turkey'.
Waking up late is good though, so it kinda balances out. He wakes up to the sound of his phone. He looks at the clock, 11:27. too damn early. But he gets up and grabs the phone. It's a message from Zach.
is it possible to look at paparazzi photos online?
Chris doesn't know what the fuck Zach is talking about, so he ignores the message and makes a run to LaMill to get coffee. While waiting in line he gets a call from his sister, reminding him they have a lunch date tomorrow. He thanks the barista for the coffee and heads out. "Hey Kat, do you know of any websites were I can look at paparazzi photos?" He has trouble saying it, mostly because it sounds like a retarded question.
"You can't possibly be that egotistical Christopher!"
As soon as he walks out he can hear the click from the cameras. He wants to flip them off, or ask what website they work for. He does neither. "No. Zach said something, nevermind."
Katherine is still laughing, and Chris regrets ever asking her. "Hold on, let me see if I can find anything. I'll e-mail you."
His sister e-mails him some website that he looks at on his phone. There's photos of Linsday falling out of some club, he scrolls down. There's photos of some blonde woman pushing a shopping cart outside Target, he scrolls down. It already seems like a bad idea to be looking at this when he sees Zach. Zach who looks like someone grabbed a sharpie and drew a line on this face. He almost chokes on his coffee and quickly dial's his number.
"Are you fucking kidding me?"
"I see you have figured it out then."
Chris is still laughing, that's an image he will have stored in his mind forever. If Zach ever decides to make fun of him for wearing questionably fitting jeans he can just remind him of that day he had a worm sitting on top of his lips. "I hope you clean that up before the junket. I can't believe Zoe let you go out in public looking like that."
"It's my birthday. I can do as I please."
He feels like an asshole for not saying happy birthday, instead he called the guy to let him know he looked like an idiot. "I didn't forget."
"You always do." He does. "Not the point. It was my gift to you. Hope you had a good laugh out of it."
It's the third time he's forgotten Zach's birthday, and the guy always gives him gifts to remind him. "You're unbelievable. Funny, but unbelievable."
Zach lets out a small laugh. "Gotta go. I have some celebrating to do."
"We'll have a real celebration when you get back."
*
Chris picks Zach up from the airport, because Joe is too busy taking care of Noah and Harold. He's not complaining, he still feels bad he forgot the guy's birthday for the third consecutive time.
When they get to the car Chris gives him an envelope. Inside is a birthday card with Leonard's face and some lame quote from Star Trek. There's also a gift card to American Apparel.
"I figured you could buy me another blue hoodie, since you took the string from my other one." Chris says as he turns the engine on.
"How thoughtful of you." Zach says while still looking at the card.
"I'm kidding man, we can go buy you more stripped t-shirts. Then I'll take you to a gay bar or something. Get you laid, you can thank me later." He looks at Zach and winks.
Zach smirks at him. "I'm not Anton, I don't need your help getting laid."
"Whatever man. That kid knows I'm the best wingman."
*
They meet at the bar, Zach doesn't necessarily say it's a gay bar but judging by the lack of women it might as well be. They seat on one of the patio tables, a little away from the crowd surrounding the bar. "Order whatever you want. It's on me."
When the waitress comes over Zach orders the best bottle of tequila you have and two Heinekens.
The girl comes back and opens both beers for them. "Ok, whose bed do you want to wake up on? Let's get this started."
Zach almost spits his beer and laughs. "I said it before, I don't need your help."
Chris rolls his eyes and takes a shot of tequila. "Fine." He says while throwing his arms in the air as a sign of surrender.
They drink half the bottle and two more beers, and Chris is pretty sure a couple of guys on the dance floor have been staring at Zach a little too long. "Wanna go dance? C'mon." It's not a question, it's more of a command because he grabs Zach's hand and pulls him toward the dance floor. While they're both dancing Chris grabs a cigarette from his jacket and looks for a lighter. Before he can find it a tall guy flicks one in front of him and he leans in to light up. "Thanks." He mouths.
The guy starts dancing with him and Chris feels a little uncomfortable. He frowns and shrugs a little, but the guy doesn't take the hint. Chris turns around and swings his arm around Zach. 'Sorry' he mouths to the guy.
*
Chris invites himself to Zach's after a night of really late drinking with John and Zoe. It's not that he's drunk, but he is incredibly hungry and doesn't feel like experimenting in his kitchen. Besides, Zach makes amazing quesadillas at 5 in the morning.
As soon as Zach opens his front door Noah runs to Chris, completely ignoring Zach. He leans down to pet the dog. "Shouldn't you be sleeping?"
"He's such a traitor." Zach says while heading to the kitchen.
Chris is still petting the dog. "Don't pay attention to him. It's not your fault he's retarded."
When Zach comes to the living room, plate filled with quesadillas in hand, Chris is sitting on the couch with Harold curled in his lap. He is also watching Family Guy and laughing at what Stewie said. Zach sits next to him and places the food on the table in front of them. Chris grabs a quesadilla and bites it while Zach tries to take Harold from him.
Zach gives up and instead puts his hand on the cats back, petting it and touching Chris' stomach at the same time. "Not even because I take care of the little shit does he like me whenever you are here."
Chris takes another quesadilla. "It's not your fault I smell better than you." He leans his head toward Zach and smiles, food all over his teeth.
Zach leans over and sniffs Chris' shoulder. "Yep. It's the cigarettes and beer that have them captivated."
"I think we should call John."
Zach looks at Chris with confusion.
"Breakfast, TV, prank calls. Remember?"
Zach takes his phone from his pocket and hands it to Chris without saying anything. Chris laughs a little at the gold phone. Him and Zach have had plenty of arguments regarding his iPhone vs his BlackBerry. He dials John's cellphone and when the guy answers Chris starts giggling and forgets to say anything. John curses at Chris before hanging up. Zach grabs the phone from him and puts it down on the table, telling Chris he is quite possibly the worst prank caller in the world.
After the food is gone Chris looks down at Harold who is sleeping peacefully. "I don't have the heart to wake him up, but his claws are digging into my lap."
Zach moves closer to Chris. Close like, their legs are touching and if Chris focuses hard enough he can smell a mixture of alcohol and cologne and clean linens. He can smell Zach. "I'll take him don't worry, he already dislikes me enough today."
Maybe it's the fact that it's almost six in the goddamned morning and Chris shouldn't be up this early, or the fact that Zach just smells reallygood. Maybe it's because he had a deal with the guy, or maybe he just wants to fucking do it. When Zach leans in yet closer to take the cat Chris just turns his head and presses his mouth against Zach's. It's not like it's a kiss, it's mouths pressed against each other. The stubble from Zach's face tickles against his own and Chris crinkles his nose and smiles.
Zach pulls apart just enough to breathe. "You, kissed me."
"Yeah." He leans his head close enough to Zach's that their lips are almost touching. "We should do it again."
Zach doesn't reply, he closes his eyes and Chris grabs him by the nape of his neck. It's not just lips pressed together the second time. There's tongue and licking and hair is being pulled and the only time they stop is when Zach has to take oxygen in.
It may be one of the longest kisses Chris has had in a while. No, it's definitely the longest kiss he's ever had in his life and when they finally drift apart he just leans his head back and falls asleep.
He wakes up around noon to the sound of Noah barking. His legs are tangled all over Zach's, who wakes up only seconds after him. He sits up and wiggles his legs while Chris is still laying.
They look at each other for a couple of seconds before Chris starts laughing.
Zach cracks his neck. "I feel like someone took a shit inside my mouth." He is pressing his tongue against the roof of his mouth and making a face that doesn't help Chris stop laughing.
"Bad morning breath is a reflection of bad hygiene." Chris says.
Zach stands up and straightens his clothes. "Don't question my hygiene. I'm pretty sure it's because you wouldn't stop chain smoking last night." He walks past the living room and goes straight to the kitchen for something to drink.
Chris gets up minutes after and when he gets to the kitchen he can see Zach pouring apple juice into a glass. He walks up behind him and places his chin on Zach's shoulder. "Fine, next time I'll make sure I don't smoke."