Top Hat, Chapter 3: Street Smarts
Chapter 2: If It Pleases You is here
If you read, please review! Sorry it's so long, I had lots of ideas!
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To say that Alice had naughty dreams that night is an understatement. She was highly paranoid that her mother would hear something, anything, and figure out that Hatter was spending the night, so they didn’t do anything potentially… compromising. Apparently Alice’s subconscious had wanted to because her dreams were all filled with Hatter wearing little more then a hat.
They hadn’t gotten to sleep until well into the morning; Alice had endless questions for him about his life. The only things she knew about him for sure was that he was attractive and caring. And trustworthy.
She now knew more about him then she thought possible. His parents wanted little to do with him since he started selling teas but he’d never been very close to them anyway. He had no brothers and sisters, was allergic to Xorbinum (whatever that was), and had dropped out of University after the Hearts took control. He also liked to sleep in, something that might prove to be a problem if he continued to sleep over. Alice had been up for hours by the time he finally woke up.
“Good morning,” She giggled, bouncing on the edge of the bed next to him as he rubbed his eyes. Hatter smiled sleepily.
“Morning.” He yawned.
“How’d you sleep?” Alice asked, holding onto her knees. Hatter sat up, sheet pooling around his waist and reminding Alice how much energy it had taken to restrain herself from jumping him the night before. He was shirtless and much more muscular than she had anticipated. He must’ve noticed that she was nearly frothing at the mouth because he smirked and put a finger under her chin, leveling their eyes and producing a rosy blush in her cheeks.
“Probably about the same as you,” He chuckled. Alice laughed, embarrassed.
“If that’s the case, you’d better put a shirt on,” She winked, trying to recover. Hatter raised an eyebrow and leaned back on his elbows seductively. “David Hatter, stop looking at me like that,” Alice breathed, relinquishing her spot on the bed for the safety of her desk chair.
“How am I looking at you?” Hatter asked innocently, folding his hands behind his head and leaning against the headboard.
“Like I would really like you to when we’re not at my mom’s apartment that has paper-thin walls,” She warned, trying not to smile.
“Can I look at you like this on the subway?” He quipped, pulling back the sheets and swinging his legs over the side of the bed. Alice immediately felt nervous and cleared her throat. She had forgotten that he just slept in silk boxers.
“N-no. No.”
“Pizza Hut?” He stood up and ambled towards her. Alice stood and put the chair between them in case temptation proved too much and she allowed herself to jump his very alluring bones. Hatter grinned, putting his hands on the chair and leaning towards her. If her neighbors across the alley looked out their window they’d have a nice shot of a scruffy Hatter in purple silk undershorts trying to seduce her. Luckily, her neighbors across the alley never opened their curtains.
“Nope,” She laughed nervously, pulling her hands out from under his and folding them behind her back.
“How about your whatchacallit…”
“Dojo?”
“Yes. How about your Dojo?”
“No, especially not there. And in case you’re wondering, you can’t look at me like that at church either.” She made a beeline for her dresser, which stood right next to her window, pretending to look for a cardigan or something. Hatter chuckled, wrapping his arms around her waist from behind.
“So… that’s a no,” He murmured in her ear, sending a shiver down her spine. Alice nearly gave in but for a sudden motherly knock on her door.
“Alice? I have your blue dress back from the dry cleaners. Can I come hang it in your closet?” Carol called cheerfully.
“Shit!” Alice exclaimed. Hatter made a beeline for her closet and she followed, grabbing his arm and tugging him towards the window.
“You’ve gotta be kidding me,” He whispered as she gestured out the window.
“One second Mom, getting dressed!” Alice called. “Come on, you have to, there’s nowhere else for you to hide!”
“Fine, but at least hand me my pants!” He gestured back to her desk where they were folded. Alice did him one better, running across the room to grab his pants, shirt, jacket and shoes and thrusting them into his arms.
“Is everything alright?” Carol asked through the door.
“Yup, just can’t decide which shirt to wear!” Alice answered, throwing open the window and then shutting it sharply as soon as Hatter was on the fire escape. She drew the curtains quickly and made her bed as fast as she could. “Come in!” Alice called, sitting at her desk. As the door swung open, Alice glanced at the black fedora hanging guiltily over her bedpost. Her stomach dropped sickeningly; she hoped Carol wouldn’t notice.
“They said that they had to run it through twice to get all that dirt out!” Carol said, practically skipping over to Alice’s closet to hang up the dress.
“Huh.” That was all Alice could say.
“How was your date with David?” Carol sat on the bed.
“Good.”
“What did you two do?”
“Pizza.” Only one word at a time was finding its way into Alice’s brain.
“Oh! Where’d you go?”
“Brother’s.”
“Brother’s is the absolute best!” Carol approved. “Did he pay?”
“Yes,” Alice lied. He had no money; Alice could expect to pay for dates for a while. Unless of course Hatter took up busking or swindling, which she wouldn’t entirely put past him.
“Oh of course he did, he just seems like such the Gentleman. Where’s he from? It didn’t sound like he was from around here.” Carol straightened the sloppy comforter around her, ever the organizer.
“England,” Alice squeaked. For all she knew, Hatter was still standing on the fire escape in his underwear.
“Ooooh! Those Brits really know how to breed ‘em. He’s quite handsome. Scruffy, just your type,” Carol teased.
“Yeah,” Alice laughed. The only conversation Carol had ever listened to was the one when Alice declared her type to be scruffy men; tall, dark, handsome, and an eternal 5 o’clock shadow. Jack hadn’t been her type, something Carol never commented on, but Alice registered her surprised expression when they’d be introduced. Hatter wasn’t particularly tall but he was dark haired and impossibly handsome, scruff shadowing his jaw like a compliment.
“Well, isn’t he just great! I think he’s just great. Poor guy, getting sick from Jet lag last night. Where was he flying from?”
“Home.”
“Oh, England! What’s that, like 16 hours? I can only imagine how tired he must’ve been! And that airline food, no wonder he got sick!” Carol shook her head, as if Hatter throwing up at her apartment was the worst thing that ever happened. “Well he is a trooper.”
Alice just wanted her mother to leave; if you got Carol going, she could have a conversation with herself. All you had to do was sit there and twitch in response and she’d monologue about whatever crossed her mind. The fact that it also crossed her lips was a fault that Alice had never felt particularly enthusiastic about growing up. Prom dress shopping had been a nightmare that only intense psychotherapy could force her to relive.
“Jeeze, it’s dark in here. And stuffy!” Carol noticed after Alice didn’t respond. “Well we’ll take care of that.” Before Alice could even process what she was doing, Carol threw open the curtains and pulled up the window. Alice held her breath for Hatter’s discovery but nothing happened. “Much better!”
“Thanks for getting my dress cleaned,” Alice finally managed.
“It’s no problem, honey. I had to get my itty-bitty tea (little black dress in Carol terms) cleaned for the Memorial Day Gala anyway. Oh, new hat?” She asked, pointing to the obviously male cap.
“Uh… yeah. Cam bought it for me.” Alice covered, trying to ignore the onset of panic.
“Oh that’s nice of her.” Carol smiled and nearly flounced out of the room, turning back suddenly and pointing at her daughter. “You know I’ve been thinking, I think you should stop teaching Judo for awhile. Besides, who knows how much time you’ll have to spend with David if you continue like you have been.”
Alice thought she might faint.
“Oh… yeah. They have plenty of other people who can teach. I’ll call later.” She nodded slowly.
“Good. You need all the time you can get.” Carol smiled, closing Alice’s door behind her. Alice might’ve cried but the doorbell rang and she heard Carol’s singsong greeting of none other than David Hatter.
“DAY-vid! Come IIIN!” She sang and Alice laughed out loud. Well, she had to give him credit for climbing out the window in just his skivvies, dressing in the open air, and coming around to the front door. She opened her bedroom door and walked down the hall, regaining composure. When she turned the corner, not only was Hatter in a completely different outfit, he looked as if he had showered. He smiled as if he hadn’t seen her since the previous night and hugged her.
“How in the world-“ Alice whispered through clenched teeth.
“Later,” He responded. “Well, Mrs. Hamilton - “
“Puh-lease! Call me Carol!” Alice thought her mom might be overcompensating for something… she was never that friendly. To anyone.
“Carol,” Hatter corrected. “Might I steal Alice for the day?”
“Of course, of course! Go!” Carol waved towards the door. Alice led Hatter towards the front door, escape essential to her sanity at this point. “Oh! Alice! Bring David back for dinner! I’m making lamb!”
“Unfortunately, I already made dinner reservations,” Hatter said as suavely as he could muster. “Another night, perhaps?”
“Very well,” Carol smiled. “See you kids later!” Alice grabbed Hatter’s hand and pulled him out of the apartment as quick as possible. Once the door was shut and locked, Alice ran a hand through her hair and made for the elevator.
“You made dinner reservations?” She asked after pressing the button. Hatter looked guilty.
“No… I’m just a little afraid of your mother’s cooking,” He confessed and Alice finally relaxed, laughing.
“Oh God… you’re so much nicer than I am. Normally I don’t let her get anywhere near the kitchen but she insists on cooking until I’m off medication,” Alice explained as the doors to the elevator opened.
“You’re on medication?” Hatter asked, shocked. In Wonderland, ‘on medication’ meant mind-numbing tranquilizers and a week at the Hospital of Dreams.
“Just pain-killers. For my head, apparently I hit it pretty hard, and since I don’t remember hitting it, they’re probably right,” She laughed, but Hatter frowned.
“That’s really not good for you, Alice.”
“I know. I promise I’ll try to keep my head away from hard surfaces - “
“No, I mean… pain killers. They’re addictive,” He said, so seriously that Alice put her hand on his arm.
“Hatter, don’t they have pain-killers in Wonderland?”
“Yeah. They’re called ‘Bliss’, ‘Solace’, and ‘Serenity’, and they’re all a one-way ticket to the Hospital of Dreams.” He looked incredibly worried.
“Hey,” She took his hand. “It just keeps my brain from swelling and giving me really bad headaches. As far as I know, nobody’s been institutionalized for taking one 800 mg Ibuprofen pill a day in… this world. Trust me.”
“Ok… but I still don’t like it.” He conceded, following her out of the elevator on the ground floor.
“Mind telling me how you changed and showered?” She asked, changing the subject.
“Ah. If I told you that, I’d have to tell you where I hid my things.” He grinned and Alice stopped abruptly, turning back to him.
“Tell me, or I’ll tell my mom you love her cooking.”
Hatter looked extremely conflicted. If he told her, he wouldn’t have any secrets from her whatsoever, and what’s the fun in that? But if he didn’t tell her, he’d end up worshiping the porceline gods every night for the rest of his life and probably die of food poisoning.
“Ok, fine. There’s this place around the corner called the YMCA. It’s just for men and they have these little metal boxes with locks on them that you can put your stuff in and a really big community bath, which I don’t really understand, why men would want to bathe together I’m not really sure… but that’s where my stuff is.” He smiled as if he had discovered his own personal Utopia, not the neighborhood rec center.
“You showered at the Y?” Alice laughed.
“Yep. Who knew your world was so reverent of men?” He said with a great deal of approval. Alice just rolled her eyes and smiled.
“Come on, I want to get some coffee,” She lead him to the subway, a machine Hatter christened ‘the beast’ after it roared to a stop in front of them.
Alice’s best friend Cam worked at a little coffee shop called The Prague that was practically hidden in between a bicycle repair shop and a tattoo parlor; the only indication of its existence was a rusty sign over a black door with ‘1/2’ painted in silver letters on its face. It was really just half of a storefront that used to house a smoke shop that had gone under after its ancient owner passed away and left all of his worldly possessions to his cat ‘Gus’. Gus had been found behind a radiator by the landlord and given to the Humane Society, where a family who renamed him ‘Sparkles’ had adopted him. Sparkles was hit by a car, an accident he miraculously survived, though he was three-legged the rest of his life. Which ended up being another two months. He was 19 years old, after all. Cam bought the space after college and Alice had gotten her coffee there faithfully for years.
“Alice! Oh my god!” Cam practically tackled Alice as they entered the dimly lit coffee house.
“Hi Cam,” Alice smiled. “This is my… David Hatter.”
“Nice to meet you,” Cam shook his hand, shooting Alice an impressed look. “What can I get you guys?” She asked, wiping down the counter.
“Um… a mocha for me, and…”
“Chamomile tea,” Hatter smiled, pleased that he recognized at least one thing on the menu. Alice paid for their drinks (a mere $2, Cam never let her pay full price) and found a little corner for them to sit in. The shop was surprisingly packed for being just a block from Starbucks and almost every other table was full. Suddenly, Alice got an idea.
“I’ll be right back,” She said to Hatter, jumping up and running over to the counter. She whispered with Cam for a good five minutes, writing something down on a pad of paper and handing it to Cam. Cam nodded, smiled, and hugged Alice across the counter. Alice returned and smiled victoriously at Hatter over her cup of coffee.
“Cam has just agreed to help you get a fake ID,” Alice announced. “It won’t really help you get a job but it will buy us some time until I can figure out a way to get in touch with Charlie.”
“Oh, that’s nice of her,” Hatter said, surprised. “What can I do with a fake ID? Won’t people know it’s fake?”
“Not necessarily. And if we want to go to a bar or something you’ll be able to drink.”
“And I couldn’t do that without one?” He asked, puzzled.
“No, you have to be 21 with a current ID to drink at a bar.”
“Oh… ok. Cool,” He smiled.
“Meanwhile… we need to find you a better place for your things and for you to shower, like you're own place… Not that you’re not resourceful,” She laughed.
“What’s wrong with the YMCA?”
“Well for one thing, there are a series of communicable diseases that one can contract in public showers… and if you give me some sort of foot fungus, we’ll have a problem.”
“Did I hear you say you need a place to stay?” Cam asked, coming over to them and sitting on the arm of Alice’s chair.
“Yeah he does.”
“Well, Tommy needs a roommate.” Tommy was Cam’s boyfriend of three years who lived above the tattoo parlor next door.
“Really? How much is rent?” Alice asked.
“Pretty cheap. Tommy doesn’t have a job and still manages to pay it every month. If your boy can stand a little mess and a lazy bones roommate, it’s his.” Cam and Alice both looked at Hatter who shrugged.
“Sure. I can’t really afford to be picky, can I?” He said genially, smiling at Alice.
“Perfect,” Alice smiled. “Thanks, Cam!”
“Sure thing. I’ll talk to Tommy about it tonight but I know it won’t be a problem. I’ll call you later, Al.” Cam went back to the cash register as another customer came in.
“Thank goodness for Cam,” Alice exclaimed. “Now we don’t have to dodge my mom!”
“Well I don’t… but if I were you I’d stop taking those painkillers so she doesn’t poison you with whatever she cooks next,” He said with a serious face. Alice just smiled and nodded. She felt so relieved that he now had a place to live. Now she had to figure out how to get in contact with Charlie and get Hatter some real identification, his fake ID wouldn’t get him a job. The Prague was across town in a nicer area so the apartment was likely not cockroach infested, which was a plus. It wasn’t her first choice to have him life so far away, but there was the subway and she was sure she’d never have the opportunity to miss him.
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Chapter 4: Secondhand is here
A/N: Please Read/Review!
If you read, please review! Sorry it's so long, I had lots of ideas!
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To say that Alice had naughty dreams that night is an understatement. She was highly paranoid that her mother would hear something, anything, and figure out that Hatter was spending the night, so they didn’t do anything potentially… compromising. Apparently Alice’s subconscious had wanted to because her dreams were all filled with Hatter wearing little more then a hat.
They hadn’t gotten to sleep until well into the morning; Alice had endless questions for him about his life. The only things she knew about him for sure was that he was attractive and caring. And trustworthy.
She now knew more about him then she thought possible. His parents wanted little to do with him since he started selling teas but he’d never been very close to them anyway. He had no brothers and sisters, was allergic to Xorbinum (whatever that was), and had dropped out of University after the Hearts took control. He also liked to sleep in, something that might prove to be a problem if he continued to sleep over. Alice had been up for hours by the time he finally woke up.
“Good morning,” She giggled, bouncing on the edge of the bed next to him as he rubbed his eyes. Hatter smiled sleepily.
“Morning.” He yawned.
“How’d you sleep?” Alice asked, holding onto her knees. Hatter sat up, sheet pooling around his waist and reminding Alice how much energy it had taken to restrain herself from jumping him the night before. He was shirtless and much more muscular than she had anticipated. He must’ve noticed that she was nearly frothing at the mouth because he smirked and put a finger under her chin, leveling their eyes and producing a rosy blush in her cheeks.
“Probably about the same as you,” He chuckled. Alice laughed, embarrassed.
“If that’s the case, you’d better put a shirt on,” She winked, trying to recover. Hatter raised an eyebrow and leaned back on his elbows seductively. “David Hatter, stop looking at me like that,” Alice breathed, relinquishing her spot on the bed for the safety of her desk chair.
“How am I looking at you?” Hatter asked innocently, folding his hands behind his head and leaning against the headboard.
“Like I would really like you to when we’re not at my mom’s apartment that has paper-thin walls,” She warned, trying not to smile.
“Can I look at you like this on the subway?” He quipped, pulling back the sheets and swinging his legs over the side of the bed. Alice immediately felt nervous and cleared her throat. She had forgotten that he just slept in silk boxers.
“N-no. No.”
“Pizza Hut?” He stood up and ambled towards her. Alice stood and put the chair between them in case temptation proved too much and she allowed herself to jump his very alluring bones. Hatter grinned, putting his hands on the chair and leaning towards her. If her neighbors across the alley looked out their window they’d have a nice shot of a scruffy Hatter in purple silk undershorts trying to seduce her. Luckily, her neighbors across the alley never opened their curtains.
“Nope,” She laughed nervously, pulling her hands out from under his and folding them behind her back.
“How about your whatchacallit…”
“Dojo?”
“Yes. How about your Dojo?”
“No, especially not there. And in case you’re wondering, you can’t look at me like that at church either.” She made a beeline for her dresser, which stood right next to her window, pretending to look for a cardigan or something. Hatter chuckled, wrapping his arms around her waist from behind.
“So… that’s a no,” He murmured in her ear, sending a shiver down her spine. Alice nearly gave in but for a sudden motherly knock on her door.
“Alice? I have your blue dress back from the dry cleaners. Can I come hang it in your closet?” Carol called cheerfully.
“Shit!” Alice exclaimed. Hatter made a beeline for her closet and she followed, grabbing his arm and tugging him towards the window.
“You’ve gotta be kidding me,” He whispered as she gestured out the window.
“One second Mom, getting dressed!” Alice called. “Come on, you have to, there’s nowhere else for you to hide!”
“Fine, but at least hand me my pants!” He gestured back to her desk where they were folded. Alice did him one better, running across the room to grab his pants, shirt, jacket and shoes and thrusting them into his arms.
“Is everything alright?” Carol asked through the door.
“Yup, just can’t decide which shirt to wear!” Alice answered, throwing open the window and then shutting it sharply as soon as Hatter was on the fire escape. She drew the curtains quickly and made her bed as fast as she could. “Come in!” Alice called, sitting at her desk. As the door swung open, Alice glanced at the black fedora hanging guiltily over her bedpost. Her stomach dropped sickeningly; she hoped Carol wouldn’t notice.
“They said that they had to run it through twice to get all that dirt out!” Carol said, practically skipping over to Alice’s closet to hang up the dress.
“Huh.” That was all Alice could say.
“How was your date with David?” Carol sat on the bed.
“Good.”
“What did you two do?”
“Pizza.” Only one word at a time was finding its way into Alice’s brain.
“Oh! Where’d you go?”
“Brother’s.”
“Brother’s is the absolute best!” Carol approved. “Did he pay?”
“Yes,” Alice lied. He had no money; Alice could expect to pay for dates for a while. Unless of course Hatter took up busking or swindling, which she wouldn’t entirely put past him.
“Oh of course he did, he just seems like such the Gentleman. Where’s he from? It didn’t sound like he was from around here.” Carol straightened the sloppy comforter around her, ever the organizer.
“England,” Alice squeaked. For all she knew, Hatter was still standing on the fire escape in his underwear.
“Ooooh! Those Brits really know how to breed ‘em. He’s quite handsome. Scruffy, just your type,” Carol teased.
“Yeah,” Alice laughed. The only conversation Carol had ever listened to was the one when Alice declared her type to be scruffy men; tall, dark, handsome, and an eternal 5 o’clock shadow. Jack hadn’t been her type, something Carol never commented on, but Alice registered her surprised expression when they’d be introduced. Hatter wasn’t particularly tall but he was dark haired and impossibly handsome, scruff shadowing his jaw like a compliment.
“Well, isn’t he just great! I think he’s just great. Poor guy, getting sick from Jet lag last night. Where was he flying from?”
“Home.”
“Oh, England! What’s that, like 16 hours? I can only imagine how tired he must’ve been! And that airline food, no wonder he got sick!” Carol shook her head, as if Hatter throwing up at her apartment was the worst thing that ever happened. “Well he is a trooper.”
Alice just wanted her mother to leave; if you got Carol going, she could have a conversation with herself. All you had to do was sit there and twitch in response and she’d monologue about whatever crossed her mind. The fact that it also crossed her lips was a fault that Alice had never felt particularly enthusiastic about growing up. Prom dress shopping had been a nightmare that only intense psychotherapy could force her to relive.
“Jeeze, it’s dark in here. And stuffy!” Carol noticed after Alice didn’t respond. “Well we’ll take care of that.” Before Alice could even process what she was doing, Carol threw open the curtains and pulled up the window. Alice held her breath for Hatter’s discovery but nothing happened. “Much better!”
“Thanks for getting my dress cleaned,” Alice finally managed.
“It’s no problem, honey. I had to get my itty-bitty tea (little black dress in Carol terms) cleaned for the Memorial Day Gala anyway. Oh, new hat?” She asked, pointing to the obviously male cap.
“Uh… yeah. Cam bought it for me.” Alice covered, trying to ignore the onset of panic.
“Oh that’s nice of her.” Carol smiled and nearly flounced out of the room, turning back suddenly and pointing at her daughter. “You know I’ve been thinking, I think you should stop teaching Judo for awhile. Besides, who knows how much time you’ll have to spend with David if you continue like you have been.”
Alice thought she might faint.
“Oh… yeah. They have plenty of other people who can teach. I’ll call later.” She nodded slowly.
“Good. You need all the time you can get.” Carol smiled, closing Alice’s door behind her. Alice might’ve cried but the doorbell rang and she heard Carol’s singsong greeting of none other than David Hatter.
“DAY-vid! Come IIIN!” She sang and Alice laughed out loud. Well, she had to give him credit for climbing out the window in just his skivvies, dressing in the open air, and coming around to the front door. She opened her bedroom door and walked down the hall, regaining composure. When she turned the corner, not only was Hatter in a completely different outfit, he looked as if he had showered. He smiled as if he hadn’t seen her since the previous night and hugged her.
“How in the world-“ Alice whispered through clenched teeth.
“Later,” He responded. “Well, Mrs. Hamilton - “
“Puh-lease! Call me Carol!” Alice thought her mom might be overcompensating for something… she was never that friendly. To anyone.
“Carol,” Hatter corrected. “Might I steal Alice for the day?”
“Of course, of course! Go!” Carol waved towards the door. Alice led Hatter towards the front door, escape essential to her sanity at this point. “Oh! Alice! Bring David back for dinner! I’m making lamb!”
“Unfortunately, I already made dinner reservations,” Hatter said as suavely as he could muster. “Another night, perhaps?”
“Very well,” Carol smiled. “See you kids later!” Alice grabbed Hatter’s hand and pulled him out of the apartment as quick as possible. Once the door was shut and locked, Alice ran a hand through her hair and made for the elevator.
“You made dinner reservations?” She asked after pressing the button. Hatter looked guilty.
“No… I’m just a little afraid of your mother’s cooking,” He confessed and Alice finally relaxed, laughing.
“Oh God… you’re so much nicer than I am. Normally I don’t let her get anywhere near the kitchen but she insists on cooking until I’m off medication,” Alice explained as the doors to the elevator opened.
“You’re on medication?” Hatter asked, shocked. In Wonderland, ‘on medication’ meant mind-numbing tranquilizers and a week at the Hospital of Dreams.
“Just pain-killers. For my head, apparently I hit it pretty hard, and since I don’t remember hitting it, they’re probably right,” She laughed, but Hatter frowned.
“That’s really not good for you, Alice.”
“I know. I promise I’ll try to keep my head away from hard surfaces - “
“No, I mean… pain killers. They’re addictive,” He said, so seriously that Alice put her hand on his arm.
“Hatter, don’t they have pain-killers in Wonderland?”
“Yeah. They’re called ‘Bliss’, ‘Solace’, and ‘Serenity’, and they’re all a one-way ticket to the Hospital of Dreams.” He looked incredibly worried.
“Hey,” She took his hand. “It just keeps my brain from swelling and giving me really bad headaches. As far as I know, nobody’s been institutionalized for taking one 800 mg Ibuprofen pill a day in… this world. Trust me.”
“Ok… but I still don’t like it.” He conceded, following her out of the elevator on the ground floor.
“Mind telling me how you changed and showered?” She asked, changing the subject.
“Ah. If I told you that, I’d have to tell you where I hid my things.” He grinned and Alice stopped abruptly, turning back to him.
“Tell me, or I’ll tell my mom you love her cooking.”
Hatter looked extremely conflicted. If he told her, he wouldn’t have any secrets from her whatsoever, and what’s the fun in that? But if he didn’t tell her, he’d end up worshiping the porceline gods every night for the rest of his life and probably die of food poisoning.
“Ok, fine. There’s this place around the corner called the YMCA. It’s just for men and they have these little metal boxes with locks on them that you can put your stuff in and a really big community bath, which I don’t really understand, why men would want to bathe together I’m not really sure… but that’s where my stuff is.” He smiled as if he had discovered his own personal Utopia, not the neighborhood rec center.
“You showered at the Y?” Alice laughed.
“Yep. Who knew your world was so reverent of men?” He said with a great deal of approval. Alice just rolled her eyes and smiled.
“Come on, I want to get some coffee,” She lead him to the subway, a machine Hatter christened ‘the beast’ after it roared to a stop in front of them.
Alice’s best friend Cam worked at a little coffee shop called The Prague that was practically hidden in between a bicycle repair shop and a tattoo parlor; the only indication of its existence was a rusty sign over a black door with ‘1/2’ painted in silver letters on its face. It was really just half of a storefront that used to house a smoke shop that had gone under after its ancient owner passed away and left all of his worldly possessions to his cat ‘Gus’. Gus had been found behind a radiator by the landlord and given to the Humane Society, where a family who renamed him ‘Sparkles’ had adopted him. Sparkles was hit by a car, an accident he miraculously survived, though he was three-legged the rest of his life. Which ended up being another two months. He was 19 years old, after all. Cam bought the space after college and Alice had gotten her coffee there faithfully for years.
“Alice! Oh my god!” Cam practically tackled Alice as they entered the dimly lit coffee house.
“Hi Cam,” Alice smiled. “This is my… David Hatter.”
“Nice to meet you,” Cam shook his hand, shooting Alice an impressed look. “What can I get you guys?” She asked, wiping down the counter.
“Um… a mocha for me, and…”
“Chamomile tea,” Hatter smiled, pleased that he recognized at least one thing on the menu. Alice paid for their drinks (a mere $2, Cam never let her pay full price) and found a little corner for them to sit in. The shop was surprisingly packed for being just a block from Starbucks and almost every other table was full. Suddenly, Alice got an idea.
“I’ll be right back,” She said to Hatter, jumping up and running over to the counter. She whispered with Cam for a good five minutes, writing something down on a pad of paper and handing it to Cam. Cam nodded, smiled, and hugged Alice across the counter. Alice returned and smiled victoriously at Hatter over her cup of coffee.
“Cam has just agreed to help you get a fake ID,” Alice announced. “It won’t really help you get a job but it will buy us some time until I can figure out a way to get in touch with Charlie.”
“Oh, that’s nice of her,” Hatter said, surprised. “What can I do with a fake ID? Won’t people know it’s fake?”
“Not necessarily. And if we want to go to a bar or something you’ll be able to drink.”
“And I couldn’t do that without one?” He asked, puzzled.
“No, you have to be 21 with a current ID to drink at a bar.”
“Oh… ok. Cool,” He smiled.
“Meanwhile… we need to find you a better place for your things and for you to shower, like you're own place… Not that you’re not resourceful,” She laughed.
“What’s wrong with the YMCA?”
“Well for one thing, there are a series of communicable diseases that one can contract in public showers… and if you give me some sort of foot fungus, we’ll have a problem.”
“Did I hear you say you need a place to stay?” Cam asked, coming over to them and sitting on the arm of Alice’s chair.
“Yeah he does.”
“Well, Tommy needs a roommate.” Tommy was Cam’s boyfriend of three years who lived above the tattoo parlor next door.
“Really? How much is rent?” Alice asked.
“Pretty cheap. Tommy doesn’t have a job and still manages to pay it every month. If your boy can stand a little mess and a lazy bones roommate, it’s his.” Cam and Alice both looked at Hatter who shrugged.
“Sure. I can’t really afford to be picky, can I?” He said genially, smiling at Alice.
“Perfect,” Alice smiled. “Thanks, Cam!”
“Sure thing. I’ll talk to Tommy about it tonight but I know it won’t be a problem. I’ll call you later, Al.” Cam went back to the cash register as another customer came in.
“Thank goodness for Cam,” Alice exclaimed. “Now we don’t have to dodge my mom!”
“Well I don’t… but if I were you I’d stop taking those painkillers so she doesn’t poison you with whatever she cooks next,” He said with a serious face. Alice just smiled and nodded. She felt so relieved that he now had a place to live. Now she had to figure out how to get in contact with Charlie and get Hatter some real identification, his fake ID wouldn’t get him a job. The Prague was across town in a nicer area so the apartment was likely not cockroach infested, which was a plus. It wasn’t her first choice to have him life so far away, but there was the subway and she was sure she’d never have the opportunity to miss him.
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Chapter 4: Secondhand is here
A/N: Please Read/Review!