i was once given a "goal" in a treatment facility to do just this: build my perfect life, in as much detail as possible, with no time limits or eating disorder in the picture. i thought it would be difficult, and was prepared to b.s. my way through it, but i thought and jotted little ideas down over the course of a week or so, and a three-page long essay -- some of the only writing i've done that i feel proud of -- emerged. i still read it sometimes to remind myself of what i can have and be . . . it's powerful, and i'm happy to read your dreams.
ummm that house it gorgeous!
an eclectic neighborhood, architecturally. It has character. It feels like home--I don't know how to describe it, exactly, but I get feelings, moods, characters from places. -- this makes more sense to me than i can really articulate. there is a part of austin called hyde park that has the same meaning to me: about ten square blocks of old bungalows dating back to the '20s & '30's, big trees, the sound of mourning doves and every necessity within walking
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Dude, my ED therapist has tried to get me to do the same assignment! I told her I didn't have dreams, which was honest as I could be with myself at that point. The truth is I don't usually let myself dream--this came in a too-short bout of hypomania induced by severe, prolonged sleep deprivation and probably malnutrition.
And now my mania is gone and I hate it for having come at all because I was so goddamn HAPPY, and now it's all gone again.
Ooh, Hyde Park sounds awesome. I'm glad someone gets what I mean when I say places have character.
And, hey, I like hearing about your dreams too. They're good for the sharing.
you may not feel it now, but at least you know it's in there, somewhere; it might take time and a lot of crappy-ness to wade through, but it exists. it won't always come through sleep deprivation, yanno? it's yours, entirely, and that is worth something in and of itself, in my opinion...daydreaming, in my experience, is a catch-22 of sorts. you get a high: a happy, hope-filled sense of possibility, followed by a crash: the realization of the distance between the reality of the moment and the world of your dreams. but, see, this is a totally achievable dream, unlike mine, which involved unicorns ;) i still say a little spurt of these feelings is a good sign. a very, very promising sign. even a short burst of hope is better than the belief that there isn't any, yanno? don't discount it. my best thoughts, wishes, and all those mushy feeling-vibe thingies are with you!
That's an awesome house, and I think you should totally keep all this in mind for your future. You might not be able to have exactly that house or exactly what you want, but you've been able to imagine a happy future for yourself, and now you can form goals and strategies to try to build it for yourself.
I love this. Someone recently asked me to do something like this- it felt too painful, but maybe not. Thank you. And I think it's good you were able to be there in your head, even for a moment.
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ummm that house it gorgeous!
an eclectic neighborhood, architecturally. It has character. It feels like home--I don't know how to describe it, exactly, but I get feelings, moods, characters from places. -- this makes more sense to me than i can really articulate. there is a part of austin called hyde park that has the same meaning to me: about ten square blocks of old bungalows dating back to the '20s & '30's, big trees, the sound of mourning doves and every necessity within walking ( ... )
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And now my mania is gone and I hate it for having come at all because I was so goddamn HAPPY, and now it's all gone again.
Ooh, Hyde Park sounds awesome. I'm glad someone gets what I mean when I say places have character.
And, hey, I like hearing about your dreams too. They're good for the sharing.
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*big safe teddy bear hugs*
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(I'm back on LJ and catching up. I've read all your posts...I want you to know I'm thinking about you!)
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