Dear Erica
Dear Dr. Erica Hahn,
I miss you. I hate that you vanished into the parking lot because of stupid homophobic executives who continue to deny their actions and take responsibility. I hate that you have been replaced in Callie's life by a younger, "prettier," less threatening version of you. I feel it's Callie's way of dealing with her guilt over shoving you so abruptly out of her life and practically driving you out into that parking lot of no return. I feel it's the executives way of trying to put a band aid on the gaping wounds on all of our chests from when they ripped out our hearts. And it seems for many, the band aid is holding. For me, there was too much blood for the band aid to stick and when they tried to stitch it on, they succeeded in only making the wound larger.
Months after your disappearance, I still ache to see you again. Much of my life has moved on, knowing you will never reappear from that godforsaken parking lot. However, there is part of me that still wishes for it. Part of me still hopes that maybe a stirring in the fog will turn into you walking in from the parking lot and back into Seattle Grace Hospital; taking it by storm.
You see, Erica, when you walked away from Seattle Grace, you walked away from me. Walking out of Callie's life meant you also walked out of mine. And I was just getting really excited about the fun we could have. After you poured your heart out about seeing leaves, I realized that I, too, had been blind to the beauty around me. I had been missing my own leaves and they had just started coming into focus when you were so insulted by Izzie Stevens, Chief Webber, and above all Calliope Torres. I appreciate that you had every reason to leave. I can't even blame you because there were so many reasons to walk away and never look back. The problem is that there were also so many reasons to stay. Each and every one of us out here who were finding courage in your story. Each one of us was a reason for you to stay. You were giving us the tools to love and accept ourselves. We weren't ready for you to go. We still need you. And there are many of us.
So if you can find it in your heart to walk back into that hospital and demand the respect you deserve, I would be eternally grateful. And if you can't, due to your pride or dignity or inability to handle the sheer stupidity of those who run Seattle Grace and that corner of the world, I understand. Just know that I left with you. Know that you will never be forgotten. Know that you changed my life. Know that I miss you.
With My Deepest Sincerity and Love,
Mary