The Brain vs The Heart - A Battle Royale
Chapter 17
Reid woke with a start, coming out of the scariest dream he could ever remember having. Luke was dying and there was no kidney to be had, anywhere. Reid had bullied everyone he could think of but it hadn’t helped. Luke withered away into nothingness. It was the worst sight imaginable and made Reid’s heart ache in agony. Reid stood alone at the gravesite long after all of Luke’s friends and family had gone. He was left without anyone. Stuck in this world, alone, to fend for himself.
The sweat covering Reid’s body gave him the chills. He reached down and actually checked Luke’s pulse even though he knew it wasn’t rational. I can’t believe he said I love you last night. Did he mean it? Was he really awake? I wonder if he will remember. Maybe he didn’t even know it was me he was talking to. Reid’s brain began processing at a mile a minute and his heartbeat matched it. He realized he had to get out of there. The claustrophobia had never hit him in his own home before. He knew he’d let down a lot of the walls he’d erected around himself by having Luke here. It terrified him. It was too much, too fast. He had to escape to the one place he felt completely safe.
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Luke awoke well rested. He was amused at how well he’d slept the last couple nights in Reid’s bed. Luke noticed the picture of him was still magically missing from Reid’s night stand. It had disappeared before they went to sleep that first night. He wasn’t sure if Reid was trying to hide it from him because he was embarrassed, but he figured now was as good a time as any to give him a hard time about it. Luke rolled out of bed to go find the good doctor. “Reid? Reid where are you?” He wandered around looking from room to room but couldn’t find him anywhere. Luke finally noticed a note sitting on the coffee table next to the couch.
Luke, sorry, I just couldn’t…. I don’t know. I had to get out of here…. Don’t go anywhere ok? I will be back. Please wait for me. Reid
Luke’s first instinct was to be scared. Things had been going so well, it just didn’t make any sense. Luke didn’t do well with things he couldn’t make sense of. He had spent way too many days and nights trying to make sense of the things Noah would do to him. He didn’t want to start going through that again.
He had no idea what could have happened after they went to sleep last night that could have freaked Reid out so bad. He hoped he should take it as a good sign that at least Reid had left a note asking him not to leave. He prayed that was a step in the right direction. But, that still didn’t stop him from trying to rack his brain as to what could have possibly been the cause of Reid’s retreat.
Luke convinced himself not to dwell on it too much and just wait to talk to Reid. He made his way into the kitchen to make a pot of coffee and wait. He had no idea how long Reid had already been gone or when he might be back so he found a random medical journal and started flipping though it to pass the time. Before too long he came upon an article written by Reid. Luke ran his hand across the byline, feeling proud even though he’d had nothing to do with it being accomplished. I have a boyfriend who is a published neurosurgeon. Wow, how did that happen? He’s so smart and accomplished and he’s choosing to be with me…or at least I think he is. Luke started to read the article figuring he would understand maybe 25% at best. Not that he really cared, because it made him feel closer to Reid and closer was exactly what he needed to feel at that moment.
He was surprised that he actually understood far more than he expected to in the first few paragraphs. Words like epithelium and photorefractive keratectomy he was intimately familiar with. Then it dawned on him. This journal article was about Noah’s surgery. Talk about being doused with a cold glass of water. The last thing he wanted to do was to think of Noah again when he was sitting in Reid’s place. It was like the ghost of his past was doing its best to haunt him. The article was such a detached way at looking at what had been one of the most intimate moments of Luke’s life. Reid was all clinical and Luke was, well not that.
Luke knew it wasn’t rational but he just didn’t want them connected in that way. He knew he couldn’t re-write their past, but he sincerely wished he could. He wanted what he was trying to create with Reid to be separate from the life he had led before. He didn’t want to think about Noah anymore. Luke felt like this thing with Reid, no matter what it turned into, was already so much better than his on again off again dysfunctional years with Noah. But, he knew from experience that only time would tell.
Luke was brought out of his musings when Reid’s home phone rang. Luke wondered if he should pick it up and take a message, but decided just to let Reid’s service do that. Less than thirty seconds later Luke’s cell phone rang. It was Reid.
“Are you still at my place? I just tried there.”
“Yeah, I’m here. Wasn’t sure if I should pick up or not, so…”
“Listen, I don’t have much time. I’m at the hospital. I was just sitting in my office going over some case files….and trying to clear my head…and, now I’ve been paged to go into surgery. I….I’m an ass. I should have been there when you got up this morning. I feel like I need to explain but, I just can’t right now.”
“It’s ok Reid. Do you know how long you might be? I can stay for a while….or should I just head home?” Please say you want me to stay, please…please.
“I honestly don’t have any idea how long I will be in surgery for. You might as well head home. I don’t want to make you sit around my place all day without anything to do, especially since you were going to leave tonight anyway.”
“Um, ok if that’s what you want” Luke tried very hard to keep the disappointment out of his voice. “I guess we’ll just talk later?”
Reid sighed into the other end of the phone. “Yeah, ok. Goodbye Luke.”
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Reid had scrubbed in for surgery hundreds of times in his career. He could do it in his sleep if he needed to. Right now that seemed like a good thing because he kept hearing Luke’s voice over and over in his head and the hurt Reid could tell he was trying to hide. Focus Reid, focus. Get your head screwed on straight. Time to turn the brain on, everything else off. You are about to place someone’s life in your hands. Priorities you idiot. You’re a doctor, first and foremost. Without it, there may not be anything else.
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Luke made his way to the hospital. He had a few hours to kill before his plane would be ready to leave on its new flight plan. He just had an overwhelming need to feel as close to Reid as he could at the moment. Luke hoped with every fiber of his being this wasn’t the end. He didn’t know what had happened and how things had changed so quickly, but he felt Reid pull away from him. He knew that he could be strong enough for the both of them if he needed to be, if Reid would let him be. It was ok if Reid needed his space because Luke knew that what he felt was real. He was even ok if Reid needed to play catch up, as long as he eventually did.
Wandering aimlessly around the large hospital, he ended up in the gift shop area and found what he could only describe as the perfect gift to get his boyfriend. Yes, boyfriend. I won’t give up on that. I can do hard, I’ve lived most of my life in beyond hard situations, and I can do this. He cares about me, I know he does. I can work with that. That can be enough for now. Luke bought the gift and headed up to the neurology wing to drop it off before he headed to the airport.
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Luke knew it was probably stretching the role of surgical assistant, but he tucked the gift under his arm and went over to Sue anyway. “Hello Sue” he said with his best smile.
“Hello Dr. Oliver’s boyfriend” she said with an equally bright smile.
“It’s Luke actually but if you want to just keep calling me the boyfriend that would be ok too. Listen, I know it’s a lot to ask, but I’m hoping you might do a favor for me.”
“I would be happy to Luke.” Luke and Sue huddled together as Luke went over exactly what he needed. He couldn’t believe Reid said people were afraid of her. She reminded him of a younger version of Lucinda, and he’d always had Lucinda wrapped around his finger. After everything was set Luke couldn’t help but give her a big hug. Sue seemed surprised and stood rather rigidly through it. After Luke let go he smiled again and headed for the exit. He leaned back over his shoulder and called out “hey Sue, you’re the best” and she nodded rather gravely, indicating she was in complete agreement of his assessment of her.
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Six hours later Reid was finally getting back to his office to work on the charts he had left there when he was called into surgery. “Doctor” Sue said with a slight smile and nod of her head as she walked past him, coming out of his office. Reid didn’t know what was up with her, or what she had been doing in there, but figured he should probably find out. He stopped, turned, and cleared his throat which got Sue to turn around raising an eyebrow at him.
“Something you’d like to say Dr. Oliver?” Sue asked, noticing the expression on Reid’s face.
“Why exactly are you being nice to me?”
That made Sue smirk a bit. “I like your boyfriend.” She turned and continued back toward the reception area like that was all the explanation he needed.
Hmmmm, interesting….Wonder what that’s all about? That kid can seriously charm anyone. If I knew he would actually take my call, I’d call him right now and ask how the hell he does it. As far as Sue was concerned, Reid needed to figure out how to use this good fortune to his advantage. If the two of them joined forces, no one else in the department would stand a chance. He liked the idea of having a partner in crime so to speak to make everyone else’s lives at work miserable. He would have to remember to thank Luke in a very special way for her thawing towards him. That was if Luke was still speaking with him. Who knows? I wouldn’t be talking to me if I were him.
As Reid sat down at his desk he noticed a small square box sitting atop the charts. The note attached was in Luke’s handwriting.
Sue promised she would find a box and deliver this to your office for me after I left. I saw it and instantly thought of you…..not that I’m not always thinking of you anyway…. Yeah, I know sappy crap. It’s just a little something to make you think of me whenever you put your lips on it. I will miss you. Luke
A/N: thanks so much to mon_alice for the gift idea and a pic of the
most awesome mug Reid could ever receive.
A step backwards doctor…… Brain 7, Heart 10