The Brain vs The Heart - A Battle Royale
Chapter 10
Luke sat in the plane shell shocked as it sped down the runway and lifted off. What the hell had just happened? He had just left, no worse, he’d let Reid order him to go.
He wasn’t naive. He knew he was no prize. Who would want a guy who was a drunk, and a transplant recipient? What did he have to offer a frickin’ neurosurgeon? But, he had thought maybe, just maybe Reid would be different. He thought maybe this man could see who he had been but also see who he could be. He couldn’t believe how wrong he had been. Maybe his mom had been right all along….maybe his judgment was as flawed as the rest of him.
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June 2010
It had taken his mom all of three minutes after he came home from the pond, where he had just ended the only relationship he had ever had, to notice something was off. “Where’s you’re better half baby?”
And the war began like most did, he supposed…. with an opening shot.
“You really think he is too, don’t you?”
“What do you mean?”
“Noah. You think he is the best part of me don’t you?”
“Well of course sweetie…..you do to.”
“No mom I don’t. I think I’M the best part of me.”
And the war escalated…. with a return shot.
“Oh come on Luke, you know what I mean. He loves you, he takes care of you, he keeps you grounded….all the things you want in a boyfriend. What’s this all about anyway? Did you two have a fight?
“No mom, we didn’t have a fight. I broke up with him” Luke said and was surprised how easy it had been to say. Of course he hadn’t expected for his mom’s response to be “Luke, what on earth are you doing?”
“What……what do you mean?”
And the war…… would soon turn to bloodshed.
“Well, what about Noah? I know he is worried about this film grant and for you to choose to abandon him instead of giving him the encouragement that he needs, I just don’t understand it.”
“Wait, how did you even know about the film grant, he just told me like an hour ago?”
Lily waved it off like that was decidedly NOT the issue “he told me last week when he needed some money to be sent in with the application. The point is I just can’t imagine you with anyone other than Noah and I’m sure once you think about it you’ll see that too. I just hope he forgives you for being so selfish.”
And…. the war saw its first casualty.
“I can’t live here with you anymore” Luke spat out, having no idea where exactly he would go. “You think Noah is so damn perfect, fine, let him be your son then.”
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The strategy of warfare changed with each encounter….
First she tried constant verbal battering to wear down his defenses.
July 2010
Lily had been calling leaving messages on Luke’s cell phone for 10 days. None had been an apology. All had wanted to know where he was or when he was coming home or how he needed to talk to Noah and work things out.
Luke was hiding out at Lucinda’s cottage. She had told him it was his for as long as he wanted it and had promised not to tell anyone where he was. He was so relieved she’d been on his side (the hell with them all she’d said) that he had cried. It was the only time he’d cried since the break up. He wasn’t working, he wasn’t eating, but he was doing everything in his power to stay sober.
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Second strategy, making it a matter of family honor….
After 16 days Luke ventured out for food and he and Lily ran into each other, like she had spies on the lookout or something. Luke tried to quickly hide in Java but she cornered him. “This is ridiculous son. You need to come home. You need to tell Noah you didn’t mean any of the things you said.”
Luke was so tired and weary his resolve started to wilt “Why do you even care if we are together or not?”
“I’m just so sad son. I want things to work out with you and Noah. You know I love you both. He’s part of my family now Luke.”
“Mom, please don’t make this about you.”
“Well this is about me. It’s about me and you and our entire family and how you are tearing everyone apart.”
“This is my life.”
“But I thought you and Noah had that kind of love that lasts forever.”
“How does that even work when I disappear in the process?”
“You just have to want to make it work. It’s not Noah’s fault that you stopped believing in forever.”
“Are you even listening to me? Or better yet do you hear yourself? When did it become the norm for you to NOT be on my side about anything? Don’t you understand how much I’m hurting?”
“Don’t you want forever with Noah?”
“No mom, that’s what I’ve been trying to tell you.”
Lily just continued to ignore Luke and kept talking like he hadn’t answered her. She spoke with a new resolve in her voice like she had made the decision for him. “Do you see the disappointment in my face? I don’t want it to be there for the rest of my life. I want you to fix this.”
“Yeah well guess what mom? Your disappointment isn’t really my problem anymore.”
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Return fire from his camp was a way to show complete defiance….
After 29 days she was knocking on his door. Luke hadn’t shaved or showered in close to a week. Instead he spent most of his days staring at a bottle of vodka and listening to what had become his anthem on a constant loop.
No I would not sleep in this bed of lies, so toss me out and turn in.
And there’ll be no rest for these tired eyes, I’m marking it down to learning…I am
Don’t think that I can take another empty moment. Don’t think that I can fake another hollow smile.
It’s not enough just to be sorry. Don’t think that I could take another talk about it
Don’t wanna be the one who turns the whole thing over. Don’t wanna be somewhere where I just don’t belong.
Luke quickly hid the bottle he had been staring at and turned down his CD player before he answered the door. “I see Lucinda finally gave me up huh?” Luke said without letting Lily in.
“Not funny mister. Look at yourself. You look awful. I want this behavior to stop right this minute. You can’t just run away if you don’t like the way things are going.”
“Where do you think I learned it from, mom?”
“That’s not fair, and this isn’t about me Luke. It’s about you. Have you started drinking again because I just do not understand what is going on with you?”
“What’s there to understand? Maybe this is the new me. If I want to be rude and in your face then you’ll just have to deal with it” and Luke slammed the door on her.
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The old guard tried using manipulation on his lesser experience….
Lily came back again three days later, again Luke hid the bottle.
“You’re too young to know the things about love that I know. How do you know you don’t want to be with Noah anymore, are you really sure?
“Yes mom, I’m sure.”
“Look, I know this has been a difficult year for the two of you what with Noah losing his eyesight and everything. I’m sure it’s been confusing, but Luke, you love him.”
Luke closed his eyes and counted to five. “I may be young mom, but unlike you, I know when love isn’t enough. We aren’t right for each other.”
“Luke, this decision will affect you for the rest of your life. I don’t want you to end up alone.”
“Why would I be alone? Because no one else will have me? Go away mother” and again Luke closed her out of his life.
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August 2010
Time for a counter insurgence…..
Luke was turning the corner. It was slow, but he was making it. He woke up one morning and dumped the entire contents of the bottle he’d been staring at for a month and a half. He’d managed to get himself showered, dressed, and off to Grimaldi shipping for the first time in seven weeks. He was ashamed at what he found there. Things were backing up. The workers had done what they could in his absence but he could tell they had lost business because of his self loathing. He rededicated himself that day to the company. He got stronger, day after day, until finally he was ready to try once again to talk to his mom.
It felt weird to ring the doorbell at his mother’s house, but that is what he did. He thought things might actually be able to change when Lily opened the door and enveloped him in a hug, but her words unfortunately spoke the same old story. “Oh baby, finally you’re coming home. I knew eventually you’d come around. I’m so glad you finally see what I’ve been telling you.” Lily released the hug but held onto Luke’s arms. “Ok, you must come in immediately. We can sit down together and figure out what to do about Noah.”
Luke’s body went rigid under her hands. He closed his eyes and again counted to five. “Seriously? You’re seriously on that same song and dance? Mom, it’s over between Noah and me.”
“But look at you. You’re looking so much better. I just figured you were finally out of whatever self destructive phase you had gotten sucked into. I mean….you look almost happy.”
“That’s because I’m starting to be…..for the first time in a really long time. It’s too bad that’s not enough for you.” Luke turned back around and walked away, Lily calling his name as he left.
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One last major offensive
September 2010
He didn’t hear from his mother for 11 days. When he did, he let her call go to voice mail and debated whether to listen to it or not. Unfortunately, the good son part of him still won out over the independent man in him.
“I just want to make sure you know that Noah is leaving today. He got his grant and he’s leaving for Los Angeles. This may be your last chance son. Please just think about it. He will be here at the house until 3pm. There’s still a chance everything could work out.”
Luke deleted the message with little to no emotion at all.
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Luke’s Grandmother Lucinda showed up at the cottage the same afternoon. She had mostly left Luke alone after she’d let him move in back in June. She had her ways of keeping an eye on him, but she knew he needed his space. He had stuff to work through and if anyone in the family understood that, it was her. She didn’t agree with how her daughter had reacted to the boy’s breakup, but she kept that to herself. Since the latest feud to erupt between Lucinda and Lily was in full force she figured landing on Luke’s side would only make things worse for Luke. Lucinda wished Holden was around. Knowing he was stuck in a Maltese prison while she could do nothing to help him had been frustrating her to no end. He belonged here with his family, not rotting away in a foreign country. Somehow she had a feeling Damian was really alive and well and out there somewhere having a laugh at poor Holden’s expense. She just had no way to prove it.
“Hello grandmother, come on in. I’m surprised to see you. Is everything ok?”
“Oh my dear, still worrying about everyone else first I see. You need to be a little more selfish.”
Luke hugged her. “Funny, mom seems to think that is all I’m being.”
Lucinda waved that off. “Well what does she know? You and I, we’re alike in many ways. We both care a great deal about what happens to this family. The difference is I still put myself first from time to time.”
“Then explain to me why you are alone grandmother” Luke looked at her earnestly.
Lucinda pursed her lips and cleared her throat. “Excuse me young man, since when do you talk to me that way?”
“Since I started being more selfish” Luke said making a face at her, making her smirk. “Listen, let me ask you something.”
“Go ahead dear.”
“You knew Noah wasn’t the one for me didn’t you?”
Lucinda considered the question carefully. “Yes, I’m afraid I did by dear boy. You deserve better. He just wasn’t special enough for you.”
Luke nodded like he had expected that answer. “So, what about you…Why are you alone? Have you not met someone who was special enough for you?
“Oh, well no actually, I did, but I let him go a long time ago.”
“Why grandmother? Isn’t life too short to waste being alone or unhappy? That is what finally made me willing to walk away from Noah. Even if it meant I had to be alone for a while, I figured out that the right guy is out there for me, someone who is special enough. Now, I just have to find him, or let him find me, I don’t know which. If you had that, you need to go to him. You need to be happy, truly happy. Can you do that for me?
“Dear, I am far too old to do something so frivolous, besides what would people say?”
“Do you remember what you told me when I asked you to let me move back in here? You said the hell with them all.”
Lucinda got that special twinkle in her eye. She walked to the door and opened it in a flurry and nodded back to Luke. “For my grandson, I would do anything.” Lucinda clapped her hands together. “Wow, I have to get the plane ready. I’m off to Baltimore my dear. John Dixon isn’t going to know what hit him I’m afraid.”
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The pilot Jordan got on the loud speaker and announced their final descent into Oakdale. Luke felt the wetness from the tears that had been streaming down his face. He hadn’t even known he had been crying. Over his grandmother and her happy ending? Or his mom? Or Noah? More likely over his ill advised idea to chase after Dr. Reid Oliver. The difference is I let the things with my mom and Noah get the best of me. This won’t. If he doesn’t want me, fine. His loss….Luke buckled his seat belt and awaited his landing back home….alone.
No Reid in this chapter….so the score will remain the same: Brain…. 5 ½, Heart 4 ½
A/N: lyrics from the song Bed of Lies from Matchbox Twenty off their album Mad Season…. If you are unfamiliar, check it out. It was my constant loop while I wrote this chapter!