The Brain vs The Heart - A Battle Royale
Chapter 33
Luke and Reid lay spooning on the bed, relaxed and tired. “I think I recall something about a new business plan for Girmaldi before you distracted me….care to share now?
Luke was too sated to try and tackle that subject. “No, it can wait for another day.”
“Well in that case, I may have news on the professional front.”
“Really? What?”
“Bob Hughes offered me a job tonight at your foundation dinner.”
Luke turned around to face his boyfriend. “He did? That’s um…. interesting…. What exactly did he offer?”
“Head of neurology, and the possibility of chief of staff once I’m familiar with all things Memorial.”
“Wow…..what did you say?”
“I told him I’d consider it.”
“Really?” the astonishment clear in Luke’s voice.
“You’re surprised?”
“A little……well, a lot actually.”
“Why?”
“You haven’t made it a secret how pathetic you think the hospital, and by extension this town is.”
“It does have some attractions” Reid replied matter of fact.
Luke blushed, knowing Reid was talking about him. “You know Chris actually accused me of angling for that, the job offer I mean.”
Reid wondered briefly if Luke already knew Bob would make the offer. He didn’t like the thought of being manipulated. “Were you?”
“No” he answered honestly. “The prospect never entered my mind.”
“Ok.”
“Just ok? You believe and trust me, just like that?”
“Yeah” Reid said, and meant it. “What were you expecting?”
“I don’t know? An unending line of questioning I guess. I’m kind of used to a long parade of secrets and lies in my life.”
“Sorry to disappoint, but you won’t get that with me. I’m not that guy.”
“So” Luke held his breath. He wasn’t sure he could imagine Reid being happy in his little town but he enjoyed picturing them together like this in his cottage, making the place theirs. He could easily envision spending the next several years getting to know Reid and all his many layers. “What are you going to do?”
“I…. I honestly don’t know. He gave me until the end of next week to give him my decision.” Reid took a couple deep breaths, willing himself to say what needed to come next. He was afraid, down to the very marrow of his bones terrified, to ask the question. “How would you feel about it if I did…..say yes?”
Luke tempered his response. He wanted Reid to ultimately decide on his own. He knew it would be a huge step, one he didn’t know if the doctor was ready to make. And, more than anything he wanted Reid to be happy. “I….think I could get used to it.”
Reid didn’t even try to hide his frustration. “That’s it? I tell you I’m considering uprooting my entire life for you and you say you could get used to it?”
“What do you want me to say?” Luke began to raise his voice. “Of course I want you here. It would be great to be able to see you every day. I’ve never been happier. But Reid, this isn’t my decision to make, it’s yours….. And…..and you can’t make it because of me.”
Reid turned over, facing away from Luke. “Fine. Goodnight Luke.”
“Reid” Luke begged, trying to get him to turn back around.
“I said goodnight Luke” Reid snapped back holding himself firm.
Luke couldn’t believe it. Their night that had seemed almost perfect had come crashing down around him. Just tell him you love him. Tell him you want him here tonight, tomorrow, and every day after that. Shout to the rooftops that he’s everything you never thought you deserved to have in your life. Tell him to take the job and promise him that he will be so happy here that he’ll never regret giving up everything for you. But Luke couldn’t do it. He couldn’t force this life on Reid if Reid wasn’t ready for it. Luke turned away as well, the two of them now back to back. “Good night Reid.” Only time will tell he thought and tried desperately to fall asleep.
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The next day was uncomfortable to say the least. Neither man knew exactly what to say. Reid attempted to make a joke about the height of the table at breakfast but it fell flat. Luke offered Reid a back massage but Reid quickly declined. Reid offered to forgo the football game for a romantic comedy to accommodate Luke but the younger man just told him to watch whatever he wanted. Soon it was time for Reid to leave for the airport. He gathered his bag and dropped it by the door, turning around to see Luke standing behind him.
“I think I’d rather ride by myself today if it’s all the same to you.”
“Reid, come on. Let me go to the airport with you. I know making out in the back seat while the driver pretends not to watch is one of your favorite things.”
“Not today Luke.”
“Reid, I….how can I make this better? I don’t want you to leave angry with me.”
“It doesn’t matter anymore.”
“Of course it matters” Luke said, panic sneaking into his voice. “You know I want you here, I told you I did.”
“Yeah, just not enough to ask me to” he replied bitterly.
Luke held his tongue, not wanting to make things worse. “No, I’m not going to ask you to do it for me. I just can’t.”
They heard a car horn honk outside. “Goodbye Luke.”
“Reid?”
“It’s ok Luke, you’re right. This is a decision I have to make on my own.” The doctor scooped his bag up off the floor and left Luke standing by himself in his cottage.
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The next couple days were hard on them both. Luke replayed the conversations over and over in his head, debating if he should have done something different. Reid second guessed his anger and frustration at Luke’s unwillingness to ask him to move to the town that time forgot. Finally, on Thursday Reid let some of the pressure to make a decision off his chest. That release came in the form of a confrontation with Sue.
Reid sat at his desk with a list in front of him, a ludicrous list of pros and cons to taking the job and moving to Oakdale. Any rational person would look at how unbalanced it was and ask him why he was even considering it. It was pretty clear he didn’t want the job, didn’t want to live in that town…..amazing how Luke had been right about those things. Luke…… and there it is, the only thing in my ‘pro’ column. That was what it came down to. He would be doing it for Luke and no other reason, and the blond had told him not to do it for him alone. Shit!
There was a knock on his door. “Go away” he shouted.
Instead it opened and Sue let herself in.
“Spill it” Sue let out, equally angry.
“What the hell are you talking about? You came in here. It seems to me you are the one who wants to do the spilling.”
“Fine I will. You’ve been a distracted S.O.B. all week. What gives?”
“Just being myself” Reid said only half in jest. When she just glared at him he added “I have no intention of telling you, so go away.”
“I will not.” Sue mellowed her tone just slightly. “I’ve seen you become bearable, for me anyway, the last couple of months. Do you really think I’m going to let you go back to being that other guy again?”
“I liked that other guy. I knew what to expect from him” Reid replied sardonically.
“Yeah, well I didn’t like him one bit. He was an ass. All he talked about was himself, and how great he was. All he cared about was his career and maybe his patients, but only in the most abstract way. He never cared about himself, certainly not his own happiness. Luke changed that. He’s brought out the best in you.”
“Are you kidding? He’s brought out the worst in me. I wouldn’t be in this mess if it wasn’t for him.”
“What mess” Sue asked curiously.
“A job offer in his god forsaken town, in a hospital so poorly run the chief of staff can self medicate himself for a rare cardiovascular viral infection without a single soul noticing.”
“Ok….. and you don’t want to take it? What does Luke want?”
“Yeah, there’s the rub. He wants it to be my decision….not about him.”
“Ahhhh” she replied all knowing. “The rub indeed.”
“If I ever doubted the downside of love I’m seeing it now. This whole people caring about people business…it’s insane. It’s no wonder I’ve tried to avoid it.”
“Well it has its good points too.” Sue paused, her brain catching up with her mouth. “And…. wait just a second, back up to the beginning of that sentence would you.”
Reid honestly had no idea what he had just said. This whole conversation was a blur of emotion and yuck as far as he was concerned. “What?”
“You said the downside of love. Are you in love with Luke?” Sue asked the question even though she’d been pretty sure what the answer was for quite some time. She just really wanted to make ‘doctor no life outside his work’ as she was fond of referring to him as to her husband, admit it.
“I….fuck” Reid let out a heavy sigh. “Yeah, I am.” He sunk down even further into his office chair, wishing he could disappear completely.
“And have you told him this?”
“Hell no.”
Sue placed her hands on the front of Reid’s mahogany desk, slumping her head over, shaking it in disbelief. “Men” she uttered.
“What’s that supposed to mean.”
“Figure it out” she replied, and left his office.
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When Reid got home that night he had a Christmas card in his mailbox waiting for him. Since he only got one card every year, he knew who it was from. He opened it up and saw a photo of the Alexander family, Joseph included, obviously taken before the aneurism that had ended his life. Reid turned it over and quickly read the simple scrawl of words.
Thank you Dr. Oliver
for giving us three years we otherwise
wouldn’t have had with Joseph.
Our children and I will forever be grateful.
What you do is important.
You didn’t let us down, you’ve lifted us up.
Forever in your debt
Sarah Alexander
Reid stood in his living room alone, like he’d spent most of his nights for the last four years. He didn’t even know if Luke was in love with him or not. He certainly wasn’t counting the sleep filled declaration up in his bedroom from a few weeks ago. He was positive Luke had no recollection of having said it then and he hadn’t said it since. He just couldn’t risk it. He knew he wasn’t going anywhere.
Sorry heart…. You will not be residing in Oakdale…. Brain 11 ½, Heart 21 ½