Sharp and Rusted Things
Summary: Which voice is loudest in Sam’s damaged mind? Spoilers for the season premiere 7x01. You have been warned.
Author’s Notes: Ah! The premiere! My heart! My Broken!Insane!Sam kink! Sam doesn’t know what’s real anymore. I have to rant a little here. Love that Sam sees his mistakes in Castiel and sympathizes with him, thinks he can be saved. Dean wants to hope that Cas is there too, I know it, but he doesn’t want to be disappointed.
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Sharp and Rusted Things
Sam forced a bite into his voice, head still lowered, but eyes cut up at Lucifer defiantly.
“Where is he?”
Lucifer smiled and cocked his head.
“Where’s who, Sam?”
Sam draws himself up a bit.
“Where’s my brother?”
“ Dean…or Adam?”
It took Sam a minute and he was still self-aware enough to know that wasn’t good.
“Dean. Where’s….I’m out. Where’s Dean?”
Lucifer’s smiled widened, but he still looked truly concerned.
He always did.
“If you’re out, Sam, then why are you asking me? If I’m just a hallucination, I mean?”
Sam didn’t have an answer. He could feel himself unraveling quickly. Sam averted his eyes and moved sideways, pressing himself against the wall. He shook his head slowly, trying and failing to find his footing again.
“Where’s…my brother? Where’s…Where’s Dean?” He was losing focus, grasping at the one clear thought he still had.
‘Find Dean. Save Dean. Dean will help. Dean will save you-‘
A hand gently touched the side of his face and Sam choked off a sob, pressing impossibly further against the wall. Lucifer spoke to him like a parent to a misbehaving child. With false patience and twisted affection. Sam didn’t run. There was never any point. It was always worse when he ran. He never got away. Never could. Never-
“Never escape me, Sam. You’re mine. You were made for me. You’ve been mine-“
“-since you were six months old. You’re mine, Sammy. You can’t stay gone. You don’t have the right.”
The growl in the words was entirely different from Lucifer’s gentle, placating demeanor. It made Sam feel ill. Gentle turned to pain, understanding to terror.
“I like having you here, Sam. I’m going to keep you. It’s not up to you.” Lucifer’s expression changed to feigned thought. “I suppose it never was, was it Sammy?”
Sam couldn’t escape. Couldn’t find Dean. Couldn’t find Adam. He was alone again and the devil was everywhere. Brushing his hair back and ripping skin from his face. It hardly hurt anymore.
This was Lucifer’s affection.
The rest of the tension left Sam and he collapsed against the cement. Whatever this was, he had no more strength to fight, not now.
“Sam. Sam! Sammy!”
Maybe later he could try again after awhile. He always did. Sometimes it took him decades, but he always tried again.
‘Just a bit.’ He thought. ‘Just let me rest…just a bit.’
Sam closed his eyes and breathed out one last sob, eyes losing focus as he tried to find a safe place in his mind to retreat to. Lucifer was humming now, something from an old cassette tape in an old car. He kept running his fingers through Sam’s hair, kept peeling the skin from his body.
“Made for me.”
“Sammy…”
“Mine.”
“Sammy…please…”
“If you’re very good, I may let you see your brother for awhile. When mine’s done with him that it.”
Two faces overlaid in Sam’s mind. Brother…blue eyes…No. Green…right?
“…Dean…” Sam remained far away and hazy, but the words tumbled from numb lips anyway. The hand in his hair stopped and pulled back. “Dean. Dean. Dean. Dean. Dean-“
Muscle tore away from the bone of his arm, bypassing skinning him all together. Nobody was smiling anymore.
“One day, I will take that last word from you.” Something turned Sam’s head roughly, but he couldn’t see anymore. Everything was unclear, painted in splotches of darkness and light. Blinding, dark light. Sam couldn’t think anymore, set on autopilot. Breath on the exposed nerves of Sam’s cheek. Angry and hot. “You are mine.”
“Dean. Dean. Dean.”
“I’ll never let you go.”
“I’m here Sammy. I’m-“
“Dean. Dean. De-“
A quick twist of his neck with a sharp snap and it was quiet again.
Author’s Notes: Ah! The premiere! My heart! My Broken!Insane!Sam kink! Sam doesn’t know what’s real anymore. I have to rant a little here. Love that Sam sees his mistakes in Castiel and sympathizes with him, thinks he can be saved. Dean wants to hope that Cas is there too, I know it, but he doesn’t want to be disappointed.
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Sharp and Rusted Things
Sam forced a bite into his voice, head still lowered, but eyes cut up at Lucifer defiantly.
“Where is he?”
Lucifer smiled and cocked his head.
“Where’s who, Sam?”
Sam draws himself up a bit.
“Where’s my brother?”
“ Dean…or Adam?”
It took Sam a minute and he was still self-aware enough to know that wasn’t good.
“Dean. Where’s….I’m out. Where’s Dean?”
Lucifer’s smiled widened, but he still looked truly concerned.
He always did.
“If you’re out, Sam, then why are you asking me? If I’m just a hallucination, I mean?”
Sam didn’t have an answer. He could feel himself unraveling quickly. Sam averted his eyes and moved sideways, pressing himself against the wall. He shook his head slowly, trying and failing to find his footing again.
“Where’s…my brother? Where’s…Where’s Dean?” He was losing focus, grasping at the one clear thought he still had.
‘Find Dean. Save Dean. Dean will help. Dean will save you-‘
A hand gently touched the side of his face and Sam choked off a sob, pressing impossibly further against the wall. Lucifer spoke to him like a parent to a misbehaving child. With false patience and twisted affection. Sam didn’t run. There was never any point. It was always worse when he ran. He never got away. Never could. Never-
“Never escape me, Sam. You’re mine. You were made for me. You’ve been mine-“
“-since you were six months old. You’re mine, Sammy. You can’t stay gone. You don’t have the right.”
The growl in the words was entirely different from Lucifer’s gentle, placating demeanor. It made Sam feel ill. Gentle turned to pain, understanding to terror.
“I like having you here, Sam. I’m going to keep you. It’s not up to you.” Lucifer’s expression changed to feigned thought. “I suppose it never was, was it Sammy?”
Sam couldn’t escape. Couldn’t find Dean. Couldn’t find Adam. He was alone again and the devil was everywhere. Brushing his hair back and ripping skin from his face. It hardly hurt anymore.
This was Lucifer’s affection.
The rest of the tension left Sam and he collapsed against the cement. Whatever this was, he had no more strength to fight, not now.
“Sam. Sam! Sammy!”
Maybe later he could try again after awhile. He always did. Sometimes it took him decades, but he always tried again.
‘Just a bit.’ He thought. ‘Just let me rest…just a bit.’
Sam closed his eyes and breathed out one last sob, eyes losing focus as he tried to find a safe place in his mind to retreat to. Lucifer was humming now, something from an old cassette tape in an old car. He kept running his fingers through Sam’s hair, kept peeling the skin from his body.
“Made for me.”
“Sammy…”
“Mine.”
“Sammy…please…”
“If you’re very good, I may let you see your brother for awhile. When mine’s done with him that it.”
Two faces overlaid in Sam’s mind. Brother…blue eyes…No. Green…right?
“…Dean…” Sam remained far away and hazy, but the words tumbled from numb lips anyway. The hand in his hair stopped and pulled back. “Dean. Dean. Dean. Dean. Dean-“
Muscle tore away from the bone of his arm, bypassing skinning him all together. Nobody was smiling anymore.
“One day, I will take that last word from you.” Something turned Sam’s head roughly, but he couldn’t see anymore. Everything was unclear, painted in splotches of darkness and light. Blinding, dark light. Sam couldn’t think anymore, set on autopilot. Breath on the exposed nerves of Sam’s cheek. Angry and hot. “You are mine.”
“Dean. Dean. Dean.”
“I’ll never let you go.”
“I’m here Sammy. I’m-“
“Dean. Dean. De-“
A quick twist of his neck with a sharp snap and it was quiet again.