Fic: The Day After Tomorrow - pt. 4 [Eli Stone]
Matt was returning from court three months later when his assistant told him that Jessica was waiting in his office. He found her staring out his window, wearing a scarf around her head instead of the wig which she usually donned when she left the house.
"Jess?" Matt said, concern etched in his voice.
She looked away from the window. Her skin was still sallow from the chemo though her last round had finished two weeks earlier. But she refused to be beaten down by it and she smiled like the Jessica he knew and loved.
"Is everything alright?"
"I guess that's all relative, isn't it?" she said with a casual shrug of her shoulders.
"Sorry. Come sit down." He held her hand as they sat on the couch together. "Did you meet with the surgeon?"
"Uh huh. Everything's all set. No turning back now."
Her voice trailed off as it often did when she spoke about the mastectomy she was about to undergo. Matt's gaze was sympathetic but Jessica brightened when she reminded herself about the importance of focusing on the positives. She cleared her throat, forcing herself to smile again.
"Is the nanny all set to stay while you're in hospital?" he asked.
"Yes. And Sally and Eva will take him on the weekend and a couple of nights. The surgeon said I won't be able to pick him up for a few weeks while I'm recovering."
"You know I'm here too, right?" he said. "I've already offered to take some time off..."
"It's all arranged, I'm completely covered. But thank you." She took a deep breath. "There's something else I'd like to talk to you about. After Liam was born we updated my will but I want to make sure everything's in order."
Matt made a dismissive gesture with his hand. "Jess, you're going to be okay. The chemo worked."
"I know. But I have to be practical. I've seen a financial adviser about setting up a trust fund for him. I just need the legal paperwork drawn up."
"I'll get started on it and then we can talk about it tonight," Matt said. "I'll even make dinner. I got Lauren to order a macrobiotic recipe book, and I promise not to poison you."
"Actually..." She looked down briefly. "I'd like someone else to do it."
"You don't like my cooking?"
She smiled, knowing full well he understood her true meaning. "The paperwork."
He sank back into the couch, trying not to look hurt. Jessica grasped his other hand.
"Matt, we need to talk. I need to ask you something."
He looked down at their clasped hands. "If you're going to propose to me..."
"Don't make a joke, not now," she said, frustration sneaking into her voice. She turned her pale blue eyes on him and held his gaze. "It's about Liam and who'll look after him if something happens to me."
"Oh," said Matt soberly. "Listen, Jess, I know you have to think about this stuff but you know it's not going to come to that."
"I know it won't. I believe that. But if it does..."
When she had trouble continuing Matt squeezed her hands to let her know he understood. They had researched the statistics together when she was diagnosed. He knew as well as she did that long term survival for this type of cancer was not great. But Jessica was determined to see Liam's first steps and to teach him his first words. She would see him start school, and all the other firsts that he would experience. Matt hated contemplating the alternative, even if she had to.
"I've been thinking about this ever since I got sick," Jessica continued. "If it does happen, I need to know that you'll be there for him... all those things you planned to teach him."
"Jess, you know I will."
"But about who'll look after him..."
"It's okay," he said, interrupting her so she didn't have to say it. "I know I'm his godfather but I also know you didn't make that choice with this scenario in mind. It makes sense to ask Sally and Eva. You don't have to explain."
"I don't want Sally and Eva to have him, Matt," she said fervently. "I want you. I mean, I want you to think about being Liam's guardian if I'm not here anymore. To be his parent."
Matt gaped in surprise, struggling for a response. There was a long pause until he stammered, "I thought you'd want one of your hot lesbian couple friends..."
"I considered it," she admitted. "I know they would in a heartbeat. But I know you and I love you. You're my best friend and I can't think of a better person to raise my son if I can't."
She gripped his hand tightly, trying not to become emotional thinking about that scenario. She swallowed hard.
"This is serious, Matt. You have to be sure. It's asking a lot, I know, and I don't want you to answer now. Think about it, okay?"
"Okay," he said, still shell shocked.
"We'll talk in a couple of days. I'll be getting everything organized for the hospital but if you want to discuss it..."
"Okay."
"Thank you." She kissed his cheek and left him sitting alone on the couch.
He sat there for a long time, imagining a dozen different scenarios. He hadn't anticipated Jessica's request - it wasn't even a notion he'd fleetingly entertained when he contemplated the worst happening to her. Even during all their quasi-family outings or the times he had looked after Liam alone, Matt had never wondered what it would be like if was trying to raise him. Now he found himself faced with considering just that.
0 0 0 0
Taylor entered his office without knocking later that night and found him at his desk, still deep in thought. She had had a long hard day working on a particularly messy divorce and needed cheering up. While she hadn't seen much of him in recent months, there were still times when one of them needed something from the other. It usually resulted in rigorous sex at his place (and once in her car but she preferred not to count that), then she would go home, sated, and sleep like a baby.
"Hungry?" she asked without preamble. It was a lame excuse for what she really wanted but it worked for them. "I've just been reminded today that all men are pigs and can't be trusted but I figure better the devil you know, right?"
He didn't respond, he just sat there pinching his bottom lip between two fingers.
"Of course we could just forgo the drive and I could just take my clothes off right here," she said, knowing he wasn't paying attention.
"Huh?" He finally looked at her.
"You okay?"
"Yeah. Just thinking."
He looked undeniably miserable. Taylor's face softened, her grumpy mood forgotten.
"How's Jessica doing?"
"Okay," he said with a sigh. "As good as you can be when you're about to undergo a radical mastectomy."
Taylor looked away, feeling uncomfortable.
"After that she'll probably have radiation," Matt said dully, not meeting her eyes. "Or depending on her results there might be more chemo. There's an IBC clinical trial they want her to take part in."
Taylor regretted asking the question. She felt terrible for what Jessica was going through but she hated how concerned it made her feel. She missed his frat boy bravado because she didn't concern herself with his feelings then.
"She came to see me today," Matt went on. "She wants to get her affairs in order, just in case."
"That's understandable."
"Yeah."
"I'd be happy to take care of it," Taylor offered.
"She might take you up on that. She wants another lawyer to handle it."
"Did something happen between the two of you?"
"She wants me to take him. Liam. If she dies she wants me to be his guardian," he blurted out.
Taylor didn't hide her surprise. "Really?"
Matt's eyes flashed with hurt but he covered it quickly with a smirk. "I know, right? It's crazy. Me with a kid?"
"It's not that, I just thought… You know, her family..."
"She never knew her father and her mom's gone. She has a step father somewhere in Florida but they never got along."
Taylor was unsure what to say. But she saw that he was waiting for her to say something. "It's a big responsibility. What are you going to do?"
"I'm going to say yes," he said.
Taylor wasn't prepared for the quiet resolve in his voice.
"Are you sure?" she asked hesitantly. "This is a big deal, Matt. Are you really prepared to have a child in your life if the worst happens?"
"It's Jess's baby. She's my best friend."
"And your ex-girlfriend. Part of you still loves her, I know that. She does too. But that doesn't mean you have to give up the way you live your life. And by taking care of a child you know you'd have to."
"You don't think I can do it," he said, his eyes narrowing.
"I didn't say that."
"No, but you're thinking it."
"I'm just saying it would be a huge adjustment. And you have to seriously look at how you live and know that you can look after another human being who would rely on you completely."
"And clearly I'm too selfish, aren't I?"
"I didn't say that," she repeated.
"Do you even like me?" he asked, his anger mounting. "Or am I just good for the occasional fuck when the mood takes you, and then you can pretend it never happened."
"Matt..."
He got up abruptly. "I may not compare to Saint Eli but I'm not a complete asshole."
"Would you wait a minute..."
He was already at the door when he turned briefly. "Maybe you should find someone else to take care of your needs tonight. I'm done."
Taylor was left alone, dazed, wondering what had just happened.
0 0 0 0
Two days later Patti entered Eli's office and announced that his ten o'clock was waiting.
"I don't have a ten o'clock," he protested, checking his appointment listing.
"You do now. Matt Dowd's here to see you."
"Matt?" said Eli when the other lawyer passed Patti on his way in.
"I still say this office is bigger than mine," Matt said by way of an opening, casting his eyes around.
Eli had been given the space a few months earlier when Jordan finally caved in and gave him an office again. Matt knew that Eli was being groomed for the long-rumored pro bono division that Jordan wanted to start, which fueled their already competitive race to become a junior partner.
"What is it they say? Size isn't everything?" replied Eli.
"You're probably used to hearing that, sure. But don't worry, pal, your secret is safe with me."
"Hilarious. What is it you want?"
"I need a lawyer."
"I'm afraid to ask..."
Matt smirked as he dug his hands in his pockets. "Nothing untoward, I promise. I need a legal guardian order for a friend of mine. For her kid."
"Who's the guardian?"
Matt's smile faded. "Me."