01 - In the Cold Light of Morning (or: where the fuck am I?)

[bro_thel_fist]

[Raquel wakes up in an unfamiliar bed next to an unfamiliar man. This is actually problematic; not knowing where she is means she's not in the Biltmore, which by extension means she's somewhere else. She has no issues waking up next to someone she doesn't recognize immediately--it happens--but doing it out in the open like this is a level of

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[seriousbigtime]

[If you're grabbing breakfast anytime soon, Raquel, you'll probably run into this kid coming out of the basement as he's getting ready for school. He heads slowly into the kitchen, almost expecting the drone mother to have some kind of cheery smile and a breakfast waiting for him, but to his surprise, he sees a new face. He stops in his tracks, a bit surprised to see her. But if she was a threat, he'd know it.]

[bro_thel_fist]

[Raquel pauses in her searching through the cabinets and looks at Peter.] Hi?

[She gives the kid a long once-over, trying to size him up. He seems harmless enough, but her body language and expression show that she's still wary.]

[seriousbigtime]

[She looks just as curious as he does. At any rate, Peter's still a bit cautious, but they won't get anywhere just staring at each other all morning.]

Uh, hey. ...did you just wake up here?

[bro_thel_fist]

[Raquel pulls her robes in a bit tighter.] Yeah. I'm completely fucking lost.

You're... not buying into the whole 'we're a family' crap, right? There are pictures and everything, but I've never even met you.

[sveariket]

L'nguage.

[Scolding like a mom. Judging by the voice he can't be older than 15, though.]

[bro_thel_fist]

Language? Over what, 'hell'? I could have said a lot worse, you know.

I'm a big girl, I can say big girl words.

[sveariket]

Ch'ldren could b' listening.

[bro_thel_fist]

And now they know a new word!

It's educational.

[cuttlefidget]

[Hey, Raquel? That unfamiliar man? Absolutely terrified and has been since you got out of the bed without the usual drone wife 'Honey, wake up, or you'll be late for work, tee hee!'

See, that means that you aren't his drone wife, and while he certainly can't say that he's unhappy to see her gone, at least she didn't display signs of being another trapped resident. It's even harder dealing with real people than it with drones, after all.

Still, being a Good Person wins out over being scared as shit. So he's just going to get out of bed and tiptoe over to the doorway of the room she's in, sticking his head around the frame like a terrified turtle.]

Um?

[bro_thel_fist]

[She jumps and turns a little to to face him, although she instantly relaxes once she sees that he seems to be much more afraid of her than she is of him. It was kind of cute, actually, in a way. Ish.

At least he's obviously not buying into the whole HEY YOU'RE MARRIED bit any more than she is. That would have just been awkward.]

Where the hell am I?

[cuttlefidget]

[And he also isn't brandishing a frying pan at her, like he did with Peter! Small steps, Raquel, small steps.]

Oh, ah. You're in Mayfield and I am very s-sorry but it's not so bad, sometimes?

[THE MOST HELPFUL]

[bro_thel_fist]

Okay?

And what's Mayfield, besides really, really old? [Seriously, this is beyond antiquated technology here.]

[iflifehadaface]

Oh man.. Another lost girl..

Tsk tsk tsk..

Well, don't know how to break this to you but..

. . .

It's gonna' start warming up in about two months. Bear with it.

[bro_thel_fist]

Two months?! I'm going to freeze to death by then!

[Well, maybe not, but still.]

How do you people deal with this?

[iflifehadaface]

I'm from Toronto originally, so this is like summer for me. Hah!

[Scott chuckles playfully on the other end.]

I'm Scott, Scott Pilgrim. I guess you're new here, right? Not sure how you feel about meeting up with random guys out of the blue but, if you need some one to show you around, I'll gladly help. Not every day a guy gets the chance to be chivalrous.

What's your name, eh?

[bro_thel_fist]

I'm from Phoenix. This is colder than winter. [There's even snow outside! It doesn't snow back in the Valley!]

I'm Raquel. And if you're offering a free tour, I'll take it. Thanks.

[Although that means going outside. Hnnng.]

[notsaul]

[BAM that would be the sound of Annie kicking the front door open and coming in as if she owns the place. Which, I mean, look at the residents. She pretty much does.]

CRYBABY, BAGBOY: I NEED TO BORROW YOUR FUCKING HEDGE CLIPPERS!

I NEED TO CLIP SOME FUCKING HEDGES!

[bro_thel_fist]

[Raquel blinks at the new arrival.]

In the snow?

[Beat.]

Are you my other kid?

[notsaul]

Yes. They're too tall and I can't see into my neighbor's windows anymore.

And no, I'm a friend of the family. ["friend" being used very loosely here]

[bro_thel_fist]

At least you're honest about creepily spying on your neighbors?

Oh. Well, I'm the new mom here. I have no idea where the hedge clippers are.