Where Are You Now?
Title: Where Are You Now?
Author: Brittany
Tagline: “Where are you now, when I need you the most? Why don't you take my hand? I want to be close. Help me when I am down. Lift me up off the ground. Teach me right from wrong. Help me stay strong.”
Summary: One single moment can change everything, forever.
Spoilers: Season 6 “game changing” finale
Rated: PG-13
Pairings: Callie/Arizona. Mentions of Callie/Mark
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings and events thereof, are properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.
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Chapter One
Seattle Grace is quiet tonight; the kind of quiet that every one knows they should be worrying about, but it is the quiet that is simply welcomed with a sigh of relief. Ever since the merger, every one at Seattle Grace-Mercy West has been swamped with the thoughts of one up-ing the other. Major surgeries suddenly aren't considered risky for a patient but are a chance to prove high skill and efficiency. Traumas suddenly are not thought of as terrible disasters that families must learn to face, but are thought of a chance to prove one's self worth and get the chance to work with a resident of their choice. Seattle Grace-Mercy West suddenly is no longer a hospital for helping people, but is a breeding ground for heart break and competition.
The silence haunts Calliope Torres tonight as she sits behind the desk in the Emergency Room, twirling her air around her finger, far too lost in her thoughts to even remotely be aware of her surroundings. Things lately have not been the easiest for her, and maybe some of that is her fault, she agrees in a sigh. Maybe she should be more patient with her girlfriend, listen to her when she speaks, ask for explanations, give her the chance to let her inside. Maybe she should have torn down those walls that she built up around her heart since George's infidelity and Erica's abandonment. Maybe she should have put her own desires aside for a moment and simply thought of Arizona and what is best for her.
But she knows that she will simply drive herself insane if she keeps thinking like this. The what if's, maybe's, and what could have been's are just a recipe for losing her mind. 'You can't change what has already happened', or so, every one keeps telling her. Yet, she wishes, oh how deeply she wishes, that she could change everything. Things are what they are and she knows that she should just accept it and move on with her life instead of dwelling like this. But, how do you move on when the best part of you doesn't want to be in your future anymore?
Ever since that night at Joe's, Arizona Robbins has captivated every fiber of her being. She came along when everything in her life was literally falling apart and she put her back together again. She healed every crack in her fragile heart with a kiss and some magic fairy dust. She chased away every fear that she had about her sexuality with her McPerky attitude and to die for smile. She erased the darkness from her life with her gorgeous smile, tender touch, and perfect melody of a laugh. Arizona saved her and now, well now, she chuckles, now she has chased her away.
Calliope has always always wanted children, it's not something that she truly has to think about. So, when Arizona made the statement that she didn't want children, it completely shook her to the core. However, at the moment, she didn't think it would lead to this moment in their relationship. With a sigh, she chuckles deeply in her throat, how wrong she had been, she thinks now. There should be a middle ground somewhere, this she knows. Somewhere where she can meet Arizona half way. But you can't have half a kid, and her biological clock says that this time, she isn't going to be budging.
She wipes the sleep from her eyes with a yawn, clicking the pen her hands as she stares at the silent phone. Working E.R shifts is not something that she wants to do, because this certainty, is not how she imagined spending her Thursday night. But facing Arizona, with her haunting blue eyes, is something that she doesn't quite think she is strong enough to handle yet. So, she sits, clicking that damn pen, staring at the phone. Waiting. Simply waiting for a moment that she doesn't want to come.
“We're headed to Joe's, you want to come?” Cristina's voice calls out to her and it startles her. She jumps, dropping her pen onto the table as a quiet yelp escapes from her lips. A snicker comes from Cristina, as a playful smirk finds it's way upon her delicate face, “sorry.” After her heart rate slowly begins to return to normal, Callie shoots a glare in the direction of her best friend before she rolls her eyes.
“Whatever. And no, thanks. My shift's not over yet,” replies Callie, refocusing her attention on the yellow legal pad sitting in front of her and the various scribbles of her and Arizona's name written across the lines. Cristina nods in her understanding, tugging the coat that curves around her petite body, before she shares another glance in the Orthopedist's direction.
“You can't hide from McPerky forever, you know?” Cristina states but Callie only shakes her head, the most fake of all smiles pushing it's way against her pink lips.
“Watch me,” Callie snaps and Cristina only rolls her eyes in annoyance. She turns to leave but something stops her, something that she long had not expected to feel for the Peds Surgeon. Sympathy. She turns, tapping her fingers against the counter top as she studies her room mate's face, looking for some type of emotion and when she sees the utmost sadness written across her face, that is when she knows things are far from over.
“Look, I don't know what's going on. Nor do I want to know, because believe me, I don't. But, I just want to say that you are being stupid,” Cristina mumbles. Callie's head snaps up from the paper in which she is doodling, her brow drawn together in confusion and frustration as her lips part to let a quiet rush of air escape from within them.
“Cristina, you don't...” She begins but she is interrupted.
“No, don't explain it to me because I really don't care. I just think that you are being so stupid if you think that you can just hide out here and your problems are going to magically disappear. And I think you are being more stupid if you let her go. While, I'm not a fan of McPerky, she's made you...better. She's made you...different, in a good way. Without her, you're all mopey and dark and twisty. There's only room for one dark and twisty doctor here, and that's me. So, you better not let her go. Not over some stupid, trivial, argument that could be solved if you just said I love you and I'm sorry,” Cristina explains and the sudden compassion that comes from the woman creates a smile upon Callie's face.
“Owen has really made you happy, hasn't he?” Callie asks with a smile and Cristina groans with a hard roll of her eyes. She shoves her hands in her pockets, stepping away, as she stares at the woman who has became one of her closest friends over the past few years; the woman who, although she would never admit it, she hated to see hurting. Like now.
“Yeah, well, don't go around spreading that. People are going to start thinking that I went soft and I'll never see the inside of an OR again,” Cristina grumbles turning to leave before she nods in Callie's direction, “seriously, Cal. Think about it.” The woman sighs before she disappears behind the door.
What she didn't know however, Callie sighs, is that she has been thinking about it. It's the only thing that has been on her mind since that infamous night and she keeps going over it time and time again in her mind. There's no middle ground, there's no comprise. There's nothing that she can do that could possibly make the both of them happy anymore. She doesn't know what to do, she doesn't know how to save their love when she is the one who is half way out the door now.
She sighs in frustration, twisting her fingers in her hair, pulling frustratingly before she takes the Blackberry from her pocket. She stares blankly at her wallpaper of the two of them, snuggled in bed one late Sunday morning and it brings tears to her eyes. How is it possible that a love could be fading so quickly and there isn't a damn thing that she can do to save it? Instantly, her fingers dial that all too familiar seven digit number and her perky voice comes on the line.
“Hey. You've reached Arizona,” The blond giggles into the line.
“I am currently holding her and her gorgeous body captive so this better be an emergency if you're daring to interrupt our sexy time together,” It is her own voice that she hears now and she can not help but smile at the memory that fills her mind. Arizona giggles profusely in the background as she takes the phone back within her grasp.
“So, as you can tell, I'm currently busy with the most miraculously stunning, amazing woman on the face of the planet. I'm sorry I can't take your call. Leave a message though, and I'll try to get back to you as soon as I can,” Arizona laughs into the line before a beep fills her ear. Suddenly, all the words that she wanted to say simply seem useless, all the things that she wanted her to know now seem meaningless. She drops the phone by her side, shoving it back in her white lab coat pocket, returning her attention back to the yellow paper in front of her as she scribbles Arizona's name yet again.
“Oh, 'Zona. What are we going to do?” Callie mumbles, propping her head upon her fist as she allows her droopy eyes to close. Suddenly a wailing of sirens catches her off guard as her eyes instantly open. Suddenly the double doors open with a gush of air and Owen stumbles into the Emergency Room, and in that moment, Callie's heart instantly drops. His entire body is darkened with soot, his face is twisted into a heart wrenching expression as his entire body shakes, his knees buckling below him.
“Ow-Owen?” Callie stutters, walking from behind the counter. The tired, red haired man's attention is suddenly turned to the Orthopedic surgeon as his haunting blue eyes suddenly fill with tears. He stumbles over to his familiar friend, shaking his head in desperation.
“I tried...I tried so hard...I did...I mean...I...the fire was...I did...” Owen stutters, trying to form full complete sentences but he fails. Callie shakes her head, unable to understand her best friend's boyfriend as she studies his face in shock. He struggles with a weep, placing his hands upon Calliope's shoulders, trying to steady himself as another fit of shakes overtakes his body.
“Owen, wh-what happened?” Callie questions, her voice echoing with concern and worriment. Owen struggles to speak, but instead he only weeps in another fit of cries, as he coughs, trying to regain his breath. The words fail him now, the answers that Callie is so desperately wanting to hear from him just seem frivolous and stupid, because how could she possibly understand something like this?
“There was...there...there was a fire...” Owen wheezes in another fit of shakes. Callie only stares at the breaking man that stands before her, his hands upon her shoulders as his haunting blue eyes stare deeply into hers.
“Okay. Okay. So, are you okay? Was anybody hurt?” Callie asks but Owen simply stares at her, his lips moving as no words escape from him. He hangs his head in disappointment, struggling to catch his breath as he licks his lips, the tears splashing down his scarred and haunting face.
“I'm so...I'm so...I tried...I tried so hard but...the fire...it was...they wouldn't let...I tried...there was nothing I could...she was...she was already...I can't...I'm so...I just...I'm so sorry. I am so sorry, Callie,” Owen sobs, his face twisting with emotion as the tears fall from his eyes. Callie wrinkles her brow in confusion as she tries desperately to understand, but the answers that she is so desperately wanting, is the answers that she doesn't want to hear. Before Owen has a chance to explain, the double doors rip open again and quickly, surrounded by paramedics, a gurney is whisked into the hospital.
“Young female. Unresponsive at the scene. We lost her for a little bit while en-route, we got a pulse but it's weak and thready. She has some head trauma and possible internal bleeding. Poor thing, she got caught in an apartment complex blaze. The building collapsed on top of her, before she could get out. You're gonna need some help, we got more ambulances en-route with similar victims,” A paramedic explains, whisking the young woman into Trauma Room One. With one last confused glare in Owen's direction, Callie pushes herself into the Room, unwrapping the stethoscope from her neck as she approaches the severely burned victim.
“Tracy, page Dr. Shepard, we're going to need a Nero consult. And see if you can find any available doctors to help with the incoming of patients,” Callie instructs the young nurse who diligently nods her head before she disappears behind the door. With a sigh, Callie brushes her hair away from her face, sharing a glance with the Paramedics who work around their patient. “Do we have any information on her?”
“Sorry, ma'am. She had no identification on her at the scene. The only thing the manager could tell us is that she was living with her girlfriend. He doesn't know who she is or anything that could be remotely helpful to us. But, families are being informed of the accident though, so maybe someone will come along and tell us something about her,” The young paramedic explains and Callie simply nods her head in understanding. She takes the side of her patient as she lifts the young woman from the gurney and onto the bed. She sighs, placing the stethoscope upon her chest, listening to the weak and thready pulse before she shakes her head. She takes a moment to notice the burns across her petite body; it is in that moment she notices the silver necklace that adorns her neck in the shape of a heart. Instantly, she glances up at the paramedic who still stands before her, staring at the patient.
“Where did you find her?” Callie asks and the paramedic shrugs.
“She was trying to get out. The blaze was too intense for her to have ever had the chance to...the structure obtained quite serve amount of damage, it collapsed on top of her before she could have the chance to make it out the door,” He describes with a sigh. Calliope stares absently at the silver necklace that adorns the burned victims neck with a simple shake of her head and a quiet gasp inward.
“No,” She whispers breathlessly. Quickly, she brushes the hair away from the young woman's face, trying desperately to erase the darkened soot that covers her impeccable bone structure. Suddenly, she found herself with the answers that she didn't want to hear as she stares at the familiar face of the woman she loves so dearly and her heart shatters in a million pieces that would never be whole again.
“Ar-Ar-Arizona?” Callie cries out, the sobs escaping from her lips.