Silver Lining [2a/2]
Title: Silver Lining
Pairing: Santana/Brittany, Santana/Quinn, Rachel/Quinn, Brittany/Rachel
Rating: R
Summary: Part 2 of this story, kind of a sequel to the Brittana one-shot Slave, but all you need to know is that Brittany and Rachel once kissed in a bathroom and Santana and Brittany fought a boy in the 7th grade together once.
Spoilers: Pilot through Sectionals
2a
Rachel loved Brittany, but she wasn’t in love with Brittany which Rachel knew was ridiculously clichéd and kind of a cop-out at that, but it was true. But Brittany was so sweet to her, so good and kind that Rachel could not ever see herself ending it and being able to live with it. She knew she was a second choice anyway, but Brittany was clearly still so hurt by Santana that Rachel could not imagine herself adding to Brittany’s despair by ending things. It seemed like it was the only thing which took Brittany’s mind off Santana, and Rachel was okay with being the substitute. At least, in this case.
Besides, Brittany was easy to love.
People seemed surprised by their relationship, and Rachel could understand why. But Brittany was so good to her, it made Rachel want to be good to Brittany, too. They may not have been in love with one another, but they did love each other, and that seemed to be enough for both of them.
Besides, even if they weren’t in love, she still wanted to be a better person for Brittany, and Rachel thought that was the whole point of relationships. Santana seemed like she wanted to be hostile, but didn’t allow herself to be. Finn, Matt and Puck were more or less indifferent to the gay thing, but seemed to relish in the fact that she and Brittany were a couple and still snapped the occasional picture on their camera phone any time she and Brittany kissed. Rachel knew Brittany was hot, and she had enough self-esteem to know she was pretty good-looking herself, but she had no idea what it was with boys when it came girls who made out with other girls. (Rachel could not quite allow herself to consider herself a lesbian, because she honestly didn’t think she was. She still liked boys. A lot. It was just that at the moment, she had Brittany and she wasn’t going to give Brittany up). Mike was envious, but he was quiet and kept that to himself. He was supportive, because he was supportive of Brittany. Kurt seemed oddly triumphant, but only because he was glad he wasn’t the only gay kid in Glee. Artie didn’t care one way or the other. He wasn’t titillated or triumphant and Rachel totally loved him for it. Mercedes and Tina didn’t care either, even though Mercedes did mutter something about Glee turning into The Red Shoes Diaries which was a reference Rachel had to Wikipedia and was vaguely offended by once she understood the implication. But Quinn turned out to be the most supportive of all, which took Rachel totally by surprise.
She didn’t eat lunch with Quinn very often anymore, because she tended to have lunch with Brittany, and Quinn tended to have lunch with Santana and that would have just been awkward. Brittany and Santana were still friends, but things were still so awkward between them that Rachel didn’t want to add to the discomfort by being present when Brittany and Santana were together.
Consequently most of her interactions with Quinn were relegated to the classes they shared together and Glee practice.
When she sneezed one day before their English class started, Quinn passed her a tissue.
“Thanks,” Rachel said.
“You’re not getting sick are you?”
“Don’t be ridiculous. I never get sick.”
“That’s what you said before you got pneumonia that one time.”
Rachel looked dismissive. “That just means I won’t get it again.”
“I don’t think that’s how that works,” Quinn said. “Maybe if you paid more attention in Biology, you would have an idea of how that works.”
Rachel grinned at her. “Well, that’s how it’s going to work for me.”
Quinn chuckled. “Okay, if you say so.” She paused. “It was kind of scary though. You looked so sick even when you came back.”
Rachel raised an eyebrow. “Have you been waiting all this time just to tell me I looked terrible?”
Quinn snorted in derision. “Please, like I need to wait to tell you when you look terrible? If you look terrible, I’m going to let you know.”
“You haven’t said anything to me about that in a while though.”
“Well,” Quinn said. “You haven’t worn anything that made me want to gouge my eyes out in a while, so I guess you’re okay.”
“I’m glad we’re friends so we can talk about this subject so openly.”
“Me too,” Quinn said.
“Hey Berry, munch on any carpets today?” Cindy Turner called out.
Quinn glared at the interloper in her conversation with Rachel. “Hey Cindy, get tested for any STDs this week?” she snapped. “Why don’t you shut the hell up?”
“Hey Quinn, get impregnated by anyone else’s best friend lately?”
Quinn’s mouth opened in outrage, but Rachel spoke first.
“Hey Cindy?” Rachel called out.
Cindy glared at Rachel “What?”
“Nothing,” Rachel said. She hurled a crumpled piece of paper at Cindy which hit Cindy squarely on the nose. “Just shut up about things you don’t know anything about, okay?” She turned to look at Quinn, pleased. “Hey, I’m surprisingly athletic. Maybe basketball is my sport.”
Quinn thought back to the day Rachel threw in her paper towel into the trashcan in the bathroom. Even after all the time that had passed, she still had to smile at the memory of how triumphant Rachel looked and the way Rachel had cheered “yay” once it went in. It’d been ridiculously cute, and she was still embarrassed by how cute she found it.
“Maybe.”
The crumpled piece of paper was hurled back and hit Rachel on the side of the head. Rachel glared at Cindy, but picked up the piece of paper and threw it into the trashcan. She grinned happily when it went in and turned back to Quinn. “Okay, seriously. That’s cool, right?”
“It is,” Quinn agreed with a laugh. “God, you’re a nerd.”
“Maybe, but--”
Another ball of paper was hurled at Rachel and it hit the side of her head. Once again, Rachel ignored it. Quinn felt her temper flare, but Rachel looked calm. Then another ball of paper hit Rachel. And then another. There were giggles around the room, but Rachel looked calm and ignored it, placidly continuing her conversation with Quinn.
Then a ball of paper hit Quinn in the forehead.
Quinn saw Rachel’s expression change from calm to scarily mad in just a second. She couldn’t remember ever seeing Rachel truly mad. She’d seen Rachel upset and histrionic, and all diva-d out, but she’d never seen Rachel truly angry. Although at the moment, Rachel’s anger put her in rabid dog territory, which made ‘mad’ a more accurate descriptor than ‘angry.’ Rachel stood up and the room went quiet. Quinn looked at Cindy to see that Cindy no longer looked amused and instead looked fearful.
Rachel Berry was five foot two, even though she ridiculously lied on her driver’s license and said she was five foot four. It was ridiculous because anyone who stood next to her would know that was a bold-faced lie. Rachel was shorter and skinnier than a good chunk of the student body, but everyone also knew that Rachel was a little…well, Rachel was a little scary. Because she was honestly a little crazy.
“Don’t. Ever. Fucking. Throw. Another. Thing. At. Us.” Rachel said. Her hand clenched around the ball of paper in her fist and she held it menacingly close to Cindy’s face.
“Whatever.”
Rachel threw the ball of paper into Cindy’s face although not with great force and then sat down. It was more of a flick.
Seconds later, Quinn felt two balls of paper hit the back of her head in rapid succession.
Rachel was out of her seat in less than one second. The fight was over in ten seconds and it ended with Cindy in a crying heap on the ground. The room was quiet and when the teacher came in, and allegedly nobody saw anything despite the demands of the teacher. Cindy was excused to go to the girls’ bathroom, Quinn stared at Rachel in wonder and Rachel slunk down in her chair and looked ashamed.
After that day, Rachel was never Slushied again, and no one said a word to her about her relationship with Brittany. No one said a word to Quinn about her baby’s parentage, for that matter, either.
“I didn’t know you could fight,” Quinn said to Rachel as they exited their classroom once class was over.
Rachel looked at her, her expression droll. “I have two gay dads and I live in Lima. Why would you think I wouldn’t know how to fight? It just takes a lot more now than a comment about my dads or a Slushie to my face to do it.”
Quinn couldn’t help but think Rachel was only provoked into the fight because Cindy Turner chose to bring her into the mix, but she didn’t want to say it, because she had no idea how Rachel would react. Still the thought that Rachel would have gotten into a fight on her behalf sort of made her giddy.
“You don’t even have a scratch on you,” Quinn noted, her hand reaching out to grasp Rachel’s chin, just to be sure. She turned Rachel’s face so she could look at Rachel’s left side in profile, and then did the same to her right side.
Rachel looked sad. “I don’t like to fight if I don’t have to.”
Her dads were optimists, but they weren’t fools. They were aware of the challenges that any child they brought into the world would face because that child would be raised by gay parents in a small town in a Midwestern state. Amidst all of her dance classes, singing lessons and beauty pageants were self-defense classes. When she was little, it was just tae kwon do and karate, stuff to defend herself against other kids if she had to. But when she got older and started to talk about Julliard, her fathers got anxious about her personal safety in the big city and made her take more aggressive forms of street self-defense. When her parents suggested krav maga which the flipping Israeli militia apparently used and muay thai, she drew the line. She wasn’t Laura Croft, she was just Rachel Berry.
She’d had the entire class period to think about the fight and although she wasn’t about to apologize for it, she felt bad she didn’t have the guts to just walk away. She went to a small private school from kindergarten through eighth grade and she’d gotten into two fights in fifth grade, both times with girls who made fun of her dads. Then she got into a fight in sixth grade with two boys, at the same time, and she’d kicked their asses and after that, there weren’t any more comments about her dads, and there were no more fights, but no one talked to her anymore after that, either. She thought she’d had a fresher start at McKinley, but everyone knew about her dads, and she got comments hurled at her, Slushies to the face, her locker defaced and anatomically flattering, but pornographic drawings of her sketched on the wall. Okay, so the last one was Quinn, who gave her much bigger breasts in those drawings than she actually had, but still.
Still, in Rachel’s mind, it was one thing to come after her, but it was another thing to come after her friends, and she did consider Quinn to be one of her friends. She knew the risks about being open about her relationship with Brittany, and she and Brittany talked about being open about it, and they both agreed they were okay with being open about it even though the school was notoriously intolerant. Rachel expected a few insults hurled her way, but she couldn’t tolerate someone bringing her friends into the mix.
“Then I’m sorry you had to,” Quinn said softly.
“It was kind of a stupid fight,” Rachel said looking contrite.
“Cindy Turner is a bitch.”
Quinn wasn’t sorry. Cindy Turner was a snippy bitch and had been since the fourth grade, which was when she first met Cindy.
Moments later, Brittany bounded up to them and practically jumped into Rachel’s arms. She threw her arms around Rachel’s neck. “Rachel! I heard you won a fight!”
Rachel chuckled and hugged Brittany. “It wasn’t much of a fight.”
“Cindy Turner was mean to me yesterday,” Brittany declared with a tiny sniff.
Rachel and Quinn exchanged a look. Rachel took Brittany by the hand. “Maybe it wasn’t such a stupid fight after all,” Rachel told Quinn. In fact, now Rachel thought it was totally worth it.
“Huh?” Brittany asked.
“Nothing,” Rachel said. “I’ll walk you to class. I’ll see you in Government, Quinn.”
“Yeah,” Quinn said.
Rachel looked at Quinn as she and Brittany walked away, and she found that Quinn was looking at her back. Rachel did not even want to begin to contemplate what that could mean.
After the fight, Santana did start to look at Rachel with a bit more respect.
“Oh, she was totally defending your honor,” Santana assured when Quinn told the brunette about later that day. They were driving to Santana’s house at the time. “I mean, I wouldn’t have gotten into a fight over you.”
“Thank you, Santana. That really makes me feel good.”
But Quinn knew that the only person Santana would get into a fight over was Brittany. And that kind of seemed right to Quinn.
“I was just saying,” Santana said with a shrug. She put her arm around Quinn. “But if you got into a fight, you know I’d have your back.”
Quinn chuckled. “Would you really?”
“I really would,” Santana said. She glanced around, saw no other cars on the road and pressed a quick peck to Quinn’s cheek. “So tell me again, Cindy Turner cried, right?”
“She did,” Quinn said with a grin. She thought about the way she and Santana both relished in the fact that Cindy Turner cried. She thought about the way both Rachel and Brittany looked sorry about the fight the more time that passed by during the day-- Rachel because she was the actual winner of the fight and Brittany because she couldn’t bring herself to hate anyone enough to want them to cry. Quinn thought about these things and then thought that maybe they were arranged just as they should be.
--
It was a sunny April day when Brittany came over. They’d been dating for a few months, and they were at that point in their relationship when they could go to each other’s houses and enter each other’s rooms without knocking.
“Hey Brittany,” Rachel greeted, grinning. Her eyes narrowed in concern and she stood up to approach Brittany. “Are you okay? You look upset. What’s wrong?”
“I kissed Santana,” Brittany blurted, her eyes immediately squeezed shut and her entire body flinched, like she was getting ready for a blow. .
Rachel paused and waited to be angry or hurt, but the truth was, she wasn’t. “Oh.”
Brittany continued to have her eyes shut, and her body hunched, waiting.
“Brittany,” Rachel said patiently. “I’m not going to hit you.”
Brittany opened only one eye. “You’re not?” she asked cautiously.
“No,” Rachel chuckled.
“Not even a little bit?”
Rachel wrapped her arms around Brittany’s waist and pulled the blonde in close. “I would never do that,” she said sincerely. “I love you.”
Brittany’s eyes pooled with tears. “Don’t say that,” she whispered. “Don’t tell me you love me after I kissed Santana.”
Rachel gave her a tender smile and tucked a stray lock of Brittany’s hair behind her ear. “It’s okay that you love her more,” she murmured. “We don’t have to keep doing this. You can go back to her. Don’t feel bad or guilty. But I still love you. Because you’re my friend and you’re easy to love.”
“You don’t want to be with me?” Brittany asked, sounding confused and hurt. “Is that why you aren’t mad?”
Rachel took Brittany by the hand. “Sit down,” she said, leading Brittany to her bed. She sat down and tugged on Brittany’s hand. She patted the space next to her. “Sit.”
Brittany sat down next to her, her eyes huge as she peered into Rachel’s eyes.
“I’m not mad,” Rachel said quietly. “And I do want to be with you. I love you. But I always knew you loved Santana more.”
Brittany bit her lower lip. “I’m sorry,” she said softly.
Rachel smiled at her. “You never lied to me about that.”
“No,” Brittany said quietly. “But I still feel bad about it.”
Rachel hugged her. “You’re the best,” she declared fondly.
Brittany looked upset. “You’re being too nice to me about this. Why aren’t you mad?”
Rachel shrugged. “I just want you to be happy,” she said sincerely. “You’re my friend, and you make me happy.”
Brittany swallowed hard. “I’m sorry,” she said again.
Rachel sighed. “What happened?” she asked. “I mean, it’s been months since you guys were together. So what changed?”
“Santana’s parents know,” Brittany said quietly. “They said they’ve always known. They found out Joey’s been trying to get Santana to do stuff for him because he caught us. But they already knew.”
A part of Brittany was a little thrilled that Joe Lopez was in so much trouble, and that Santana wasn’t. But only a part of her, because she wasn’t the sort of person who reveled when someone else was in trouble. Santana’s parents knew, and Santana was relieved and glad, and Brittany was relieved and glad because Santana was. It meant everything could go back to normal. Except now there was Rachel. Brittany didn’t want to just release Rachel out into the world. Brittany was happy with Santana, and that meant she wanted everyone else she loved to be happy the way she was happy, too.
“I’ve loved her since we were in sixth grade, when we were on drill team together,” Brittany tried to explain. Because she felt like she owed Rachel an explanation.
Rachel was always nice to her, helped her with her homework, and wasn’t afraid to take her hand or to kiss her in public. Once, when it’d been particularly cold, Rachel touched her cheek before they left school, took off her scarf and wrapped it around Brittany’s neck. “It’s really cold out,” Rachel had explained. “And you get cold more easily than I do.”
It’d been breathtakingly tender, and Brittany wasn’t a greedy sort of person who wanted a whole bunch of people to love her, but she was very glad at that moment that Rachel did love her.
All Brittany ever wanted was one person to love her. Well, one person who wasn’t, like, her mom or her dad or her sisters and brother. Someone outside of her family. When Mike Chang told her he loved her, Brittany felt lucky because Mike was sweet and funny and nice to her. It probably could have been enough for her forever, except that Santana told her she loved her, too.
Santana was always good to her, and that made Brittany feel special because Santana wasn’t always very nice to everyone. In fact, a lot of the time, Santana was mean to everyone. That was just Santana’s way and Brittany had long accepted it the way Santana accepted the fact that Brittany wasn’t as smart as anyone else. Besides, even though Santana could be mean to people, Brittany didn’t think Santana was a mean person.
The last thing Brittany set out to do when she started dating Rachel was to hurt Rachel. She just thought that one day, maybe when Rachel went away to college or whatever, that Rachel would just leave her behind and that would be the end of that. She’d always just assumed that Rachel would be the one to leave her-- leave her for college, leave her for Quinn (it was apparent to Brittany that just as Rachel was a replacement of sorts for Santana, she was a replacement of sorts for Quinn), leave her for Finn or maybe for Puck.
Brittany just didn’t consider herself to be the sort of girl a person stayed for, so she was a little surprised that she was leaving Rachel behind for Santana.
“I just really love her,” Brittany said, when Rachel hadn’t said anything at all for a few minutes. It was scary how calm Rachel was because Rachel tended to throw a fit if the cafeteria ran out of her favorite flavor or Jell-o or something. Brittany thought kissing Santana would have warranted a bigger reaction out of Rachel. It was cheating, after all. And while Brittany shamelessly cheated on tests (they were hard!), she didn’t want to cheat on people. She’d already cheated on Mike with Santana and she felt bad enough about that. She didn’t want to become the sort of person that just kept cheating on people.
Brittany knew she wasn’t smart, but she thought she was better than that.
“I know,” Rachel said, her voice subdued. “I know you love her. She loves you, too. Anyone can see it.”
“Really?” Brittany asked softly.
“And she’s good to you,” Rachel said. It came out as a half-statement, half-question.
“Yeah,” Brittany said softly. “She is.” She wrapped her arm around Rachel’s shoulders. “I’m so sorry.”
“You don’t have to be sorry,” Rachel said with a sigh. “This is just the way it’s supposed to be.”
Brittany gave her a bright smile. “You really think so?”
Rachel grinned at her. “You and Santana? Definitely.”
“Are we still friends? Brittany asked hesitantly.
Rachel laughed warmly and hugged Brittany, holding her close. “We’re still friends,” she assured. “We can be friends as long as you’d like.”
Brittany kissed Rachel’s cheek. “I want us to always be friends.”
“I want us always to be friends, too.”
“But just friends,” Brittany added quickly. “No more sex. Because Santana would get really mad and I don’t think I can stop her from hitting you now that she and I are back together.”
Rachel bit back her laughter. “I understand.”
The truth was, it did sort of hurt to be rejected, especially by someone as good as Brittany. But Rachel had always known she was the second choice, and in all honesty, Brittany wasn’t what she wanted either. She didn’t want to hold Brittany back from where she truly belonged, and at least at the moment, Brittany belonged with Santana.
“Tell Santana if she hurts you, I’ll kick her ass,” Rachel said.
Brittany raised an eyebrow. “I don’t think you could do that,” she said mildly. “I know you can fight, but I’ve seen Santana fight a boy and win.” She paused. “But that was in the seventh grade. She smashed ketchup and tator tots in his face.”
Rachel could easily picture Santana doing that. “Well, if she hurt you, I’d have to,” Rachel joked. But she kind of meant it, too. There was just something about Brittany that made a person protective.
Brittany looked upset again. “Don’t be so nice to me,” she pleaded. “You’re making it harder to do this.”
“Sorry,” Rachel apologized.
Brittany hugged her again. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.
“I know,” Rachel said quietly, stroking Brittany’s hair.
--
Santana was a bitch, but she wasn’t heartless. Quinn was one of her friends, and she loved Quinn because of that. But the whole problem with her and Quinn was that she didn’t love Quinn the way she loved Brittany. And anyway, a teenaged mom who was grimly counting down the days until she turned 18 and would be summarily kicked out from her parents’ house was not in Santana’s plans either. The only person she could handle that much drama from was Brittany, and Brittany was more or less a drama free zone. Most of the time. When Santana was honest with herself, all the drama that was brought into their relationship was drama that she brought, not drama that Brittany brought.
But just because she didn’t want to sign onto Quinn’s issues or maintain her current subscription didn’t meant she wanted to hurt Quinn either. She wanted to be delicate. But that just wasn’t her way.
“My parents found out about me and Brittany,” Santana said quietly one day when they were sharing a small plate of unauthorized French fries. She wasn’t supposed to have French fries or else Coach Sylvester would have a fit, and Quinn was always worried about gaining weight ever since she had her baby. Apparently, it was harder to maintain her weight with the same diet and exercise regime, or whatever.
Quinn’s eyes were wide. “Oh no,” she said. “Are you okay? What happened?”
Santana gave her a small smile. “It was actually really good,” she said.
She and her brother, Joseph, had gotten into a screaming argument. He’d taunted her for being a ‘dyke’ and once again threatened to tell their parents. It’d enraged her because she’d given Brittany up once the threat became too close and too near, and Joe was still hounding her. She missed Brittany desperately, but Brittany seemed way too content to be with Rachel. And Brittany’s parents seemed to already know even though Brittany never came right out and said it, and Rachel’s fathers were obviously fine with the gay thing, and Santana knew Brittany just wanted a relationship that didn’t have to be hidden from the world. She had that with Rachel, and though it made Santana miserable, she knew that made Brittany happy. She couldn’t give Brittany that, so she settled for making out and having sex with Quinn in secret. It suited them both.
But Santana could see how much Quinn envied the openness that Brittany and Rachel had, too, and Santana knew that Quinn couldn’t give that to Rachel any more than she could give that to Brittany. It made them well-matched for this venture.
But when Santana’s mother had come upon her and Joey beating the crap out of each other, Santana couldn’t hold it in anymore. She blurted everything out. She expected the worst. She expected being hit in the head with the broom that her mother was still holding when she ran up the stairs to check on them. She expected a kick in the ass out the door. She expected her mother to cross herself and drag her to church.
But what she got instead was her mother yelling at her brother and slapping him on the back of the head. What she got was her mother grounding her brother indefinitely. What she got was her mother pulling her into her bedroom and quietly saying that her mother and father had known for a long time how Santana felt for Brittany.
Her mother touched her cheek. “Do you remember when you were thirteen, when you and Brittany got into that fight with that terrible kid? What was his name? Scott something?”
“Scott fucking Stewart,” Santana huffed, wiping at her eyes.
“Santana,” her mother reprimanded.
“Sorry.”
“You were so angry about what Scott said to Brittany, and she was more upset that he hurt you than what he said to her.” Her mother sighed gently. “That was when I knew. Your father and I both knew.”
Santana sniffed. “Why didn’t you say anything?”
Her mother looked rueful. “We honestly hoped you would grow out of it. You seemed to. You dated Noah and Matthew.”
That nearly broke Santana. “I don’t think I’m going to, Mom,” she said her voice cracking.
“I know,” her mother said quietly.
“Are you and Dad going to kick me out of the house?” Santana whispered.
“Why would we do that?” her mother asked. “You’re still our child. You’re our only girl.” Her mother reached for her and pulled her close. “Whatever you believe about your father and me and whatever you might believe about yourself, you’re our baby girl. We longed for a girl, and we had you. And we’ve cherished every moment with you, from the awards to the trips to the principal’s office for fighting. This isn’t what we wanted for you, I won’t lie to you. But I never wanted you to be blackmailed by your brother over this either. You don’t need to keep secrets from us. We love you.”
Santana sighed shakily. “You couldn’t have told me this a few months ago?” she asked ruefully.
Her mother laughed sadly. “I didn’t realize you and Brittany broke up because you didn’t know where your father and I stood on the matter.”
Santana hugged her mother. “Mom,” she whispered. “If I could have changed, I would have. I tried, I really did. But this is just the way I am.”
Mrs. Lopez drew a deep, shaky breath. “You don’t need to change.”
Santana pulled away and wiped at her eyes. “Mom, can I go over to Brittany’s? I really need to talk to her.”
Mrs. Lopez smiled. “Okay,” she said. “But you need to come home afterward because you’re grounded for fighting your brother. That’s not what hands are for.”
Santana suppressed the urge to roll her eyes at that. Ever since she and her brothers were small, and they would fight amongst each other, her parents always intervened and asked, “what are hands for? Are hands for hitting? No! They’re for shaking hands” and then would make the fighting parties shake hands. It was horrible.
“Okay, mom.”
When Santana went to Brittany’s that day, she half-expected to have to chase Rachel away, but Rachel wasn’t there.
Brittany looked at her a little warily, but they were still friends and so Santana followed Brittany up to her bedroom the way she had countless times before.
“I know you’re with Rachel now,” Santana said nervously. “But I just wanted you to know that I still love you, Brittany. I’ve really missed you these past few months.”
Brittany had her arms crossed in front of her chest. “What about your parents?” she asked flatly. “You told me that they absolutely could never find out.”
Santana shifted uncomfortably. “It turned out they kind of already knew.”
Brittany nodded slowly. “But what happens the next time there’s someone you don’t want to find out about us?”
“Brit…”
“I don’t mind being a secret,” Brittany said softly. “I kind of liked it when it was just me and you and no one knew. It felt…” she sighed. “Special. But I don’t want to break up every time you get scared that someone is going to find out. It made me too sad. I don’t want you to keep telling me that you’re sorry or that I’m going to find someone new. And I don’t want you to lie to me and say you love me.”
Santana’s eyes blazed. “I never lied to you when I said I loved you. I’ve meant it every time I said it. I’ve meant it since we were on the fucking drill team together, Brittany. I’ve meant it before either of us even got boobs!”
Brittany’s arms remained crossed in front of her. “I already had boobs when we met,” she corrected. “You didn’t.”
Santana scowled because she didn’t like to be reminded of the days when she’d been short, skinny and oh-so woefully underdeveloped. But it meant something to her that Brittany had loved her, even back then, when there was nothing really to love other than just herself.
“I never lied to you,” Santana said. “Ever. Not about loving you.”
“It was easy enough for you to break up with me,” Brittany pointed out.
“It nearly killed me,” Santana said quietly. “It was never easy for me. It wasn’t easy to see you with Rachel, and being so public and knowing I could never do that for you. But I can now, Brittany. And I promise you. I swear just give me a chance and I won’t ever hide us again. There’s no one we need to hide from!”
“I can’t hurt Rachel,” Brittany said flatly. “She’s my friend.”
Santana swallowed hard. “Do you love her?”
Brittany looked defiant. “Yes,” she snapped, losing her temper for the first time in as long as she could remember. “Of course I do!”
Santana looked like she was going to burst into tears. “Are you in love with her?”
Brittany sucked in a short gasp of air. “I’m in love with you,” she admitted softly after a short pause.
Santana gave her a small, hopeful smile and Brittany just couldn’t resist. She kissed Santana.
Santana felt herself melt into Brittany and she wanted to cry because it felt so right. She had her girl again. The girl she’d been fascinated by standing next to her in drill team practice in sixth grade. The girl she fell in love with over sleepovers and shared lunches all throughout middle school. The girl she was already in love with by the time they were invited to tryout for the Cheerios with the promise that if Sue Sylvester only chose one of them, Sue Sylvester would get neither of them.
Brittany promised she would end things with Rachel, but she didn’t want to kiss again until she talked to Rachel. Brittany looked so distressed and distraught, Santana was worried that Brittany would change her mind. She was worried Rachel would somehow make Brittany change her mind. Her fears elevated when Brittany declined her offer to come with her when Brittany talked to Rachel.
Santana didn’t have the heart to tell Brittany that while Brittany was in a relationship with Rachel, Santana had been sleeping with Quinn. She knew it had to come out eventually, but Santana wanted to take care of things with Quinn first before she told Brittany about it.
Which was how Santana came to tell Quinn all about it.
“My parents found out about me and Brittany,” Santana said quietly as they shared some fries. She thought it was best to do this in a public place. Quinn was much less likely to throw a fit.
Quinn’s eyes were side. “Oh no,” she said. “Are you okay? What happened?”
Santana smiled at her. “It went really well,” she said. She fiddled with a salt shaker and evaded Quinn’s eyes. “I kissed Brittany yesterday,” she admitted softly.
Quinn looked thoughtful, but she didn’t say anything.
Santana drew back a little. “You’re not going to throw ketchup or something at me, are you?” she asked. “Because I know I deserve it, but I don’t think I’d be able to stop myself from throwing down.”
Quinn raised an eyebrow and looked disdainful at the idea. “Why would I do that?”
Santana shrugged. “It just seems customary somehow.”
Quinn sighed deeply. “These have been some very weird years,” she commented.
Santana chuckled. “You’re not mad?”
Quinn shrugged and leaned in close so that no one could hear them. “Weren’t we always doing what we were doing because you couldn’t have Brittany?”
Santana raised an eyebrow. “And because you couldn’t have Rachel?”
Quinn scowled. “Rachel and I were just a fling. You and Brit…” she sighed. “You guys were the real deal. I always knew it, even before I actually knew it.” She smiled at Santana. “I’m really glad your parents were cool about it. I’m happy for you.”
Santana looked apologetic. “I’m sorry that your parents are still so shitty.”
Quinn sighed. “I’ve got another month and half until I turn 18,” she said softly. “I’ll think of something.”
Santana reached for Quinn’s hand and squeezed it. “We’ll figure something out.”
Quinn grinned at her. “Maybe you fell a little in love with me,” she teased. “I think that happens when you sleep with me,”
Santana rolled her eyes. “Don’t flatter yourself, Fabray. I’m a one-woman kind of girl.”
Quinn chuckled. “I guess you are.”
Santana’s eyes softened. “Rachel’s single now, you know. And she doesn’t dress in clothes that are so painful to look at anymore.”
“She still dresses the same, we’ve just built an immunity to it.”
Santana made a face as if she’d just smelled something bad. “It’s sad, but I think you’re right.” She chuckled. “She and I need to stop sleeping with the same people. Puck. You. Brittany.”
Quinn smiled crookedly. “Well, you guys can stop now.”
“Yeah,” Santana said with a sigh. “Anyway. If you want a shot at her, you should go for it now. She’s…you know, vulnerable or whatever.”
Quinn gave her another crooked smile. “I think we lost our chance.” She smiled at Santana. “But I’m glad you have yours with Brit,” she said sincerely. And she really truly meant it.
--
Rachel watched as Brittany and Santana shamelessly made out on Matt’s couch. Yeah, she was a little jealous. It’d only been two weeks since she split up with Brittany. She’d cared deeply for Brittany, but mostly she was just happy for the blonde.
“You know,” Quinn said, coming up from behind her to stand next to her. “It wasn’t that long ago that I was standing here with Santana and you were sitting where Santana was sitting.”
Rachel sniffed in disdain. “I did not make out on Matt’s couch.” She paused. “Much.”
Quinn chuckled and offered Rachel a cup filled with cranberry juice and cheap vodka. “It’s terrible,” she said. “But if you feel like getting drunk, it will do the trick.”
“I don’t get drunk,” Rachel said, giving Quinn a long look. She took the proffered cup anyway and took a long gulp. “Thanks.”
Quinn laughed. “Are you okay? I mean, seeing Santana and Brittany make out.”
Rachel shrugged. “I’m fine with it.” She smiled. “Areyou okay with it? Brit tells me you have just as much to be jealous of as I do.”
Quinn blushed. Of course Santana had to tell Brittany about them, and of course Brittany told Rachel. “I’m okay with it.”
Rachel sighed. “This has been a really weird few years,” she commented.
Quinn’s eyes widened. “That’s exactly what I told Santana!”
Rachel chuckled. “Well, it really has been.” Rachel smiled at her. “Do you want to get out of here for a while,” she said. “I’ll buy you a slice of cheeseless pizza or something.”
Quinn smiled back. “I haven’t eaten cheeesless pizza since I was on the Cheerios.”
Rachel laughed. “Good, because what’s the point of eating a cheeseless pizza? I still don’t see it.”
“Well, one benefit is that your thighs don’t start to look like cottage cheese,” Quinn said.
Rachel smiled sincerely at her. “I think you’ve always been safe from that, Quinn.”
Quinn smiled back. “Are you okay to drive?”
Rachel nodded. “Yeah, that sip was all I had tonight.”
“Good,” Quinn said.
Within twenty minutes they were in Rachel’s car with the windows slightly rolled down, colas in paper cups in the cup holders and each holding a large slice of pizza on a white paper plate.
“Oh my God, this is so hot,” Rachel hissed trying to take a bite and wincing.
“Well, if you burn yourself, you can always sue,” Quinn teased.
Rachel chuckled. “So, are you really okay? I mean, with Brit and Santana getting back together.”
Quinn gave a very slight shrug of her shoulders. “Yeah,” she said. “I mean, Santana and I weren’t in love or anything. She was just really sad about Brittany and I had no idea what to do. So I kissed her.” Quinn made a face. “I don’t know how it got so far.”
Rachel nodded. “You know, that is exactly how I got involved with Brittany,” she chuckled. “I mean, the first time Brittany and I kissed, it was in the bathroom and she kissed me--”
“What is it with you kissing girls in the bathroom?” Quinn interrupted. “Is this your thing? Do you have some weird power that only works in the bathroom so that girls kiss you there?”
Rachel laughed. “No!” she exclaimed. “God. I hope not. The bathroom is not an ideal place to be kissing anyone.”
Quinn grinned. “So then since you’d already kissed Brittany, you decided you’d just kiss her again because she was sad?”
Rachel pouted. “Yes,” she said. “What’s your excuse with Santana? Did you kiss her before or something?”
Quinn snorted. “Please, the only girl Santana ever kissed before me was Brittany, and I think I set a new standard for Brittany to follow,” she joked.
Rachel raised an eyebrow. “You do flatter yourself. Brittany is a great kisser.”
“Well, so am I. You should know this.”
Rachel pretended to look thoughtful. “Well.”
“Hey!” Quinn said, legitimately outraged. Her hand reached out to swat at Rachel’s arm.
Unfortunately, Rachel was still holding her slice of pizza and the plate tumbled out of her hand.
“Crap!” Rachel exclaimed as the gooey, cheesy slice tumbled onto her shirt. She picked it off and put it back on her plate. She grabbed the plastic bag she kept in her car that she used as a trash bag and put the offending slice in. She gave Quinn a dirty look and reached for one of the napkins and dabbed at her shirt. “Thanks a lot,” she said. “See what happens when you’re physically abusive?”
Quinn scowled. “Well! You insinuated I wasn’t a good kisser.”
“I never did anything of the sort.”
“Yes, you did.”
“No, I didn’t.”
“Yes, you did.”
“No, I didn’t!.”
“Yes, you did!”
“No, I didn’t!”
“Yes, you--” Quinn looked adamant. “I am a good kisser!”
Rachel grinned at her. “Yes, you are,” she said sincerely.
Quinn grinned back. “All a girl wants sometimes is a little reassurance. Was that so hard?”
Rachel ducked her head and laughed softly. “Well, you didn’t have to knock my pizza out of my hands,” she said. “That was my dinner. I haven’t eaten yet.”
Quinn held hers up. “You can share mine,” she said softly.
Rachel smiled at her. “Thanks.” She dabbed at her shirt which was stained with grease and looked down at it in distaste. “You know,” she said, “if you didn’t like this shirt, there are more appropriate ways to tell me.”
Quinn laughed. “That’s one of your less embarrassing ensembles. It wasn’t a deliberate act.”
“That’s good to know.”
Quinn ripped her slice of pizza apart the best she could without any cutlery and looked at it in distaste. “This looks gross now.”
“Yeah, it does,” Rachel agreed.
Quinn put the slice of pizza into Rachel’s garbage bag.
“Sorry,” Quinn said apologetically.
Rachel laughed. “Come on,” she said. “My dads are out on date night. Come over to my house. I think we have Lean Cuisine pizza or something in the freezer. I need to change my shirt anyway.”
“Sounds good,” Quinn said.
--
Pairing: Santana/Brittany, Santana/Quinn, Rachel/Quinn, Brittany/Rachel
Rating: R
Summary: Part 2 of this story, kind of a sequel to the Brittana one-shot Slave, but all you need to know is that Brittany and Rachel once kissed in a bathroom and Santana and Brittany fought a boy in the 7th grade together once.
Spoilers: Pilot through Sectionals
2a
Rachel loved Brittany, but she wasn’t in love with Brittany which Rachel knew was ridiculously clichéd and kind of a cop-out at that, but it was true. But Brittany was so sweet to her, so good and kind that Rachel could not ever see herself ending it and being able to live with it. She knew she was a second choice anyway, but Brittany was clearly still so hurt by Santana that Rachel could not imagine herself adding to Brittany’s despair by ending things. It seemed like it was the only thing which took Brittany’s mind off Santana, and Rachel was okay with being the substitute. At least, in this case.
Besides, Brittany was easy to love.
People seemed surprised by their relationship, and Rachel could understand why. But Brittany was so good to her, it made Rachel want to be good to Brittany, too. They may not have been in love with one another, but they did love each other, and that seemed to be enough for both of them.
Besides, even if they weren’t in love, she still wanted to be a better person for Brittany, and Rachel thought that was the whole point of relationships. Santana seemed like she wanted to be hostile, but didn’t allow herself to be. Finn, Matt and Puck were more or less indifferent to the gay thing, but seemed to relish in the fact that she and Brittany were a couple and still snapped the occasional picture on their camera phone any time she and Brittany kissed. Rachel knew Brittany was hot, and she had enough self-esteem to know she was pretty good-looking herself, but she had no idea what it was with boys when it came girls who made out with other girls. (Rachel could not quite allow herself to consider herself a lesbian, because she honestly didn’t think she was. She still liked boys. A lot. It was just that at the moment, she had Brittany and she wasn’t going to give Brittany up). Mike was envious, but he was quiet and kept that to himself. He was supportive, because he was supportive of Brittany. Kurt seemed oddly triumphant, but only because he was glad he wasn’t the only gay kid in Glee. Artie didn’t care one way or the other. He wasn’t titillated or triumphant and Rachel totally loved him for it. Mercedes and Tina didn’t care either, even though Mercedes did mutter something about Glee turning into The Red Shoes Diaries which was a reference Rachel had to Wikipedia and was vaguely offended by once she understood the implication. But Quinn turned out to be the most supportive of all, which took Rachel totally by surprise.
She didn’t eat lunch with Quinn very often anymore, because she tended to have lunch with Brittany, and Quinn tended to have lunch with Santana and that would have just been awkward. Brittany and Santana were still friends, but things were still so awkward between them that Rachel didn’t want to add to the discomfort by being present when Brittany and Santana were together.
Consequently most of her interactions with Quinn were relegated to the classes they shared together and Glee practice.
When she sneezed one day before their English class started, Quinn passed her a tissue.
“Thanks,” Rachel said.
“You’re not getting sick are you?”
“Don’t be ridiculous. I never get sick.”
“That’s what you said before you got pneumonia that one time.”
Rachel looked dismissive. “That just means I won’t get it again.”
“I don’t think that’s how that works,” Quinn said. “Maybe if you paid more attention in Biology, you would have an idea of how that works.”
Rachel grinned at her. “Well, that’s how it’s going to work for me.”
Quinn chuckled. “Okay, if you say so.” She paused. “It was kind of scary though. You looked so sick even when you came back.”
Rachel raised an eyebrow. “Have you been waiting all this time just to tell me I looked terrible?”
Quinn snorted in derision. “Please, like I need to wait to tell you when you look terrible? If you look terrible, I’m going to let you know.”
“You haven’t said anything to me about that in a while though.”
“Well,” Quinn said. “You haven’t worn anything that made me want to gouge my eyes out in a while, so I guess you’re okay.”
“I’m glad we’re friends so we can talk about this subject so openly.”
“Me too,” Quinn said.
“Hey Berry, munch on any carpets today?” Cindy Turner called out.
Quinn glared at the interloper in her conversation with Rachel. “Hey Cindy, get tested for any STDs this week?” she snapped. “Why don’t you shut the hell up?”
“Hey Quinn, get impregnated by anyone else’s best friend lately?”
Quinn’s mouth opened in outrage, but Rachel spoke first.
“Hey Cindy?” Rachel called out.
Cindy glared at Rachel “What?”
“Nothing,” Rachel said. She hurled a crumpled piece of paper at Cindy which hit Cindy squarely on the nose. “Just shut up about things you don’t know anything about, okay?” She turned to look at Quinn, pleased. “Hey, I’m surprisingly athletic. Maybe basketball is my sport.”
Quinn thought back to the day Rachel threw in her paper towel into the trashcan in the bathroom. Even after all the time that had passed, she still had to smile at the memory of how triumphant Rachel looked and the way Rachel had cheered “yay” once it went in. It’d been ridiculously cute, and she was still embarrassed by how cute she found it.
“Maybe.”
The crumpled piece of paper was hurled back and hit Rachel on the side of the head. Rachel glared at Cindy, but picked up the piece of paper and threw it into the trashcan. She grinned happily when it went in and turned back to Quinn. “Okay, seriously. That’s cool, right?”
“It is,” Quinn agreed with a laugh. “God, you’re a nerd.”
“Maybe, but--”
Another ball of paper was hurled at Rachel and it hit the side of her head. Once again, Rachel ignored it. Quinn felt her temper flare, but Rachel looked calm. Then another ball of paper hit Rachel. And then another. There were giggles around the room, but Rachel looked calm and ignored it, placidly continuing her conversation with Quinn.
Then a ball of paper hit Quinn in the forehead.
Quinn saw Rachel’s expression change from calm to scarily mad in just a second. She couldn’t remember ever seeing Rachel truly mad. She’d seen Rachel upset and histrionic, and all diva-d out, but she’d never seen Rachel truly angry. Although at the moment, Rachel’s anger put her in rabid dog territory, which made ‘mad’ a more accurate descriptor than ‘angry.’ Rachel stood up and the room went quiet. Quinn looked at Cindy to see that Cindy no longer looked amused and instead looked fearful.
Rachel Berry was five foot two, even though she ridiculously lied on her driver’s license and said she was five foot four. It was ridiculous because anyone who stood next to her would know that was a bold-faced lie. Rachel was shorter and skinnier than a good chunk of the student body, but everyone also knew that Rachel was a little…well, Rachel was a little scary. Because she was honestly a little crazy.
“Don’t. Ever. Fucking. Throw. Another. Thing. At. Us.” Rachel said. Her hand clenched around the ball of paper in her fist and she held it menacingly close to Cindy’s face.
“Whatever.”
Rachel threw the ball of paper into Cindy’s face although not with great force and then sat down. It was more of a flick.
Seconds later, Quinn felt two balls of paper hit the back of her head in rapid succession.
Rachel was out of her seat in less than one second. The fight was over in ten seconds and it ended with Cindy in a crying heap on the ground. The room was quiet and when the teacher came in, and allegedly nobody saw anything despite the demands of the teacher. Cindy was excused to go to the girls’ bathroom, Quinn stared at Rachel in wonder and Rachel slunk down in her chair and looked ashamed.
After that day, Rachel was never Slushied again, and no one said a word to her about her relationship with Brittany. No one said a word to Quinn about her baby’s parentage, for that matter, either.
“I didn’t know you could fight,” Quinn said to Rachel as they exited their classroom once class was over.
Rachel looked at her, her expression droll. “I have two gay dads and I live in Lima. Why would you think I wouldn’t know how to fight? It just takes a lot more now than a comment about my dads or a Slushie to my face to do it.”
Quinn couldn’t help but think Rachel was only provoked into the fight because Cindy Turner chose to bring her into the mix, but she didn’t want to say it, because she had no idea how Rachel would react. Still the thought that Rachel would have gotten into a fight on her behalf sort of made her giddy.
“You don’t even have a scratch on you,” Quinn noted, her hand reaching out to grasp Rachel’s chin, just to be sure. She turned Rachel’s face so she could look at Rachel’s left side in profile, and then did the same to her right side.
Rachel looked sad. “I don’t like to fight if I don’t have to.”
Her dads were optimists, but they weren’t fools. They were aware of the challenges that any child they brought into the world would face because that child would be raised by gay parents in a small town in a Midwestern state. Amidst all of her dance classes, singing lessons and beauty pageants were self-defense classes. When she was little, it was just tae kwon do and karate, stuff to defend herself against other kids if she had to. But when she got older and started to talk about Julliard, her fathers got anxious about her personal safety in the big city and made her take more aggressive forms of street self-defense. When her parents suggested krav maga which the flipping Israeli militia apparently used and muay thai, she drew the line. She wasn’t Laura Croft, she was just Rachel Berry.
She’d had the entire class period to think about the fight and although she wasn’t about to apologize for it, she felt bad she didn’t have the guts to just walk away. She went to a small private school from kindergarten through eighth grade and she’d gotten into two fights in fifth grade, both times with girls who made fun of her dads. Then she got into a fight in sixth grade with two boys, at the same time, and she’d kicked their asses and after that, there weren’t any more comments about her dads, and there were no more fights, but no one talked to her anymore after that, either. She thought she’d had a fresher start at McKinley, but everyone knew about her dads, and she got comments hurled at her, Slushies to the face, her locker defaced and anatomically flattering, but pornographic drawings of her sketched on the wall. Okay, so the last one was Quinn, who gave her much bigger breasts in those drawings than she actually had, but still.
Still, in Rachel’s mind, it was one thing to come after her, but it was another thing to come after her friends, and she did consider Quinn to be one of her friends. She knew the risks about being open about her relationship with Brittany, and she and Brittany talked about being open about it, and they both agreed they were okay with being open about it even though the school was notoriously intolerant. Rachel expected a few insults hurled her way, but she couldn’t tolerate someone bringing her friends into the mix.
“Then I’m sorry you had to,” Quinn said softly.
“It was kind of a stupid fight,” Rachel said looking contrite.
“Cindy Turner is a bitch.”
Quinn wasn’t sorry. Cindy Turner was a snippy bitch and had been since the fourth grade, which was when she first met Cindy.
Moments later, Brittany bounded up to them and practically jumped into Rachel’s arms. She threw her arms around Rachel’s neck. “Rachel! I heard you won a fight!”
Rachel chuckled and hugged Brittany. “It wasn’t much of a fight.”
“Cindy Turner was mean to me yesterday,” Brittany declared with a tiny sniff.
Rachel and Quinn exchanged a look. Rachel took Brittany by the hand. “Maybe it wasn’t such a stupid fight after all,” Rachel told Quinn. In fact, now Rachel thought it was totally worth it.
“Huh?” Brittany asked.
“Nothing,” Rachel said. “I’ll walk you to class. I’ll see you in Government, Quinn.”
“Yeah,” Quinn said.
Rachel looked at Quinn as she and Brittany walked away, and she found that Quinn was looking at her back. Rachel did not even want to begin to contemplate what that could mean.
After the fight, Santana did start to look at Rachel with a bit more respect.
“Oh, she was totally defending your honor,” Santana assured when Quinn told the brunette about later that day. They were driving to Santana’s house at the time. “I mean, I wouldn’t have gotten into a fight over you.”
“Thank you, Santana. That really makes me feel good.”
But Quinn knew that the only person Santana would get into a fight over was Brittany. And that kind of seemed right to Quinn.
“I was just saying,” Santana said with a shrug. She put her arm around Quinn. “But if you got into a fight, you know I’d have your back.”
Quinn chuckled. “Would you really?”
“I really would,” Santana said. She glanced around, saw no other cars on the road and pressed a quick peck to Quinn’s cheek. “So tell me again, Cindy Turner cried, right?”
“She did,” Quinn said with a grin. She thought about the way she and Santana both relished in the fact that Cindy Turner cried. She thought about the way both Rachel and Brittany looked sorry about the fight the more time that passed by during the day-- Rachel because she was the actual winner of the fight and Brittany because she couldn’t bring herself to hate anyone enough to want them to cry. Quinn thought about these things and then thought that maybe they were arranged just as they should be.
--
It was a sunny April day when Brittany came over. They’d been dating for a few months, and they were at that point in their relationship when they could go to each other’s houses and enter each other’s rooms without knocking.
“Hey Brittany,” Rachel greeted, grinning. Her eyes narrowed in concern and she stood up to approach Brittany. “Are you okay? You look upset. What’s wrong?”
“I kissed Santana,” Brittany blurted, her eyes immediately squeezed shut and her entire body flinched, like she was getting ready for a blow. .
Rachel paused and waited to be angry or hurt, but the truth was, she wasn’t. “Oh.”
Brittany continued to have her eyes shut, and her body hunched, waiting.
“Brittany,” Rachel said patiently. “I’m not going to hit you.”
Brittany opened only one eye. “You’re not?” she asked cautiously.
“No,” Rachel chuckled.
“Not even a little bit?”
Rachel wrapped her arms around Brittany’s waist and pulled the blonde in close. “I would never do that,” she said sincerely. “I love you.”
Brittany’s eyes pooled with tears. “Don’t say that,” she whispered. “Don’t tell me you love me after I kissed Santana.”
Rachel gave her a tender smile and tucked a stray lock of Brittany’s hair behind her ear. “It’s okay that you love her more,” she murmured. “We don’t have to keep doing this. You can go back to her. Don’t feel bad or guilty. But I still love you. Because you’re my friend and you’re easy to love.”
“You don’t want to be with me?” Brittany asked, sounding confused and hurt. “Is that why you aren’t mad?”
Rachel took Brittany by the hand. “Sit down,” she said, leading Brittany to her bed. She sat down and tugged on Brittany’s hand. She patted the space next to her. “Sit.”
Brittany sat down next to her, her eyes huge as she peered into Rachel’s eyes.
“I’m not mad,” Rachel said quietly. “And I do want to be with you. I love you. But I always knew you loved Santana more.”
Brittany bit her lower lip. “I’m sorry,” she said softly.
Rachel smiled at her. “You never lied to me about that.”
“No,” Brittany said quietly. “But I still feel bad about it.”
Rachel hugged her. “You’re the best,” she declared fondly.
Brittany looked upset. “You’re being too nice to me about this. Why aren’t you mad?”
Rachel shrugged. “I just want you to be happy,” she said sincerely. “You’re my friend, and you make me happy.”
Brittany swallowed hard. “I’m sorry,” she said again.
Rachel sighed. “What happened?” she asked. “I mean, it’s been months since you guys were together. So what changed?”
“Santana’s parents know,” Brittany said quietly. “They said they’ve always known. They found out Joey’s been trying to get Santana to do stuff for him because he caught us. But they already knew.”
A part of Brittany was a little thrilled that Joe Lopez was in so much trouble, and that Santana wasn’t. But only a part of her, because she wasn’t the sort of person who reveled when someone else was in trouble. Santana’s parents knew, and Santana was relieved and glad, and Brittany was relieved and glad because Santana was. It meant everything could go back to normal. Except now there was Rachel. Brittany didn’t want to just release Rachel out into the world. Brittany was happy with Santana, and that meant she wanted everyone else she loved to be happy the way she was happy, too.
“I’ve loved her since we were in sixth grade, when we were on drill team together,” Brittany tried to explain. Because she felt like she owed Rachel an explanation.
Rachel was always nice to her, helped her with her homework, and wasn’t afraid to take her hand or to kiss her in public. Once, when it’d been particularly cold, Rachel touched her cheek before they left school, took off her scarf and wrapped it around Brittany’s neck. “It’s really cold out,” Rachel had explained. “And you get cold more easily than I do.”
It’d been breathtakingly tender, and Brittany wasn’t a greedy sort of person who wanted a whole bunch of people to love her, but she was very glad at that moment that Rachel did love her.
All Brittany ever wanted was one person to love her. Well, one person who wasn’t, like, her mom or her dad or her sisters and brother. Someone outside of her family. When Mike Chang told her he loved her, Brittany felt lucky because Mike was sweet and funny and nice to her. It probably could have been enough for her forever, except that Santana told her she loved her, too.
Santana was always good to her, and that made Brittany feel special because Santana wasn’t always very nice to everyone. In fact, a lot of the time, Santana was mean to everyone. That was just Santana’s way and Brittany had long accepted it the way Santana accepted the fact that Brittany wasn’t as smart as anyone else. Besides, even though Santana could be mean to people, Brittany didn’t think Santana was a mean person.
The last thing Brittany set out to do when she started dating Rachel was to hurt Rachel. She just thought that one day, maybe when Rachel went away to college or whatever, that Rachel would just leave her behind and that would be the end of that. She’d always just assumed that Rachel would be the one to leave her-- leave her for college, leave her for Quinn (it was apparent to Brittany that just as Rachel was a replacement of sorts for Santana, she was a replacement of sorts for Quinn), leave her for Finn or maybe for Puck.
Brittany just didn’t consider herself to be the sort of girl a person stayed for, so she was a little surprised that she was leaving Rachel behind for Santana.
“I just really love her,” Brittany said, when Rachel hadn’t said anything at all for a few minutes. It was scary how calm Rachel was because Rachel tended to throw a fit if the cafeteria ran out of her favorite flavor or Jell-o or something. Brittany thought kissing Santana would have warranted a bigger reaction out of Rachel. It was cheating, after all. And while Brittany shamelessly cheated on tests (they were hard!), she didn’t want to cheat on people. She’d already cheated on Mike with Santana and she felt bad enough about that. She didn’t want to become the sort of person that just kept cheating on people.
Brittany knew she wasn’t smart, but she thought she was better than that.
“I know,” Rachel said, her voice subdued. “I know you love her. She loves you, too. Anyone can see it.”
“Really?” Brittany asked softly.
“And she’s good to you,” Rachel said. It came out as a half-statement, half-question.
“Yeah,” Brittany said softly. “She is.” She wrapped her arm around Rachel’s shoulders. “I’m so sorry.”
“You don’t have to be sorry,” Rachel said with a sigh. “This is just the way it’s supposed to be.”
Brittany gave her a bright smile. “You really think so?”
Rachel grinned at her. “You and Santana? Definitely.”
“Are we still friends? Brittany asked hesitantly.
Rachel laughed warmly and hugged Brittany, holding her close. “We’re still friends,” she assured. “We can be friends as long as you’d like.”
Brittany kissed Rachel’s cheek. “I want us to always be friends.”
“I want us always to be friends, too.”
“But just friends,” Brittany added quickly. “No more sex. Because Santana would get really mad and I don’t think I can stop her from hitting you now that she and I are back together.”
Rachel bit back her laughter. “I understand.”
The truth was, it did sort of hurt to be rejected, especially by someone as good as Brittany. But Rachel had always known she was the second choice, and in all honesty, Brittany wasn’t what she wanted either. She didn’t want to hold Brittany back from where she truly belonged, and at least at the moment, Brittany belonged with Santana.
“Tell Santana if she hurts you, I’ll kick her ass,” Rachel said.
Brittany raised an eyebrow. “I don’t think you could do that,” she said mildly. “I know you can fight, but I’ve seen Santana fight a boy and win.” She paused. “But that was in the seventh grade. She smashed ketchup and tator tots in his face.”
Rachel could easily picture Santana doing that. “Well, if she hurt you, I’d have to,” Rachel joked. But she kind of meant it, too. There was just something about Brittany that made a person protective.
Brittany looked upset again. “Don’t be so nice to me,” she pleaded. “You’re making it harder to do this.”
“Sorry,” Rachel apologized.
Brittany hugged her again. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.
“I know,” Rachel said quietly, stroking Brittany’s hair.
--
Santana was a bitch, but she wasn’t heartless. Quinn was one of her friends, and she loved Quinn because of that. But the whole problem with her and Quinn was that she didn’t love Quinn the way she loved Brittany. And anyway, a teenaged mom who was grimly counting down the days until she turned 18 and would be summarily kicked out from her parents’ house was not in Santana’s plans either. The only person she could handle that much drama from was Brittany, and Brittany was more or less a drama free zone. Most of the time. When Santana was honest with herself, all the drama that was brought into their relationship was drama that she brought, not drama that Brittany brought.
But just because she didn’t want to sign onto Quinn’s issues or maintain her current subscription didn’t meant she wanted to hurt Quinn either. She wanted to be delicate. But that just wasn’t her way.
“My parents found out about me and Brittany,” Santana said quietly one day when they were sharing a small plate of unauthorized French fries. She wasn’t supposed to have French fries or else Coach Sylvester would have a fit, and Quinn was always worried about gaining weight ever since she had her baby. Apparently, it was harder to maintain her weight with the same diet and exercise regime, or whatever.
Quinn’s eyes were wide. “Oh no,” she said. “Are you okay? What happened?”
Santana gave her a small smile. “It was actually really good,” she said.
She and her brother, Joseph, had gotten into a screaming argument. He’d taunted her for being a ‘dyke’ and once again threatened to tell their parents. It’d enraged her because she’d given Brittany up once the threat became too close and too near, and Joe was still hounding her. She missed Brittany desperately, but Brittany seemed way too content to be with Rachel. And Brittany’s parents seemed to already know even though Brittany never came right out and said it, and Rachel’s fathers were obviously fine with the gay thing, and Santana knew Brittany just wanted a relationship that didn’t have to be hidden from the world. She had that with Rachel, and though it made Santana miserable, she knew that made Brittany happy. She couldn’t give Brittany that, so she settled for making out and having sex with Quinn in secret. It suited them both.
But Santana could see how much Quinn envied the openness that Brittany and Rachel had, too, and Santana knew that Quinn couldn’t give that to Rachel any more than she could give that to Brittany. It made them well-matched for this venture.
But when Santana’s mother had come upon her and Joey beating the crap out of each other, Santana couldn’t hold it in anymore. She blurted everything out. She expected the worst. She expected being hit in the head with the broom that her mother was still holding when she ran up the stairs to check on them. She expected a kick in the ass out the door. She expected her mother to cross herself and drag her to church.
But what she got instead was her mother yelling at her brother and slapping him on the back of the head. What she got was her mother grounding her brother indefinitely. What she got was her mother pulling her into her bedroom and quietly saying that her mother and father had known for a long time how Santana felt for Brittany.
Her mother touched her cheek. “Do you remember when you were thirteen, when you and Brittany got into that fight with that terrible kid? What was his name? Scott something?”
“Scott fucking Stewart,” Santana huffed, wiping at her eyes.
“Santana,” her mother reprimanded.
“Sorry.”
“You were so angry about what Scott said to Brittany, and she was more upset that he hurt you than what he said to her.” Her mother sighed gently. “That was when I knew. Your father and I both knew.”
Santana sniffed. “Why didn’t you say anything?”
Her mother looked rueful. “We honestly hoped you would grow out of it. You seemed to. You dated Noah and Matthew.”
That nearly broke Santana. “I don’t think I’m going to, Mom,” she said her voice cracking.
“I know,” her mother said quietly.
“Are you and Dad going to kick me out of the house?” Santana whispered.
“Why would we do that?” her mother asked. “You’re still our child. You’re our only girl.” Her mother reached for her and pulled her close. “Whatever you believe about your father and me and whatever you might believe about yourself, you’re our baby girl. We longed for a girl, and we had you. And we’ve cherished every moment with you, from the awards to the trips to the principal’s office for fighting. This isn’t what we wanted for you, I won’t lie to you. But I never wanted you to be blackmailed by your brother over this either. You don’t need to keep secrets from us. We love you.”
Santana sighed shakily. “You couldn’t have told me this a few months ago?” she asked ruefully.
Her mother laughed sadly. “I didn’t realize you and Brittany broke up because you didn’t know where your father and I stood on the matter.”
Santana hugged her mother. “Mom,” she whispered. “If I could have changed, I would have. I tried, I really did. But this is just the way I am.”
Mrs. Lopez drew a deep, shaky breath. “You don’t need to change.”
Santana pulled away and wiped at her eyes. “Mom, can I go over to Brittany’s? I really need to talk to her.”
Mrs. Lopez smiled. “Okay,” she said. “But you need to come home afterward because you’re grounded for fighting your brother. That’s not what hands are for.”
Santana suppressed the urge to roll her eyes at that. Ever since she and her brothers were small, and they would fight amongst each other, her parents always intervened and asked, “what are hands for? Are hands for hitting? No! They’re for shaking hands” and then would make the fighting parties shake hands. It was horrible.
“Okay, mom.”
When Santana went to Brittany’s that day, she half-expected to have to chase Rachel away, but Rachel wasn’t there.
Brittany looked at her a little warily, but they were still friends and so Santana followed Brittany up to her bedroom the way she had countless times before.
“I know you’re with Rachel now,” Santana said nervously. “But I just wanted you to know that I still love you, Brittany. I’ve really missed you these past few months.”
Brittany had her arms crossed in front of her chest. “What about your parents?” she asked flatly. “You told me that they absolutely could never find out.”
Santana shifted uncomfortably. “It turned out they kind of already knew.”
Brittany nodded slowly. “But what happens the next time there’s someone you don’t want to find out about us?”
“Brit…”
“I don’t mind being a secret,” Brittany said softly. “I kind of liked it when it was just me and you and no one knew. It felt…” she sighed. “Special. But I don’t want to break up every time you get scared that someone is going to find out. It made me too sad. I don’t want you to keep telling me that you’re sorry or that I’m going to find someone new. And I don’t want you to lie to me and say you love me.”
Santana’s eyes blazed. “I never lied to you when I said I loved you. I’ve meant it every time I said it. I’ve meant it since we were on the fucking drill team together, Brittany. I’ve meant it before either of us even got boobs!”
Brittany’s arms remained crossed in front of her. “I already had boobs when we met,” she corrected. “You didn’t.”
Santana scowled because she didn’t like to be reminded of the days when she’d been short, skinny and oh-so woefully underdeveloped. But it meant something to her that Brittany had loved her, even back then, when there was nothing really to love other than just herself.
“I never lied to you,” Santana said. “Ever. Not about loving you.”
“It was easy enough for you to break up with me,” Brittany pointed out.
“It nearly killed me,” Santana said quietly. “It was never easy for me. It wasn’t easy to see you with Rachel, and being so public and knowing I could never do that for you. But I can now, Brittany. And I promise you. I swear just give me a chance and I won’t ever hide us again. There’s no one we need to hide from!”
“I can’t hurt Rachel,” Brittany said flatly. “She’s my friend.”
Santana swallowed hard. “Do you love her?”
Brittany looked defiant. “Yes,” she snapped, losing her temper for the first time in as long as she could remember. “Of course I do!”
Santana looked like she was going to burst into tears. “Are you in love with her?”
Brittany sucked in a short gasp of air. “I’m in love with you,” she admitted softly after a short pause.
Santana gave her a small, hopeful smile and Brittany just couldn’t resist. She kissed Santana.
Santana felt herself melt into Brittany and she wanted to cry because it felt so right. She had her girl again. The girl she’d been fascinated by standing next to her in drill team practice in sixth grade. The girl she fell in love with over sleepovers and shared lunches all throughout middle school. The girl she was already in love with by the time they were invited to tryout for the Cheerios with the promise that if Sue Sylvester only chose one of them, Sue Sylvester would get neither of them.
Brittany promised she would end things with Rachel, but she didn’t want to kiss again until she talked to Rachel. Brittany looked so distressed and distraught, Santana was worried that Brittany would change her mind. She was worried Rachel would somehow make Brittany change her mind. Her fears elevated when Brittany declined her offer to come with her when Brittany talked to Rachel.
Santana didn’t have the heart to tell Brittany that while Brittany was in a relationship with Rachel, Santana had been sleeping with Quinn. She knew it had to come out eventually, but Santana wanted to take care of things with Quinn first before she told Brittany about it.
Which was how Santana came to tell Quinn all about it.
“My parents found out about me and Brittany,” Santana said quietly as they shared some fries. She thought it was best to do this in a public place. Quinn was much less likely to throw a fit.
Quinn’s eyes were side. “Oh no,” she said. “Are you okay? What happened?”
Santana smiled at her. “It went really well,” she said. She fiddled with a salt shaker and evaded Quinn’s eyes. “I kissed Brittany yesterday,” she admitted softly.
Quinn looked thoughtful, but she didn’t say anything.
Santana drew back a little. “You’re not going to throw ketchup or something at me, are you?” she asked. “Because I know I deserve it, but I don’t think I’d be able to stop myself from throwing down.”
Quinn raised an eyebrow and looked disdainful at the idea. “Why would I do that?”
Santana shrugged. “It just seems customary somehow.”
Quinn sighed deeply. “These have been some very weird years,” she commented.
Santana chuckled. “You’re not mad?”
Quinn shrugged and leaned in close so that no one could hear them. “Weren’t we always doing what we were doing because you couldn’t have Brittany?”
Santana raised an eyebrow. “And because you couldn’t have Rachel?”
Quinn scowled. “Rachel and I were just a fling. You and Brit…” she sighed. “You guys were the real deal. I always knew it, even before I actually knew it.” She smiled at Santana. “I’m really glad your parents were cool about it. I’m happy for you.”
Santana looked apologetic. “I’m sorry that your parents are still so shitty.”
Quinn sighed. “I’ve got another month and half until I turn 18,” she said softly. “I’ll think of something.”
Santana reached for Quinn’s hand and squeezed it. “We’ll figure something out.”
Quinn grinned at her. “Maybe you fell a little in love with me,” she teased. “I think that happens when you sleep with me,”
Santana rolled her eyes. “Don’t flatter yourself, Fabray. I’m a one-woman kind of girl.”
Quinn chuckled. “I guess you are.”
Santana’s eyes softened. “Rachel’s single now, you know. And she doesn’t dress in clothes that are so painful to look at anymore.”
“She still dresses the same, we’ve just built an immunity to it.”
Santana made a face as if she’d just smelled something bad. “It’s sad, but I think you’re right.” She chuckled. “She and I need to stop sleeping with the same people. Puck. You. Brittany.”
Quinn smiled crookedly. “Well, you guys can stop now.”
“Yeah,” Santana said with a sigh. “Anyway. If you want a shot at her, you should go for it now. She’s…you know, vulnerable or whatever.”
Quinn gave her another crooked smile. “I think we lost our chance.” She smiled at Santana. “But I’m glad you have yours with Brit,” she said sincerely. And she really truly meant it.
--
Rachel watched as Brittany and Santana shamelessly made out on Matt’s couch. Yeah, she was a little jealous. It’d only been two weeks since she split up with Brittany. She’d cared deeply for Brittany, but mostly she was just happy for the blonde.
“You know,” Quinn said, coming up from behind her to stand next to her. “It wasn’t that long ago that I was standing here with Santana and you were sitting where Santana was sitting.”
Rachel sniffed in disdain. “I did not make out on Matt’s couch.” She paused. “Much.”
Quinn chuckled and offered Rachel a cup filled with cranberry juice and cheap vodka. “It’s terrible,” she said. “But if you feel like getting drunk, it will do the trick.”
“I don’t get drunk,” Rachel said, giving Quinn a long look. She took the proffered cup anyway and took a long gulp. “Thanks.”
Quinn laughed. “Are you okay? I mean, seeing Santana and Brittany make out.”
Rachel shrugged. “I’m fine with it.” She smiled. “Areyou okay with it? Brit tells me you have just as much to be jealous of as I do.”
Quinn blushed. Of course Santana had to tell Brittany about them, and of course Brittany told Rachel. “I’m okay with it.”
Rachel sighed. “This has been a really weird few years,” she commented.
Quinn’s eyes widened. “That’s exactly what I told Santana!”
Rachel chuckled. “Well, it really has been.” Rachel smiled at her. “Do you want to get out of here for a while,” she said. “I’ll buy you a slice of cheeseless pizza or something.”
Quinn smiled back. “I haven’t eaten cheeesless pizza since I was on the Cheerios.”
Rachel laughed. “Good, because what’s the point of eating a cheeseless pizza? I still don’t see it.”
“Well, one benefit is that your thighs don’t start to look like cottage cheese,” Quinn said.
Rachel smiled sincerely at her. “I think you’ve always been safe from that, Quinn.”
Quinn smiled back. “Are you okay to drive?”
Rachel nodded. “Yeah, that sip was all I had tonight.”
“Good,” Quinn said.
Within twenty minutes they were in Rachel’s car with the windows slightly rolled down, colas in paper cups in the cup holders and each holding a large slice of pizza on a white paper plate.
“Oh my God, this is so hot,” Rachel hissed trying to take a bite and wincing.
“Well, if you burn yourself, you can always sue,” Quinn teased.
Rachel chuckled. “So, are you really okay? I mean, with Brit and Santana getting back together.”
Quinn gave a very slight shrug of her shoulders. “Yeah,” she said. “I mean, Santana and I weren’t in love or anything. She was just really sad about Brittany and I had no idea what to do. So I kissed her.” Quinn made a face. “I don’t know how it got so far.”
Rachel nodded. “You know, that is exactly how I got involved with Brittany,” she chuckled. “I mean, the first time Brittany and I kissed, it was in the bathroom and she kissed me--”
“What is it with you kissing girls in the bathroom?” Quinn interrupted. “Is this your thing? Do you have some weird power that only works in the bathroom so that girls kiss you there?”
Rachel laughed. “No!” she exclaimed. “God. I hope not. The bathroom is not an ideal place to be kissing anyone.”
Quinn grinned. “So then since you’d already kissed Brittany, you decided you’d just kiss her again because she was sad?”
Rachel pouted. “Yes,” she said. “What’s your excuse with Santana? Did you kiss her before or something?”
Quinn snorted. “Please, the only girl Santana ever kissed before me was Brittany, and I think I set a new standard for Brittany to follow,” she joked.
Rachel raised an eyebrow. “You do flatter yourself. Brittany is a great kisser.”
“Well, so am I. You should know this.”
Rachel pretended to look thoughtful. “Well.”
“Hey!” Quinn said, legitimately outraged. Her hand reached out to swat at Rachel’s arm.
Unfortunately, Rachel was still holding her slice of pizza and the plate tumbled out of her hand.
“Crap!” Rachel exclaimed as the gooey, cheesy slice tumbled onto her shirt. She picked it off and put it back on her plate. She grabbed the plastic bag she kept in her car that she used as a trash bag and put the offending slice in. She gave Quinn a dirty look and reached for one of the napkins and dabbed at her shirt. “Thanks a lot,” she said. “See what happens when you’re physically abusive?”
Quinn scowled. “Well! You insinuated I wasn’t a good kisser.”
“I never did anything of the sort.”
“Yes, you did.”
“No, I didn’t.”
“Yes, you did.”
“No, I didn’t!.”
“Yes, you did!”
“No, I didn’t!”
“Yes, you--” Quinn looked adamant. “I am a good kisser!”
Rachel grinned at her. “Yes, you are,” she said sincerely.
Quinn grinned back. “All a girl wants sometimes is a little reassurance. Was that so hard?”
Rachel ducked her head and laughed softly. “Well, you didn’t have to knock my pizza out of my hands,” she said. “That was my dinner. I haven’t eaten yet.”
Quinn held hers up. “You can share mine,” she said softly.
Rachel smiled at her. “Thanks.” She dabbed at her shirt which was stained with grease and looked down at it in distaste. “You know,” she said, “if you didn’t like this shirt, there are more appropriate ways to tell me.”
Quinn laughed. “That’s one of your less embarrassing ensembles. It wasn’t a deliberate act.”
“That’s good to know.”
Quinn ripped her slice of pizza apart the best she could without any cutlery and looked at it in distaste. “This looks gross now.”
“Yeah, it does,” Rachel agreed.
Quinn put the slice of pizza into Rachel’s garbage bag.
“Sorry,” Quinn said apologetically.
Rachel laughed. “Come on,” she said. “My dads are out on date night. Come over to my house. I think we have Lean Cuisine pizza or something in the freezer. I need to change my shirt anyway.”
“Sounds good,” Quinn said.
--