Okay, mostly a technical message here. I'm beginning to get hooked, but some minor punctuation/grammar things are a little distracting. A lot of your longer sentences have a lot of phrases separated with commas, and it would probably work a little better with semi-colons or periods in some places. Umm, like when Jonathon says "I forgot a lot of people react to it like that at first, you'll get used to it" it would be better to separate those two phrases with a semi-colon or a period.
(Sorry I went into English teacher mode there.) But so far I like it. I liked the name Red Ether, and the chapter name connected nicely to that. I think before this point, I was kindof like, "Okay, they're killing people, whatever," but then when you bring in drugs like that, it suddenly seemed a lot more serious of a situation to me. It also made a lot more sense than Max just kindof getting lucky and killing everyone in his first battle without a problem.
Yeah, that was more of a typo than anything, sorry about that. I've been typing them straight into here and not editting; I was catching a few of those instances, but missed that one. I'm usually real good about the grammar stuff when writing, but yeah, check the time when I wrote this and I think it'll make sense. Well that says 3:27am, but I think it was actually 4:27, so I probably need to edit my timezone.
I had debated not using the drug yet and just giving them a few guys to kill. Max wouldn't have been as nervous and done alright, but he probably would've sustained an injury worthy of a hospital visit. I decided to accelerate things a bit, but there's a chance the drugs won't show up in this manner for quite some time. Like I said, I need to go over all of it and take down proper notes and things first and find my original notes on the future chapters. I might get bored and do that sooner rather than later, but knowing me it'll probably be a month or so...then again, I kind of want to get this thing going.
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(Sorry I went into English teacher mode there.) But so far I like it. I liked the name Red Ether, and the chapter name connected nicely to that. I think before this point, I was kindof like, "Okay, they're killing people, whatever," but then when you bring in drugs like that, it suddenly seemed a lot more serious of a situation to me. It also made a lot more sense than Max just kindof getting lucky and killing everyone in his first battle without a problem.
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I had debated not using the drug yet and just giving them a few guys to kill. Max wouldn't have been as nervous and done alright, but he probably would've sustained an injury worthy of a hospital visit. I decided to accelerate things a bit, but there's a chance the drugs won't show up in this manner for quite some time. Like I said, I need to go over all of it and take down proper notes and things first and find my original notes on the future chapters. I might get bored and do that sooner rather than later, but knowing me it'll probably be a month or so...then again, I kind of want to get this thing going.
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