Personal trauma is not a competition. There are no gold medals waiting for you at the end of your pain. There is only life. You don't win or lose, you just keep going
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What do you suppose it signifies if you laugh like a banshee over horrible events in your stories? I mean big things, like killing the FMC's boyfriend.
That you don't take yourself too seriously, you enjoy sometimes Killing Your Darlings, and if you don't cry after killing a character, it's totally okay.
(I've cried after killing characters, but then I got over it. That's the way the stories had to go. Crunch all you want, I'll make more.)
I feel like it happens a lot with any disorder that's "debatable" -- chronic pain and fatigue disorders, anorexia, anxiety, depression, etc ... People ask if it isn't all in your head, or if you're just doing it for attention, and you have to prove to them you're in so much pain that it's legitimate. Which usually means "more pain than all the other people, in case they're just doing it for attention."
That's a very good way of putting it. "No, honestly, I really have this problem; I'm not faking it!" And for some people, that mindset gets taken too far. One member of the fibromyalgia community actively seeks out validation and justification for her downright lazy attitude. "Oh," she tells us, "I'm in too much pain to wash the dishes, and my husband snaps at me for it. Isn't he awful? But I just can't do anything about it. Why does no one understand?" She knows perfectly well that she can find some kind of compromise. Like leaning against the sink while washing, or taking breaks. But she doesn't. She sits on the couch and laments.
on the one hand, i know exactly what you're saying here and it makes me GRIND MY TEETH. argh.
...on the other hand, i have imaginary friends. now, granted, the term is used entirely sarcastically and for ease (other terms will include "invisibles", "headpeople", and "you are SO DAMN LUCKY YOU ARE NON-CORPOREAL." ahem. but be it that i don't discuss this publicly, 'imaginary friends' is the one people are likely to understand when i DO mention it). writing is a very immense part of my religion. *helpful*
Yes! But. There is a huge difference between "Hi, these are my imaginary friends, but that means they are not actually real" and "These are my imaginary friends and I buy them presents for Christmas even though they don't exist in this reality, and when they are having bad days I feel like metaphorically slitting my wrists and bleeding all over my keyboard. SO MUCH PAIN, MY FRIENDS. NO ONE UNDERSTANDS. I ARE AMAZING WRITER BECAUSE I UNDERSTAND."
Guess which one Ms. Hamilton does?
I have imaginary friends myself. But the drama and trauma in their lives don't make me publicly announce that I am emotionally falling to little pieces of imagined splattered flesh and gore on my monitor.
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(No worries, I already know I'm a bit nuts.)
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(I've cried after killing characters, but then I got over it. That's the way the stories had to go. Crunch all you want, I'll make more.)
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One member of the fibromyalgia community actively seeks out validation and justification for her downright lazy attitude. "Oh," she tells us, "I'm in too much pain to wash the dishes, and my husband snaps at me for it. Isn't he awful? But I just can't do anything about it. Why does no one understand?"
She knows perfectly well that she can find some kind of compromise. Like leaning against the sink while washing, or taking breaks. But she doesn't. She sits on the couch and laments.
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...on the other hand, i have imaginary friends. now, granted, the term is used entirely sarcastically and for ease (other terms will include "invisibles", "headpeople", and "you are SO DAMN LUCKY YOU ARE NON-CORPOREAL." ahem. but be it that i don't discuss this publicly, 'imaginary friends' is the one people are likely to understand when i DO mention it). writing is a very immense part of my religion. *helpful*
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Guess which one Ms. Hamilton does?
I have imaginary friends myself. But the drama and trauma in their lives don't make me publicly announce that I am emotionally falling to little pieces of imagined splattered flesh and gore on my monitor.
http://community.livejournal.com/lkh_lashouts/533107.html
You will have to join in order to read this, but it will be worth it. It is certifiable.
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