State of the Fic... plus Mylar
Is it really Friday? The exciting conclusion of In the Forests of the Night is coming out this weekend, never fear. It's just not coming out today. It's mostly written, but I want it to be the very best that it can be, and for that to happen, I need to be able to edit it. To give you a little perspective: most of the Burning Boy chapters had 3-4 scenes each. Some of the Forests chapters have up to nine scenes. This chapter has twenty-seven scenes. It's over 10,000 words. That's half a Big Boom story. So I promise there will be plenty to read when it comes out, I just need until Saturday or Sunday to polish it up for you. Deal?
In the meantime....
Title: Only In the Dark
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 3200
Summary: Missing scene from In the Forests of the Night, Chapter Nine. Gabriel is hiding after overhearing a conversation between Mohinder and Hiro. Mohinder comes to explain himself.
Author’s note: I’m not sure if this is really canon for the story, but it could be. Take it or leave it. This is especially for ghagiel, but also for everyone else who said “Mylar? Please?” See what commenting will get you?
Previously
If you haven’t read Love’s the Burning Boy and In the Forests of the Night, you should, but here’s all you need to know: Almost a year ago Sylar had a vision that he was going to kill Mohinder, and it scared him so much that he changed his life and became one of the good guys. Mohinder was having trouble accepting that, but after being forced to choose between watching Sylar die from the side-effects an ability-blocking drug he himself had developed, or saving Sylar’s life and becoming a fugitive, Mohinder has a different perspective. Got it? Good. I just saved you about 80,000 words of reading!
********
Usually Gabriel didn’t mind the cold, but tonight, despite cocooning himself in blankets, he felt the seeping chill of winter. He wasn’t tired, and he didn’t actually expect to fall asleep. He just couldn’t bear to be in company any longer, so he’d retreated to his room, to his bed. He hadn’t heard all of what Hiro and Mohinder had been discussing, but he’d heard enough. Hiro had witnessed Gabriel’s confrontation with Peter earlier, and Gabriel understood enough of the conversation to know he didn’t want to see Mohinder’s reaction.
Now, in the dark, he could hear the others moving around the house. If he concentrated, he could hear conversations downstairs. Instead, he raised a hand to his neck and felt the bruises where Peter had throttled him. It hurt to swallow. That was only the most noticeable of his hurts, the worst because it had been deliberately inflicted. Peter had wanted to kill him.
How many times did he have to pay for the same mistake? He and Peter had built up a tentative friendship in the past weeks, but today Peter had been reminded of who Gabriel really was. That’s not who I am anymore, Gabriel told himself fiercely. Still, he couldn’t escape the fact that he’d killed Peter’s mentor, the invisible man. If Gabriel couldn’t even keep an empath for a friend, how was he supposed to build a relationship with a normal person? How could he expect anyone to care about him when they all looked at him and saw death?
There was a creak from the hallway, and for one wild moment Gabriel thought Peter might have come back, having finally decided to put him out of his misery. But no-this step was lighter than Peter’s, and the heartbeat was slower. It was Mohinder. The door swung up with a rusty whine.
Huddled under the covers, Gabriel kept his eyes closed. Mohinder eased the door shut, and for a moment nothing else happened. Gabriel struggled to keep his breathing even. He would have given anything for Matt Parkman’s power then, to know what Mohinder was thinking, standing there in the dark.
“I know you’re not asleep.” Mohinder’s voice, soft and rich, broke the silence.
Gabriel heaved a sigh, then sat up and switched on the bedside lamp to reveal Mohinder leaning against the door, his face inscrutable.
“I heard that you and Peter had a fight.”
“Not a fight, really,” Gabriel said cautiously. After practically ignoring him for the last few days, he wasn’t sure why Mohinder would feel the need to confront him about this. Not that he objected. From Mohinder, even condemnation was better than silence.
“Sylar, please. He had you on the ground choking you and it wasn’t a fight?”
“We were training,” Gabriel said softly. He wanted to point out Mohinder’s error in his name, but it seemed ungraceful to nitpick now that Mohinder was actually speaking to him again. “I suppose it turned into a fight.”
To Gabriel’s surprise, Mohinder came and sat on the edge of the bed. He took Gabriel’s chin in his hand and tilted his head up gently, looking at the angry marks that stood out against the pale skin of his neck. “Are you hurt?”
“No.” With Mohinder’s fingers warm on his face, he felt no pain at all.
Mohinder seemed to realize that their connection was too close, too intimate, and he snatched his hand back. “Hiro says Peter was able to see into your memories somehow.”
“It’s an ability I picked up almost a year ago. Peter absorbed it from me, I suppose, but this is the first time he’s used it.”
“And what did Peter see when he looked into you?”
“I don’t know,” Gabriel lied. Mohinder looked at him so intently he was compelled to say something more. “He saw what he wanted to see. Bits and pieces of my past.”
“Like what?”
“I killed his friend,” Gabriel blurted out. Mohinder’s gaze didn’t waver. “He saw that memory. That… murder,” he finished reluctantly. He didn’t want to discuss his crimes with Mohinder; Mohinder was too familiar with them already, but it was his right to ask, if he wanted.
“So Peter was angry.” Mohinder’s face was calmly blank, unreadable.
“It’s his right to be angry. I deserve to be punished for what I’ve done.”
Mohinder regarded him in silence for a moment, and then focused his attention on a point just to the left of the headboard. “When I first saw you at Hiro’s, I was too angry to think. All I could see was the old Sylar. The one that hurt me, that hurt… so many people. You’re different from that man.”
“Yes.”
“I remember what you said that night, walking back from Hiro’s. About needing to atone.”
“I didn’t think you were listening.”
“We’ve both done things we regret, but we can’t change the past, can we? We can only try to change the future.” Mohinder shifted on the bed, finally looking at Gabriel again. “This is what I don’t understand. What happened to you?”
“I told you before,” Gabriel said slowly. He didn’t believe for a moment that Mohinder had forgotten.
“Is that the truth? You thought you were going to kill me?”
“Mohinder…” Gabriel took a deep breath. Mohinder had opened this can of worms, so he must want honest answers. “It wasn’t just the fact that killing you was senseless. I didn’t want to killyou.”
“Is that so?”
“Mohinder, you’re…” Beautiful. Wonderful. Perfect. “You cared about me. You wanted to help.”
“That’s true.”
“And I owe you my life.”
Mohinder shook his head. “Sylar, I can’t take credit for not letting you die. What kind of scientist would I be if-.”
“Not that,” Gabriel interrupted. “Or at least, that too. But it was because of you that I became what I am now. It was because of you that I changed. I wouldn’t have had this life if it wasn’t for you.”
Mohinder turned further toward him, sliding his leg up onto the bed, and Gabriel was keenly aware of how close he was. “But why?”
I fell in love with you. “I think you know.” Mohinder was being intentionally thick about this, Gabriel could tell.
“I do know,” Mohinder admitted. His eyes held Gabriel’s. He was so close.
Gabriel closed the distance between them, his lips landing gently against Mohinder’s. For a moment, they stayed pressed together, not moving.
When Gabriel opened his eyes, Mohinder was looking down, his eyes shadowed and unreadable. “Sylar, I-.”
“Never mind,” Gabriel said quickly, almost frantically.
He pulled away, swinging his legs over the other side of the bed, wrapping his arms around himself for comfort. He was stupid and reckless to have done that. Just when Mohinder seemed to actually care if he lived or died, he had to get greedy and mess up the whole thing. Like Sylar, he scolded himself. Greedy and thoughtless.
“Sylar,” Mohinder repeated. He couldn’t seem to get further than that. Gabriel heard his heart racing, and wondered if Mohinder was going to hit him.
“I’m sorry,” he said softly. “I didn’t mean…” But he had meant it. He didn’t want to take it back, even if it meant Mohinder didn’t speak to him ever again.
The bed creaked as Mohinder stood, and Gabriel knew he was leaving. Chased away, repulsed, just like everyone else. But he didn’t leave. Mohinder walked around the bed to stand in front of him. Gabriel couldn’t look at him. He hated feeling like a schoolchild in disgrace.
“Sylar. There’s been… something between us for a while, hasn’t there?”
“Yes.” There was no point in denying it.
“Since the beginning. Since Zane.”
“Yes.” He would not get upset. He would not cry in front of Mohinder. He wouldn’t beg, he wouldn’t try to manipulate. Mohinder had saved his life. That should be enough. Gabriel shouldn’t expect more, didn’t deserve more.
“And you still…”
“You know I do,” Gabriel said.
“Have you considered how I might feel about this?”
Gabriel brought his hand to his eyes to cover them, to hide, but he immediately forced his hand back down to his lap, clenching it against his knee. If Mohinder wanted to hurt him, to punish him, it was his right. He shouldn’t defend himself, he should let Mohinder do what he needed to do, take comfort from Gabriel’s pain, if he wanted. Sylar owed him that and more, so Gabriel forced himself to be still.
“For a long time,” Mohinder continued. “I didn’t understand how I could want you. But since I’ve gotten to know you again... If this was inside you all along, I see how I could have…”
What, fallen in love?
“Could have seen something worthwhile in you.”
Close enough.
Gabriel felt Mohinder’s fingers on his face again, tipping his chin up. “You have changed, haven’t you Sylar?”
“In some ways,” Gabriel said. He wasn’t sure that was what Mohinder wanted to hear, but he felt compelled to tell the absolute truth. “I’ve come a long way, but I’m still the same man who-.”
“Don’t say it,” Mohinder interrupted.
Gabriel considered for a moment, then decided on the next best thing, “I’m-.”
“And don’t say you’re sorry.”
Gabriel spread his hands helplessly. What Mohinder wanted from him was a mystery.
“Oh fuck it,” Mohinder muttered. He leaned forward, pressing his lips to Gabriel’s. Gabriel parted for him without hesitation, and then Mohinder’s tongue was inside his mouth, strong and gentle. His taste was rich and exotic, like the smell of his skin, the scent that rubbed off on old clothes. It was a flavor distinctly, unmistakably Mohinder. Gabriel found his hands clutching the blankets, scared to touch, to go where he wasn’t wanted.
Mohinder reached over and switched off the lamp, plunging them into true darkness. No city lights spilling through the window, no bright moon. Gabriel felt a pang of disappointment, thinking that Mohinder didn’t want to see what was happening, didn’t want to be reminded who he was with. It hurt, but not enough for Gabriel to want to stop, not with Mohinder’s tongue in his mouth like that, urgently exploring.
The bed creaked as Mohinder repositioned himself without coming up for air. Gabriel felt hands running up under his shirt, gliding along his sides, then down his chest, finding the puckered scar from a samurai blade and rushing past it.
“Sylar,” Mohinder breathed against his cheek. “Is this all right?”
“Yes,” said Gabriel. “Can I--?” His hands found the front of Mohinder’s pants, and fluttered there, uncertain.
Softer than a whisper, barely there, “Yes.”
It took Gabriel a few moments of blind fumbling, but soon he’d rid both himself and Mohinder of most of their clothing. Mohinder pulled the down comforter up over them, blocking out the cold and enveloping them in a little tent. As Mohinder shifted to find a comfortable position, his cock brushed against Gabriel’s, sending a jolt through his whole body, and causing Mohinder to gasp.
Gabriel ran his palm over Mohinder’s erection, and Mohinder’s shiver of pleasure was echoed in his own body. Here was evidence of the impossible: despite everything, despite all his mistakes and failures and sins, this gorgeous, perfect creature wanted him. He felt special.
With guidance from the little sounds Mohinder was making, he found just the right way to move his hand. It was different from what he liked for himself, but the smooth, slow strokes, the twist of a wrist at the top of the shaft, seemed to fit the scientist. Mohinder’s head hung down into the crook of Gabriel’s neck, and Gabriel could feel each pant and whine that answered his strokes. His own cock was hard and weeping from the noise. If he wasn’t careful, he would finish before he got what he really wanted.
He wrapped his hand around the base of Mohinder’s cock, holding it there a moment. “I want…” he whispered, but lost his courage half-way through.
“What?” Mohinder whispered in his ear.
Gabriel spread his legs, whining wordlessly as Mohinder’s erection bumped against his.
“What do you want?” Mohinder asked. Being intentionally dense again, Gabriel knew. He was going to make him say it. Gabriel didn’t know if he could. He had no right to ask, no right to expect something he’d wanted so badly for so long. “What do you want?” Mohinder purred, right into his ear.
“Fuck me.” It came out as a strangled whisper. Gabriel felt blood rush to his face. “Please,” he added.
“Is that what you want?” Mohinder bumped his hips gently against Gabriel, sending a shiver of pleasure through them both.
“Please,” Gabriel repeated.
Mohinder reached for the nightstand, rummaging around in the drawer. Gabriel had no idea how he could tell what was there with the lights off. Then he heard the click of a plastic lid flipping open, and the faint odor of vanilla wafted into the room. Mohinder shifted back, further under the covers and put one hand on Gabriel’s knee. Gabriel jerked as he felt something cold and creamy on his ass.
“Shhh.” Mohinder ran a hand along the inside of his thigh. “It’s all right.”
This time he ran a hand all the way along Gabriel’s thigh, up to the juncture of his legs, slipping a finger deftly behind his balls, and into Gabriel’s ass. Gabriel held his breath as it happened. He knew he should relax. It felt a little strange, and a little good, but mostly good. Mohinder’s long, slender finger inside of him began to slide in and out, and Gabriel threw one hand back to grab the headboard.
Another finger slid in beside the first. Mohinder twisted them slowly, spread them, stretching Gabriel gently, taking it slow. Then he crooked his fingers, searching. Gabriel shouted, and his whole body convulsed.
Mohinder slapped a hand over his mouth. “Do you want them to come up here and find us?”
Gabriel shook his head, although he knew Mohinder couldn’t see it. He certainly didn’t want to be interrupted, although he realized, with a sinking feeling, that Mohinder probably didn’t want anyone else knowing what he was doing with Gabriel. For Mohinder, this had to be secret, shameful, and wrong, but Gabriel couldn’t bear to tell him to stop.
Mohinder took his hand away from Gabriel’s mouth, and crooked his fingers again. Frantically, Gabriel squeezed his hand around his cock. Wait wait wait wait wait. He hadn’t read Gray’s Anatomy cover to cover without learning what the prostate was, but he’d just never experienced anything quite like this. “Mohinder,” he said desperately.
Mohinder slipped his fingers out, and Gabriel felt the blunt head of Mohinder’s cock at his entrance. “Ready?” he asked.
“Please.”
Mohinder pressed forward slowly. This was unfamiliar territory for Gabriel, but intuitive adeptness provided some assistance. He tried to relax, but found that his entire body, from curled toes to clenched teeth, reflected his tension. Mohinder gave another tentative thrust, and Gabriel bit back a whimper before it left his mouth.
“Sylar? Are you all right?” Mohinder whispered.
In answer, Gabriel wrapped his legs, first one, than the other, around Mohinder’s waist and pushed himself up, burying Mohinder the rest of the way inside him in one swift movement. Mohinder gave a surprised gasp. Gabriel’s hand had found its way into his mouth, and he was biting into it, concentrating on the feel of teeth digging into his flesh to distract from the sharp throbbing in his ass.
“Sylar?” Mohinder reached a hand out tentatively to Gabriel’s face. His smooth fingers ran over the tracks of tears that Gabriel didn’t remember shedding. “This isn’t about hurting you,” he whispered. When Gabriel didn’t respond, Mohinder gave a sigh and began to pull out.
“Don’t,” Gabriel whispered hoarsely. “Please.”
Mohinder paused, and the bed creaked as he shifted his weight, laying himself out on top of Gabriel, a warm, comforting weight. “What’s wrong, Sylar?”
“I’m not-,” Gabriel began, but bit his tongue. Mohinder had decided to start this despite the mistakes in their past. It seemed silly to argue about semantics. Still, with Mohinder inside of him, calling him that, he couldn’t help but seek a little punishment.
“What is it?” Mohinder was close enough to kiss, and now Gabriel was glad of the darkness, glad Mohinder couldn’t see the fear in his eyes.
“I’m not Sylar,” he whispered.
Mohinder laid his forehead against Gabriel’s, and let out a soft chuckle made his heart skip a beat. “No, I suppose you’re not,” he said. “I’m sorry Gabriel.” The way Mohinder said it, in his velvety soft, honeyed voice, his accent taking all the guttural growl out of it, made it sound like a benediction. A shiver of pleasure ran through Gabriel, and Mohinder chuckled again. “Are you okay?”
“Yes,” Gabriel breathed. “Now I am. Yes.”
Mohinder pushed himself back up, and Gabriel planted his feet wide apart. Mohinder gave a tentative thrust. Gabriel bucked his hips up encouragingly. Mohinder slid out again, almost all the way, and sunk back in so slowly that Gabriel started to wrap his legs around him to pull him in again. “Patience,” Mohinder said, pushing Gabriel’s legs back to the side.
He continued his long thrusts, teasing until Gabriel was whining and writhing under him, hands digging into the headboard. “Please,” he gasped when Mohinder was buried all the way again. “Please.”
Mohinder sped up. Gabriel wished the light was on. He could imagine Mohinder’s face, brown eyes dark with pleasure, the smooth expanse of dusty skin, dark curls bouncing with each thrust. He reached up to touch, fingers sliding along Mohinder’s sides, sweat-slick skin, muscle stretching as he pounded into Gabriel. “Please,” Gabriel sighed again.
The thrusts were coming shallower now, almost frantic. Gabriel reached between their bodies, wrapping his hand around his own erection. It only took a few strokes-he was already so close-before warmth exploded against his chest. Mohinder’s breath caught in his throat, and he pushed all the way into Gabriel, hands clutching his shoulders as he came.
It took Gabriel a while to get his breath back. By the time he did, he realized Mohinder was slumped on top of him, heart rate coming down from its peak.
A minute went by in silence, and Gabriel suddenly had the awful feeling that Mohinder was regretting what he’d done. He reached over and grabbed a handful of tissues from the nightstand, meekly cleaning both of them off under the covers, and still Mohinder said nothing.
When the bed creaked with shifting weight, Gabriel was sure Mohinder was leaving, but he only reached up to turn on the lamp. Propped up on one arm, he gazed at Gabriel intently. His curls were damp with sweat, but his face was inscrutable. He rested a hand on Gabriel’s chest and sighed.
Despite himself, Gabriel asked, “What?” He was prepared for a speech. Perhaps an admonition from Mohinder, a condemnation, a dismissal.
Instead, Mohinder laughed, that same delighted, surprised laugh he’d given the very first time he saw ‘Zane’ demonstrate his abilities: a truly happy laugh.
“What is it?” Gabriel asked.
“You,” he said. He lay his head down on the pillow next to Gabriel. “Just you.”
In the meantime....
Title: Only In the Dark
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 3200
Summary: Missing scene from In the Forests of the Night, Chapter Nine. Gabriel is hiding after overhearing a conversation between Mohinder and Hiro. Mohinder comes to explain himself.
Author’s note: I’m not sure if this is really canon for the story, but it could be. Take it or leave it. This is especially for ghagiel, but also for everyone else who said “Mylar? Please?” See what commenting will get you?
Previously
If you haven’t read Love’s the Burning Boy and In the Forests of the Night, you should, but here’s all you need to know: Almost a year ago Sylar had a vision that he was going to kill Mohinder, and it scared him so much that he changed his life and became one of the good guys. Mohinder was having trouble accepting that, but after being forced to choose between watching Sylar die from the side-effects an ability-blocking drug he himself had developed, or saving Sylar’s life and becoming a fugitive, Mohinder has a different perspective. Got it? Good. I just saved you about 80,000 words of reading!
********
Usually Gabriel didn’t mind the cold, but tonight, despite cocooning himself in blankets, he felt the seeping chill of winter. He wasn’t tired, and he didn’t actually expect to fall asleep. He just couldn’t bear to be in company any longer, so he’d retreated to his room, to his bed. He hadn’t heard all of what Hiro and Mohinder had been discussing, but he’d heard enough. Hiro had witnessed Gabriel’s confrontation with Peter earlier, and Gabriel understood enough of the conversation to know he didn’t want to see Mohinder’s reaction.
Now, in the dark, he could hear the others moving around the house. If he concentrated, he could hear conversations downstairs. Instead, he raised a hand to his neck and felt the bruises where Peter had throttled him. It hurt to swallow. That was only the most noticeable of his hurts, the worst because it had been deliberately inflicted. Peter had wanted to kill him.
How many times did he have to pay for the same mistake? He and Peter had built up a tentative friendship in the past weeks, but today Peter had been reminded of who Gabriel really was. That’s not who I am anymore, Gabriel told himself fiercely. Still, he couldn’t escape the fact that he’d killed Peter’s mentor, the invisible man. If Gabriel couldn’t even keep an empath for a friend, how was he supposed to build a relationship with a normal person? How could he expect anyone to care about him when they all looked at him and saw death?
There was a creak from the hallway, and for one wild moment Gabriel thought Peter might have come back, having finally decided to put him out of his misery. But no-this step was lighter than Peter’s, and the heartbeat was slower. It was Mohinder. The door swung up with a rusty whine.
Huddled under the covers, Gabriel kept his eyes closed. Mohinder eased the door shut, and for a moment nothing else happened. Gabriel struggled to keep his breathing even. He would have given anything for Matt Parkman’s power then, to know what Mohinder was thinking, standing there in the dark.
“I know you’re not asleep.” Mohinder’s voice, soft and rich, broke the silence.
Gabriel heaved a sigh, then sat up and switched on the bedside lamp to reveal Mohinder leaning against the door, his face inscrutable.
“I heard that you and Peter had a fight.”
“Not a fight, really,” Gabriel said cautiously. After practically ignoring him for the last few days, he wasn’t sure why Mohinder would feel the need to confront him about this. Not that he objected. From Mohinder, even condemnation was better than silence.
“Sylar, please. He had you on the ground choking you and it wasn’t a fight?”
“We were training,” Gabriel said softly. He wanted to point out Mohinder’s error in his name, but it seemed ungraceful to nitpick now that Mohinder was actually speaking to him again. “I suppose it turned into a fight.”
To Gabriel’s surprise, Mohinder came and sat on the edge of the bed. He took Gabriel’s chin in his hand and tilted his head up gently, looking at the angry marks that stood out against the pale skin of his neck. “Are you hurt?”
“No.” With Mohinder’s fingers warm on his face, he felt no pain at all.
Mohinder seemed to realize that their connection was too close, too intimate, and he snatched his hand back. “Hiro says Peter was able to see into your memories somehow.”
“It’s an ability I picked up almost a year ago. Peter absorbed it from me, I suppose, but this is the first time he’s used it.”
“And what did Peter see when he looked into you?”
“I don’t know,” Gabriel lied. Mohinder looked at him so intently he was compelled to say something more. “He saw what he wanted to see. Bits and pieces of my past.”
“Like what?”
“I killed his friend,” Gabriel blurted out. Mohinder’s gaze didn’t waver. “He saw that memory. That… murder,” he finished reluctantly. He didn’t want to discuss his crimes with Mohinder; Mohinder was too familiar with them already, but it was his right to ask, if he wanted.
“So Peter was angry.” Mohinder’s face was calmly blank, unreadable.
“It’s his right to be angry. I deserve to be punished for what I’ve done.”
Mohinder regarded him in silence for a moment, and then focused his attention on a point just to the left of the headboard. “When I first saw you at Hiro’s, I was too angry to think. All I could see was the old Sylar. The one that hurt me, that hurt… so many people. You’re different from that man.”
“Yes.”
“I remember what you said that night, walking back from Hiro’s. About needing to atone.”
“I didn’t think you were listening.”
“We’ve both done things we regret, but we can’t change the past, can we? We can only try to change the future.” Mohinder shifted on the bed, finally looking at Gabriel again. “This is what I don’t understand. What happened to you?”
“I told you before,” Gabriel said slowly. He didn’t believe for a moment that Mohinder had forgotten.
“Is that the truth? You thought you were going to kill me?”
“Mohinder…” Gabriel took a deep breath. Mohinder had opened this can of worms, so he must want honest answers. “It wasn’t just the fact that killing you was senseless. I didn’t want to killyou.”
“Is that so?”
“Mohinder, you’re…” Beautiful. Wonderful. Perfect. “You cared about me. You wanted to help.”
“That’s true.”
“And I owe you my life.”
Mohinder shook his head. “Sylar, I can’t take credit for not letting you die. What kind of scientist would I be if-.”
“Not that,” Gabriel interrupted. “Or at least, that too. But it was because of you that I became what I am now. It was because of you that I changed. I wouldn’t have had this life if it wasn’t for you.”
Mohinder turned further toward him, sliding his leg up onto the bed, and Gabriel was keenly aware of how close he was. “But why?”
I fell in love with you. “I think you know.” Mohinder was being intentionally thick about this, Gabriel could tell.
“I do know,” Mohinder admitted. His eyes held Gabriel’s. He was so close.
Gabriel closed the distance between them, his lips landing gently against Mohinder’s. For a moment, they stayed pressed together, not moving.
When Gabriel opened his eyes, Mohinder was looking down, his eyes shadowed and unreadable. “Sylar, I-.”
“Never mind,” Gabriel said quickly, almost frantically.
He pulled away, swinging his legs over the other side of the bed, wrapping his arms around himself for comfort. He was stupid and reckless to have done that. Just when Mohinder seemed to actually care if he lived or died, he had to get greedy and mess up the whole thing. Like Sylar, he scolded himself. Greedy and thoughtless.
“Sylar,” Mohinder repeated. He couldn’t seem to get further than that. Gabriel heard his heart racing, and wondered if Mohinder was going to hit him.
“I’m sorry,” he said softly. “I didn’t mean…” But he had meant it. He didn’t want to take it back, even if it meant Mohinder didn’t speak to him ever again.
The bed creaked as Mohinder stood, and Gabriel knew he was leaving. Chased away, repulsed, just like everyone else. But he didn’t leave. Mohinder walked around the bed to stand in front of him. Gabriel couldn’t look at him. He hated feeling like a schoolchild in disgrace.
“Sylar. There’s been… something between us for a while, hasn’t there?”
“Yes.” There was no point in denying it.
“Since the beginning. Since Zane.”
“Yes.” He would not get upset. He would not cry in front of Mohinder. He wouldn’t beg, he wouldn’t try to manipulate. Mohinder had saved his life. That should be enough. Gabriel shouldn’t expect more, didn’t deserve more.
“And you still…”
“You know I do,” Gabriel said.
“Have you considered how I might feel about this?”
Gabriel brought his hand to his eyes to cover them, to hide, but he immediately forced his hand back down to his lap, clenching it against his knee. If Mohinder wanted to hurt him, to punish him, it was his right. He shouldn’t defend himself, he should let Mohinder do what he needed to do, take comfort from Gabriel’s pain, if he wanted. Sylar owed him that and more, so Gabriel forced himself to be still.
“For a long time,” Mohinder continued. “I didn’t understand how I could want you. But since I’ve gotten to know you again... If this was inside you all along, I see how I could have…”
What, fallen in love?
“Could have seen something worthwhile in you.”
Close enough.
Gabriel felt Mohinder’s fingers on his face again, tipping his chin up. “You have changed, haven’t you Sylar?”
“In some ways,” Gabriel said. He wasn’t sure that was what Mohinder wanted to hear, but he felt compelled to tell the absolute truth. “I’ve come a long way, but I’m still the same man who-.”
“Don’t say it,” Mohinder interrupted.
Gabriel considered for a moment, then decided on the next best thing, “I’m-.”
“And don’t say you’re sorry.”
Gabriel spread his hands helplessly. What Mohinder wanted from him was a mystery.
“Oh fuck it,” Mohinder muttered. He leaned forward, pressing his lips to Gabriel’s. Gabriel parted for him without hesitation, and then Mohinder’s tongue was inside his mouth, strong and gentle. His taste was rich and exotic, like the smell of his skin, the scent that rubbed off on old clothes. It was a flavor distinctly, unmistakably Mohinder. Gabriel found his hands clutching the blankets, scared to touch, to go where he wasn’t wanted.
Mohinder reached over and switched off the lamp, plunging them into true darkness. No city lights spilling through the window, no bright moon. Gabriel felt a pang of disappointment, thinking that Mohinder didn’t want to see what was happening, didn’t want to be reminded who he was with. It hurt, but not enough for Gabriel to want to stop, not with Mohinder’s tongue in his mouth like that, urgently exploring.
The bed creaked as Mohinder repositioned himself without coming up for air. Gabriel felt hands running up under his shirt, gliding along his sides, then down his chest, finding the puckered scar from a samurai blade and rushing past it.
“Sylar,” Mohinder breathed against his cheek. “Is this all right?”
“Yes,” said Gabriel. “Can I--?” His hands found the front of Mohinder’s pants, and fluttered there, uncertain.
Softer than a whisper, barely there, “Yes.”
It took Gabriel a few moments of blind fumbling, but soon he’d rid both himself and Mohinder of most of their clothing. Mohinder pulled the down comforter up over them, blocking out the cold and enveloping them in a little tent. As Mohinder shifted to find a comfortable position, his cock brushed against Gabriel’s, sending a jolt through his whole body, and causing Mohinder to gasp.
Gabriel ran his palm over Mohinder’s erection, and Mohinder’s shiver of pleasure was echoed in his own body. Here was evidence of the impossible: despite everything, despite all his mistakes and failures and sins, this gorgeous, perfect creature wanted him. He felt special.
With guidance from the little sounds Mohinder was making, he found just the right way to move his hand. It was different from what he liked for himself, but the smooth, slow strokes, the twist of a wrist at the top of the shaft, seemed to fit the scientist. Mohinder’s head hung down into the crook of Gabriel’s neck, and Gabriel could feel each pant and whine that answered his strokes. His own cock was hard and weeping from the noise. If he wasn’t careful, he would finish before he got what he really wanted.
He wrapped his hand around the base of Mohinder’s cock, holding it there a moment. “I want…” he whispered, but lost his courage half-way through.
“What?” Mohinder whispered in his ear.
Gabriel spread his legs, whining wordlessly as Mohinder’s erection bumped against his.
“What do you want?” Mohinder asked. Being intentionally dense again, Gabriel knew. He was going to make him say it. Gabriel didn’t know if he could. He had no right to ask, no right to expect something he’d wanted so badly for so long. “What do you want?” Mohinder purred, right into his ear.
“Fuck me.” It came out as a strangled whisper. Gabriel felt blood rush to his face. “Please,” he added.
“Is that what you want?” Mohinder bumped his hips gently against Gabriel, sending a shiver of pleasure through them both.
“Please,” Gabriel repeated.
Mohinder reached for the nightstand, rummaging around in the drawer. Gabriel had no idea how he could tell what was there with the lights off. Then he heard the click of a plastic lid flipping open, and the faint odor of vanilla wafted into the room. Mohinder shifted back, further under the covers and put one hand on Gabriel’s knee. Gabriel jerked as he felt something cold and creamy on his ass.
“Shhh.” Mohinder ran a hand along the inside of his thigh. “It’s all right.”
This time he ran a hand all the way along Gabriel’s thigh, up to the juncture of his legs, slipping a finger deftly behind his balls, and into Gabriel’s ass. Gabriel held his breath as it happened. He knew he should relax. It felt a little strange, and a little good, but mostly good. Mohinder’s long, slender finger inside of him began to slide in and out, and Gabriel threw one hand back to grab the headboard.
Another finger slid in beside the first. Mohinder twisted them slowly, spread them, stretching Gabriel gently, taking it slow. Then he crooked his fingers, searching. Gabriel shouted, and his whole body convulsed.
Mohinder slapped a hand over his mouth. “Do you want them to come up here and find us?”
Gabriel shook his head, although he knew Mohinder couldn’t see it. He certainly didn’t want to be interrupted, although he realized, with a sinking feeling, that Mohinder probably didn’t want anyone else knowing what he was doing with Gabriel. For Mohinder, this had to be secret, shameful, and wrong, but Gabriel couldn’t bear to tell him to stop.
Mohinder took his hand away from Gabriel’s mouth, and crooked his fingers again. Frantically, Gabriel squeezed his hand around his cock. Wait wait wait wait wait. He hadn’t read Gray’s Anatomy cover to cover without learning what the prostate was, but he’d just never experienced anything quite like this. “Mohinder,” he said desperately.
Mohinder slipped his fingers out, and Gabriel felt the blunt head of Mohinder’s cock at his entrance. “Ready?” he asked.
“Please.”
Mohinder pressed forward slowly. This was unfamiliar territory for Gabriel, but intuitive adeptness provided some assistance. He tried to relax, but found that his entire body, from curled toes to clenched teeth, reflected his tension. Mohinder gave another tentative thrust, and Gabriel bit back a whimper before it left his mouth.
“Sylar? Are you all right?” Mohinder whispered.
In answer, Gabriel wrapped his legs, first one, than the other, around Mohinder’s waist and pushed himself up, burying Mohinder the rest of the way inside him in one swift movement. Mohinder gave a surprised gasp. Gabriel’s hand had found its way into his mouth, and he was biting into it, concentrating on the feel of teeth digging into his flesh to distract from the sharp throbbing in his ass.
“Sylar?” Mohinder reached a hand out tentatively to Gabriel’s face. His smooth fingers ran over the tracks of tears that Gabriel didn’t remember shedding. “This isn’t about hurting you,” he whispered. When Gabriel didn’t respond, Mohinder gave a sigh and began to pull out.
“Don’t,” Gabriel whispered hoarsely. “Please.”
Mohinder paused, and the bed creaked as he shifted his weight, laying himself out on top of Gabriel, a warm, comforting weight. “What’s wrong, Sylar?”
“I’m not-,” Gabriel began, but bit his tongue. Mohinder had decided to start this despite the mistakes in their past. It seemed silly to argue about semantics. Still, with Mohinder inside of him, calling him that, he couldn’t help but seek a little punishment.
“What is it?” Mohinder was close enough to kiss, and now Gabriel was glad of the darkness, glad Mohinder couldn’t see the fear in his eyes.
“I’m not Sylar,” he whispered.
Mohinder laid his forehead against Gabriel’s, and let out a soft chuckle made his heart skip a beat. “No, I suppose you’re not,” he said. “I’m sorry Gabriel.” The way Mohinder said it, in his velvety soft, honeyed voice, his accent taking all the guttural growl out of it, made it sound like a benediction. A shiver of pleasure ran through Gabriel, and Mohinder chuckled again. “Are you okay?”
“Yes,” Gabriel breathed. “Now I am. Yes.”
Mohinder pushed himself back up, and Gabriel planted his feet wide apart. Mohinder gave a tentative thrust. Gabriel bucked his hips up encouragingly. Mohinder slid out again, almost all the way, and sunk back in so slowly that Gabriel started to wrap his legs around him to pull him in again. “Patience,” Mohinder said, pushing Gabriel’s legs back to the side.
He continued his long thrusts, teasing until Gabriel was whining and writhing under him, hands digging into the headboard. “Please,” he gasped when Mohinder was buried all the way again. “Please.”
Mohinder sped up. Gabriel wished the light was on. He could imagine Mohinder’s face, brown eyes dark with pleasure, the smooth expanse of dusty skin, dark curls bouncing with each thrust. He reached up to touch, fingers sliding along Mohinder’s sides, sweat-slick skin, muscle stretching as he pounded into Gabriel. “Please,” Gabriel sighed again.
The thrusts were coming shallower now, almost frantic. Gabriel reached between their bodies, wrapping his hand around his own erection. It only took a few strokes-he was already so close-before warmth exploded against his chest. Mohinder’s breath caught in his throat, and he pushed all the way into Gabriel, hands clutching his shoulders as he came.
It took Gabriel a while to get his breath back. By the time he did, he realized Mohinder was slumped on top of him, heart rate coming down from its peak.
A minute went by in silence, and Gabriel suddenly had the awful feeling that Mohinder was regretting what he’d done. He reached over and grabbed a handful of tissues from the nightstand, meekly cleaning both of them off under the covers, and still Mohinder said nothing.
When the bed creaked with shifting weight, Gabriel was sure Mohinder was leaving, but he only reached up to turn on the lamp. Propped up on one arm, he gazed at Gabriel intently. His curls were damp with sweat, but his face was inscrutable. He rested a hand on Gabriel’s chest and sighed.
Despite himself, Gabriel asked, “What?” He was prepared for a speech. Perhaps an admonition from Mohinder, a condemnation, a dismissal.
Instead, Mohinder laughed, that same delighted, surprised laugh he’d given the very first time he saw ‘Zane’ demonstrate his abilities: a truly happy laugh.
“What is it?” Gabriel asked.
“You,” he said. He lay his head down on the pillow next to Gabriel. “Just you.”