Comet Capers (part 2)

[brassband777]

Title: Comet Capers (part 2)
Author: brassband777
Characters: John, Dean (17), Sam (13)
Scenario: Teenchesters, discipline fic.
Implement: hand
Summary: Sam convinces Dean to break curfew so that he can see a comet that only orbits every one hundred and fourteen years.
Author's Notes/Warnings: Parental spanking of two teenagers. (The comet in this

Comments

[jtp4me]

I'd say John got that lesson across in the best way possible. After having to witness/hear his brother's spanking, I don't think Sam will ever attempt to trick his big brother into doing anything again.

[brassband777]

Thanks for reading. Yeah, John was smart to do that and it was technically Sam's fault!

[alice_alaizabel]

I really enjoyed that! Loved the way Sammy felt so guilty and eager to make up for it. And I thought the way John dealt with the boys was good too.

May I offer a little constructive critisism? This line from the first part: “Yes sir, it seemed the most logical choice. Silver works on quite a number of unnatural creatures, whereas consecrated iron tends to work on things with a demonic origin” seems really unnatural. It just doesn't sound natural in dialogue, especially from Dean. I could maybe buy it if it was rephrased a little and came from Sam, like he was showing that he'd been paying attention. But you don't even need the exposition, because you've already explained why Dean chose the silver instead of the iron. So the readers don't need to hear it again, and neither does John, because he'd already know that, so it's a bit superfluous for Dean to tell the readers or John.

[brassband777]

Thanks for your comment. I think I probably underestimated the reader with that piece of dialogue - I wanted to get across that Dean really knew his stuff where the supernatural was concerned and I didn't think it was obvious why he'd chosen the silver. So I used it as exposition and didn't consider how it sounded. I also wrote this story really late in the evenings, when I was really tired, so my proof-reading wasn't up to standard. Thanks for reading!

[winchesterlove2]

this was a great story! totally something sam would do! though lemon juice wasn't what i expected. for some reason i had an image of Sam cutting onions before bed XD! awesome ending too

[brassband777]

Great minds think alike - my first thought was onions too! But then I thought, that Dean would notice, because onions have such a strong smell when cut, so had to reconsider. Glad you liked it! Thanks for reading :)

[atalantaj]

Aw, very good story. I really liked Dean in this. Thought it was very much in character for him to be prepared for a hunt if he was going out to the countryside. I thought his reaction to his dad spanking him in front of Sam was very believable too. Dean wouldn't want his brother to know he was in pain, putting his fist in his mouth to keep quiet seemed realistic, as was trying to stay stoic.

You did a good job with Sam too. He totally manipulates Dean. We see it on the show from time to time, and I thought it was very Sam to want to see a comet and to come up with the lemon juice idea. I liked Sam taking his punishment without any fuss.

I also liked John in this, how in touch he is with his children and how he knows exactly how to get through to them and make a point. I'm glad this was on my friends page this evening. Thanks for sharing.

[brassband777]

I'm glad you enjoyed it! I wasn't sure how it would turn out, because I wrote it in the evenings when I was totally shattered. I wanted Dean to remain strong in the beginning and refuse Sam's request, because I don't think Dean disobeys orders without good reason. Thanks for reading :)

[capricorn86]

Yay *claps hands* I was really happy to see another story from you.

Oh man, this was so great. How typical Sam to get so excited about a comet. Loved how he manipulated Dean into taking him outside to see it. Clever (yet stupid at the same time, lol)

Love how you show Dean`s fierce protectiveness and love for his brother. Also really like how Sam acted here, everything from being manipulative to desperate to confess to John and take the blame.

To be honest, I thought the story was over when I finished reading the first part, I didn`t realize it was in two parts until I scrolled down to leave a comment. Don`t get me wrong, I like that you included the boys punishment, but at the same time I felt that you could have ended it with the first part and it still would have been a great story. This probably got a little confusing. AWESOME STORY. Let`s leave it at that, hehe.

[brassband777]

I'm amazed this story made sense at all, because I wrote it in the evenings when I was really tired! I never considered that part 1 would make a story on its own [but you're right :) Hee hee] because I wrote the whole thing in chronological order for a change (which I never do - I usually write a bit from the beginnung then a bit from the end etc and go back and fill in the missing parts later). It was only when I tried to post it that I found it was too long, so went back and looked for a logical place to split it up. I don't understand why it was too long though, because my 'Odds and Ends' story posted in one go and that was over 7000 words and this was only 6000 and something words. Silly LJ. I'm glad you liked it :)