Fic - You Call It Madness Part 2
Title: You Call It Madness
Pairing: Jack/Ianto
Rating: Adult - sex, swearing
Spoilers: General series 1 & 2 spoilers.
Summary: Jack, Ianto and Gwen go on a routine mission in North Wales.
Disclaimers: I own nothing!
Notes: Comments please!
In Two Parts due to size. This is part two
In the morning, they ate breakfast in the hotel and headed out by 9’oclock. Ianto appeared in jeans, t-shirt and a light waterproof jacket. His rucksack was slung over one shoulder. Gwen shook her head. That boy was always prepared.
They put the previous day’s clothes in the SUV which was parked in the little stone car park outside the hotel. They retrieved the scanning equipment they needed and Ianto found his map.
“So, how long is it gonna take us to get up this mountain then?” Gwen asked as they approached the base of Cader Idris.
“Couple of hours,” said Jack. “If you two can keep up with me, that is.”
Ianto shot Jack a look, smirking a little. “Oh, you think you’re faster than me, do you?”
“You bet!”
“Huh. Isn’t that funny,” Ianto said mildly.
Gwen smirked. She could sense trouble coming.
“I wonder,” said Ianto slowly. He put his head on one side and looked extraordinarily mischievous. “I wonder who could get to the base of the mountain first!” he said and immediately turned and ran.
Jack swore and began to race after him. Gwen didn’t hurry. She had a clear view all the way to the base and she watched, laughing quietly to herself as Jack and Ianto raced each other to the base of the mountain.
Jack was a fast runner. He had strong legs and knew how to use them. But Ianto was slim and wiry. And he was wearing the right sort of shoes.
Ianto beat Jack to the base but Jack was right behind him. Ianto was laughing his head off and, as Jack caught up with him, he was laughing too. He caught Ianto round the middle, grabbed hold of him and tickled him.
“Little brat,” Jack said affectionately as Ianto screamed with laughter.
Gwen caught up. “You boys,” she said and blushed a little, remembering the night before.
They both grinned at her. Jack tapped Ianto on the behind and let him go.
Ianto giggled, then came over to walk beside Gwen, linking her arm.
“Come on,” he said. “Let’s show him how good we are at climbing mountains.”
They stalked off, giggling together and Jack followed after them.
It was nice, walking up the mountain together. It had stopped raining during the night and the sky was bright and sunny. It wasn’t too hot though. The air felt cool and fresh.
Ianto took a deep breath as he gazed up at the summit ahead of them. “Fresh Welsh air,” he declared. “Get a whiff of that.”
“Oh,” said Jack. “So it’s not that important now that it’s North Wales.”
Ianto rolled his eyes. “Well, obviously if you check the direction of the wind, you’ll note it’s coming straight from the South. So it’s Glamorgan air. That’s why it smells so good,” said Ianto, authoritatively.
“You know, one day someone’s gonna check you on one of your facts,” said Jack.
Ianto put his nose in the air. “They wouldn’t dare.”
Gwen grinned. She did love her boys.
They didn’t hurry too much. They took things at a leisurely pace, enjoying the views as they went. Jack led the way, although it was Ianto who had the map and actually knew where they were going. Every so often, he subtly redirected Jack, smirking when Jack pretended he’d already been heading that way.
Gwen mostly kept to the rear, enjoying the breath taking views all around them. Ianto kept going between walking with Jack and walking with Gwen, although every now and then, he strolled along by himself in a dream.
He was doing this, and stopping to look at the flowers when Gwen found herself walking past him and catching up to Jack.
He smiled at her. “Hey. Enjoying the walk?”
She smiled back. “Yeah, actually.” She glanced back at Ianto, who had started walking again, although slowly. “Is he all right? He’s a bit…quiet.”
Jack glanced back at Ianto. “He’s…dreamy.” He smiled. “He’s fine.”
“Are you sure? He seemed particularly…thoughtful last night.”
Jack shrugged. “He’ll tell me if there’s something wrong.” His tone firmly closed the topic.
Gwen changed the subject. “Jack…do you really not speak any Welsh.”
Jack chuckled. “Well, that would be telling.”
“Oh, come on, Jack. You must know a little bit. Pick up lines at least? I mean, how long have you been here now? I know it’s not been a necessity to speak Welsh for the last couple of hundred years, especially around here, but you must know some.”
Jack glanced back at Ianto to make sure he wasn’t too close. Then he looked back at Gwen and winked.
“Oh, you know. I can get by. Just…don’t tell Ianto, hmm?”
Gwen frowned. “Why not?”
Jack grinned. “Because I like to know what he says when he doesn’t think I can understand him.”
Gwen frowned. “Erm…why?”
Jack chuckled. “Well, come on Gwen. How else am I gonna learn about him?” He smiled fondly back at Ianto, who wasn’t paying attention. “Secretive bugger.”
Gwen knew that Ianto was secretive. But she’d never thought he might still keep things from Jack like that. He adored Jack. That was obvious. What would he hide from Jack?
Jack gave her a knowing look. “What? You don’t expect him to tell me his real feelings do you?”
Gwen raised her eyebrows. “Ah. I see what you mean.”
Ianto caught up with them. “We’re nearly there,” he said and slipped his hand into Jack’s. “What’s he like? The giant?”
“Idris? Oh, he’s…unexpected.”
“What does that mean?” asked Gwen, watching Ianto frown.
Jack grinned. “You’ll see.”
They could see the ridge ahead now. Just over it was the summit itself. Ahead, they could see the path leading to the summit. It looked tricky and the path was made of nothing but huge black rocks.
Ianto gazed at the scenery around them. They could see one of the lakes, green and murky but shining under the sun. They paused and turned back to look at the sweeping landscape all around them.
“It’s beautiful,” sighed Ianto. “I can see why Idris Gawr chose to live here.”
Jack smiled across at him. “Where would you chose, Ianto?”
Ianto grinned. “If I were an alien giant?”
“Yeah, just for laughs. Where would you choose to live?”
Ianto got a dreamy look on his face. “The Brecon Beacons perhaps. Though I do like it up here. I could be happy here too. Cadair Idris.”
Jack squeezed his hand. “Come on. We’re nearly at the Summit. Peny whatsit.”
“Penygadair,” corrected Ianto softly.
“Yeah, penycadair.”
“No, Jack. Penygadair. It’s a mutation.”
“Oh. Right. Well, whatever it’s called, let’s get up it.”
Ianto rolled his eyes good-naturedly at Gwen and the three of them turned and began to climb up the treacherous path.
Ianto listened to the quiet around them. The only sounds, anywhere, were the sounds they themselves were making as they climbed towards the summit.
Ianto focused on his feet, in his sturdy shoes, making their way up over the big black rocks. He listened to Jack’s steady breathing and Gwen’s light footsteps. He remembered the last time he’d come here. He remembered climbing over these black rocks, racing against the setting sun, holding her hand.
Now he was holding Jack’s hand. It was bigger than hers, stronger. But it gripped his hand just as firmly and just as gently as she had. And he loved that hand just as much as he had loved hers.
Faint ydy dy oed di, bachgen? A big voice boomed out, rattling Ianto’s ears.
He stumbled and Jack caught him.
“You all right?” Jack asked, setting him back on his feet again.
Ianto blinked at them. “Didn’t you hear that?”
They were staring at him.
“Hear what?” Jack asked. “Ianto, what’s wrong?”
Ianto blinked and then he heard the voice again.
Faint ydy dy oed di, bachgen?
“Rydw i yn dauddeg pump oed,” he said.
“Erm, Ianto what are you talking about?” asked Jack.
“Ianto, we already know you’re twenty five,” said Gwen.
“Shush,” said Ianto, listening to the voice inside his head.
Wyt ti’n siarad Cymraeg?
“Ydw. Pwy dych chi?”
Idris Gawr.
Ianto looked up straight into a pair of large shining blue eyes. Jack and Gwen glanced up and jumped as they saw the giant leaning down over them.
“Damn, Idris, why do you have to sneak up on people like that?” Jack demanded.
The giant, smirking, stood up straight and his head and shoulders disappeared into the clouds. A great rumbling filled the air around them, making their ears rattle. Ianto realised that it was laughter.
Idris spoke again, in Welsh and Ianto grinned. Gwen giggled.
Jack frowned. “What did he say?”
Ianto smirked. “He said it’s the only fun he gets on top of a mountain.”
The giant sat down on the mountain ridge and his face became visible again. It was a grubby, bulgy face but those eyes shone out. And he was looking only at Ianto.
Ianto looked straight back at him. Jack edged up beside him and Ianto could feel he was nervous, though Ianto wasn’t quite sure why.
“So,” said Jack. “Are you behaving yourself, Idris?”
Idris’s deep voice rumbled his reply in Welsh.
“He says…he’s behaving how he always has,” said Ianto.
“Ah,” said Jack. “You’re behaving badly then, Idris.”
Ianto glanced up at the actually rather frightening giant Welsh alien, expecting Jack to have offended him. But again, that rumbling laugh filled the air, shaking the ground itself. Idris’s face cracked into a broad smile and his eyes twinkled.
“You tell that boss of yours he’s far too cheeky for his own good,” Idris said, in Welsh.
Ianto grinned. “I don’t think I’d better tell him that,” he replied, also in Welsh. “He’s awfully strict.”
Idris’s eyes just twinkled. He regarded Ianto carefully for a moment, then smiled just a little. “You have questions for me, Ianto Jones. Bachgen-Ianto.”
Ianto’s insides jumped at that nickname. His Da used to call him that. Ianto glanced at Jack, who was watching the conversation he didn’t understand in silence. Jack was frowning.
Ianto felt himself flushing and he glanced back at Idris.
“How do you know that?” he asked.
Idris smiled. “Many people come to ask me questions. Although not all know they are asking me. They come and spend the night here and in the morning they get their answers.”
Ianto’s eyebrow arched. “Am I going to have to wait until the morning for my answers?”
Idris smiled. “Ask and perhaps you will get you answer. Or perhaps you will have to wait until the morning.”
Ianto glanced once more at Jack. Jack was just gazing at him, no judgement and no question in his eyes, just quiet exploration.
Ianto couldn’t stand it. He felt like Jack was looking right inside him. He looked away, looked back up at Idris.
“I’ll ask,” he said and the giant grinned.
“I thought you might. Curious mind, you have. You have a good hope for an answer, bachgen.”
Ianto took a deep breath. “I…visited here…erm…two years ago. With my girlfriend.”
His eyes flickered towards Jack, just enough to know he was still watching him.
“We spent the night up here. We…camped and…I’ve heard the stories. Do you really bestow death, madness or poetic inspiration upon those who spend the night here? Li…my girlfriend died. Did you bestow madness on me?”
There was a long silence and Idris just gazed at him. Ianto shifted, feeling three sets of eyes on him. He knew Gwen could understand most of the Welsh but he hoped she wouldn’t press it too much. He was glad Jack’s extent to Welsh was “good evening” and “sex please”.
Eventually, Idris’s expression softened. “You must stay the night,” he said. “Your answer will become clear in the morning.”
Ianto nodded. “I hope so,” he mumbled.
He turned to Jack but didn’t quite look him in the eye. “Jack, I’m…staying the night here. If that’s…okay.”
Jack nodded and Ianto was surprised that there was no argument. “All right.”
Jack rubbed his hands together. “Right, supplies. If we’re spending the night, we’ll need food and sleeping bags.”
Ianto patted his rucksack. “No need. I’ve got everything we need in here.”
Jack grinned affectionately. “Ianto the Prepared, huh?”
Ianto blushed and smiled.
They spent the afternoon talking and laughing together on the top of that mountain. Idris stayed silent, sitting on the ridge, almost invisible amongst the clouds, and watching them.
As darkness fell and they slipped inside their sleeping bags to keep warm, Ianto fell quiet too. Jack and Gwen talked and laughed like before but Ianto didn’t say a word.
Jack shuffled over and slipped his arm around Ianto, tugging him and his sleeping bag close.
“Hey, what’s up?” he whispered.
Ianto glanced at him and smiled a little. “Nothing, Jack. I’m just thinking.”
“So quiet, though,” said Jack, nuzzling into Ianto’s neck.
Gwen ginned across at them. “Behave yourselves you two. You can go one night without. You’ve got an audience.”
Ianto groaned. “Oh, god, don’t encourage him, Gwen. There’s nothing Jack loves more than an audience.”
“Oi,” said Jack. “Cheeky pup,”
Ianto smiled but then rested his head back on his sleeping bag pillow and drifted off into a daydream again.
Jack frowned and watched him.
Gwen could see that something was wrong. She suspected that Ianto was thinking about the question he’d asked the giant. She didn’t quite understand the question. Ianto wasn’t mad. She knew that. But what did he think? What was going on inside Ianto’s head? She wondered how much Jack had understood of the question. He was being particularly tender with Ianto but perhaps that was just because of that troubled, faraway look in the young man’s eyes.
* * *
Ianto gazed up at the stars. The clouds had cleared and night had fallen. The stars were bright in the darkness. Gwen and Jack were breathing softly and regularly beside him and he was sure they were both asleep.
He sighed. He couldn’t sleep. He didn’t want to sleep. He wanted to know the answer to his question. But it would have to wait until the morning. But what had Idris meant when he’d said the answer would “become clear”. Wasn’t he going to tell Ianto himself?
Ianto thought about coming here with Lisa, camping right here. They’d had a tent but it had been such a warm night that they’d ended up sleeping outside it and gazing up at the stars, just as he was now.
He glanced across at Jack. Jack’s eyes were closed, making Ianto even surer that he was asleep. Ianto smiled. He loved Jack. He had for a while. He wasn’t sure exactly when he’d started loving him. It had just sort of crept up on him. But he did love him and he knew he always would. He didn’t know exactly how Jack felt about him. Jack wasn’t the type to let his feelings be known. But Ianto did know, no matter what, that Jack would look after him.
Ianto glanced back towards the ridge and met Idris’s big blue eyes. Idris didn’t speak. He just looked right back at Ianto.
Ianto shifted and looked away from Idris. He smiled wistfully as he felt the heat of Jack close to him. He remembered sharing Lisa’s body heat right here. It felt like a lifetime ago now; back when he was relatively normal. At Torchwood One, he’d stayed out of all the shit and turmoil. It was only at the Battle of Canary Wharf that his entire world had come crashing down around his ears.
Ianto knew he could never go back to that innocent, normal life he’d had before. But he still had a life. He had Jack.
He turned further into Jack and Jack’s arms wrapped around him, holding him close.
“Not asleep yet, huh?” Jack asked, kissing Ianto on the top of his head.
“No. Not trying.” Ianto pressed his face into Jack’s warm chest.
Jack just held him snug against his body.
“Are you not sleeping?” Ianto asked, his voice muffled in Jack’s chest.
“Nope,” Jack said, kissing the top of Ianto’s head again. “I was watching over you.”
Ianto blushed and smiled. “I like it when you do that.”
Jack chuckled softly. “I know.” He kissed him again. “Try to get some sleep now. Or you’ll be good for nothing in the morning.”
“Uh huh,” Ianto murmured softly. He closed his eyes against Jack’s chest and smiled. “’Rwy’n dy garu di,” he whispered and drifted off to sleep.
Jack stroked the back of Ianto’s head tenderly. “I know, my boy,” he whispered and closed his eyes.
* * *
Ianto woke early, just as the sun was starting to peak up over the horizon. Gwen and Jack were both still asleep. Ianto climbed out of his sleeping bag and packed it away in his rucksack. He wiped his face with the wet wipes in his rucksack, then walked away from Gwen and Jack and up to the ridge. He couldn’t see the giant but somehow he knew he was just on the other side of the ridge.
Ianto climbed slowly and quietly, almost dreading knowing what his answer would be. Idris was sitting down at the bottom of the slope. Ianto perched halfway down so he was just about level with Idris’s head.
“Bore da, bachgen,” Idris said, his voice vibrating Ianto’s ears.
Ianto smiled. “Bore da, Idris.”
“You have come for your answer,” said Idris, still in Welsh.
“Yes, if you’re ready to give it.”
“It is not whether I am ready to give the answer. It is whether you are ready to receive it.”
Ianto took a deep breath. “I’m ready. Did you bestow death on Lisa and madness on me?”
Idris regarded Ianto for a long time in silence. Ianto determinedly met his gaze, though his insides were shaking as he wondered what Idris was going to say.
“I know death,” Idris said eventually and there was a sudden sadness in his voice. “People here see me as a god and perhaps I am, here. But, back home, I was a person, just like you. I had loved ones and I lost them. Death comes to all.”
“But you…do you bestow death?”
Idris smiled sadly. “I see death. I can see when it is coming but there is nothing I can do to stop it. All I can do is bring peace.”
“Peace? There was no peace in her death!” Ianto yelled, old anger and grief sparking off inside him.
Idris gazed back at him. “Here, on my summit, she had peace. You felt it too, remember? You lay in each other’s arms, whispered to each other and shared your love. That moment stood out in her mind. She remembered as she died and she knew you loved her.”
“I did. I’ll always love her.”
“She knew that.”
Ianto was silent for a long moment, then he frowned and met Idris’s eyes again.
“What about me? Did you…”
“Do you feel mad?”
Ianto looked away. “Sometimes.”
Idris watched him.
Ianto looked back. “It’s grief, I suppose and all the turmoil of life with Torchwood. That’s what Jack says, that it’s what Torchwood does to us.”
Idris gazed thoughtfully at him. “Bachgen,” he said eventually and Ianto realised he quite liked being called that.
“Do you know how many centuries I’ve been alive?”
Ianto blinked. “No, sir.”
“Far too many to count, bachgen. So many, I am part of history, part of myth. And the trouble with myth is that they don’t get everything quite right.”
“Yes, sir. That’s usually true.”
“Myth tries to explain things but it can’t. Nothing can. You simply have to live and learn all by yourself. And you know what I’ve learned?”
“No, Sir.”
“I’ve learned, bachgen, that there isn’t much difference between madness and love. Or poetic inspiration as it turns out. They give you troubles, sure enough. But they give happiness too. And that’s that.”
“But…”
“Bah, be off with you now. You’ve got your answer, haven’t you?”
“I’m not sure I have.”
“Course you have. You’ve got love and all that comes with it, whether that be madness or inspiration. And it’s time to enjoy it now.”
Ianto smiled. “I suppose so. There’re worse things than being mad about one’s Captain.”
Idris chuckled. “You’re right there, bachgen. So, take him home and enjoy him. Though don’t hold out any hope of him behaving any time soon.”
Ianto grinned, standing and brushing himself off. “Oh, I already know he’ll never learn how to behave.”
* * *
When Ianto returned to the other side of the ridge, Jack and Gwen were awake and they’d packed the things away.
“Where’s the giant got to?” Gwen asked.
Ianto shrugged. “Gone.”
Jack looked up from where he was crouched on the ground doing up the bag. “Ready to go?” he asked, all casual.
Ianto nodded, not quite meeting Jack’s eyes. “Yep.”
Jack sprung to his feet. “Excellent.” He patted his stomach. “I’m starving. Let’s get out of here and find a café. Full breakfast is in order.”
Ianto smiled softly. “As long as you don’t ask for a Full English breakfast, Jack.”
They started walking down the mountain. Ianto glanced back as they left but there was no sign of Idris. He slipped his hand through Jack’s and walked close to him as they made their way down the mountain.
They were both quiet as they walked. Gwen chatted merrily to them, nothing weighing her down at all.
They were about halfway down when Ianto realised that she was quite a way ahead of them, well out of earshot. Jack was walking slowly, holding Ianto back with him.
“You get your answer,” Jack asked, casually.
Ianto frowned, glancing at Jack. Had he told him he’d asked the giant a question?
“Yes,” he said. “I think so.”
Jack squeezed his hand. “Are you…happy with your answer?”
Ianto shrugged. He didn’t know quite what to say. “It was a good answer. Confusing but good.”
Jack nudged him and smiled. “You should’ve asked me. I knew you weren’t mad.”
Ianto stared at Jack. “You…you…know what question I asked?”
Jack grinned. “Yep.”
“But…how?”
Jack laughed. “I have my ways. And Idris is right.”
Ianto smiled. “He is right,” he said and gave Jack a playful smack on the bottom. “He’s right that you’ll never learn how to behave.”
* * *
Ianto, exhausted, slipped into his warm bed beside Jack and was immediately tugged close and folded up in a close embrace. He smiled contentedly and prepared to sleep.
“Long couple of days,” said Jack and Ianto sensed he wanted to talk.
“Yeah,” said Ianto. “It was nice up there though.”
“Talk to me, Ianto. Tell me how you feel. I want to know and you never tell me.”
Ianto pressed his face into Jack’s warm chest. “If you were listening to me talking to Idris, then you know. Since somehow you could suddenly understand everything I said.”
Jack kissed Ianto’s forehead. “I want you to tell me how you feel. Please, Ianto. Talk to me.”
Ianto shifted, feeling uncomfortable. He breathed Jack’s scent in, taking comfort in it. Jack already knew how Ianto felt. Ianto knew that. But still, he was scared of what would happen if he actually admitted it. He thought about what Idris had said. He smiled and looked up at Jack, meeting his eyes.
“When love is not madness, it is not love,” he whispered.
Jack searched his expression, then something brightened inside him and he held Ianto close.
“I’m happy, Jack,” Ianto murmured as Jack kissed his head. “I’m really happy, with you.”
“Good, Ianto. I’m happy with you too.” He smiled. “And I reckon I’m mad myself.” He kissed Ianto softly on the lips. “Quite, quite mad.”