fic - daisy
title: daisy
pairing: brendon/ashlee, brendon/tom, brendon/ashlee/tom
disclaimer: this is complete and utter fiction, I own nothing. Lyric breaks belong to Brand New.
rating: Mature - language, sex, violence
word count: ~29,962
author's notes: written for bandomrarepair. Thanks and eternal gratitude to my beta and muse, overnighter, everything that works is thanks to her and everything that doesn't belongs to me.
summary: The world ends, but not for everyone.
- part one -
Brendon was asleep with Bronx in the truck and Ashlee was sitting outside with Tom in the folding chairs with the dogs trotting around on their mini-patrols in the open area where they'd stopped tonight.
"What did you say to Bronx the other day?" she asked.
Tom shrugged, his eyes drifting to the truck and then back to her. "I told him that you were so strong that sometimes you had to let it out. And that you miss Pete and don't want him to be upset with you. He's a smart kid. I think he gets that grown-up stuff is different, even now. He's going to figure it out when he gets older. He looks at sex like it's out of a textbook, not right or wrong. It's just something that helps his mom and his uncle Brendon get by."
Ashlee felt a rush of affection for Tom.
"His parents are rock stars. Well, Pete anyway, you're a pop princess, but you get what I mean. Of course he's going to know about sex. His dad's dick was a watercooler discussion for a while," Tom said.
"Hey, I was not a pop princess!" she protested.
"Your sister's Jessica Simpson, okay, and you had your own MTV reality show," Tom said. "I mean, if you had to marry Pete Wentz to improve your credibility, that's saying something."
"Says the guy that doesn't even remember why he got kicked out of his first three bands and still wears slippers," Ashlee said, poking him. Her rush of affection was turning quickly toward annoyance.
"Don't hate on my slippers. You guys have dogs, I have my slippers," Tom said, pulling his newly scavenged fleece slippers under his chair.
She felt normal for the first time since finding out her son knew more about sex than any ten year old should.
"You want to fuck?" she asked, wanting to hold onto the feeling before it faded.
"Wow, you know how to proposition a guy," Tom said, surprised.
"Stress relief. Helps us get by. You need to get by, too, and we both know Brendon's arm is bothering him more than we let him say," Ashlee said. "We can get off and not feel guilty about straining him."
Tom smiled slightly and opened his arms and she moved over to sit on his lap.
She was relieved to feel his erection against her thigh through their jeans and went to work unbuttoning him.
"Hey,” Tom protested. “You and Bren, I swear, kiss me first, okay?"
Tom smiled, tipping her face so he could get to her lips. He kissed lazy and slow, his hands moving over her ass and neck and softening her lust into a slow burn instead of an urgent fire.
Tom slid a hand into her panties, his fingers finding her sex and matching his easy kisses with the strokes of his middle finger against her clit.
"Hey, I want you inside me now, I'm ready," Ashlee moaned into his mouth, tugging his hand out and raising his fingers to her lips so she could suck them clean for him while she worked his zipper.
She pulled his leaking cock out of his boxers and stood up long enough to get her pants down, glancing at the truck for a moment to make sure Bronx or Brendon weren't awake before moving back to Tom.
"You're beautiful, Ash," he said roughly.
"Such a sweet talker," she smiled, waiting for him to move forward so she could settle on his knees and stroke his dick a few times before seating herself on him with a muted groan against his mouth.
He put his hands on her ass and kissed a line of bruises down her neck before sucking each nipple into his mouth and guiding her on and off his cock with his hands around her waist.
"Too slow, fuck..." she panted.
"Want to enjoy it," he said. "Want to get you off."
"Then fuck me like you mean it," she said, slamming her body down on his dick and clenching her cunt muscles to encourage him.
"You're the boss," he chuckled, raising his mouth to hers and thrusting his hips forward to match her rhythm.
"Hell yeah, I'm the boss," she laughed, biting his lip when she came.
"Easy, girl, I need those lips," Tom hissed out, pulling her down on him a final time and filling her with his heat.
"Brendon would be really upset if I messed up those lips," she said.
"Thanks, Ash," Tom said, kissing her softly.
"Thank you. I'm so glad we found you. We all are," she said.
"Not as glad as I am," Tom said.
-----------------
Brendon knew it was his turn to sleep, but it had been one of those days where things had gone wrong at every turn. Not deadly wrong, just wrong.
Indie had warned them before they got to the edge of the pit so Bronx didn't have to see, but Tom hadn't stopped shaking until after they'd doused and burned the bodies left by the cannibalistic Grays.
Tom hadn't seen that before, and luckily neither had Bronx, but Brendon had been burning bodies since the first day after the Rapture. He didn't know what else to call it.
He never wanted them to know what he'd done. Whom he'd had to kill. How many people's blood he had on his hands.
At least he'd looked into their eyes before he put them down. He’d known that they weren't his friends anymore. They weren't the people he loved then.
That's what he knew. But it would never make it easier to dream about their faces.
"Hey, Bren. You're a little shaky," Ashlee said, crawling into the tent with him and curling an arm around his waist. "Talk to me."
"I'm okay."
"No, you're really not," she whispered. "Even Bronx noticed it. Was it bad?"
He closed his eyes.
"There were children. And the smell. I hate it. I hate this, and I hate that I see..."
"What? What do you see?"
"Every time I dream...I see Spencer and he's smiling at me and we're laughing and then his eyes turn and...I just...I want this to be over," he replied.
"We're alive. We're okay," Ashlee murmured, kissing around the base of his jaw.
"Don't do that. I can't..."
But she didn't stop and he let himself drift into her kiss, accepting the only comfort they could give each other right now.
"You need to sleep. You'll feel better," she said, pulling his sleeping bag up and tucking it around him. "I'll stay with you. Tom and Bronx are okay on watch."
"I..."
"Shh. Close your eyes," she said, kissing him until the exhaustion could take over the memories.
He could do this. They could do this.
-----------------
Ashlee called a daytime break when they passed into Kansas so Tom and Brendon could use their combined mechanic skills to tune up the truck and Bronx could keep working with the radio to make sure the New Yorkers were still broadcasting.
She waited outside the truck-stop bathroom while Indie and Bogart cleared it and flicked a cigarette into the first destroyed toilet. Bronx would lecture her for miles if he caught her. He hadn't started on Tom yet, but Bronx was already making that obvious coughing noise whenever Tom lit up where Bronx could see it.
She didn't close the door when she found a stall clean enough for her to disinfect and sit on. She left the door open so no one could sneak up on her and managed to do her business quickly. She went to try the sink since the toilets were still working and glanced at the tampon machine by the busted hand dryer.
The realization hit her like a smack in the face.
It had been at least...it had been too long.
She used the walkie-talkie to call Brendon and he showed up within moments with his gun in his hand.
"What is it?"
"When's the last time I had my period?" Ashlee asked so he could at least freak out over the same thing.
"What? Oh...oh," he said.
"I don't remember. Tell me you remember..." Ashlee said, grabbing his good arm.
"Hey, hey," Brendon said, tugging his arm free and wrapping it around her. "Chill. We'll handle it. Adaptation is how we survive, and we'll deal with it."
"How long?" she asked.
"Let's think. Okay? Sit down on the sink so we can talk," Brendon said softly, but she didn't miss the way his hand was shaking.
She lifted herself on the sink and he moved against her knees so he could put his hand on her face.
"Thinking, okay," she said.
"We ran out of tampons back at the house with the turtle stuff everywhere and I had to make an emergency trip to the store, remember? After that...I have no idea. And we don't have sex every night, have you had any other symptoms?" Brendon asked.
"I...don't think so. Not that I've noticed. That was...over two months ago, Brendon. I'm late. Shit..." Ashlee whispered.
"Hey, don't freak out. We don't know anything yet. We need...a test. Yeah. You...stay right here, and try to think of waterfalls so you can pee again. I...I'll go get a test..." Brendon said.
She didn't know what to do. They didn't have a plan for this.
"Is that okay?" Brendon asked after a beat.
She nodded. "Yeah, go get a test. I need to know. And don't let Bronx see what you're doing...I'll tell him after if...shit, Brendon, what are we going to do?"
Brendon tipped her chin. "We'll find a car seat and a shitload of diapers. And some condoms if it's nothing," he added.
She reached out and embraced him desperately, ignoring his small grunt of pain for the contact.
"Easy. I'll be right back. Okay? Keep your head," he whispered, brushing her hair out of her face and kissing her gently.
She wrapped her arms around herself and tried to stop shaking.
Oh God, what were they going to do? What would she tell Bronx? How could she take care of a baby when the world had ended?
How could she protect a tiny baby from all the things that would kill it?
But her hands moved automatically over her stomach.
Bronx was the best thing that ever happened to her.
And if this...if it was true...she had to make this baby the second best thing. She could never regret bringing life in the world, even this world.
Brendon was back by the time she'd moved off the sink and was pacing in front of the stalls.
"I got all they had. In case some are better than other ones, and - okay, some stuff I don't know what it does. There are ovulation kits, which might tell you something about being pregnant...I don't know," Brendon said.
She had to laugh at his baffled expression and crimson cheeks and took the bag from him so she could kiss his cheek.
"Go back to the boys while I try and get myself together."
"I can stay with you, I should stay," Brendon said.
"I'll tell all of you at the same time. Get out of here, bitch," she said, making him relax a little and actually listen to her.
-----------------
And the coastline is quiet.
While we're quietly losing control.
And we're silent but sure
we invented the cure
that will wash out my memories
-----------------
"Brendon, B, what's going on?" Tom asked, snapping him out of his daze.
He didn't remember lighting the cigarette in his hand but he coughed out a puff of smoke.
"Bronx is going to yell at you," Tom said, plucking it from his fingers and taking a drag before tossing it into the parking lot. "Now, spill."
"Where's Bronx?" Brendon asked.
"Locked down tight in the truck picking out his mix. He won dibs at blackjack last night," Tom said. "Tell me."
How could Brendon tell him that Ashlee might be pregnant? He'd held it together for Ashlee, but he didn't think he could do that in front of Tom.
"You're freaking me out, man," Tom said, snapping his fingers in front of his face until Brendon focused on his stricken expression.
"Ashlee's taking a test," Brendon said.
"What? Like...shit," Tom said, hissing out the last word.
"I know. What..." Brendon started.
But they both shut up when Ashlee stepped out.
Brendon held his breath.
"I need to talk to Bronx. And we should find a pharmacy in the next couple of days. I'm...so sorry, Brendon..." Ashlee whispered.
He shook his head. "Not your fault. And..." Brendon started, but he didn't know what he was supposed to say.
"Congratulations, Ashlee. And convenient way to get out of the lifting for the rest of the trip," Tom said after a beat, embracing her with both arms like Brendon couldn't.
"That's right," Ashlee said. "My master plan."
Brendon blinked and sucked in a breath. He stepped closer and reached out to put a hand on her stomach when Tom released her.
He never thought he'd have a kid. "Our timing rocks, you know," Brendon said softly.
Ashlee broke out in tears, laughing. "Don't start."
"It really does. What a better time to have a baby than when people need something to live for?" Tom said.
"It's going to be okay. We'll figure it out. Make protocols or something -- lists, lots of lists," Brendon said.
"You're carrying precious cargo now, we have to be twice as careful," Tom said.
"I'm going to talk to Bronx. I'll walkie you when we're ready to go," Ashlee said. Brendon leaned against the wall when Tom took a few steps with her toward the truck.
Shit.
"Hey," Tom said quietly, standing in front of him when he blinked again. "Your arm okay?"
"You're asking me about my arm right now?" Brendon asked.
"Yeah. Let's go in here," Tom said, guiding him by his elbow into the bathroom.
"What are we going to do?" Brendon asked.
”You are going to chill out and stay calm. I'll help, like you helped me the other day. I'm going to kiss you and you let go of all your thoughts for a little while. We'll think together with Ash and Bronx," Tom said evenly. He flipped over the small trash can and sat down. "Come here."
Brendon was too stunned by the fact that he was going to be a father of a baby born after the apocalypse to question it.
He sat down on Tom's lap and leaned his head on his shoulder and closed his eyes when Tom started to kiss him gently, supporting his neck and keeping his other hand on his hip holding him in place.
"Relax," Tom whispered.
"How can I," Brendon replied, returning his kiss when his lips felt cool without his.
"It's going to be okay. You've made it this far. We'll make it. And your kid is going to be amazing and healthy and safe. You keep us safe, and we'll all keep the baby safe," Tom said.
Brendon needed to hear that and he held onto it, pushing his mouth against Tom's desperately, trying to believe him with all he had left to believe.
He felt Tom's dick harden under his legs and slid his good arm around him. "Will you fuck me, Tommy? Quick and fast and just...make me forget, just for a minute...I need something..."
"Are you sure?" Tom asked.
"Yeah, Tom, yes," Brendon said, fumbling with the button on his jeans.
"Slow down, I'll do it, just..." Tom said, stilling his hand and getting his pants unbuttoned faster than Brendon would have done one handed.
"Fast, we have to go fast," Brendon said, his cock stiffening in Tom's grip.
"Up," Tom said, his voice gruff and his eyes dark and focused. He put his arm around Brendon's waist and raised him to his feet so he was leaning against the sink. "Keep your arm still," Tom added.
The air was cold on his ass but Tom's hand was working his cock again and he sucked Tom's fingers to get them slick but still gasped when he felt the first one work its way inside.
"I don't want to hurt you so keep your arm still. We need a bed for this..."
"Just," Brendon panted but didn't have to beg for it because he felt the pressure of Tom's cock pressing against his hole.
"Deep breath," Tom said, his breath hot on Brendon’s ear.
Brendon sucked in and bit down on his lip when Tom thrust inside, filling him and squeezing his cock tightly. "Shit. Fuck me," he breathed out.
"I thought that was what I was doing," Tom chuckled into his neck.
"Damn good job, too. Keep doing that," Brendon said.
"Watch your arm," Tom repeated, still throbbing and thick inside him.
No matter how many times he told Tom not to worry, he always did anyway so Brendon unclenched his hand inside the sling and braced himself on the sink. "All right. Come on, Tommy, get me off, and I'll blow you next time," he said.
"I like the way you think," Tom snorted. His fingers dropped to his balls for a blissful moment before his hand wrapped around the base of his dick.
He pulled out and pushed back in deeper, making Brendon gasp. "Tom..."
"I'm getting there," Tom said.
He started a slow pace, making sure that Brendon was ready, even though he'd already told him.
Tom tightened his grasp, fisting Brendon's dick roughly and pounding into him, muffling his grunts into his shoulder.
He turned his head and Tom caught on, pressing his body against him to drive in deeper and get his lips against his.
He groaned into Tom's mouth and shuddered, his cock pulsing in his fist.
Tom kept stroking him, slower and gentler to make sure he got every drop out of his sensitive cock and fucking Brendon’s mouth with his tongue as he pushed inside a final time with a muted grunt.
"Fast enough?" Tom asked after he caught his breath, pulling out slowly.
"Yeah, thanks, shit...so much better," Brendon said honestly.
His mind was clear now and he had released all the panic pent up from Ashlee's announcement.
"Stay there, I'll clean you up," Tom said.
"You don't have to do..." Brendon started.
"I don't have to do anything, but I'm doing this. I have two hands and it'll be done faster since we're on a deadline," Tom said.
Brendon didn't protest when Tom wiped them both down with a damp cloth and got them both redressed.
The walkie-talkie crackled. Brendon, do you copy?
Brendon hit the button. "Yeah, Ashlee. Everything okay?"
Give us a few minutes and we'll be ready to head out.
Brendon leaned against Tom when he put his arm around his waist.
"You guys have made it through so much already. We'll make it through this," Tom said.
"When did you get so smart and wise, Tom Conrad?" Brendon asked, playfully.
"When I got rescued by people who showed me how to be alive again. Who told me not to lose hope and to appreciate the little things. Like good friends. And babies," Tom said.
"God. Babies," Brendon said.
"Let's go make some more ground and start on those lists you like so much," Tom said.
They could do this.
-----------------
Ashlee checked herself in the mirror before following Bronx out of the truck to wait.
Bronx hadn't taken the news well and even after his face shut down, she'd expected another heartbreaking conversation like the one that they'd had over the sex-with-friends thing. Instead, Bronx's reaction had been silence, and glaring.
She didn't like it.
She couldn't handle it and she didn't have the time or energy to figure out how to convince him that this wasn't a bad thing.
She knew it was going to change the dynamics and she hadn't expected it to be easy; she just didn't expect it to be this hard. She'd worked so hard to not hurt her son and the one thing she'd had for herself ended up causing him pain.
Tom and Brendon walked out together and she saw the familiar post-sex lag in Brendon's steps.
Tom was learning how to take care of them. Of Brendon.
And she couldn't even take care of her son. How was she going to take care of the new child when she'd made her son look at her like he hated her?
Bronx waited until they were a few steps away before he walked over to Brendon and looked up at him with dark eyes, his father's eyes.
“Fuck you." She winced, but not as much as Brendon. Even Tom looked stunned. Brendon opened his mouth to answer but Bronx shook his head. "I don't care about anything you have to say. You're making everything harder, more dangerous. You suck."
"Bronx, come on," Tom said. "Don't be like that."
"If my mom gets hurt trying to have your kid, it's your fault. This is all your fault," Bronx hissed at Brendon.
Ashlee had to look away when Brendon closed his eyes and took a step back.
"Mom can't get birth control as easy as you can walk into a fucking bathroom and get a condom. Isn't this hard enough already? You guys needed another challenge? Stay away from my mom," Bronx said, turning and climbing into the truck, slamming the door.
"Fuck," Ashlee whispered. "Brendon..."
"No, it's okay. It's...it'll be okay," Brendon said shakily. He grabbed on to Tom's arm and steadied himself.
At least Brendon had Tom.
"Come here," Tom ordered, reaching out for her and pulling them all into a hug. "It'll be okay. We'll get to New York and things will be more manageable. There'll be more people for him to see every day. He's due a blow-up."
"Yeah. He's dealing with a lot. I'm...I'm going to...fill up my water bottle," Brendon said, pulling away and walking to the back of the truck.
Ashlee started to go after him but Tom held her wrist, pulling her into another hug.
"So, do you remember how to do this? I was thinking we should stop and find a book or two. So we know what to feed you, at least," Tom said.
She glared at him. Leave it to Tom to distract her with the random. That was usually Brendon and Bronx's job.
"Sorry, just...I never knew anyone up close that was having a baby. I mean, I had friends with wives and kids, but I've never held one or anything. I just really hope we can get to New York before you have it. 'Cause I still remember that video we had to watch in sex ed," Tom said quietly, flushing.
"I remember. Enough. If we can find a pharmacy, I think I can recognize the vitamins and stuff. And you and Bronx can read up together. Brendon’s been to a few deliveries. He's great with babies," Ashlee said. "But I really hope we can get to New York, too. And get some of those good drugs for the delivery. If...I make it that far."
"You're benched for the next three trimesters," Tom said.
"I'm not sure that's the way it works," Brendon said, returning with clearer eyes.
"We ready to roll out?" Tom asked.
"Okay," she said. "I'm driving so I'm going to take my head start. Bronx already called shotgun so you guys make sure you have the pillows you want or cards or whatever. Rest time, okay? We'll all be...quiet. Let him simmer down and hope for the best."
"He'll get over it, Brendon. It's impossible for anyone to stay mad at you," Tom said.
Ashlee couldn't take the way Tom looked at him. The way Pete used to look at her. The way Bronx was supposed to look at them, with that flash of unconditional love for the person who meant everything.
"He'll get over it," Ashlee repeated his words.
She just hoped it wouldn't be a lie.
-----------------
Brendon didn't mean to fall asleep, but he was sated and tired and sore and Tom threaded his fingers through his hair when he finally stretched out with his head on Tom’s lap and Bogie and Indie lying in the crook of his legs.
He was vaguely aware of Ashlee and Tom playing the rock-trivia game they'd scavenged from a music store but he couldn't make out any of their words.
What was rock and roll after the end of the world? What did history matter when there was no future? What did anything matter in this truck when Bronx hated his guts? The kid that he'd die for, that had made him want to keep living thought that Brendon had hurt his mother, that he had somehow put them all - Ashlee in particular - in danger? He hadn’t thought he’d ever sleep again.
But his legs were warm and Tom's fingers were soft in his hair and Ashlee's voice was familiar in his ears and it almost let him forget about the silent boy that didn't trust him anymore. About the new hole in his safety net.
He didn't want to sleep, but he didn't think he had a choice.
He didn't know if he could fight off a dream right now, not with everything so fucked up. He could do his damnedest to forget when he was awake, but he couldn't keep the memories out of his dreams. And now that his awake time was boiling with tension, he didn't think it would help him rest.
He couldn't fight his body, though, and when he opened his eyes again, he saw that it was dusk outside. He didn't remember dreaming and was at least grateful for the small gift.
Indie licked his hand when he sat up and he opened the door so he could lead him to the others.
"Hey," Tom said from where he was standing beside the truck with a cigarette burning between his fingers and Bogart sitting at his feet.
Brendon looked over to the tents set up around the campstoves and coolers where Ashlee and Bronx were making dinner.
The tents never felt as secure as a house or building, but the dogs were happier in the open space and they’d learned that the gas cook stoves, rather than open flames, made them more invisible to roving bands of the infected.
"You were sleeping and we thought it was better to let you rest while we were still awake. How are you feeling?" Tom asked.
"I'm okay. You?" he asked.
"Good, but I'm hungry, let's go sit down. Bronx is talking, so we'll see how it goes," Tom said.
Brendon tried to smile but didn't know if it was possible, and walked with him over to the stoves.
"Bden, sit down, lazybones, and taste this," Ashlee said, scrambling over to bring him a cup of what he quickly discovered was hot chocolate.
"Nice," he said. "I think our mix of instant is almost perfect. Thanks."
Bronx scowled. It was something they'd started his first week with them when he had a collected stash of hot chocolate packets and they'd made it a ritual on cool nights to get the best mix.
"Same mix as last night so it can't be that good,” Bronx muttered
Brendon tried not to let Bronx’s words distract him from the sweetness on his tongue.
He wasn’t used to that much sleep in the middle of the day, and the lingering muzziness from his nap, combined with the force of Bronx’s anger - a rare force that had never before been directed at him - made him uneasy as he sipped from his mug. He didn’t have long to think about it, though, since after his one muttered comment Bronx stood up and stalked off back to the truck, Hemingway nosing at his ankles.
Tom was watching him with a seriousness Brendon wasn't used to but he didn't want to think about it right now. He didn't think he had the energy to interpret Tom's worry for tonight.
He cuddled up next to Ashlee for a while until most of the hot chocolate was gone, then she kissed his cheek and went to sit with Bronx. Brendon hoped she could talk Bronx into not hating him.
"Not hungry?" Tom asked, tapping his own can of stew.
"Tired, still, I think," Brendon answered.
Tom reached behind them and unzipped the tent, taking Brendon’s wrist loosely. "Come on, we should rest while we can. Ashlee’ll get the first watch."
Brendon crawled into the tent and turned his face into the pillow already arranged for him.
"Will you fuck me?" he murmured.
Tom didn't answer but his hands slipped under Brendon’s shirt and began working the tension out of his back. "Breathe deep. Relax, and you'll sleep easier. I don't know if you're thinking clearly right now." Tom smoothed his hands lower to slide Brendon’s pants down. "I’m not turning you down. You're still hot, B. Breathe."
"Like you'd give me the time of day before the end of the world," Brendon scoffed.
Tom kissed his hip.
"Jon said I wasn't allowed. Said you were too good for me."
Brendon laughed, and it faded into a sigh as Tom continued massaging his sore muscles, undressing Brendon bit by bit. "Please, Tom? It was good today, right? Was it..."
"Yeah, Bren. Just relax."
He was already boneless when Tom pushed a finger inside, slowly working him open. They hadn’t found any lube in their last drug-store raid - Brendon hadn’t thought of anything but tests and more tests for Ash - so Tom was using only his own spit, and so he was being more careful than he normally would.
He liked Tom like this, slow and gentle. Just like with Ashlee, it was better when they slowed down. Intimate instead of desperate.
"Ready?" Tom asked.
Brendon hm'd and raised himself up so that Tom could grip his hips and push into him slowly. He felt full and settled before they'd even begun.
"I love being inside you, so close and not alone and I can feel you..."
Brendon reached up and pulled him down for a kiss, even though he had to twist his head around at an awkward angle to reach Tom.
"Let's just stay like this for a while. I like it when you're deep inside me and you kiss me and you don't pretend I'm somebody else...when you say my name..." Brendon said, too tired to filter his real feelings.
"Brendon..." Tom whispered, kissing bruises up his spine and shoulders.
He drifted to sleep with Tom still inside him and Tom's lips mapping his skin.
-----------------
The day started out quietly enough, but then a gray-eyed woman emerged from the woods a split second after the dogs started to yip and Ashlee saw her dull eyes focus on Bronx despite Hemmy's growls and warning barks.
Tom started shooting before she could get her gun from her holster, and Ashlee saw the snap of the bitch's arm when the bullets hit her in the side, but the Gray didn't fall. She kept staggering toward Bronx, who had started running toward Ashlee, still zipping his pants from the bathroom break he’d been taking at the edge of the woods.
Tom stopped to reload when Ashlee got her arms around Bronx, turning his face away from the woman but keeping her own eyes on the threat. She didn't see Brendon until he tackled the woman to the ground with a low lunge at her knees.
She held her arms over Bronx's eyes so he didn't have to see the spray of blood when Brendon slashed the Gray’s throat, slinging her to the ground before falling back on his ass and dropping the knife.
"Goddammit," Tom hissed. "You okay? Both of you? Get in the truck."
"Okay, baby? Okay?" Ashlee asked, nodding to Tom as he watched her for an answer, not missing a step on his way to get to Brendon, who was still sitting on the ground staring at the dead woman.
"Yeah, yeah, in the truck, we'll freak out inside the truck," Bronx whispered, clinging to her.
She heard Tom speaking urgently behind her and glanced back when Bronx was safely inside with Hemmy.
Tom had stripped Brendon out of his bloody shirt and was fussing over him. Brendon was on his feet now, but still and silent.
"Bring some water, we need to get this shit off him," Tom said when he saw Ashlee was still outside the truck.
She grabbed a bottle and made sure she still had her gun and hurried over with a handful of clothes and stolen towels.
Oh, God, what if the Gray had gotten Bronx? What if that woman had hurt the baby she already had? What if Brendon hadn’t gotten to her in time?
"Your arm, Bren, did you..." Tom was asking Brendon softly. She forced herself to focus on the person that needed her right now. Even if she was still shaking too hard to trust her voice and talk to him.
Brendon was at least moving now, struggling to keep Tom from touching the arm that was swelling while they watched.
It had been almost two months since he had been shot, The arm should have been close to healed by now, but he couldn't seem to get over the wound.
"Chill, Brendon, seriously. Snap the fuck out of it," Tom ordered, his voice low and commanding.
It worked because Brendon blinked and Ashlee saw him finally focus.
"Yeah?" Ashlee asked.
"Fuck, that fucking hurt. Are you...did Bronx..." Brendon started, color returning to his face after a moment before he let Tom check his busted arm.
"No, he didn't see. Why didn't you just shoot her?" Ashlee asked.
"I have shitty aim," Brendon said. "I didn't think..."
"His fingers don't work, not the way they're supposed to," Tom said under his breath.
"Shit, why didn't you tell me?" Ashlee asked.
"Because it'll get better. Fuck, it hurts now, but it'll get better and what are we going to do about it anyway, go to Urgent Care?" Brendon asked, his voice shaky and slightly hysterical. She didn't like it when Brendon was like this.
"Close your eyes," Tom said, unscrewing the bottle of water and pouring it over Brendon's head, making him shiver.
"I can do it..."
"Shut the fuck up and let me do it. You...just shut up," Tom said.
Ashlee glanced at him, raising an eyebrow.
"We'll be in the truck in five. I'm driving. You sit in the back with the kid and Bren gets shotgun so he can tell me where we’re going," Tom said.
Ashlee paused long enough to touch his arm and catch his eyes. "You okay?"
"Yeah. Scared the piss out of me," Tom replied.
He had the scowl she remembered from every Empires show she'd ever been to but his eyes immediately softened when he turned his attention back to Brendon.
She had seen the way Tom looked at Brendon when he didn't think anyone was watching. There was more than friendship brewing there, and it gave her a little hope to add to what was growing inside her.
Brendon deserved to fall in love again. Even if it wasn’t with her. Even though she didn't have Pete anymore, she had Bronx and a new child to help her carry on.
She climbed into the SUV that had been their home for the past few weeks and pulled Bronx close, scratching Hemmy's ears absently.
"Is Bren okay?" Bronx whispered.
When it had been the two of them hiding in the mansion after the first wave of death had passed, Bronx had started to shake her off when she hugged him.
She had Brendon to thank for bringing Bronx back out of the hard shell that he'd started to sink into. Well, as much as anyone could after what they’d already experienced. But Brendon had always been 'huggy' and he'd showed them both that contact meant everything when they were this alone.
The past few days had been hard on all of them, but she never doubted that Bronx loved Brendon, despite his harsh words to Brendon yesterday. And she could see in his eyes that Bronx was worried.
Pete would be so proud of Bronx. God, she missed Pete.
"Mom? Is he okay?" Bronx repeated, his eyes desperate.
"Oh, sorry. Yes, honey, he's okay. Shaky, you know. Doesn't want to scare us," Ashlee said, smoothing her hands over his hair.
"You never get scared," Bronx whispered.
She held him tighter.
"I'm sorry...I'm sorry I was mad...I'm...you guys always take care of me, you saved me...I love you...and Brendon and Tommy...I'm sorry..."
"Shh...we're all okay, we'll be okay. Shh..." she said, rocking him and trying to convince both of them.
-------------
Brendon watched Tom wring out the towel and soak it in water again before taking Brendon’s hands and scrubbing at his numb skin with the rough cloth.
"I wish they didn't bleed. Zombies wouldn't bleed. Only living things bleed," he said.
"Only living things kill. And you know that’s not really living, what they’re doing. You saved Bronx and Ashlee but you..." Tom hissed out.
"How'd you know about my hand?" Brendon interrupted.
Tom was cleaning Brendon’s elbows, wiping instead of scrubbing now.
"I see you fucking with it when you think we're sleeping. You work through chords on an invisible guitar, or you try."
"I didn't really believe I was in hell until I figured out I couldn't play. There's...nothing left, you know? This is hell on earth, my hell..." Brendon said, but he wasn't really listening.
"Hey," Tom said sharply, his hand cold and wet on Brendon’s cheek. "Not hell. We're alive and we're going to stay that way. You brought me back from the edge and I'm not letting you fucking lose it now. Not today."
Brendon hadn't been yelled at in months. Not even Ashlee yelled at him like that.
"Okay?" Tom asked.
Brendon didn't know what to say so he kissed Tom instead.
Tom didn't kiss back and turned his head away.
"Sorry..."
"Not when you're still all stunned. I want to see your eyes sparkle like they're supposed to," Tom said.
"You don't get it from blood spatter," Brendon said. “That much they figured out, at least.”
"That's not what I meant," Tom said, resuming his wipe down.
Brendon took the towel from him.
"I said I was sorry."
Tom met his eyes and huffed a little, taking Brendon’s face into his hands and leaning down to kiss him, deep and slow.
Brendon still felt the pain in his arm and the chill of the water, still smelled the blood.
"Thank you," he whispered anyway when Tom leaned back.
"I didn't just do it for you. You relax, we all relax. And we all really need to relax. We can make up some ground today and find a safe place to sleep tonight -- maybe two nights if it's safe -- and I can kiss you until you fall asleep, no matter how long it takes," Tom said, gently maneuvering Brendon’s arm into the sleeve of a faded Blink 182 t-shirt before folding his arm into the sling.
"It's..."
"I want to hear you play guitar again someday. Maybe even that fancy piano shit that always made the fangirls swoon," Tom said, draping a hoodie around Brendon’s shoulders and zipping it up without putting Brendon’s arms in the sleeves. He tied the sleeves in a tight knot in the front.
"This doesn't work," Brendon frowned.
"Don't move your fucking arm for a while and I'll let you have your good arm back," Tom said, taking the knot in his fist and pulling him forward and hugging him. "I'm not going to lose you."
"And a straitjacket is accomplishing that?" Brendon said.
"Until you're not scaring the hell out of me, it'll have to do. Come on, we should go."
Tom led Brendon to the SUV by the sleeves and he saw Bronx peeking through the window with a panicked expression.
Brendon was so fucking glad Tom was here. He didn't think he could handle facing Bronx without him, not after killing that bitch.
But as soon as Tom opened the door for him, Bronx burst into tears.
"I'm sorry, Brendon, I'm sorry I was mad, are you all right?"
"He's all right, buddy, just give him some space," Tom said.
"I'm okay. Tommy locked me down," Brendon said as Tom helped him into the truck and buckled him in.
"Is your arm..."
"It hurts. I'm okay. Better if you're not mad," he said impulsively.
"I'm sorry. You saved us, you always save us. Are you sure you're okay?" Bronx asked.
Brendon nodded.
He didn't save anyone. He wanted to think he helped keep them all alive, but that didn't equal 'save'. Not in this world.
-------------
When they'd settled into the abandoned motel on the outskirts of the Indiana line, and sent Bronx and Ash to have some family time in the next room, Tom folded the stale covers of the disused bed back and sat down heavily.
Brendon sat beside him and reached over to squeeze his shoulder with the arm he'd been given back from his hoodie restraint for a bathroom break a couple of hours after the attack. He'd watched Tom sink more and more into himself as he drove and he needed to do something to get his friend back to normal even if he couldn't get back to normal himself yet.
"I didn't expect you to do that earlier. I was too slow and it's just been me and I didn't even get why the dogs were barking at first," Tom said.
Brendon sat down beside him and leaned his head over on Tom’s shoulder.
"Did you kill people when it was just you?"
Tom shook his head.
"I did,” Brendon said. “All the people I found were infected. I had to kill people that I knew..."
He wasn't ready to say who he'd had to kill. He wouldn't think about it.
Tom put an arm around him.
"They're not alive, not the way we are. They're...brain-dead. That lady back there, she wasn't a lady. She was...she was dead before you cut her, in all the ways that matter."
Brendon knew Tom was telling the truth. But he'd never wanted blood on his hands and it seemed like his soul was drowning in the blood now on his conscience.
The door opened and Indie stuck his nose in a second before Ashlee.
"Hey. Bronx okay?" Brendon asked.
She waved the walkie talkie.
"Taking a bath. He told me to check on you," she said, walking over and sitting by his free side. "We know how you get after we run into the...infected."
She knew him better than he wanted to admit.
Brendon glanced over at her and she leaned in, kissing him softly until he returned it.
"You want to?" she whispered.
"Yeah," Brendon said, turning to Tom and leaning over to kiss him, too. "You, too. Please? I want..."
Tom's eyes were dark with need but he didn't say anything.
"I need something, I need to do something to shake off what happened, that Bronx almost, and you and everything," Ashlee said, trembling as she toed off her shoes.
He watched as Tom moved over to kneel beside Ashlee, putting his hands on her knees to still her.
Brendon used his good hand to turn her face to his so he could kiss her.
Tom undressed her gently, pulling her jeans and panties off and spreading her legs as Brendon helped her off with her shirt and bra, one-handed, and pushed her back onto the bed.
She was panting lightly even before Tom lowered his head between her thighs and Brendon's dick stiffened at the sight of Tom licking her center.
Brendon sucked one of her nipples into her mouth and she shuddered with arousal, one hand twisting in his hair while she held onto Tom's hair with the other.
"Please," Ashlee whispered.
"Ash, hey, I'm going to fuck you, okay?" Brendon said, moving to kiss her lips.
She moaned her approval and he moved to the side of the bed to get undressed, meeting Tom's eyes.
"I want you to do me while I'm doing her, will you?" Brendon asked.
Tom nodded and Ashlee sat up, her skin flushed.
"Keep your arm in the sling,” she ordered. “Tommy, we can cushion him, right?" she said, reaching over to stroke Brendon's cock while Tom fumbled with his own clothes.
"Yeah, we got this, how long do we have?" Tom asked, speaking for the first time since they had started.
"Bronx was boiling water for a longer bath, we have some time," Ashlee said. She looked at Brendon. "You ready, stud?"
Brendon laughed at Tom's surprised face and pulled him onto the bed for a kiss.
"Get over here, Tom, so I can get your cock slick for Brendon," Ashlee said.
Tom glanced between them, stroking his dick slowly. "You guys are fucking dirty."
"We have to get our fun where we can, Conrad, now are you going to get over here or..." Ashlee started, biting off her words when Brendon slid a finger inside her.
"This is definitely more fun than I thought I'd be having tonight," Tom said when Ashlee's fingers wrapped around his cock.
Brendon gently pushed himself into Ashlee and she raised her hips.
Ashlee moaned and sucked Tom into her mouth as Brendon waited for her to adjust and accepted Tom's urgent kiss.
He was having a little trouble maneuvering with his good arm to hold himself over Ashlee, but Tom moved off the bed and wrapped an arm around his waist. Ashlee took his hand, sucking his fingers one at a time into her mouth as Tom held him up.
Brendon felt Tom's slick fingers sliding over his hole and guiding his thrusts into Ashlee and he leaned down to muffle his groan with Ashlee's mouth when Tom slowly pushed inside.
"Okay?" Tom whispered.
"Yeah, good, let's -- yeah, Tommy," Brendon managed when Tom pushed his hips forward and pushed Brendon deeper into Ashlee.
"Our planning sucks, but damn, can you guys fuck me now before my legs go numb or Tom crushes us both?" Ashlee laughed.
"You set the rhythm, Tommy. Shit, I missed this -- no offense, Ash," Brendon said.
"None taken," Ashlee said, rocking her hips. "I missed a guy that could give good head, no offense," she grinned.
"Thanks," Tom chuckled, thrusting into Brendon and making all three of them groan.
"I'm not going to last much longer," Brendon gasped when Tom's arm tightened around his waist and they increased their pace together.
"Want to do a three count?" Ashlee asked, arching her back and reaching around him to get Tom. "I'm going to hook my feet behind you and you count us down, TomRad."
Tom barked out a laugh that Brendon hadn't heard before.
"Pushy. You got it, beautiful," he said, keeping his arm between Brendon and Ashlee so when he leaned his weight on him, it didn't crush Brendon’s bad arm. Tom kissed Ashlee and then Brendon, and Brendon went into sensory overload with the alternating tongues and tastes and building pleasure.
"All right, on three," Tom panted. "Three..."
Ashlee's cunt clamped down on Brendon’s cock as she climaxed with a hissed gasp.
"Two..." Tom grunted but it was too late because Brendon's hips pushed forward instinctively as he shuddered his climax inside her.
Tom laughed out the 'one' and Brendon giggled when he felt the heat flood him.
"Nice," Brendon said. His arm was hurting but he felt safe and okay for the first time since the gray-eyed bitch.
"Fuck, you guys are so kinky. Why didn't we hang out more?" Tom asked, moving off him to sprawl on the bed beside Ashlee.
"Sadly, before the end of the world, I was totally not this kinky," Brendon laughed.
Ashlee kissed Brendon, then tugged him down onto the mattress between her and Tom. She leaned over, kissing first Brendon and then Tom, and then climbed out of bed over them both.
"Thanks, boys. I'm going to get cleaned up and get back to Bronx. We'll call you in three hours for a check in and at dawn, Tommy, you and I will go on recon and Brendon and Bronx will make breakfast."
"Sure thing, boss," Brendon said.
Bogie followed Indie to the door and sat down when Ashlee left with him.
"You need a pill. How's your arm?" Tom asked.
"I'll take one, but I really needed that," Brendon said, laying his head on Tom's damp chest. "Better?"
Tom kissed his forehead.
"Yeah, better."
-------------
Ashlee watched Brendon and Bronx walk to the edge of the parking lot with Hemmy and Bogart trotting ahead of them.
The two of them had needed to talk and she hated that it took something as scary as that close call to get them to do it.
She turned to Tom and saw him watching them, too. Watching Brendon.
"Hey. You okay?" she asked.
"What? Yeah, yeah," he said.
"That doesn't sound okay. Is this about last night?" she asked softly.
"Last night? No. Yesterday, maybe. That was so fucking scary. That bitch was...insane, yeah, but she almost...she didn't, but...and then Brendon just rushes up and hurts himself to take her out and...I've never seen anything like it. And then he just...shut down," Tom blurted out, flushing.
"Yeah. Scary as fuck. How was he last night?" she asked.
"Usually he wakes up when he has bad dreams. But last night he just...wouldn't. The pills, I guess, and the adrenaline. He just...I'm worried about him," Tom said.
"Mental health has been a little low on our priority list," Ashlee conceded, following his gaze.
"Can I...do you know what happened to Spencer?" Tom whispered. "Because...he says Spencer’s name in his sleep like it's killing him..."
Ashlee sighed.
"He was so fucked up when he found us, Tom. He doesn't talk about it and I can't ask him. But I don't think Spencer fell."
Tom nodded, looking away.
"That's what I thought. Fuck. Could you imagine? That's...fucking him up."
"I can't imagine. I don't want to," Ashlee said. “Whatever else happened to Pete, to us, at least I didn’t have to do that.”
"It's not fair, you know? It's not fair," Tom said.
"Are you going to tell him how you feel?" she asked softly.
Tom glanced at her, but he didn't deny anything. "Not really a good time for that, is it? He's still fucked up over Spencer. Hell, he’s still in love with Spencer. Not really a good time to fall in love right now."
"Never a bad time to fall in love," Ashlee said.
Tom glanced at her.
“What about you? You fall in love at some point?”
She sighed. She wasn’t ready to give up on Pete because she didn’t know. But Brendon knew, and even if he hadn’t, Brendon had always had an infinite capacity to love.
"Yeah, okay. I get it,” she said finally. But...it might help."
"I don't think so. One day, maybe, but not right now. I...I just want him to be steady. To be okay," Tom said. "You know?"
She put her arm around him and leaned close.
"Yeah, I know."
"For all of us. I want all of us to be okay," Tom whispered. "I'm not fucking this up. And you've got a little one to think about," he added, putting his palm on her stomach.
"We will be. We've come too far to fuck up now," she said. "He'll be okay, we all will. We just have to make it to New York. One thing at a time."
Indie wagged her tail against Tom's leg.
"Good dog," Tom said, crouching down to pet her.
"Oh, man, you're so gone for him," Ashlee laughed, rubbing his shoulders.
"Shut up," Tom huffed, but he'd loosened up.
They were going to get to New York and things would be better. They were all going to be okay.
She'd make sure this baby didn't have to see the things that Bronx did. She'd make sure they'd both grow up.
-------------
"You sure you're okay, Brendon?" Bronx asked.
"Yeah, buddy, I'm okay. Are you still mad?" Brendon asked.
"No! No, I swear," Bronx said, looking up at him with desperate eyes. "I'm so sorry..."
"You don't have to be sorry about how you feel," Brendon replied.
"I wasn't thinking. I know you'd never hurt my mom. You saved us. I don't know what we would have done if you hadn't found us. We wouldn't have found Tom or made it this far. I just...this is really hard already and I'm already scared for the four of us. I always wanted a little brother or sister but this is all really hard already and babies are...hard," Bronx said.
"Yeah. But life's hard all around. It's not going to get easier. But I promise that we'll take care of your baby brother or sister no matter what," Brendon said.
"I know. Shit, Brendon. I know."
Brendon crouched down to his eye level.
"We're a team, B, and it's going to take all of us to get through this. You have no idea how much you help. How much I -- we -- all need you," he said.
Bronx embraced him gently. "We're not a team. We're a family."
Brendon closed his eyes and tried not to break down.
Hemmy snorted, plopping down at their feet.
"I think we're being too mushy," Bronx said. "Let's head back before Tommy takes your good arm away from you again."
"Good idea," Brendon said.
"We're really close to New York now, right?"
"We've got a few more states to get through, but we've come a long way. Maybe we can check out the maps for some different routes," Brendon said.
Bronx considered it as they walked. "I think we should keep sticking to the back roads. We haven't had much trouble apart from that lady. But we're so much closer."
Tom walked over and raised an eyebrow, asking Brendon silently if they were okay. Brendon nodded, smiling to show he meant it.
"I want to grab some snacks for the trip, Mom," Bronx called out as they approached the truck, hugging Brendon again impulsively and hurrying over to Ashlee with Hemmy on his heels.
"Good talk?" Tom asked.
"Yeah. You?" Brendon asked.
"Yeah," Tom said. "Help me pick out the mix for today while Ashlee distracts little B."
Brendon smiled, taking Tom’s hand with his good one. He could do with some contact.
"Sure."
He glanced over where Hemmy and Indie were keeping watch on the trailer where Ashlee had followed Bronx before turning to kiss Tom.
"Inside the truck," Tom said. "We don't have much time."
Brendon felt better all around. They really might be able to make it out of this hell alive. For whatever that was worth now.
-----------------
And in the choir I saw a sad messiah,
He was bored and tired of my laments,
'said I died for you one time but never again.
-----------------
Bronx and Tom were playing a cutthroat game of gin in the truck when Ashlee took Brendon to the bathroom of the rest area in Ohio.
Even though she knew how Tom felt about Brendon, she needed something and Tom seemed steadier than Brendon tonight.
They were all keyed up as they crept closer to their final destination. And being pregnant meant her libido was kicked up to double time.
She still didn't know what they'd find in New York no matter what Bronx picked up off the radio.
"You okay?" Brendon asked, putting his good hand behind her neck until she leaned back against him.
They were facing the mirror and she studied their reflections. Her hair was long and loosely braided today and Brendon needed a haircut worse than he needed a shave, which was a lot.
"We look hot," Brendon said, smiling tiredly. "You're beautiful, you know."
"I'm haggard and old," she said, turning to slide her arms around him.
"Never. You're glowing. You've always been beautiful," Brendon said, kissing her neck.
"Flattery's not going to get you anywhere," she giggled. He was so silly.
"Damn, and I was hoping I could fuck you."
"Well, if you put it that way," she said. "On the counter or..."
He caught her mouth with his and guided her over to the sink, where he held her waist as she pushed herself up onto the ledge.
"Quick and dirty, so we can get back to our boys," Ashlee said, unzipping her jeans and biting her automatic admonition back when he pulled his arm out of the sling.
"I don't know if Tom would appreciate you calling him a 'boy'," Brendon said with a smile, as he ran his hands down her body, already mouthing her nipples through her sports bra.
"He's your boy, whatever," she said, hooking her ankles around his body when she had her pants off and pulling him close. "Come on. Now, please."
Brendon pushed into her without another invitation and muffled a grunt in her mouth. It didn't take long for him to set a rhythm for her to match.
She leaned back with her head against the mirror, bracing herself so she could move her hips to get the friction she needed to build.
"I need...shit, Ash..." Brendon mumbled desperately into her neck.
"Go, just...yeah, go..." she said, raising a hand to pull his hair so he'd kiss her. She let herself go, clenching her cunt and waiting for the rush of his climax and the burst of her own burn deep inside to make her knees go weak.
He pulled her close, kissing her in that tender way that made her feel like she was the most important person in the world.
"I'm so scared, Ash," Brendon whispered, not letting go.
"Why?"
"What if there's no one there? What if New York's empty or full of Grays like everywhere else?" Brendon asked.
She leaned back so she could meet his eyes. "Then we'll go to Canada. Or we'll find a boat for England. If we're alive, Brendon, then other people are, too."
"But we haven't found anyone and we've been driving forever..." Brendon said.
"Shh," she said, kissing him. "We can't start doubting ourselves now. We're going to find more survivors. We're not going to die like this, not yet."
They held each other until Bogart got restless and started wrestling with a roll of paper towels and Brendon pulled away, helping her down off the sink.
"Twenty minutes. Not bad," Brendon said.
She bumped shoulders with him.
"Sad that you're proud of how fast we can get off. Foreplay is so going to be the first thing on our list when we hit civilization."
He gave her a sad smile, but the edge was gone from his eyes. It was enough.
-------------
-go to part three-
pairing: brendon/ashlee, brendon/tom, brendon/ashlee/tom
disclaimer: this is complete and utter fiction, I own nothing. Lyric breaks belong to Brand New.
rating: Mature - language, sex, violence
word count: ~29,962
author's notes: written for bandomrarepair. Thanks and eternal gratitude to my beta and muse, overnighter, everything that works is thanks to her and everything that doesn't belongs to me.
summary: The world ends, but not for everyone.
- part one -
Brendon was asleep with Bronx in the truck and Ashlee was sitting outside with Tom in the folding chairs with the dogs trotting around on their mini-patrols in the open area where they'd stopped tonight.
"What did you say to Bronx the other day?" she asked.
Tom shrugged, his eyes drifting to the truck and then back to her. "I told him that you were so strong that sometimes you had to let it out. And that you miss Pete and don't want him to be upset with you. He's a smart kid. I think he gets that grown-up stuff is different, even now. He's going to figure it out when he gets older. He looks at sex like it's out of a textbook, not right or wrong. It's just something that helps his mom and his uncle Brendon get by."
Ashlee felt a rush of affection for Tom.
"His parents are rock stars. Well, Pete anyway, you're a pop princess, but you get what I mean. Of course he's going to know about sex. His dad's dick was a watercooler discussion for a while," Tom said.
"Hey, I was not a pop princess!" she protested.
"Your sister's Jessica Simpson, okay, and you had your own MTV reality show," Tom said. "I mean, if you had to marry Pete Wentz to improve your credibility, that's saying something."
"Says the guy that doesn't even remember why he got kicked out of his first three bands and still wears slippers," Ashlee said, poking him. Her rush of affection was turning quickly toward annoyance.
"Don't hate on my slippers. You guys have dogs, I have my slippers," Tom said, pulling his newly scavenged fleece slippers under his chair.
She felt normal for the first time since finding out her son knew more about sex than any ten year old should.
"You want to fuck?" she asked, wanting to hold onto the feeling before it faded.
"Wow, you know how to proposition a guy," Tom said, surprised.
"Stress relief. Helps us get by. You need to get by, too, and we both know Brendon's arm is bothering him more than we let him say," Ashlee said. "We can get off and not feel guilty about straining him."
Tom smiled slightly and opened his arms and she moved over to sit on his lap.
She was relieved to feel his erection against her thigh through their jeans and went to work unbuttoning him.
"Hey,” Tom protested. “You and Bren, I swear, kiss me first, okay?"
Tom smiled, tipping her face so he could get to her lips. He kissed lazy and slow, his hands moving over her ass and neck and softening her lust into a slow burn instead of an urgent fire.
Tom slid a hand into her panties, his fingers finding her sex and matching his easy kisses with the strokes of his middle finger against her clit.
"Hey, I want you inside me now, I'm ready," Ashlee moaned into his mouth, tugging his hand out and raising his fingers to her lips so she could suck them clean for him while she worked his zipper.
She pulled his leaking cock out of his boxers and stood up long enough to get her pants down, glancing at the truck for a moment to make sure Bronx or Brendon weren't awake before moving back to Tom.
"You're beautiful, Ash," he said roughly.
"Such a sweet talker," she smiled, waiting for him to move forward so she could settle on his knees and stroke his dick a few times before seating herself on him with a muted groan against his mouth.
He put his hands on her ass and kissed a line of bruises down her neck before sucking each nipple into his mouth and guiding her on and off his cock with his hands around her waist.
"Too slow, fuck..." she panted.
"Want to enjoy it," he said. "Want to get you off."
"Then fuck me like you mean it," she said, slamming her body down on his dick and clenching her cunt muscles to encourage him.
"You're the boss," he chuckled, raising his mouth to hers and thrusting his hips forward to match her rhythm.
"Hell yeah, I'm the boss," she laughed, biting his lip when she came.
"Easy, girl, I need those lips," Tom hissed out, pulling her down on him a final time and filling her with his heat.
"Brendon would be really upset if I messed up those lips," she said.
"Thanks, Ash," Tom said, kissing her softly.
"Thank you. I'm so glad we found you. We all are," she said.
"Not as glad as I am," Tom said.
-----------------
Brendon knew it was his turn to sleep, but it had been one of those days where things had gone wrong at every turn. Not deadly wrong, just wrong.
Indie had warned them before they got to the edge of the pit so Bronx didn't have to see, but Tom hadn't stopped shaking until after they'd doused and burned the bodies left by the cannibalistic Grays.
Tom hadn't seen that before, and luckily neither had Bronx, but Brendon had been burning bodies since the first day after the Rapture. He didn't know what else to call it.
He never wanted them to know what he'd done. Whom he'd had to kill. How many people's blood he had on his hands.
At least he'd looked into their eyes before he put them down. He’d known that they weren't his friends anymore. They weren't the people he loved then.
That's what he knew. But it would never make it easier to dream about their faces.
"Hey, Bren. You're a little shaky," Ashlee said, crawling into the tent with him and curling an arm around his waist. "Talk to me."
"I'm okay."
"No, you're really not," she whispered. "Even Bronx noticed it. Was it bad?"
He closed his eyes.
"There were children. And the smell. I hate it. I hate this, and I hate that I see..."
"What? What do you see?"
"Every time I dream...I see Spencer and he's smiling at me and we're laughing and then his eyes turn and...I just...I want this to be over," he replied.
"We're alive. We're okay," Ashlee murmured, kissing around the base of his jaw.
"Don't do that. I can't..."
But she didn't stop and he let himself drift into her kiss, accepting the only comfort they could give each other right now.
"You need to sleep. You'll feel better," she said, pulling his sleeping bag up and tucking it around him. "I'll stay with you. Tom and Bronx are okay on watch."
"I..."
"Shh. Close your eyes," she said, kissing him until the exhaustion could take over the memories.
He could do this. They could do this.
-----------------
Ashlee called a daytime break when they passed into Kansas so Tom and Brendon could use their combined mechanic skills to tune up the truck and Bronx could keep working with the radio to make sure the New Yorkers were still broadcasting.
She waited outside the truck-stop bathroom while Indie and Bogart cleared it and flicked a cigarette into the first destroyed toilet. Bronx would lecture her for miles if he caught her. He hadn't started on Tom yet, but Bronx was already making that obvious coughing noise whenever Tom lit up where Bronx could see it.
She didn't close the door when she found a stall clean enough for her to disinfect and sit on. She left the door open so no one could sneak up on her and managed to do her business quickly. She went to try the sink since the toilets were still working and glanced at the tampon machine by the busted hand dryer.
The realization hit her like a smack in the face.
It had been at least...it had been too long.
She used the walkie-talkie to call Brendon and he showed up within moments with his gun in his hand.
"What is it?"
"When's the last time I had my period?" Ashlee asked so he could at least freak out over the same thing.
"What? Oh...oh," he said.
"I don't remember. Tell me you remember..." Ashlee said, grabbing his good arm.
"Hey, hey," Brendon said, tugging his arm free and wrapping it around her. "Chill. We'll handle it. Adaptation is how we survive, and we'll deal with it."
"How long?" she asked.
"Let's think. Okay? Sit down on the sink so we can talk," Brendon said softly, but she didn't miss the way his hand was shaking.
She lifted herself on the sink and he moved against her knees so he could put his hand on her face.
"Thinking, okay," she said.
"We ran out of tampons back at the house with the turtle stuff everywhere and I had to make an emergency trip to the store, remember? After that...I have no idea. And we don't have sex every night, have you had any other symptoms?" Brendon asked.
"I...don't think so. Not that I've noticed. That was...over two months ago, Brendon. I'm late. Shit..." Ashlee whispered.
"Hey, don't freak out. We don't know anything yet. We need...a test. Yeah. You...stay right here, and try to think of waterfalls so you can pee again. I...I'll go get a test..." Brendon said.
She didn't know what to do. They didn't have a plan for this.
"Is that okay?" Brendon asked after a beat.
She nodded. "Yeah, go get a test. I need to know. And don't let Bronx see what you're doing...I'll tell him after if...shit, Brendon, what are we going to do?"
Brendon tipped her chin. "We'll find a car seat and a shitload of diapers. And some condoms if it's nothing," he added.
She reached out and embraced him desperately, ignoring his small grunt of pain for the contact.
"Easy. I'll be right back. Okay? Keep your head," he whispered, brushing her hair out of her face and kissing her gently.
She wrapped her arms around herself and tried to stop shaking.
Oh God, what were they going to do? What would she tell Bronx? How could she take care of a baby when the world had ended?
How could she protect a tiny baby from all the things that would kill it?
But her hands moved automatically over her stomach.
Bronx was the best thing that ever happened to her.
And if this...if it was true...she had to make this baby the second best thing. She could never regret bringing life in the world, even this world.
Brendon was back by the time she'd moved off the sink and was pacing in front of the stalls.
"I got all they had. In case some are better than other ones, and - okay, some stuff I don't know what it does. There are ovulation kits, which might tell you something about being pregnant...I don't know," Brendon said.
She had to laugh at his baffled expression and crimson cheeks and took the bag from him so she could kiss his cheek.
"Go back to the boys while I try and get myself together."
"I can stay with you, I should stay," Brendon said.
"I'll tell all of you at the same time. Get out of here, bitch," she said, making him relax a little and actually listen to her.
-----------------
And the coastline is quiet.
While we're quietly losing control.
And we're silent but sure
we invented the cure
that will wash out my memories
-----------------
"Brendon, B, what's going on?" Tom asked, snapping him out of his daze.
He didn't remember lighting the cigarette in his hand but he coughed out a puff of smoke.
"Bronx is going to yell at you," Tom said, plucking it from his fingers and taking a drag before tossing it into the parking lot. "Now, spill."
"Where's Bronx?" Brendon asked.
"Locked down tight in the truck picking out his mix. He won dibs at blackjack last night," Tom said. "Tell me."
How could Brendon tell him that Ashlee might be pregnant? He'd held it together for Ashlee, but he didn't think he could do that in front of Tom.
"You're freaking me out, man," Tom said, snapping his fingers in front of his face until Brendon focused on his stricken expression.
"Ashlee's taking a test," Brendon said.
"What? Like...shit," Tom said, hissing out the last word.
"I know. What..." Brendon started.
But they both shut up when Ashlee stepped out.
Brendon held his breath.
"I need to talk to Bronx. And we should find a pharmacy in the next couple of days. I'm...so sorry, Brendon..." Ashlee whispered.
He shook his head. "Not your fault. And..." Brendon started, but he didn't know what he was supposed to say.
"Congratulations, Ashlee. And convenient way to get out of the lifting for the rest of the trip," Tom said after a beat, embracing her with both arms like Brendon couldn't.
"That's right," Ashlee said. "My master plan."
Brendon blinked and sucked in a breath. He stepped closer and reached out to put a hand on her stomach when Tom released her.
He never thought he'd have a kid. "Our timing rocks, you know," Brendon said softly.
Ashlee broke out in tears, laughing. "Don't start."
"It really does. What a better time to have a baby than when people need something to live for?" Tom said.
"It's going to be okay. We'll figure it out. Make protocols or something -- lists, lots of lists," Brendon said.
"You're carrying precious cargo now, we have to be twice as careful," Tom said.
"I'm going to talk to Bronx. I'll walkie you when we're ready to go," Ashlee said. Brendon leaned against the wall when Tom took a few steps with her toward the truck.
Shit.
"Hey," Tom said quietly, standing in front of him when he blinked again. "Your arm okay?"
"You're asking me about my arm right now?" Brendon asked.
"Yeah. Let's go in here," Tom said, guiding him by his elbow into the bathroom.
"What are we going to do?" Brendon asked.
”You are going to chill out and stay calm. I'll help, like you helped me the other day. I'm going to kiss you and you let go of all your thoughts for a little while. We'll think together with Ash and Bronx," Tom said evenly. He flipped over the small trash can and sat down. "Come here."
Brendon was too stunned by the fact that he was going to be a father of a baby born after the apocalypse to question it.
He sat down on Tom's lap and leaned his head on his shoulder and closed his eyes when Tom started to kiss him gently, supporting his neck and keeping his other hand on his hip holding him in place.
"Relax," Tom whispered.
"How can I," Brendon replied, returning his kiss when his lips felt cool without his.
"It's going to be okay. You've made it this far. We'll make it. And your kid is going to be amazing and healthy and safe. You keep us safe, and we'll all keep the baby safe," Tom said.
Brendon needed to hear that and he held onto it, pushing his mouth against Tom's desperately, trying to believe him with all he had left to believe.
He felt Tom's dick harden under his legs and slid his good arm around him. "Will you fuck me, Tommy? Quick and fast and just...make me forget, just for a minute...I need something..."
"Are you sure?" Tom asked.
"Yeah, Tom, yes," Brendon said, fumbling with the button on his jeans.
"Slow down, I'll do it, just..." Tom said, stilling his hand and getting his pants unbuttoned faster than Brendon would have done one handed.
"Fast, we have to go fast," Brendon said, his cock stiffening in Tom's grip.
"Up," Tom said, his voice gruff and his eyes dark and focused. He put his arm around Brendon's waist and raised him to his feet so he was leaning against the sink. "Keep your arm still," Tom added.
The air was cold on his ass but Tom's hand was working his cock again and he sucked Tom's fingers to get them slick but still gasped when he felt the first one work its way inside.
"I don't want to hurt you so keep your arm still. We need a bed for this..."
"Just," Brendon panted but didn't have to beg for it because he felt the pressure of Tom's cock pressing against his hole.
"Deep breath," Tom said, his breath hot on Brendon’s ear.
Brendon sucked in and bit down on his lip when Tom thrust inside, filling him and squeezing his cock tightly. "Shit. Fuck me," he breathed out.
"I thought that was what I was doing," Tom chuckled into his neck.
"Damn good job, too. Keep doing that," Brendon said.
"Watch your arm," Tom repeated, still throbbing and thick inside him.
No matter how many times he told Tom not to worry, he always did anyway so Brendon unclenched his hand inside the sling and braced himself on the sink. "All right. Come on, Tommy, get me off, and I'll blow you next time," he said.
"I like the way you think," Tom snorted. His fingers dropped to his balls for a blissful moment before his hand wrapped around the base of his dick.
He pulled out and pushed back in deeper, making Brendon gasp. "Tom..."
"I'm getting there," Tom said.
He started a slow pace, making sure that Brendon was ready, even though he'd already told him.
Tom tightened his grasp, fisting Brendon's dick roughly and pounding into him, muffling his grunts into his shoulder.
He turned his head and Tom caught on, pressing his body against him to drive in deeper and get his lips against his.
He groaned into Tom's mouth and shuddered, his cock pulsing in his fist.
Tom kept stroking him, slower and gentler to make sure he got every drop out of his sensitive cock and fucking Brendon’s mouth with his tongue as he pushed inside a final time with a muted grunt.
"Fast enough?" Tom asked after he caught his breath, pulling out slowly.
"Yeah, thanks, shit...so much better," Brendon said honestly.
His mind was clear now and he had released all the panic pent up from Ashlee's announcement.
"Stay there, I'll clean you up," Tom said.
"You don't have to do..." Brendon started.
"I don't have to do anything, but I'm doing this. I have two hands and it'll be done faster since we're on a deadline," Tom said.
Brendon didn't protest when Tom wiped them both down with a damp cloth and got them both redressed.
The walkie-talkie crackled. Brendon, do you copy?
Brendon hit the button. "Yeah, Ashlee. Everything okay?"
Give us a few minutes and we'll be ready to head out.
Brendon leaned against Tom when he put his arm around his waist.
"You guys have made it through so much already. We'll make it through this," Tom said.
"When did you get so smart and wise, Tom Conrad?" Brendon asked, playfully.
"When I got rescued by people who showed me how to be alive again. Who told me not to lose hope and to appreciate the little things. Like good friends. And babies," Tom said.
"God. Babies," Brendon said.
"Let's go make some more ground and start on those lists you like so much," Tom said.
They could do this.
-----------------
Ashlee checked herself in the mirror before following Bronx out of the truck to wait.
Bronx hadn't taken the news well and even after his face shut down, she'd expected another heartbreaking conversation like the one that they'd had over the sex-with-friends thing. Instead, Bronx's reaction had been silence, and glaring.
She didn't like it.
She couldn't handle it and she didn't have the time or energy to figure out how to convince him that this wasn't a bad thing.
She knew it was going to change the dynamics and she hadn't expected it to be easy; she just didn't expect it to be this hard. She'd worked so hard to not hurt her son and the one thing she'd had for herself ended up causing him pain.
Tom and Brendon walked out together and she saw the familiar post-sex lag in Brendon's steps.
Tom was learning how to take care of them. Of Brendon.
And she couldn't even take care of her son. How was she going to take care of the new child when she'd made her son look at her like he hated her?
Bronx waited until they were a few steps away before he walked over to Brendon and looked up at him with dark eyes, his father's eyes.
“Fuck you." She winced, but not as much as Brendon. Even Tom looked stunned. Brendon opened his mouth to answer but Bronx shook his head. "I don't care about anything you have to say. You're making everything harder, more dangerous. You suck."
"Bronx, come on," Tom said. "Don't be like that."
"If my mom gets hurt trying to have your kid, it's your fault. This is all your fault," Bronx hissed at Brendon.
Ashlee had to look away when Brendon closed his eyes and took a step back.
"Mom can't get birth control as easy as you can walk into a fucking bathroom and get a condom. Isn't this hard enough already? You guys needed another challenge? Stay away from my mom," Bronx said, turning and climbing into the truck, slamming the door.
"Fuck," Ashlee whispered. "Brendon..."
"No, it's okay. It's...it'll be okay," Brendon said shakily. He grabbed on to Tom's arm and steadied himself.
At least Brendon had Tom.
"Come here," Tom ordered, reaching out for her and pulling them all into a hug. "It'll be okay. We'll get to New York and things will be more manageable. There'll be more people for him to see every day. He's due a blow-up."
"Yeah. He's dealing with a lot. I'm...I'm going to...fill up my water bottle," Brendon said, pulling away and walking to the back of the truck.
Ashlee started to go after him but Tom held her wrist, pulling her into another hug.
"So, do you remember how to do this? I was thinking we should stop and find a book or two. So we know what to feed you, at least," Tom said.
She glared at him. Leave it to Tom to distract her with the random. That was usually Brendon and Bronx's job.
"Sorry, just...I never knew anyone up close that was having a baby. I mean, I had friends with wives and kids, but I've never held one or anything. I just really hope we can get to New York before you have it. 'Cause I still remember that video we had to watch in sex ed," Tom said quietly, flushing.
"I remember. Enough. If we can find a pharmacy, I think I can recognize the vitamins and stuff. And you and Bronx can read up together. Brendon’s been to a few deliveries. He's great with babies," Ashlee said. "But I really hope we can get to New York, too. And get some of those good drugs for the delivery. If...I make it that far."
"You're benched for the next three trimesters," Tom said.
"I'm not sure that's the way it works," Brendon said, returning with clearer eyes.
"We ready to roll out?" Tom asked.
"Okay," she said. "I'm driving so I'm going to take my head start. Bronx already called shotgun so you guys make sure you have the pillows you want or cards or whatever. Rest time, okay? We'll all be...quiet. Let him simmer down and hope for the best."
"He'll get over it, Brendon. It's impossible for anyone to stay mad at you," Tom said.
Ashlee couldn't take the way Tom looked at him. The way Pete used to look at her. The way Bronx was supposed to look at them, with that flash of unconditional love for the person who meant everything.
"He'll get over it," Ashlee repeated his words.
She just hoped it wouldn't be a lie.
-----------------
Brendon didn't mean to fall asleep, but he was sated and tired and sore and Tom threaded his fingers through his hair when he finally stretched out with his head on Tom’s lap and Bogie and Indie lying in the crook of his legs.
He was vaguely aware of Ashlee and Tom playing the rock-trivia game they'd scavenged from a music store but he couldn't make out any of their words.
What was rock and roll after the end of the world? What did history matter when there was no future? What did anything matter in this truck when Bronx hated his guts? The kid that he'd die for, that had made him want to keep living thought that Brendon had hurt his mother, that he had somehow put them all - Ashlee in particular - in danger? He hadn’t thought he’d ever sleep again.
But his legs were warm and Tom's fingers were soft in his hair and Ashlee's voice was familiar in his ears and it almost let him forget about the silent boy that didn't trust him anymore. About the new hole in his safety net.
He didn't want to sleep, but he didn't think he had a choice.
He didn't know if he could fight off a dream right now, not with everything so fucked up. He could do his damnedest to forget when he was awake, but he couldn't keep the memories out of his dreams. And now that his awake time was boiling with tension, he didn't think it would help him rest.
He couldn't fight his body, though, and when he opened his eyes again, he saw that it was dusk outside. He didn't remember dreaming and was at least grateful for the small gift.
Indie licked his hand when he sat up and he opened the door so he could lead him to the others.
"Hey," Tom said from where he was standing beside the truck with a cigarette burning between his fingers and Bogart sitting at his feet.
Brendon looked over to the tents set up around the campstoves and coolers where Ashlee and Bronx were making dinner.
The tents never felt as secure as a house or building, but the dogs were happier in the open space and they’d learned that the gas cook stoves, rather than open flames, made them more invisible to roving bands of the infected.
"You were sleeping and we thought it was better to let you rest while we were still awake. How are you feeling?" Tom asked.
"I'm okay. You?" he asked.
"Good, but I'm hungry, let's go sit down. Bronx is talking, so we'll see how it goes," Tom said.
Brendon tried to smile but didn't know if it was possible, and walked with him over to the stoves.
"Bden, sit down, lazybones, and taste this," Ashlee said, scrambling over to bring him a cup of what he quickly discovered was hot chocolate.
"Nice," he said. "I think our mix of instant is almost perfect. Thanks."
Bronx scowled. It was something they'd started his first week with them when he had a collected stash of hot chocolate packets and they'd made it a ritual on cool nights to get the best mix.
"Same mix as last night so it can't be that good,” Bronx muttered
Brendon tried not to let Bronx’s words distract him from the sweetness on his tongue.
He wasn’t used to that much sleep in the middle of the day, and the lingering muzziness from his nap, combined with the force of Bronx’s anger - a rare force that had never before been directed at him - made him uneasy as he sipped from his mug. He didn’t have long to think about it, though, since after his one muttered comment Bronx stood up and stalked off back to the truck, Hemingway nosing at his ankles.
Tom was watching him with a seriousness Brendon wasn't used to but he didn't want to think about it right now. He didn't think he had the energy to interpret Tom's worry for tonight.
He cuddled up next to Ashlee for a while until most of the hot chocolate was gone, then she kissed his cheek and went to sit with Bronx. Brendon hoped she could talk Bronx into not hating him.
"Not hungry?" Tom asked, tapping his own can of stew.
"Tired, still, I think," Brendon answered.
Tom reached behind them and unzipped the tent, taking Brendon’s wrist loosely. "Come on, we should rest while we can. Ashlee’ll get the first watch."
Brendon crawled into the tent and turned his face into the pillow already arranged for him.
"Will you fuck me?" he murmured.
Tom didn't answer but his hands slipped under Brendon’s shirt and began working the tension out of his back. "Breathe deep. Relax, and you'll sleep easier. I don't know if you're thinking clearly right now." Tom smoothed his hands lower to slide Brendon’s pants down. "I’m not turning you down. You're still hot, B. Breathe."
"Like you'd give me the time of day before the end of the world," Brendon scoffed.
Tom kissed his hip.
"Jon said I wasn't allowed. Said you were too good for me."
Brendon laughed, and it faded into a sigh as Tom continued massaging his sore muscles, undressing Brendon bit by bit. "Please, Tom? It was good today, right? Was it..."
"Yeah, Bren. Just relax."
He was already boneless when Tom pushed a finger inside, slowly working him open. They hadn’t found any lube in their last drug-store raid - Brendon hadn’t thought of anything but tests and more tests for Ash - so Tom was using only his own spit, and so he was being more careful than he normally would.
He liked Tom like this, slow and gentle. Just like with Ashlee, it was better when they slowed down. Intimate instead of desperate.
"Ready?" Tom asked.
Brendon hm'd and raised himself up so that Tom could grip his hips and push into him slowly. He felt full and settled before they'd even begun.
"I love being inside you, so close and not alone and I can feel you..."
Brendon reached up and pulled him down for a kiss, even though he had to twist his head around at an awkward angle to reach Tom.
"Let's just stay like this for a while. I like it when you're deep inside me and you kiss me and you don't pretend I'm somebody else...when you say my name..." Brendon said, too tired to filter his real feelings.
"Brendon..." Tom whispered, kissing bruises up his spine and shoulders.
He drifted to sleep with Tom still inside him and Tom's lips mapping his skin.
-----------------
The day started out quietly enough, but then a gray-eyed woman emerged from the woods a split second after the dogs started to yip and Ashlee saw her dull eyes focus on Bronx despite Hemmy's growls and warning barks.
Tom started shooting before she could get her gun from her holster, and Ashlee saw the snap of the bitch's arm when the bullets hit her in the side, but the Gray didn't fall. She kept staggering toward Bronx, who had started running toward Ashlee, still zipping his pants from the bathroom break he’d been taking at the edge of the woods.
Tom stopped to reload when Ashlee got her arms around Bronx, turning his face away from the woman but keeping her own eyes on the threat. She didn't see Brendon until he tackled the woman to the ground with a low lunge at her knees.
She held her arms over Bronx's eyes so he didn't have to see the spray of blood when Brendon slashed the Gray’s throat, slinging her to the ground before falling back on his ass and dropping the knife.
"Goddammit," Tom hissed. "You okay? Both of you? Get in the truck."
"Okay, baby? Okay?" Ashlee asked, nodding to Tom as he watched her for an answer, not missing a step on his way to get to Brendon, who was still sitting on the ground staring at the dead woman.
"Yeah, yeah, in the truck, we'll freak out inside the truck," Bronx whispered, clinging to her.
She heard Tom speaking urgently behind her and glanced back when Bronx was safely inside with Hemmy.
Tom had stripped Brendon out of his bloody shirt and was fussing over him. Brendon was on his feet now, but still and silent.
"Bring some water, we need to get this shit off him," Tom said when he saw Ashlee was still outside the truck.
She grabbed a bottle and made sure she still had her gun and hurried over with a handful of clothes and stolen towels.
Oh, God, what if the Gray had gotten Bronx? What if that woman had hurt the baby she already had? What if Brendon hadn’t gotten to her in time?
"Your arm, Bren, did you..." Tom was asking Brendon softly. She forced herself to focus on the person that needed her right now. Even if she was still shaking too hard to trust her voice and talk to him.
Brendon was at least moving now, struggling to keep Tom from touching the arm that was swelling while they watched.
It had been almost two months since he had been shot, The arm should have been close to healed by now, but he couldn't seem to get over the wound.
"Chill, Brendon, seriously. Snap the fuck out of it," Tom ordered, his voice low and commanding.
It worked because Brendon blinked and Ashlee saw him finally focus.
"Yeah?" Ashlee asked.
"Fuck, that fucking hurt. Are you...did Bronx..." Brendon started, color returning to his face after a moment before he let Tom check his busted arm.
"No, he didn't see. Why didn't you just shoot her?" Ashlee asked.
"I have shitty aim," Brendon said. "I didn't think..."
"His fingers don't work, not the way they're supposed to," Tom said under his breath.
"Shit, why didn't you tell me?" Ashlee asked.
"Because it'll get better. Fuck, it hurts now, but it'll get better and what are we going to do about it anyway, go to Urgent Care?" Brendon asked, his voice shaky and slightly hysterical. She didn't like it when Brendon was like this.
"Close your eyes," Tom said, unscrewing the bottle of water and pouring it over Brendon's head, making him shiver.
"I can do it..."
"Shut the fuck up and let me do it. You...just shut up," Tom said.
Ashlee glanced at him, raising an eyebrow.
"We'll be in the truck in five. I'm driving. You sit in the back with the kid and Bren gets shotgun so he can tell me where we’re going," Tom said.
Ashlee paused long enough to touch his arm and catch his eyes. "You okay?"
"Yeah. Scared the piss out of me," Tom replied.
He had the scowl she remembered from every Empires show she'd ever been to but his eyes immediately softened when he turned his attention back to Brendon.
She had seen the way Tom looked at Brendon when he didn't think anyone was watching. There was more than friendship brewing there, and it gave her a little hope to add to what was growing inside her.
Brendon deserved to fall in love again. Even if it wasn’t with her. Even though she didn't have Pete anymore, she had Bronx and a new child to help her carry on.
She climbed into the SUV that had been their home for the past few weeks and pulled Bronx close, scratching Hemmy's ears absently.
"Is Bren okay?" Bronx whispered.
When it had been the two of them hiding in the mansion after the first wave of death had passed, Bronx had started to shake her off when she hugged him.
She had Brendon to thank for bringing Bronx back out of the hard shell that he'd started to sink into. Well, as much as anyone could after what they’d already experienced. But Brendon had always been 'huggy' and he'd showed them both that contact meant everything when they were this alone.
The past few days had been hard on all of them, but she never doubted that Bronx loved Brendon, despite his harsh words to Brendon yesterday. And she could see in his eyes that Bronx was worried.
Pete would be so proud of Bronx. God, she missed Pete.
"Mom? Is he okay?" Bronx repeated, his eyes desperate.
"Oh, sorry. Yes, honey, he's okay. Shaky, you know. Doesn't want to scare us," Ashlee said, smoothing her hands over his hair.
"You never get scared," Bronx whispered.
She held him tighter.
"I'm sorry...I'm sorry I was mad...I'm...you guys always take care of me, you saved me...I love you...and Brendon and Tommy...I'm sorry..."
"Shh...we're all okay, we'll be okay. Shh..." she said, rocking him and trying to convince both of them.
-------------
Brendon watched Tom wring out the towel and soak it in water again before taking Brendon’s hands and scrubbing at his numb skin with the rough cloth.
"I wish they didn't bleed. Zombies wouldn't bleed. Only living things bleed," he said.
"Only living things kill. And you know that’s not really living, what they’re doing. You saved Bronx and Ashlee but you..." Tom hissed out.
"How'd you know about my hand?" Brendon interrupted.
Tom was cleaning Brendon’s elbows, wiping instead of scrubbing now.
"I see you fucking with it when you think we're sleeping. You work through chords on an invisible guitar, or you try."
"I didn't really believe I was in hell until I figured out I couldn't play. There's...nothing left, you know? This is hell on earth, my hell..." Brendon said, but he wasn't really listening.
"Hey," Tom said sharply, his hand cold and wet on Brendon’s cheek. "Not hell. We're alive and we're going to stay that way. You brought me back from the edge and I'm not letting you fucking lose it now. Not today."
Brendon hadn't been yelled at in months. Not even Ashlee yelled at him like that.
"Okay?" Tom asked.
Brendon didn't know what to say so he kissed Tom instead.
Tom didn't kiss back and turned his head away.
"Sorry..."
"Not when you're still all stunned. I want to see your eyes sparkle like they're supposed to," Tom said.
"You don't get it from blood spatter," Brendon said. “That much they figured out, at least.”
"That's not what I meant," Tom said, resuming his wipe down.
Brendon took the towel from him.
"I said I was sorry."
Tom met his eyes and huffed a little, taking Brendon’s face into his hands and leaning down to kiss him, deep and slow.
Brendon still felt the pain in his arm and the chill of the water, still smelled the blood.
"Thank you," he whispered anyway when Tom leaned back.
"I didn't just do it for you. You relax, we all relax. And we all really need to relax. We can make up some ground today and find a safe place to sleep tonight -- maybe two nights if it's safe -- and I can kiss you until you fall asleep, no matter how long it takes," Tom said, gently maneuvering Brendon’s arm into the sleeve of a faded Blink 182 t-shirt before folding his arm into the sling.
"It's..."
"I want to hear you play guitar again someday. Maybe even that fancy piano shit that always made the fangirls swoon," Tom said, draping a hoodie around Brendon’s shoulders and zipping it up without putting Brendon’s arms in the sleeves. He tied the sleeves in a tight knot in the front.
"This doesn't work," Brendon frowned.
"Don't move your fucking arm for a while and I'll let you have your good arm back," Tom said, taking the knot in his fist and pulling him forward and hugging him. "I'm not going to lose you."
"And a straitjacket is accomplishing that?" Brendon said.
"Until you're not scaring the hell out of me, it'll have to do. Come on, we should go."
Tom led Brendon to the SUV by the sleeves and he saw Bronx peeking through the window with a panicked expression.
Brendon was so fucking glad Tom was here. He didn't think he could handle facing Bronx without him, not after killing that bitch.
But as soon as Tom opened the door for him, Bronx burst into tears.
"I'm sorry, Brendon, I'm sorry I was mad, are you all right?"
"He's all right, buddy, just give him some space," Tom said.
"I'm okay. Tommy locked me down," Brendon said as Tom helped him into the truck and buckled him in.
"Is your arm..."
"It hurts. I'm okay. Better if you're not mad," he said impulsively.
"I'm sorry. You saved us, you always save us. Are you sure you're okay?" Bronx asked.
Brendon nodded.
He didn't save anyone. He wanted to think he helped keep them all alive, but that didn't equal 'save'. Not in this world.
-------------
When they'd settled into the abandoned motel on the outskirts of the Indiana line, and sent Bronx and Ash to have some family time in the next room, Tom folded the stale covers of the disused bed back and sat down heavily.
Brendon sat beside him and reached over to squeeze his shoulder with the arm he'd been given back from his hoodie restraint for a bathroom break a couple of hours after the attack. He'd watched Tom sink more and more into himself as he drove and he needed to do something to get his friend back to normal even if he couldn't get back to normal himself yet.
"I didn't expect you to do that earlier. I was too slow and it's just been me and I didn't even get why the dogs were barking at first," Tom said.
Brendon sat down beside him and leaned his head over on Tom’s shoulder.
"Did you kill people when it was just you?"
Tom shook his head.
"I did,” Brendon said. “All the people I found were infected. I had to kill people that I knew..."
He wasn't ready to say who he'd had to kill. He wouldn't think about it.
Tom put an arm around him.
"They're not alive, not the way we are. They're...brain-dead. That lady back there, she wasn't a lady. She was...she was dead before you cut her, in all the ways that matter."
Brendon knew Tom was telling the truth. But he'd never wanted blood on his hands and it seemed like his soul was drowning in the blood now on his conscience.
The door opened and Indie stuck his nose in a second before Ashlee.
"Hey. Bronx okay?" Brendon asked.
She waved the walkie talkie.
"Taking a bath. He told me to check on you," she said, walking over and sitting by his free side. "We know how you get after we run into the...infected."
She knew him better than he wanted to admit.
Brendon glanced over at her and she leaned in, kissing him softly until he returned it.
"You want to?" she whispered.
"Yeah," Brendon said, turning to Tom and leaning over to kiss him, too. "You, too. Please? I want..."
Tom's eyes were dark with need but he didn't say anything.
"I need something, I need to do something to shake off what happened, that Bronx almost, and you and everything," Ashlee said, trembling as she toed off her shoes.
He watched as Tom moved over to kneel beside Ashlee, putting his hands on her knees to still her.
Brendon used his good hand to turn her face to his so he could kiss her.
Tom undressed her gently, pulling her jeans and panties off and spreading her legs as Brendon helped her off with her shirt and bra, one-handed, and pushed her back onto the bed.
She was panting lightly even before Tom lowered his head between her thighs and Brendon's dick stiffened at the sight of Tom licking her center.
Brendon sucked one of her nipples into her mouth and she shuddered with arousal, one hand twisting in his hair while she held onto Tom's hair with the other.
"Please," Ashlee whispered.
"Ash, hey, I'm going to fuck you, okay?" Brendon said, moving to kiss her lips.
She moaned her approval and he moved to the side of the bed to get undressed, meeting Tom's eyes.
"I want you to do me while I'm doing her, will you?" Brendon asked.
Tom nodded and Ashlee sat up, her skin flushed.
"Keep your arm in the sling,” she ordered. “Tommy, we can cushion him, right?" she said, reaching over to stroke Brendon's cock while Tom fumbled with his own clothes.
"Yeah, we got this, how long do we have?" Tom asked, speaking for the first time since they had started.
"Bronx was boiling water for a longer bath, we have some time," Ashlee said. She looked at Brendon. "You ready, stud?"
Brendon laughed at Tom's surprised face and pulled him onto the bed for a kiss.
"Get over here, Tom, so I can get your cock slick for Brendon," Ashlee said.
Tom glanced between them, stroking his dick slowly. "You guys are fucking dirty."
"We have to get our fun where we can, Conrad, now are you going to get over here or..." Ashlee started, biting off her words when Brendon slid a finger inside her.
"This is definitely more fun than I thought I'd be having tonight," Tom said when Ashlee's fingers wrapped around his cock.
Brendon gently pushed himself into Ashlee and she raised her hips.
Ashlee moaned and sucked Tom into her mouth as Brendon waited for her to adjust and accepted Tom's urgent kiss.
He was having a little trouble maneuvering with his good arm to hold himself over Ashlee, but Tom moved off the bed and wrapped an arm around his waist. Ashlee took his hand, sucking his fingers one at a time into her mouth as Tom held him up.
Brendon felt Tom's slick fingers sliding over his hole and guiding his thrusts into Ashlee and he leaned down to muffle his groan with Ashlee's mouth when Tom slowly pushed inside.
"Okay?" Tom whispered.
"Yeah, good, let's -- yeah, Tommy," Brendon managed when Tom pushed his hips forward and pushed Brendon deeper into Ashlee.
"Our planning sucks, but damn, can you guys fuck me now before my legs go numb or Tom crushes us both?" Ashlee laughed.
"You set the rhythm, Tommy. Shit, I missed this -- no offense, Ash," Brendon said.
"None taken," Ashlee said, rocking her hips. "I missed a guy that could give good head, no offense," she grinned.
"Thanks," Tom chuckled, thrusting into Brendon and making all three of them groan.
"I'm not going to last much longer," Brendon gasped when Tom's arm tightened around his waist and they increased their pace together.
"Want to do a three count?" Ashlee asked, arching her back and reaching around him to get Tom. "I'm going to hook my feet behind you and you count us down, TomRad."
Tom barked out a laugh that Brendon hadn't heard before.
"Pushy. You got it, beautiful," he said, keeping his arm between Brendon and Ashlee so when he leaned his weight on him, it didn't crush Brendon’s bad arm. Tom kissed Ashlee and then Brendon, and Brendon went into sensory overload with the alternating tongues and tastes and building pleasure.
"All right, on three," Tom panted. "Three..."
Ashlee's cunt clamped down on Brendon’s cock as she climaxed with a hissed gasp.
"Two..." Tom grunted but it was too late because Brendon's hips pushed forward instinctively as he shuddered his climax inside her.
Tom laughed out the 'one' and Brendon giggled when he felt the heat flood him.
"Nice," Brendon said. His arm was hurting but he felt safe and okay for the first time since the gray-eyed bitch.
"Fuck, you guys are so kinky. Why didn't we hang out more?" Tom asked, moving off him to sprawl on the bed beside Ashlee.
"Sadly, before the end of the world, I was totally not this kinky," Brendon laughed.
Ashlee kissed Brendon, then tugged him down onto the mattress between her and Tom. She leaned over, kissing first Brendon and then Tom, and then climbed out of bed over them both.
"Thanks, boys. I'm going to get cleaned up and get back to Bronx. We'll call you in three hours for a check in and at dawn, Tommy, you and I will go on recon and Brendon and Bronx will make breakfast."
"Sure thing, boss," Brendon said.
Bogie followed Indie to the door and sat down when Ashlee left with him.
"You need a pill. How's your arm?" Tom asked.
"I'll take one, but I really needed that," Brendon said, laying his head on Tom's damp chest. "Better?"
Tom kissed his forehead.
"Yeah, better."
-------------
Ashlee watched Brendon and Bronx walk to the edge of the parking lot with Hemmy and Bogart trotting ahead of them.
The two of them had needed to talk and she hated that it took something as scary as that close call to get them to do it.
She turned to Tom and saw him watching them, too. Watching Brendon.
"Hey. You okay?" she asked.
"What? Yeah, yeah," he said.
"That doesn't sound okay. Is this about last night?" she asked softly.
"Last night? No. Yesterday, maybe. That was so fucking scary. That bitch was...insane, yeah, but she almost...she didn't, but...and then Brendon just rushes up and hurts himself to take her out and...I've never seen anything like it. And then he just...shut down," Tom blurted out, flushing.
"Yeah. Scary as fuck. How was he last night?" she asked.
"Usually he wakes up when he has bad dreams. But last night he just...wouldn't. The pills, I guess, and the adrenaline. He just...I'm worried about him," Tom said.
"Mental health has been a little low on our priority list," Ashlee conceded, following his gaze.
"Can I...do you know what happened to Spencer?" Tom whispered. "Because...he says Spencer’s name in his sleep like it's killing him..."
Ashlee sighed.
"He was so fucked up when he found us, Tom. He doesn't talk about it and I can't ask him. But I don't think Spencer fell."
Tom nodded, looking away.
"That's what I thought. Fuck. Could you imagine? That's...fucking him up."
"I can't imagine. I don't want to," Ashlee said. “Whatever else happened to Pete, to us, at least I didn’t have to do that.”
"It's not fair, you know? It's not fair," Tom said.
"Are you going to tell him how you feel?" she asked softly.
Tom glanced at her, but he didn't deny anything. "Not really a good time for that, is it? He's still fucked up over Spencer. Hell, he’s still in love with Spencer. Not really a good time to fall in love right now."
"Never a bad time to fall in love," Ashlee said.
Tom glanced at her.
“What about you? You fall in love at some point?”
She sighed. She wasn’t ready to give up on Pete because she didn’t know. But Brendon knew, and even if he hadn’t, Brendon had always had an infinite capacity to love.
"Yeah, okay. I get it,” she said finally. But...it might help."
"I don't think so. One day, maybe, but not right now. I...I just want him to be steady. To be okay," Tom said. "You know?"
She put her arm around him and leaned close.
"Yeah, I know."
"For all of us. I want all of us to be okay," Tom whispered. "I'm not fucking this up. And you've got a little one to think about," he added, putting his palm on her stomach.
"We will be. We've come too far to fuck up now," she said. "He'll be okay, we all will. We just have to make it to New York. One thing at a time."
Indie wagged her tail against Tom's leg.
"Good dog," Tom said, crouching down to pet her.
"Oh, man, you're so gone for him," Ashlee laughed, rubbing his shoulders.
"Shut up," Tom huffed, but he'd loosened up.
They were going to get to New York and things would be better. They were all going to be okay.
She'd make sure this baby didn't have to see the things that Bronx did. She'd make sure they'd both grow up.
-------------
"You sure you're okay, Brendon?" Bronx asked.
"Yeah, buddy, I'm okay. Are you still mad?" Brendon asked.
"No! No, I swear," Bronx said, looking up at him with desperate eyes. "I'm so sorry..."
"You don't have to be sorry about how you feel," Brendon replied.
"I wasn't thinking. I know you'd never hurt my mom. You saved us. I don't know what we would have done if you hadn't found us. We wouldn't have found Tom or made it this far. I just...this is really hard already and I'm already scared for the four of us. I always wanted a little brother or sister but this is all really hard already and babies are...hard," Bronx said.
"Yeah. But life's hard all around. It's not going to get easier. But I promise that we'll take care of your baby brother or sister no matter what," Brendon said.
"I know. Shit, Brendon. I know."
Brendon crouched down to his eye level.
"We're a team, B, and it's going to take all of us to get through this. You have no idea how much you help. How much I -- we -- all need you," he said.
Bronx embraced him gently. "We're not a team. We're a family."
Brendon closed his eyes and tried not to break down.
Hemmy snorted, plopping down at their feet.
"I think we're being too mushy," Bronx said. "Let's head back before Tommy takes your good arm away from you again."
"Good idea," Brendon said.
"We're really close to New York now, right?"
"We've got a few more states to get through, but we've come a long way. Maybe we can check out the maps for some different routes," Brendon said.
Bronx considered it as they walked. "I think we should keep sticking to the back roads. We haven't had much trouble apart from that lady. But we're so much closer."
Tom walked over and raised an eyebrow, asking Brendon silently if they were okay. Brendon nodded, smiling to show he meant it.
"I want to grab some snacks for the trip, Mom," Bronx called out as they approached the truck, hugging Brendon again impulsively and hurrying over to Ashlee with Hemmy on his heels.
"Good talk?" Tom asked.
"Yeah. You?" Brendon asked.
"Yeah," Tom said. "Help me pick out the mix for today while Ashlee distracts little B."
Brendon smiled, taking Tom’s hand with his good one. He could do with some contact.
"Sure."
He glanced over where Hemmy and Indie were keeping watch on the trailer where Ashlee had followed Bronx before turning to kiss Tom.
"Inside the truck," Tom said. "We don't have much time."
Brendon felt better all around. They really might be able to make it out of this hell alive. For whatever that was worth now.
-----------------
And in the choir I saw a sad messiah,
He was bored and tired of my laments,
'said I died for you one time but never again.
-----------------
Bronx and Tom were playing a cutthroat game of gin in the truck when Ashlee took Brendon to the bathroom of the rest area in Ohio.
Even though she knew how Tom felt about Brendon, she needed something and Tom seemed steadier than Brendon tonight.
They were all keyed up as they crept closer to their final destination. And being pregnant meant her libido was kicked up to double time.
She still didn't know what they'd find in New York no matter what Bronx picked up off the radio.
"You okay?" Brendon asked, putting his good hand behind her neck until she leaned back against him.
They were facing the mirror and she studied their reflections. Her hair was long and loosely braided today and Brendon needed a haircut worse than he needed a shave, which was a lot.
"We look hot," Brendon said, smiling tiredly. "You're beautiful, you know."
"I'm haggard and old," she said, turning to slide her arms around him.
"Never. You're glowing. You've always been beautiful," Brendon said, kissing her neck.
"Flattery's not going to get you anywhere," she giggled. He was so silly.
"Damn, and I was hoping I could fuck you."
"Well, if you put it that way," she said. "On the counter or..."
He caught her mouth with his and guided her over to the sink, where he held her waist as she pushed herself up onto the ledge.
"Quick and dirty, so we can get back to our boys," Ashlee said, unzipping her jeans and biting her automatic admonition back when he pulled his arm out of the sling.
"I don't know if Tom would appreciate you calling him a 'boy'," Brendon said with a smile, as he ran his hands down her body, already mouthing her nipples through her sports bra.
"He's your boy, whatever," she said, hooking her ankles around his body when she had her pants off and pulling him close. "Come on. Now, please."
Brendon pushed into her without another invitation and muffled a grunt in her mouth. It didn't take long for him to set a rhythm for her to match.
She leaned back with her head against the mirror, bracing herself so she could move her hips to get the friction she needed to build.
"I need...shit, Ash..." Brendon mumbled desperately into her neck.
"Go, just...yeah, go..." she said, raising a hand to pull his hair so he'd kiss her. She let herself go, clenching her cunt and waiting for the rush of his climax and the burst of her own burn deep inside to make her knees go weak.
He pulled her close, kissing her in that tender way that made her feel like she was the most important person in the world.
"I'm so scared, Ash," Brendon whispered, not letting go.
"Why?"
"What if there's no one there? What if New York's empty or full of Grays like everywhere else?" Brendon asked.
She leaned back so she could meet his eyes. "Then we'll go to Canada. Or we'll find a boat for England. If we're alive, Brendon, then other people are, too."
"But we haven't found anyone and we've been driving forever..." Brendon said.
"Shh," she said, kissing him. "We can't start doubting ourselves now. We're going to find more survivors. We're not going to die like this, not yet."
They held each other until Bogart got restless and started wrestling with a roll of paper towels and Brendon pulled away, helping her down off the sink.
"Twenty minutes. Not bad," Brendon said.
She bumped shoulders with him.
"Sad that you're proud of how fast we can get off. Foreplay is so going to be the first thing on our list when we hit civilization."
He gave her a sad smile, but the edge was gone from his eyes. It was enough.
-------------
-go to part three-