33 Things Alan Shore Is No Longer Allowed To Do At Crane, Poole & Schmidt

[brad_chase]

I pick up the paper from my office floor - one of at least one hundred strewn, taped and propped within the room:

"I am not allowed to add “In accordance with the prophesy” to the end of answers I give to a question Brad asks me.

Then I see the document on my computer screen. Damn you, Alan:

Comments

[carolina_stokes]

1. May not list "Dominatrix Services" on his expense account.
2. May not ask the Xerox guy to set the laser printer to "stun".
3. Is not to ask new clients if they would like to step into "his cell".
4. Stop handing out the business cards that say "Agent of Satan" with Brad’s name on it.
5. May not stand on his desk with a handmade sign that says "Union".
6. Do not start depositions out with instructions on what to do if there is a terrorist attack.
7. Do not leave fake letters from Brad to the makers of Viagra on the photocopy machine.
8. Stop sending fan letters from Brad to Queer Eye For The Straight Guy.

[carolina_stokes]

It would be inaccurate.

[brad_chase]

I was talking about his tolerance. What were you referring to?

[carolina_stokes]

*smirk*

[brad_chase]

*points to number 21*

I would hope you would adhere to the same rules out of sheer decency. Besides - *with a slight shrill quality* - look at him!

[carolina_stokes]

Brad, this is a subject I know a lot about. Hopefully, for the sake of my being able to sleep tonight, I know more about it than you do.

Inaccurate.

Impressive.

[brad_chase]

On second thought, let's get off that subject as quickly as possible - and vow never to return.

But - *inadvisably goes on* - if you want to talk comparison -

[carolina_stokes]

...then I would tell you that my Cory is the MOST impressive man I have ever met.

But I can't compare Alan to you. You would have to find someone with deeper knowledge of you both.

*chuckle* But, you cannot use the word puny with Alan.

Ever.

[brad_chase]

*chuckles* No, puny would not apply to his general size.

On a more pleasant note, it makes me happy to hear you're doing well with Cory. I also have recently found someone just as impressive. *catches her smirk* Carolina - she's a girl, okay.

[carolina_stokes]

I never doubted you for a minute, Brad.

*grins*

[victoria_gray]

*Walks in, just in time to hear Alan and some woman exchange words.*

*Raises eye brows searching Alan's face - gives the girl a courtesy laugh.*

Are you two stoned?

[alan_shore]

I'm not. But it isn't on the list, so I suppose I could be if I so desired.

[carolina_stokes]

*Realizes that lawyers do not get normal people jokes.*

Anyway, Alan...are you going to make a similar list for the women you date?

[alan_shore]

Women I date are free to use inflatable sheep however they please.

[carolina_stokes]

Role models?

[alan_shore]

I suppose. Although there are real sheep after which one can model oneself.