Strong Heart - 4

Feb 11, 2010 14:14


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Jo left the merchant clan villa and headed down to the tavern to find her squad.  She met them on the way back as they were leaving for the afternoon drilling she'd ordered.  Drawing them to side of the packed dirt street, she told the men about her afternoon.

As she explained their part in the new plan, Jo watched the faces of her four men for ( Read more... )

serial fiction, babak, joana, weblit, web fiction, rostam, fiction, tobias, free stories, khusru, strong heart, haik, besheb

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Comments 5

Yay, update! anonymous February 12 2010, 08:37:47 UTC
I like Jo and her tough, straighforward approach to things. Also, poor Tobias. He looks very much like a fish out of water.

In other news, are you interested in typo corrections?

In still other news, the German reader in the bit.ly stats may have been me, but *probably* wasn't if that was in the last few days. I only sporadically (like, say, today) browse through your tweets, and since I keep on forgetting to bookmark your lj, I usually arrive here by typing the URL by hand.

Cheers,
Gudy

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Re: Yay, update! bovidae February 13 2010, 02:15:30 UTC
lol. Unfortunately for Tobias, this is a world that hasn't heard of First World humanism & its associated nice guy principles yet.

Typo & similar corrections are welcome, if dismaying. I swear I run spell check on these things and take breaks so I can edit with fresh eyes...! All well.

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Typos and stuff anonymous February 13 2010, 12:53:26 UTC
Here they come:

"Drawing them to THE side of THE/A packed dirt street"

"both gave her nothing but the phlegmatic acceptance" I wouldn't use "both" when referring to three people.

"and I haven't lost a tooth A yet".

"A hearty grinnED chased away the last of Jo's scowl."

Cheers,
Gudy

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Re: Typos and stuff bovidae February 13 2010, 16:19:15 UTC
Oh dear. Edit fail.

Fixed the typos. The "both" does refer to only two characters: Babak and Rostam. I see where the confusion is, tho, because it looked like Tevri was another character. I tweaked the sentence order, so I hope it's clearer now that Babak *is* a Tevri, as in a native of the Tevre province that they're currently located in.

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anonymous February 13 2010, 22:43:33 UTC
Hey, just followed your link from MeiLin's boards... I like the story so far, keep it up!

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